When I Looked at You... I Fell in Love

This is a story I tell often but almost all the time in or with different words: my love story. It is a story I write poems about because it catches my emotion when I'm reminded of it. It is a story of love.

One sad thing though is that I can't really hold together how it all happened, or how it all occurred, or how it keeps on happening or occurring...

Anyway, do I have to?

But I'm glad that it surely happened:-

It's not something I regret or would at any given time want to regret

Because it is true that when I looked at You, I fell in love

I knew, and I still know that I know not what love looks like

You see, the very image of You before me revolted my imagination,

It ran down my scope of thinking and subdued it

It skimmed through my intellect and overwhelmed it...

And even though I may want to deny it, I got lost for a while,

I got lost in that galaxy of a moment,

Me here seeing You there was an exclamation of an existence...

When I looked at You... I fell in love,

I didn't want to - because, anyway, who REALLY wants to?

It (love) gets us unawares (C S Lewis has told me so), and we frantically deny falling into its powerful arms; 

So, to try to conceal my wonder - the wonder of how at that time I had failed to put myself together - I stood there staring like I had lost and now was finding something,

Like founding was being founded, a founding that runs deeper...

I know You know how we men feel when we are finding - finding something - yet again being found by that something...

And how scared we always seem when found and are founding a petition to escape being in the finding...

Yeah, that's how I felt,

That's how I still feel...

Many words. But profound...

Yeah, it was Your beauty I think,

Err, or was it the ultimatum which You carried in that time?

Or it may be both: how You looked like and what You represented

Nevertheless, I was hypnotized so

I refused to say "no" to Your existence

And decided to fall in love...

It was love at first sight but for a good reason and cause, err, course...

I know they say that love at first sight is quite overrated,

I know also that it is sometimes wise to let the sayers say their sayings,

But wasn't it worthy the course to peruse through my pride and shed its edges just this one time, huh?

So I am here capturing and birthing memoirs again

Like my soul is in a conduit of applause again, and again,

I am thinking of You and falling in love again, because

When I look at You... I fall in love

I promised that I won't stop loving You. I am a liar.

I am a liar because You have watched me stop at some point, er, many times,

You have watched me stoop and stop in many ways along the way, 

I promised it but I have not fully kept my promise. I know.

I have not fully kept my part of the promise because as I told You when I first met You - I can be a lil' bit weird...

But You had and have and will always be the classic faultless One who takes me as I am. Unconditionally. 

When I tell You that I still love You, You will believe me, right?

I know I may have not fully kept my word sometimes,

But that's the best way I know how to love,

Because I still know that...

When I met and looked, and look at You, I fell, and I still fall... in love...

You have taught me a new way to love. It is different;

It is very different here when I am with You

You see, many people doubt that there is a love like Yours

I think they've not met such a lover like You

Your romance is different

Your words are different

Your countenance is different

Your promises are different

Yeah, Your everything is different

So, to prove them wrong, I will tell them how I met with You and how You've never given up on me all this time...

I will show them too how You do things - how You love things done,

And that my life with You doesn't entirely depend on me but You...

So, again, when I look at You, even in the future, and with my failures,

I will fall in love...

Because You are special to me

And memoirs of You are important to me

#EasterIsSpecial to me...

You make Easter very special to me...

Bonface Morris       

Marry Village "Material" or Not?

Side note: Three words (or more) used in this post: experts, village and civilized are so put in quotes because of the measure of relativity they carry...

To the single person, issues about marriage bring about a lot of japery. Okay, don't start wishing to pluck out my eyes just yet because, it is true that singlehood is very vulnerable to both "civilized" and "village" japery. And, well, I hate japery...

If you are a single person (like myself) you are haunted - and if not now, are going to be haunted anyway - with advice from a stream of elderly "experts" on "who to marry" and "who not marry" (Experts et al). But I don't love "experts". I don't have this 'soft spot' for them. (Refer to "Embracing 2013",)

Well, I love advice, but I hate being forced into advice or a certain way of understanding or doing things. I don't love forced advice. I admire being freelance, no, I love being freelance. I love being freelance but I'm not obsessed with it. I am not obsessed with the "my-menu-my-food-my-tummy" way of thinking because it is stupid. Stupid people add no good to any society, right?

I am not rebellious (this is actually self defense) because I think I love making decisions with a backup of advice (even advice from "experts"). So I love advice.  But I hate tyrannical advice. My freelance way of dealing with advice is simple: listen to as much wisdom and advice as you can but be ready to account for every decision you make without making excuses...

Well, I think I'm confusing you already... just forget-about-it...   

*Spoken in a Johnson Mwakazi voice and tone*: So, as far as "experts" are concerned, word (read: advice) is out; and it is (that word that is 'out') busy hopping into our (we single people) quiet, mortal minds with frails of so-called deepness (read: depth), and thereafter resting on our relationship consciences concerning who and who not to marry; who to date and who not to date; err, if we should or should not date... bla bla bla...

Saved guys like myself have been subjected to even greater expectations: mild do's and don't's, relationship dings and bongs, and puddles and ponds of relationship and marriage advice... all spilling and pouring [ramshackle] knowledge down the throats of our minds.

Our ears and minds are already drumming with suggestions and views, advice and buffoonery... (maybe) all in the name of "we-grownups or we-[your-buddies] are giving you young [buddy] people advice on your possible-cum-potential life partners..."

We are overwhelmed. Yeah, we are.

The advice and expectations are quite draining if we have to put a lot of weight into it.

Side note: Hey grownups! Calm down. Chill... We appreciate your efforts. You're doing well. You're doing a great job with all that advice...

Well,...    

And in that line of thought, while having lots of "leaked" information I have never known I needed staggering somewhere at the back of my mind, and as I was doing my soma soma za hapa na pale, I happened to meet a badly written article (okay, excuse me for calling it that way because every writer has a way with his/her pen that is relevant enough) on why "village" chiqs (or in that case, why "village" dudes) are the cutest marriage partners.

The writer claimed that he'd rather go to the village to get a wife (or as the late Wahome Mutahi would put it, "to fetch his thatcher") than marry campus chiqs - who are, according to him, just but "spoiled brats"... He claimed that "village" chiqs are the coolest, that they are well mannered and so on...

Be it as it was, that did not impress me much. Yeah, I was not very impressed with what I read... And although I may be writing this in defense of civilization, I'm in no way an advocate for unwanted, evil, wicked and immoral behavior posed by the so-called town-born guys...Ati (the writer premised) the best place to fish (though I still prefer using another word in the place of the word 'fish', because, well, fishing is such a clumsy activity that I don't want to be partisan to... and the very idea of holding a stick with a 'string' and a hook for lengths of time waiting for I don't know what to appear, has never impressed me... and anyway, ladies or guys are not equivalent to some pitiable piece of aquatic meat...) for a potential marriage partner was in the village, or, well, for someone from the village. "Woooooot!?" went me, "A village chiq for a wife? *Mind went blank and haywire plus a veeery long pause.*

Anyways,...

I hold nothing against "village" people. And it's abusive to think them less important. I think that they are cool in their own great way, and I don't have to turn that down.

But to me, dating kisha marrying a "village" lady can be a lil' more complicated than imagined.

Yeah, the view people have of "village" ladies is that they wipe their faces with dew and eat a fair breakfast, right? And that village guys (from what I hear) singlehandedly construct houses, thatch them and rear cattle as their chill-out activity, right? Now, that, my friend, although it's actually a warped view of the actual truth, needs a lot of placement before I come to terms with its reality. It is commendable yeah, but it needs a lot of mind-editing before committing to adopt it. So I conclude that I may not be able to stand that (at least when I look at it from a certain angle), and that the most obvious aftermath is: we are likely to constantly disagree on very many primary things - which (as far as I know) is not healthy for a relationship.

Anyway, what makes people think that a village boy or girl is the ultimate-chivalrous-classic-hyperfabulous marriage type? Or that "they are the iiiissssshh" in relationships democracy?  Eiiiish! Kwani they produce or come with free bread, meat, milk and electricity? Shindwe!

I always say that "village" guys should not always think and assume that they are the only ones that qualify to be tagged as being "saint-like"; because, as a matter of fact, there are more town dudes and dudettes who are as smart, cool, saint-like, beautiful and marriage "material" as the "village" guys out there could ever be.

Who assumes that we are all manner less and cunning? Who said that we can't respect people or love with sincerity?

Who said that we ALL can't cook?

Who said that wearing trousers makes ALL women sluts or wearing jeans makes dudes wakora? Who said that, huh? And did whoever said that really have the reality and truth on whatever they were saying? Really?

It is not fair to draw a line and conclude to any extreme end that either side of this coin is thus...

Hey "village" chiq, who said that dressing like my mom makes you a better wife?

**Oooo, BTW, I really love my mom - she's excellent...!!** 

Who said that coming from the village automatically qualifies you as responsible and reliable? Who said that there are no thieves or wakora in the village? Who said that all "village" boys and girls are innocent? Who said that every "village" guy is "a bearer and a rarer of children"? Who said that every "village" boy and girl is a virgin? It is not true: It is known. It is known. Good character (read: personality) and values can exist on both sides of this coin. Bad character can't be refuted as not existing and cohabiting amongst members of both societies either. We all have a share of good and bad regardless of where we were born or come from...

Well,...

I know I am tempted to tell "village" guys to go on and continue dancing Rare Watts moves to the sounds of blinding smoke from their kitchens and draw happiness from fetching water from the stream together... but that will not help us solve our differences. I am tempted to, but it is useless. It will only escalate animosity (which should not be existing amongst us) and end up widening the drift separating us...

If what constitutes a good relationship is the naive nature of one partner or the other, then, I always say, I should have no business with such deals.

I once told a friend (there's another writer who supports it too) who thrills in the "humility" of Ugandan and Teso ladies **makes sign of the cross** that he is a fool (forgive me for that again). Okay, to him, the kneeling and bowing of females from these communities indicates submission; but to me, it indicates weakness - and I haven't even an ounce of admiration for a weak, vulnerable and malleable lady. I don't love weakness - and please don't misinterpret my take on weakness and strength as indicated here. I admire strength. I admire aggressive behavior. I admire someone who can point out my weaknesses and stupid ways (like the original status of this blog post) but I don't admire rudeness, lack of respect and stupid independence... A rude, disrespectful and puffed-up lady is an abomination to the institution of helpers (as God calls them.)

A guy (or a lady in any case) who praises a "village" person just because they come from the village is absurd. They are credulous. They are uninformed. And although I hold nothing against "village" people, "village" behavior comes out as tumultuous as it can ever be - which is also true that civilization has its back-stabs.

My take? Let "village" people marry "village" people, and let "civilized" people marry "civilized" people. Only mix the two at your own expense... and... coming from the village does not translate to having so-called good manners, nor does being city-born automatically make one a tomboy or a sissy... eish!!

Enjoy your "village" or "civilized" thoughtful time. ;)



Bonface Morris

Whatever God Does, He Does

I have made endless reflections on what we had asked for from God as Kenyans before the General Election held on March 4^th: we wanted a peaceful free and fair election, free of violence and a good leadership thereafter that will be the people’s choice. That is what we wanted, or (maybe) what we needed.

Although the average me is not the political type (referring to the politics of governance and not the politics of fact and reason), I have been wrestling within myself with the facts at hand: facts such as the reality of a new constitutional dispensation, new governance (though I am not quite sure about this because of the on-going election petitions), revived expectations and so many other things which you political guys out there can fill in…

Be it as it may, our prayers have given us a few realities to live with regardless of whether they (the realities) are good or bad - because all this depends on which side of the political coin you fall, and who you think should be our president or leaders in general…

Nevertheless, I guess God answered our prayer(s), right? We fasted and prayed (I had several partners I did this with) crying out to God for a better leadership and a peaceful and prosperous Kenya. And God answered our prayer(s). Glory be to His Name. He answered our prayers: Psalm 34:17 [ESV]: “When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” I had been so sure that God was going to answer our prayers that I had assured my fellow youth at church after our Bible Study that, “Guys, mark my words, there’s not going to be violence/clashes this time round, no matter what has been said all through…”

So with all that going on in my mind after the General Elections, God has been saying to me (or in another way, rhetorically asking me), “When you prayed to me for Peace, did I not answer you in my utmost faithfulness?” And I have been answering, “Yes LORD, You did”. And though I have been replying with a “Yeah LORD, You are faithful to answer [all] our prayer(s),” it has been hard to admit that my answer to God is what is being replicated in every Kenyan’s mouth, and at times even myself…

What has been stirring numerous questions in me has been: are these leaders we elected so far the BEST there could ever be as far as God’s children and this nation is concerned?

But again while tormenting my mind with questions, I have been reminded that God has mercy on whosoever He chooses and compassion on whosoever He pleases [Romans 9:15/Exodus 33:19 [ESV]: For he says to Moses,   “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”]. The truth has been (and will always be) that no man has ever made choices for God. Okay, righteous men may influence God to make choices, but they will never make decisions for Him… And in the contest of prideful Kenyan Christians, and for the good reason of stopping us from boasting of what a good leader we had chosen for ourselves; and also for the sake of literally ensuring that we are not seasonal intercessors but a people who are always standing on the walls of our nation in prayer, God has decided that the leadership we have is what we should have.

I have wrestled with Proverbs 16:1 [ESV]: “The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD” for a long time already. I have wanted to judge God for exposing us to “tough” situations as a nation in the name of hardening our faith, but I have come to realize that whatever God does, He does… and He does it for the good of us all (Romans 8:28) because only Him (as we all know and believe) knows and has the very best for us…

This is how and why:

1. He wants us to know that in the same way He answered us concerning a peaceful elections (regardless of how some of us may perceive the elections), He was and is faithful to make our nation abound in plenty regardless of what people and nations say. He wants to show us His power if we continually seek Him on behalf our land – just as we did before the elections. He wants us to be consistent in asking, so that He may be consistent in giving…He wants us never to cease seeking Him…
2. He wants us to stop wholly depending on other nations. To stop being terrified by sanctions and 1^st world nations. He wants us to humbly tell the nations that He is in control and that we (in every way possible and against all odds) are going to be okay. He wants us to face the reality of sanctions and impossibilities with a confident spirit. He wants to create a pride in us for His Name in this land. He wants us to tell the nations that we are of God, and if He is with us, no one can be against us. He wants them to be terrified of us – that we can manage it because we believe in Him. He wants us to stop being terrified, but start proclaiming the year of the Lord, the year of Jubilee (biblically but not politically)…!!
3. He wants us to acknowledge Him as the main leader of our land and pray for our leadership just as in the days of old. He wants Kenya to know that what HE DOES, HE DOES… and that because He is God, He should know what He is doing. We are never left or forsaken by Him, right?

I know we may not agree on many things here on earth, and mainly concerning the Kenyan political landscape, but we should at least agree with God that He is omniscient and omnipotent. We should agree that God has this nation inscribed on the palm of His hand. We should agree that we are not supposed to give up on Kenya. We should at least appreciate what we have – a nation that we can freely and peacefully build…Yeah, we should agree on so many other things…

I am trying to see Kenya through the eyes of God, and I am learning to thank Him that He cares so much not to let us forsake Him in the name of dwelling in our comfort zones… I am trying because there I should… I am trying because I want to see things differently and as a child of God…

God has the best for us. Only the best.

Can we start seeing it that way, at least from today?

Bonface Morris.  

The Boy Child Dilemma

I am tempted to say nothing in this post. I am tempted because once in a while, a writer columns himself or herself in a place of self-interference or what I choose to call self-spamming where he or she decides to say what they really wanted to say or decides to just play around with words and end up giving out “sub-standard” information – something close to the goal of an article but very far from the actual intended point.

So, even if I am tempted to say nothing while writing, I should still say something. And though nothing and something share a “thing”, both don’t add up to the same thing – to any thing. Pause. Long pause. Very long pause... Am I really saying anything… err… something!?

Okay. Let me spare you the writers’ guild’s tantrums…

I have been forced, no, I have forced myself (several times and in different occasions) to say that “there are no role-model-kind-of men to imitate today… and if they DO exist, they are very few…” It is always my assertion that whenever I go overboard to declare that in the open social media, and in such a demeaning way, I (in one way or another) help in killing the ego(s) of any ma(e)n who may hear it. In short, ni uchokozi.

And while at that, I am also pitched to see (maybe rather rightfully so) how I am not even good enough to be imitated as a man, yet I dare raise my arm (or mind and pen or mind and  keyboard – whichever works for you) to judge others’ worthiness on the same...

But I want you to follow through what I am going to say in this post. Aim? I want to clear the “bad image” we the male species have gotten from all around our society…

Human beings’ male species is an endangered species. In any way you may think, we are endangered. Some people may even insist that male people are useless and a “waste of time”. You have heard ladies blame us men for the endless discrepancies and sagas we create, for the irresponsibility and passiveness we chorale, for the “lack of manners”, for the “unpolished behavior” we tend to display ALL the time, for the lack of respect towards women, for endless things…We are blamed for things we are not even responsible for just because we are men…but maybe, we should look beyond the surface… The question is: Do boys have enough male mentors and people that are good enough to be their role models while growing up, and do the female species even care that they (the boys who are growing up) are undergoing a crisis?

Photo courtesy of www.dreamstime.com

I am a man - a boy child - and I really want to pour out my heart into this post so that [somehow] ladies will start praying for us and guiding us in the right direction instead of blaming us and ranting ceaselessly against us. I am anticipating encouragement instead of the calling of names.

Most of us grow (or have grown) up with our sisters. I loved growing up with my sisters. We are almost treated the same in the first years of our development. Right then, not much is expected from us – maybe just a little sneering at us like the overrated “you should not cry because you are a man” thing. Life is normally cool right then and without hustles. But as time moves by, expectations start emerging from within our families (or society) on whatever they look forward to us becoming or being. No one steps up (and if they do, it is in a rather too formal way) to teach us what a man should look like or behave like. No one comes out to tell us “Morris, a man should have known how to do this and that in this or that way by the time he is at the age of this or that…” No one shows us that. No one cares to show us any of that.

What is this about men anyway? Are we supposed to be supermen or something? Are we supposed to be gods? Really? Supermen? Do supermen even exist in real life? Really?

We are expected to behave maturely without being taught how just because we are men. Our age never matters – we are simply expected to grow up and become men. Quite a lot is expected from us just because our African culture (and even the world at large) depicts that the boy child should be a stand-alone-all-knowing-beast and an omnipotent-fearless-and-courage-spawning-kind-of-a-person. This (I think) makes it obvious when the boy child is held between making his own uninformed decisions (based on the advice given to him by his peers) and making decisions based on what the world around him expects of him. We are imagined to be gods of some kind, yet they (people around us) never consider that we lack REAL MEN to teach us about REAL THINGS IN REAL LIFE.

We lack prototypes that will show us (and not just tell us) how to take responsibility so that we may not end up unreliable and unpredictable. We need men who will love our sisters and mothers and cherish them so much that we will admire them and start desiring to start families… We need men who will practically show us how to pray for our families; men with emotion - who cry and weep because it is normal. Men who share their fears with their daughters and wives. Men who say, “God is in control my boy! Don’t be afraid, He will stand up for us.” We need men who don’t fear failure. We want active men, not passive men who command us around while doing nothing. We need men who are courageous and fearless to face the challenges they meet in life. We want to learn as we watch them. We want to feel their chests beam with expectation and anticipation. This is the kind of men we want. These are the men we need.

Some female species also contribute to our weird behavior. They want to kill our ego(s) by domineering us, or by us seeing them literally rule over our fathers or the male figures in our lives. What do you expect from a boy whose father is being treated like a child in his own home, huh? Why should women expect us to be “men of courage” while all they’ve been doing to us is call us names and treat us as worthless as there can be worthlessness? Sometimes dogs even deserve better…

Quote: We cannot become what we have not known! Side note: I thank God for my biological father. He is the best prototype I’ve ever had; but at the same time I am worried about more and more boys that are growing up without fathers - boys with missing fathers.

Therefore don’t blame us (at least out of respect for our background) when we end up developing a rebellious spirit in us even though that is not an excuse enough. This is the only way through which we manage to escape the reality of being indefinite and out of place. Most of the elder men in our lives are either missing or inappropriate, cowards or passive. Day by day, we fail to find a place in our lives (even the smallest enjoyable chance) where we can point out and say, “I wanna be like that man!” Ladies, do you have such a woman in your lives? That ONE woman you can confidently say, “I wanna be like that woman?” That is our dilemma ladies. That is our dilemma.

Don’t blame us when we want to wash away such a reality through burying ourselves in movies or friends, or through being rugged and “unpolished”, or through video and computer games, or a quest for power and wealth, drugs or football, or leisure, or too much education...

The boy child has grown up knowing that he is not fit to become anything in the face of society today. And tomboys have made it even worse…Let us go out there and change that outlook that he has adapted to…

Enough said, I pray that you treat a boy or male being around you with care, showing him direction when he wrongs, because we are never perfect enough; and because you may just be preparing the best man, a man of a kind,  for a lady that will come into his life in the future and for that boy child that will call him dad…

Side note: Watch Hardflip (a movie) to get a lil bit of what I'm talking about.



Bonface Morris