A Man Needs Space

A man is just a man. It doesn't matter why, where, when or how. It doesn't have to. He is just a man. Yeah, whether saved or secular, there are things that a NORMAL man will do. First, because he is a man, and second, because he's not a boy anymore. A man will always do that. It is normal. It is known. He will always enter into some sort of "silent mode". For a while. Or for forever. He may or may not have a "good" reason for it, but he'll do it anyway. He is a man. That's the reason why. He is a man.

A man will be indifferent sometimes. It is normal. It is also known. A man will always "throw" silence into the relationships in his life. Always. It doesn't matter which one. It doesn't have to. Not everything has a reason. A good reason. Not everything has a good reason. No? Okay, here's a lame test: Why do you sleep, huh? You think it's because you want to sleep, huh? Do you sleep whenever you want to sleep? Okay, woreva. Here's another one: why do you wake up everyday? Do you think it's because you want to wake up? EVERY morning? Come on, you know very well that you sometimes do things not because you want  to do them, but because you have to do them. So in the same regard, whether in marriage or in a premarital relationship - that never makes the difference - a man will once in a while run into himself and disappear. Just like that. He'll disappear into himself. And he will not want you to search for him. He will demand that you don't search for him. He will be silent. As silent as silence itself. You'll be wasting your energies and time to search for him and argue that he SHOULD talk. He won't. Okay, he may. But he would not want to. Yes, it is normal. He will always need some space. There'll be some abnormal silence which when asked, he will call "space". Throw stones at him or do whatever you wish, he'll still demand space.

Obviously, you will wonder why he is doing that. You may curse. Curse him. Or maybe throw tantrums. You may throw them as yo momma taught you how. And call him things. Names. Or blow yourself around breathing heavily down his throat with your round nostrils. You may give him a nasty look implying things like "screw you!" in screaming mode. You may do THINGS to irritate him. He'll be unapologetic. Okay. He may be unapologetic. Still be sure he will neither be wavered by your round nostrils nor your tigeress bulwark. He'll still need space. His space.

Be sure that when it comes to needing space, a man kills his emotions and becomes an object of self aggrandizement. He will have it anyway. He'll have it his way. All he needs at such a time is space. Space. The issue is: why?

Yoh ladies, as far as I know, it is never pre-planned. Okay, sometimes it is, but it is mostly impulsive. I think. I think a man needs space in his relationships out of the blues. Or we should maybe say that it is not out of the blues but out of the blacks. Blacks? Yeah, blanks. No, blancks. There seems to be blancks. Blancks. Blacnks. Blancks and blancks as huge as an elephant. Woreva mun...

Men are unfair, huh? They don't care, right? Maybe. Maybe not. The faster they are given space, the better...

There is a lady friend of mine who fails to understand this. This "space" thing. Gal (and to many other ladies out there, and err, to guys who don't even know themselves ;)) I will help you understand above 90% of "why" a man needs space. Read on.

So what is "space" anyway?

I don't know. I don't have to, do I? However, there's one thing I know: every man has his own definition of "space". Some just need the kawaida space you know. They just need s-p-a-c-e. Get it? To some, it's some distance between the two of you - some kind of separation where everyone minds their own business and does their thang their own way... Some call a time of reflection and self-examination space. Some actually use the word "space" when they're breaking up with you. They are that kind that is so cowardly that they won't say what they really want. Some use the word "space" to escape relationship responsibilities. They are the cunning type. Playas. Some don't even have an idea of what that is all about. They exist in douchery.

But hey me lady, the best way to know what that man really means by demanding "space" is to ask him. No one knows it better than he does... It is hard, but you have to. Get a way to work it around...

To cut the long story short (shame on me for using that as an excuse), here are some reasons as to "why" he may be needing that space; 

1. You nag a lot, so he needs a break. He needs a break from your nagging. He needs some "breathing space." Fact: ALL men HATE nagging women. Get that right ladies!!

2. You are obsessed with him, so he wants you to learn to be independent. He actually cares that you should learn to run your life alone without him being involved. He wants you to grow up. Which is good. No?

3. He has issues he is dealing with and you may not help in solving them. He feels that instead of you helping him to solve those issues, you may escalate their effect on YOUR relationship; so he needs a break to sort them out by himself. He's being mean, yeah, but look gal, he cares. A lot.

4. You are not supporting him. You are not playing your role in the relationship. He now feels that by giving you space, you will grow up into playing your role in the relationship. And he may be right. Or he may not be. Whichever way, he thinks you need to play your role in the relationship. He wants it to move into the next level, therefore he thinks that "space" is the BEST OPTION.

5. He just needs "me time". He needs a time of reflection and close scrutiny of self. He thinks that being alone will help him build build up himself. Let him be. He may come back a better man. Or a more weird one. It all depends.

6. He has a side flick. Yeah, he may be having another gal. You are becoming irrelevant to him. There are reasons. Reasons you can't understand. Reasons you have never wanted to understand. Reasons he thinks you can't understand. He has chosen to quit. Silently. To leave you for another one. It is sad, but it is the truth. He needs "space" so that he may run into another one's arms... Sad ending.

7. He feels that you can't handle his world. He has become too complicated to/for you, and you, too complicated to/for him. So he has chosen to freeze the complications by staying away from you. He may come back. Maybe he won't. Love and a deep friendship between the two of you will determine that. It all depends.

"Space" is a relationship complication. It may be the main reason why most ladies' Facebook relationship statuses read "it's complicated". "Space" is a natural occurrence to a man, don't judge him for it. "Space" is both good and bad, but you need to tap into the good side of it... "Space" may somehow eat into Machiavelli's rule: "the end justifies the means...", and support it, which ends up being a lovehatric moment for both parties in the relationship.

But one can solve, ease or deal with the issue of "space" by doing a few things;

1. Understand why he really needs space. Are you the cause, or is it caused by an external thing. Discern. Understand first. Don't make assumptions. Ask questions. 

2. Work towards eliminating the cause. Show him that you care. Boost his confidence in you by meeting his needs (sex excluded if you are still single) and creating "a link point" with him. Men need a point of connection with you. Once you break it, "spaces" start configuring themselves into your relationship. Fill up those "spaces" before they grow wider...

3. Don't argue him out at that moment when he is demanding space. Take time to address the issue amicably and in convenient time. Use wisdom. A wise woman knows how to get around her man's heart. That's how powerful women are - remember Esther in the Bible? Yeah.

4. Give him space. Yeah, sometimes it is just good enough to give it to him. It is normal. Why? Because he is a MAN.

I hope that helps. ;)

Good day/night guys!

Bonface Morris.