Saturday, May 31, 2014

21 Facts About Love and Falling in Love

Note: Well, it is raining outside, and I am here to do what I do best... This is an impromptu post inspired by a few experiences I've heard from the people around me, from my world of relationships and mostly in the early part of today (this Saturday);


1.   You are not the first one, and you won't be the last one to fall in love, so stop thinking that it has only happened to you. That friend of yours has had it before, it is just that they talk about it less.
2.   Don't allow love to make you stupid. Use your heart, but again, use your mind. Using one without the other leaves you half-lame and half-idiotic.
3.   Love is a beautiful thing, but if it is not well tamed, it can be the worst thing that happened to you.
4.   If someone has made "your world to stop", that person is the most dangerous thing in your life right now. Give them boundaries unless you really want your life to STOP.
5.   If two people are fighting for the love of one person (say two dudes are in for this one chiq), it is the chiq who is stupid and doesn't know what she wants. She is likely to lose both of them.
6.   Don't talk to us about love if you are in a relationship with more than one person. That is either lust or infatuation.
7.   We Christian men and our fellow ladies are too naïve to fall in love because we mostly fear rejection, but we should never (anyway, it is obvious that we can't) force anyone to be in a relationship with us all in the name of God. It is stupid. Falling in love should come out naturally, and it should never be impulsive.
8.   Love is not the end of life. Fall in love, but have a life. I say it again: fall in love, but have a life. This will make your love make sense and last longer.
9.   Correction and rebuke are part of "I love you so much that I can't handle losing you...". Anyone who positively criticizes you and rebukes you is the best partner you can ever have.
10. Love is not sex, and sex is not love. Stop misusing and mixing the two. They exist independently from each other. Thus both the man who wants proof of love through sex, and the woman who wants the proof of love through money share the same thing: silliness and greed.
11. If I love you, I should be ready to sacrifice a few things I DEARLY LOVE in order to be with you. If not, I am just using you as a means to my well-being, and I am selfish, egotistic and mean... Yeah.
12. Love is not one-sided. It always gives back. The best love is when it is mutually shared and exchanged. One-sided love (where only one person loves the other) is as bad as a man/woman with one leg, one hand and one eye trying to climb a tree. Utterly incomplete. Utterly horrendous.
13. Gifts don't buy love. Try honesty, trust and openness. They may buy it a little. (Just a little.)
14. If you are falling for someone, tell them. Don't regret it later when they are already taken. It takes a lifetime to fall in love and to find your type, (oh well, that's not a fact but an assumption) so don't waste opportunities when they're presented to you. (I hope y'all saved dudes are hearing me on this one.)
15. Make friends. Laugh. Don't take life too seriously. The more easy-to-interact-with and easy-to-approach people find you, the more attractive you become; thus the higher your chances of falling in love. Only 1% of the total population of human beings is interested in boring people. At least be boring but attractive. (Lol.)
16. Love is like a machine - it always needs lubricants called affirmation and affection; love is like a vehicle - it can't move unless it is driven, so be wise around it.
17. Love can die, but love cannot be buried. It has no grave that befits its greatness. We can pretend to stop loving people, but we can never pretend about how they make/made us feel. That is a fact.
18. We can fall in love a million times, but every time we do so, it is different. We can never fall in love in the same way and with the same intensity. It is always different all the time. This also, my friend, is a fact.
19. Everyone falls in love and everyone can fall in love. We just fear admitting it.
20. You may think differently about people you have been in relationships with, but you SHOULD NEVER think differently about love. It is the same all through - pure, perfect, selfless, unending and never failing. That is love. 
And;
21. I'm not in love, so stop being curious and stop asking already... :-)
For more information, please contact heaven and ask for Jesus Christ. There is no one who knows about these things more or better than He does.

Never stop loving. Keep that fire burning...


Bonface Morris.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Musings And Observations Part 2 (Church Edition)

If you have not yet read part one of this series of blog posts, read it here.

In the recent past, I have had spontaneous "micro-debates" with random people about the Church, sound doctrine and the universality of religion. These discussions may not have been conclusive enough - to the point of deriving meaningful inferences - but I have (at least) come to understand a few things about how people interpret and understand religion and matters of Faith.
There is a certain conclusion though we all came to: that the Church is diverse in its approach to both evangelism and mode of worship; and although we are all this diverse, unity is not so much lacking as far as doctrine and sound Christian teaching is concerned.
Here below are some of my observations on the Church - of which I am part of;

We mutually wear a certain disguise called "pettiness"
A few weeks ago, we were presented with a controversial discussion on “the Church and Morality” - so to say - as was depicted in a certain poster outside a mega church in Kenya’s capital, Nairobi.

The poster is here below (courtesy of UlizaLinks);

"Blurred Lines" - A sermon series courtesy of Mavuno Church
Many claimed that the poster was very controversial (put "very" in CAPS) (and of course it was controversial) as far as Christian values are/were concerned, condemned it and blatantly claimed that that church’s leadership (Mavuno Church) was misguiding our young people (and of course talking of young people, I should be one of them), and that they should apologize for doing so.

The discussion emanated into 2 weeks of funny internet memes and GIFs, and I am very sure that you either retweeted, commented on, or laughed at all those twerkusifu jokes.

But this was not funny, my friend. It was not.
 
These were serious issues in our society - issues affecting ALL young people - being tackled by the church... Just in a different way altogether...
Okay, I gave my two pence on what I felt (and still feel) about the Mavuno Poster (as it came to be known) and moved on. Some people hated me (“caught feelings”), some supported me, and it went on the way it did... And if you were to tell me right then - and even right now - that Mavuno Church was/is not addressing current challenges amongst young people, (saved or unsaved), I would/ I will drag you to the ground with it...

See, today, I have had a few Christians (including myself) complain about things they see in other Christians - things they think are just wrong. You know it, right? It is a common thing. It mostly has been due to “not liking how the other person is serving God” by claiming that they are not capitalizing on the “basic, major and fundamental parts of the Christian Faith”, or on how bad they are as compared to us.

Note: Differentiate between pettiness and differences in doctrine as in cases when we attack, speak against and refute false teachers, heresies and teachings. In this case, I am talking about our petty reactions towards other normal Christians.

I have been a victim of such accusations. People claim that because I am a leader in many capacities, there are things I should not talk about, and that there are things I should be silent about. Some of these things include; love relationships, politics, humor, commenting on certain TV Shows, current news, affairs and on secular music (although I don’t listen to secular music or have any of it on any of my gadgets).

All these critics claim that I should base my christian influence on teaching Scripture and being the blunt and stoic Christian they are. But in retaliation, I have always asked, “Are we here to only reach out to the saints or also to the unsaved? Is my service to God (including this blog) only meant for the "cherched" or also to the "uncherched”? Why do we like to spiritualize everything? Huh?


If I have to reach out to anyone at all, the tools I may use need to make sense both to the believer (in line with Scripture) and to the unbeliever (for them to gain an understanding of what Christianity is all about.)

People have different needs as far as general life is concerned; some just need encouragement, some need Scripture full time, some need humor, others need music; some seek for news while others are attracted to weirdness. End point? Christ should be preached. Christ should revealed. To all people.
Anyway, am I sinning by doing this, by using all tools available to me to reach out to as many people as possible? No. Okay, does Jesus Christ, my Lord, feel offended when I do it? No. So what? Why do we have to make the Gospel so unreachable and so hard to pursue and love? I love being saved. I love it. I cannot imagine myself without salvation. I want other people to love it through seeing me as I enjoy it. That is all I want - for all people to know the Jesus I know, relate with Him and thereafter come to love Him.
The Mavuno poster unveiled our pettiness - how we choose to react to issues without basing our view on Scripture but on how we feel. When did the Gospel become subject to how we feel and what we think (our opinions)?

******************
Jesus, in His time, used examples the people around him could relate with so that He would drive his message home. He wanted them to understand Him - to understand the message of the Kingdom in the easiest way possible. The Pharisees called it crazy, but God called it awesome. They called unorthodox, but the Father called it obedience. Note the difference.

The Apostle Paul had “a fight” with the Apostle Peter on this same issue in Galatians Chapter 2 (please read the whole chapter to get what I am saying) when Peter claimed that the Gospel was only to be preached in a certain way and only to the Jews. Paul on the other hand felt that the Gospel was to be preached by all means possible to both Jews and Gentiles. End point? God intervenes in Acts 10 by showing Peter that the Gospel was not limited to the Jews alone but that it was for the Gentiles too, thus justifying what Paul had earlier preached in Romans 9:15 (and what Peter had been knowing all along because it was written in the very Torah he ardently followed - Exodus 33:19 (ESV) “And he said, 'I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name ‘The LORD.’ And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy.'”and in Hosea 2:23 (ESV) “...and I will sow her for myself in the land. And I will have mercy on No Mercy, and I will say to Not My People, ‘You are my people’; and he shall say, ‘You are my God.’”)

The argument between Paul and Peter presents to us what the modern church has become: petty. We have become like the Corinthian church which Paul wrangled with asking them in 1 Corinthians 3:4 (ESV), “For when one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not being merely human /petty?” (the word 'petty' is my own addition).

My observation is that the greatest opposition the church is facing today is not from the world but from within. We are fighting amongst ourselves more than we are fighting against sin and the many atrocities in the world. Our pettiness - not based on the Holy Scripture - is our spiritual backlog.
We are acting like the fella below that Jesus once talked about

You got a speck in your eye!!
This is how I think we should act around a fellow Christian when they are not doing things the same way we do them (putting in mind that our way of doing things is not law as far as the Spirit of God is concerned.)
We should ask ourselves;

  1. Are they sinning? If not, why criticize them?
  2. Is what they are doing positively changing someone's life- both in the Church and in the world? If yes, why oppose them?
  3. Are they being guided by God in what they are doing? Are they glorifying God? Is the Spirit of God and His Word being involved?  If yes, then why stand against ourselves?

If we were to read and understand the message in Romans Chapter 14, and read it over and over again with an open mind and allow God's Spirit to speak to us, our pettiness would become less and less by the day.

People make mistakes. People sin. You also sin and make mistakes. They need a break. We should give them some breathing space - because we expect the same of ourselves when we err.

Note: These two articles reveal and describe how good we are at being petty: “Why People Really Like Jesus More Than Christians” and “Why I Quit Church (and the Surprise That Brought Me Back)”

Baseless blame games
Then in some other contexts, I have met numerous people (both believers and unbelievers) complaining about Church leadership and how they are falling away from the Church because of leader so-and-so or pastor-so-and-so.
Wait. So people are refusing to be faithful to God on the account of others? Is one's life tagged within another's life? Is spirituality a matter of an individual of a society or of a group? Will I go to heaven because my pastor (or another person's pastor) or leader is going to heaven or on the account of my own life and commitment to God? Why do people blame pastors and/or church leaders for fallen saints or any other sins within a congregation or a given denomination? Are pastors or leaders supposed to be gods so that they may jump like saving angels at some sort of an alarm and save church members from willful sinning?
Okay. Would we blame Jesus Christ for Judas Iscariot’s eloping, greed and love for money? Or blame the apostle Paul for Giaus’s leaving or the apostle John for Deotrephes’s weird mannerisms? Were all these leaders “unspiritual”? that some few people around them fell back and went back into the world? Why then do we call our pastors and leaders "unspiritual" because of some other person's sinful life? Isn't obedience to God's Word an individual's responsibility?

Whenever we blame others and make them responsible for our failures (or other people's failures), we are just being self-righteous, mean, judgmental and self-ish. Leaders and pastors are part of the body of Christ just as we are. They are no better than us. They have just been given a higher office of responsibility as compared to us, but that does not make them immune to sin or to the devil's temptation(s). They experience burn-out and feel weak, exhausted, betrayed and run down just as we often do. We should stop blaming them for all the things we see happening in our congregation(s) and instead pray for/with them. There, we will be part of the solution instead of being part of the problem.
I don't deny that some of them deliberately sin and that others advocate for evil and wicked deeds amongst their followers, but why not pray for them instead? Yeah, we should rebuke them and correct them, but why not pray for them after doing so?
The body of Christ should be able to heal itself through forgiveness, love and prayer; and not tear itself apart through ridicule, factions and slurring...
That's my opinion.


I close my case.

Wait for Part 3 in the near future.


Bonface Morris.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I Have A Type

People interested in how I am doing - relationships-wise and generally in life - have been asking me a lot of questions of late.
These questions have been centered upon current trends in relationships and things like on-line dating (inclusive of social media hookups, stalking and WhatsApp what-nots), having "types" (which is what I am trying to address in this post) and getting the eternally evasive "Mr/Mrs Right".

These are common relationship concerns amongst people of my age, and it is obvious that we cannot (in the widest use of the word) conclusively dissolve them in a few minutes. Nope. They require time, and research, and blabbering (lots of blabbering :-)), and yeah, agreement, in order to get everyone on the same page and drive the point home. Questions on relationships are like thus... (methinks.)

So with the many questions I have been being asked, something came up: types, yeah, types. And in that discussion, we revolved around TV Shows like Tujuane (now being aired on NTV) and Are You My Type (aired on KTN).
I will give you an account of the latter.

*******************
Just the other day, @KTNKenya started airing a dating reality TV Show called "Are You My Type?". The name on its own baffled many and it somehow stirred excitement in all of us - the kind of excitement that is always common amongst middle income Kenyans when new stuff is being introduced on our TV screens. But after the show premiered, and knowing the kind of background our African culture has handed over to us, and that we have not yet fully come to terms with adopting Reality TV Shows or anything close to them, the program has not yet received placable positive feedback (at least from what I gather on various webosphere streets).
@KTNKenya's "Are You My Type?" (#KTNMyType) is aired on Saturdays from 8-9pm, EAT.
Nevertheless, I think the TV Show (or program depending on what you think of it) is still achieving it's goal: bringing in discussions on relationships and dating and whether we can boldly and openly give a portrait of a specific person and the traits we would want to have in a partner or not. It has led to many of us pretending that "we don't have a type" or that "we DO have a type, but it is complicated", and others maintaining that a type is overrated, yet still, others calmly saying that they Do have a type.
This post is part of those discussions.
So, anyway, what is "a type?" 
To me, a type is a preference someone has for someone of the opposite sex based on various habits, character, behavior, personality and values they find [attractive] in the other person. That is a type.

And if that is the correct definition of a type, then I guess I am right to say that we all have types. Right? We all prefer a certain people to others. We all are choosy when it comes to relationships. We would rather hang around a certain league of friends, and not others. We tend to like a certain person more because of who and what they are as perceived by us (whether objectively or impulsively), and not just because they are a person. We all have a type. 

Consider this...

Take for instance, Adrian and James. They are two friends with different tastes (another word that is used alongside a type) in women. Let's say that they both are born again Christians and that they both will have one central criterion in choosing which woman suits their world - a saved lady.
Mmmmhhh... And given that time, opportunity and chance and all the other constraining factors are put at a constant, Adrian, when asked which lady he'd prefer as his woman, will give the following description; saved (as a central factor), beautiful, homely, kind, generous, outgoing, extroverted, sensitive, intuitive and so forth and so on...
On the other hand, when asked, his friend will come up with the following qualities; saved (as a central factor), faithful, introverted, calm, obedient, thoughtful, independent...
Adrian thinks that obedient and introverted women are wimps and, er, douchebags (forgive me for that), but James reiterates that such women are supportive, warmly, encouraging and comforting (considering the kind of work he does...).
You can see that there are a few differences in the choices made by the two about a lady that each would prefer - one which fits in their world, about their type...

Also consider this...

Annabelle and Susan are good friends. They have been friends from five years of age when their families were relocated to the same town and begun living in the same estate. One almost knows what the other may want in life - including men (or so they think.) Both of them are saved ladies, and will both want a saved man (that is their central factor) for a relationship. But when asked, these BFF cannot have the same choice in what they want in that saved man, or any saved man in particular!
Annabelle prefers a man that is tall, yet to Susan, height is not a factor. Annabelle prefers a well groomed man: short hair, fashion-sensitive and savvy (not necessarily formal but cool), with good eye contact, assertive and ambitious and not necessarily wealthy but earning a living and able to take care of her and her babies (yeah, she's already thinking of marriage :-)); but her friend on the other hand prefers a laid back man, well-groomed (and specifically one that loves suits and is formal in his dressing code), educated, ambitious and one who can literally "spoil her with goodies" (wealthy). Annabelle thinks that wealthy men are insensitive, loud-mouthed and braggarts, while her friend denies it and says that such men offer security both to her and to the future family...
The two friends differ in their choice of the kind of man they like.
They have types. 
type is the key to falling in love.

After the lecture above (which actually is my distorted research), there are a few things we need to understand about having a type;
  1. You have a type. He/she exists. Whether saved or not, you have a preferred type of person/spouse you want in your life and not just anyone. No one just fits in your life. No. Your relationship life revolves around picking out people with a certain balance of characteristics and values, so, yes, you have a type. Me too. :-)
  2. Neither your friends nor your family conclusively know your type. They may give you suggestions and pointers, but you need to follow your heart/gut. It knows better. Like in the two illustrations above, Adrian cannot choose a lady for James, nor can James do the same for Adrian. The same goes to the ladies. One can give suggestions on what they think can suit the other but it should never be the final word. It will be catastrophic if Annabelle or either of the guys decides to put the future and worth of their relationships in their friend's hands. They'll get lost and end up regretting it in the long run. Why? Because whatever one sees in one person, is never always what the other sees in the same person... We all view and perceive people differently.
  3. There are only two people that know your type: you and God, so stick to that script.
  4. Sometimes, it is important to give people time. They may become your type, eventually. Don't push people away with so-called "first impressions". They may just have slipped from the norm, so give them time. Note: Remember I said sometimes... not always. Know the difference.
  5. What dating (or courtship in Christian circles) does is to help one gauge the other person against various wants and needs they have. Dating/courtship is a selfish (but good way, or woreva way) of sieving amongst many people, in order to get the right type. It is a way of saying, "I am secretly interviewing you for a job, a job of taking care of me and all that I am, and I need you to fit that criterion..." :-)
  6. Types are at the center of falling in love. Yes, you heard me right. We fall in love based on how other people make us feel when they are in sync with our love language (I will talk in length about the love language soon.)
Now you know you have a type, and that I have one too. Let's deal with it. We can continue living in denial -  as a way of dealing with it - or we can accept it as it is and be dealing with it too...
So, be it as it may, let's just deal with it anyway.

Until some other time,


Bonface Morris.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Solomon Lange – Yabo (Praise) Lyrics & free mp3 Download

This song has been on repeat on my music player, and it surely deserves it. Bear me witness;


Song: Yabo
Album: Alheri
Year released: 2012
Artist: Solomon Lange
Genre: Nigerian (Urban/Afro-fusion worship)

Lyrics:

Verse 1:
(Ooooooh, ey!)
Some trust in chariots, some trust in horses, but we trust in the Name of the LORD
Some trust in their skills, others trust in their kins, but we trust in the Name of the LORD
When the arm of flesh will fail them, we’ll still be standing tall, ‘coz we trust in the Name of the LORD
When they say there’s a casting down, we will say there’s a lifting up, ‘coz we trust in the Name of the LORD…

Bridge/Pre-Chorus:
Menene zan baka masoyi na, domin kaunar ka, zuwa gareni?
(What do I offer to You my lover, to appreciate the love You have shown me?)
Menene zan baka mai ceto na, domin alherin ka zuwa gareni?
(What kind of a thing do I give to You, for what You have shown me?)

Chorus:
{(Yabo daga zuchiya) x3 (Na bakra (na bakra)) x2} x2
{(Praise from my heart) x3 (I give You) (I give You)) x2} x2

Verse 2:
If the LORD doesn’t build a house, then we labor all in vain, but we trust in the Name of the LORD
If the LORD doesn’t watch the city, then we stay awake in vain, but we trust in the Name of the LORD
Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world, I triumph in the Name of the LORD

Repeat Bridge/Pre-Chorus

Repeat Chorus

Verse 3:
Blow the trumpet in Zion
Serve the Lamb on the Holy Mountain
We will never be afraid
We’ve got the victory, we’ve got the victory, forever
Yabo daga zuchiya, suchada daga zuchiya
(I’ll praise You from my heart, I’ll lift You from my heart)
Yabo daga zuchiya, dhodiya daga zuchiya
(I’ll praise You from my heart, Lord from my heart)

Repeat Chorus


Bonface Morris.