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Emotions
are like a fuel that is extraordinarily unquenchable. I am one of those guys
who believe that emotions are real and they DO exist. I believe that emotions
are part of life. That they are as common as hearts in mankind. I believe that
an emotion, though as weak as a leaf in the strong winds, should be guarded
just as firmly as one will guard a treasure. I believe that an emotion is a
stupid (but very wise) thing that always seeks to control mankind; and it may
if allowed to… I believe that you need some of it (or them) for a life to be
complete. I also believe that you can’t fully pretend to be lacking an emotion –
even one or two. You may lack one, but you will absolutely have the other…
Yeah, emotions are two-faced.
Yeah, emotions are two-faced.
Emotions
make life either colorful or colorless, bearable or unbearable. They are the main facilitators of
the artwork that is mortal and/or physical life, I think. They are cunning and
beautiful, scanty and dutiful, real and unreal at most, they are rich and poor
– all depending on the handiwork of the artist (who is the person subjected to them).
Then
in our daily walks, we stumble upon this one emotion called love. An emotion which has all sorts of extreme artwork on people’s lives (and
hearts). I always wonder who invented it. Love. Yeah, I always look at it and wonder.
Sincerely asking, who invented this thing that all mankind runs after? Who
thought it out and placed it in peoples’ hearts? I think God did. God did. I
know He did. God knew that maybe this should be the fuel that joins mankind
together by a fire that is unquenchable. He knew that only such a thing (Greeks
love to define it in many forms, but I am dealing with the kawaida one here – the eros and/or storge one maybe with a lil bit of agape). Aristotle (that great Greek
philosopher) defines love as ‘one soul in
two bodies’… Something incomprehensible. Something immortally
indescribable. Something beyond imagination. Something too big, yet too tiny… A
feeling of madness without control… stupidity even… Love.
Everybody
is in need of it. Those in denial die privately longing for it. I bet you also
want it. Need it. Imagine it. Just imagine. You even crave it maybe… I can’t deny the reality of
it. I believe in its existence. Love is a paradox of a kind. It is a
masterpiece and the king of all emotions - it paints and forges; it moulds and
distorts, it builds and destroys all kinds of people. No-one is too strong for
love. (OK. I don’t know if that is true.)
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And then there is falling in love: an emotion I define as ‘a commotion of emotions to
give lots of space to one emotion (love) towards one person, and with increased
madness…’ Those who know these things say that falling in love is that season in life when only one person seems
to make lots of sense to the other and only one emotion speaks for the heart: love. In one of my earlier posts, I mentioned that love is not food that ‘yo momma gives to ya.’ It ain’t. So
don’t expect to receive it like food or a good…
From
Hallmark, you find out that, “Love Comes Softly”.
Surely, love comes softly… And love should not be an obsession either. Love should just come softly. Love should just be let to be. It should not be forced or imposed, or incited or pulled around (as displayed in the many soap operas people love to watch) but should be allowed to come, grow and mature softly. It is one thing that should be given time to mature. People may "fall in love" on first sight but they also should know that when challenges come, their love, if it was meaningful and true, should grow to overcome them…
Surely, love comes softly… And love should not be an obsession either. Love should just come softly. Love should just be let to be. It should not be forced or imposed, or incited or pulled around (as displayed in the many soap operas people love to watch) but should be allowed to come, grow and mature softly. It is one thing that should be given time to mature. People may "fall in love" on first sight but they also should know that when challenges come, their love, if it was meaningful and true, should grow to overcome them…
It
is said that we men (the male species) love pretending that we don’t ‘fall in
love’. I even had gotten used to believing so in some way. But better said, the
truth is that we fear being weak. Men are ‘ego beings’. Ego beings would rather
die than confess that they are not in control. (Because love makes you weak and
vulnerable somehow.) And men hate that. But women, as I have been told, and as
it has always been known (except a few who are emerging in this generation as I
have come to know), are very vulnerable to the antics of love. They dream of it.
They crave it all the time. They seek for it. They hunt for affection almost
everywhere. Ladies (and women in general) are ‘affection’ beings. A woman would
rather live with a beast that adores her and kisses her pains off than with a king who says nothing to her. A
woman loves hearing things said. Beautiful good-for-nothings. She loves things
whispered into her ears in a certain way. Every woman does. They may pretend not
to, but that’s how God wired them – Genesis 3:16 (NIV), “…your desire will be for your husband and
he will rule over you…” So somehow we should never blame a lady for loving soap operas and being a victim of men’s
love schemes, because they were wired that way – to seek and long for the one
who will fill the gap of love – that longing for a hug, for a kiss, for
affection, for stupid words, for security… bla, bla, bla… although as a matter
of fact, not all ladies are the same…
The
question of whether love exists for all to enjoy, or even that a person can
only fall in love with one person at a time (I don’t know if I should say in a
lifetime?!) is a tough one to answer. And concerning that, I don’t yet have an
answer. But both Biblically and naturally, love does exist; and with that, I can say that you can fall in love so many times. Love has caused
many wars and yielded lots of peace too – right from the beginning…
So one
may also ask, “What particularly makes one feel that ‘they are in love’?” I don’t
really know. But I will give you a glimpse of some truths concerning such a
mega question. And it is the reason to why I am writing this post…
NB: Read more from Boundless Website here – such a great website with great articles by the way…)
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NB: Read more from Boundless Website here – such a great website with great articles by the way…)
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A
person’s feeling of love is all in
their Love Language. It is revealed when their Love Language is well
communicated to them – when it is amplified to their desire and liking…
OK, I will elaborate that for you…
A Love Language is a way in which one communicates the emotion of love and/or how one would love it spoken back to them. It is more than words. You see, every person has their Love Language. Not all people speak (or communicate or express) the same Love Language. So I want you to put this out of your mind – that all men can be fooled by body shapes, or nakedness, or lots of good food (as our moms taught ladies earlier); or that all ladies can be fooled by money, or gifts, or stupid words or bumpy six packs...
The world is changing, and ways of loving are changing too. Everyone is unique in their own way. Diversity reigns more in this generation than ever before. One person loves a combination of different things in another person and vice versa. Whoever will communicate that language well by having rightful proportions of what is being sought for wins the game… That’s why the poor fall in love with the rich, the disabled with the able, the upright with mad people (the drum beats of soaps) as stories upon stories of love games unfold… Spiritual people (like myself) may raise the standards of the game just a bit taller by including more things to do with the other person’s spirituality, commitment to this and that… etc etc.
The main point however is that nobody should seek for a perfect person.
Pastor Muriithi Wanjau of Mavuno Church, Nairobi says that we should seek to be ‘The One’ rather than looking for ‘The One’. Watch this sermon playlist here: Finders Keepers Series Videos. Perfect-love-matches DO NOT EXIST. They are only in Heaven. Only when in Heaven will you meet REALLLLY perfect people. What we call perfection down here is just a fad. It is a lie.
OK, I will elaborate that for you…
A Love Language is a way in which one communicates the emotion of love and/or how one would love it spoken back to them. It is more than words. You see, every person has their Love Language. Not all people speak (or communicate or express) the same Love Language. So I want you to put this out of your mind – that all men can be fooled by body shapes, or nakedness, or lots of good food (as our moms taught ladies earlier); or that all ladies can be fooled by money, or gifts, or stupid words or bumpy six packs...
The world is changing, and ways of loving are changing too. Everyone is unique in their own way. Diversity reigns more in this generation than ever before. One person loves a combination of different things in another person and vice versa. Whoever will communicate that language well by having rightful proportions of what is being sought for wins the game… That’s why the poor fall in love with the rich, the disabled with the able, the upright with mad people (the drum beats of soaps) as stories upon stories of love games unfold… Spiritual people (like myself) may raise the standards of the game just a bit taller by including more things to do with the other person’s spirituality, commitment to this and that… etc etc.
The main point however is that nobody should seek for a perfect person.
Pastor Muriithi Wanjau of Mavuno Church, Nairobi says that we should seek to be ‘The One’ rather than looking for ‘The One’. Watch this sermon playlist here: Finders Keepers Series Videos. Perfect-love-matches DO NOT EXIST. They are only in Heaven. Only when in Heaven will you meet REALLLLY perfect people. What we call perfection down here is just a fad. It is a lie.
So,
back to the Love Language… a guy (or man/husband in any case) should know and note
what tickles his lady (or woman/wife in any case). He should know it. He should
understand that she is different from other ladies or women and identify every
detail of what really freaks her out
and what really makes her tick. By
understanding her likes and dislikes (because he is interested in her anyway),
then will he be able to reach her fully by communicating in a way that will
show her that he adores her… That he loves her. Whenever he will do that which pleases her most
and makes her feel loved, he will be scoring very high on her Love Card (some kind of mental score card where one party notes various acts of love or affection). So, if
a mad guy or a player or a freak knows a lady’s (or a guy’s) Love Language, it
will not be so hard for them to win them over.
And the same goes for the lady to her man – she will score exorbitantly on his Love Card whenever she does those things (after understanding him) that really make him feel appreciated. This also explains why any lady can turn a man’s heart upside down – just by knowing his Love Language and expressing it. The exchange of these two acts of Communicating the Love Language to one another is what makes people start saying, “I think I’m falling in love…” Yeah, it is that simple. Falling in love is a simple as breathing I guess. It ain't rocket science. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, at anytime and with anyone… It is not that mysterious… Love comes softly, dude/dudette!
Now you get it, right?
And the same goes for the lady to her man – she will score exorbitantly on his Love Card whenever she does those things (after understanding him) that really make him feel appreciated. This also explains why any lady can turn a man’s heart upside down – just by knowing his Love Language and expressing it. The exchange of these two acts of Communicating the Love Language to one another is what makes people start saying, “I think I’m falling in love…” Yeah, it is that simple. Falling in love is a simple as breathing I guess. It ain't rocket science. It can happen to anyone, anywhere, at anytime and with anyone… It is not that mysterious… Love comes softly, dude/dudette!
Now you get it, right?
To
help you just a little bit, here are some general love language actions from
both men and women (and I will only address those shared by the unmarried).
Wait until I’m married to post the rest… (hehehe!);
About the guys
- They love food (hehe… this should be true, I think)
- They love their ego to be boosted with a few, “You are the guy”, or “You can do it” or “I am confident in you”, or “You make me feel secure”, or “You did that well”, or “Thank you” kind-of words – always spoken in tone that shows they are from your heart. And he should not be reminding you to say them – Eiiiiiiish!
- They love to be in control. Say it, show them that they are in control – never try to directly rule over a man – give him his space. Men love space.
- Support him – identify what he loves doing and support him if you can. Ask him about how’s doing at work, about ministry, about mum and dad and his family (hajakuoa bado lakini it is good enough) – show some concern and care laaady! And with some action too… Empty words are just empty words – that’s what they really are… empty words…
- Don’t be a nag. All guys in the world hate nagging. We hate being pestered for the same thing over and over again as if we didn’t hear it in the beginning – ndo huwa tunahepa na ku-disappear. If he said he will do something, give him time, ask him later and leave it to him. A secret – all men have a ‘to do list’ of priority things to be done – yours is just somewhere on that list, and it may not be for today gal…
- Guys are not angels or prophets to read ladies’ minds. In fact, ladies are so bad at that. We all are really bad at guessing. B e straight forward, We all hate to many details somehow so speak before we lose concentration…
- Respect him.
- Listen to him. Understand him… just know your guy… Eiiiiiish!
About the ladies
- They eat words (although some really love food)… So guys, give them enough words to feed on. Spill over words of love and adoration. I mean, you saved guys really need to improve your vocabulary to meet the lady world before they all disappear into the world of the unsaved…
- All ladies love humor. One joke in a while won’t harm. Enda utafute hata za Churchill Live! Lakini si bora ziwe jokes, huh? Hehe… Achana na sura ya kazi all the time mtu nguaz!
- Most of them love gifts. I have not met many who don’t. So stop being stingy and become a lil bit philanthropic for the sake of it… any gift will do I guess. Learn if she loves it expensive or just any… Take her out if it is her thing…
- Tell them you love them. Gheee! This one is a bit tough *Hiding* Please don’t kill me guys… but they love hearing it from your lips..
- Appreciate her, congratulate her, be kind to her… this list of things is endless oh dude! Just learn that she loves being treated with respect and tenderness… like a dove
- Allow her to be right sometimes. Most ladies just love being right… hehe! Someone told me that sometimes it is over nothing really – it is just a spell they have…
- Include her in your decision making. Don’t be this dictator who commands everything and hides everything… Gheee!
- Text her, call her in the course of the day. Tell her good night. Those acts that make you feel wimpy are the very ones that will score you so much on her Love Card…
Please
after reading this, and after all is said and done, don’t call me an expert in relationship matters or some kind-of perfect guy. Ooooooops! Nope. I wish you
knew how messed up I am! But remember that as I am inspired to write, I am also
learning… So, I say, go fall in love (or go better your relationship) because
someone out there understands just how you love things to be expressed or communicated to you!
Sincerely,
Morris.
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