Just for Laughs: My Exclusive #MwanaumeNi & #MwanamkeNi Lines

Guys, I digressed. The blog post I had started writing two days ago just disappeared. Yeah, it DID disappear. How? Oh well, I don't know... I'm having memory lapses of late, some kind of schizophrenic ish ish... hah! Blame me already. Anyway, I'll take your cussing as a compliment...

And by the way, just because I love writing, it doesn't mean that I have to go to bed at 4.00am just to meet my self-imposed date-lines, ama? Naaaah. I don't think so. And remember that I'm just a Kenyan. I'm part of this breed that has perfected the act of apologizing and moving on. So, let me do just that: I'm sorry if you checked in expecting a new post but found nothing. Am I now forgiven?

Let's move on...

Now, because I feel yippeeish today, Imma do this blog post "just for laughs." Yes, you gat me right: just for laughs.
It is good to laugh sometimes, mostly when you are alone and for no good reason. It may sound stupid, but it is always self-relieving. Try it sometime: the more you laugh at nothing at all, is the more you'll laugh at yourself for being so stupid that you laugh at "nothing at all..."
And it will go on and on: "Did I just laugh at nothing?", you'll look around and ask yourself, then after looking around one more time and realizing that no-one is watching or listening in, you'll give yourself another blaaaaast of laughter until your stomach will hurt or until you knock down your cup of coffee... that's when you'll stop and smile, and say something like, "Oh my God! This is oooooooooooowesome!"
Yeah, that's how relieving laughter can be...

Laughter is the only world where the one living in it understands and enjoys it better than those who are not - Bonface Morris

So, below is my own list of #MwanaumeNi and #MwanamkeNi lines that may (because they don't really have to) put a smile on your face;
Wacha tuanze na #MwanaumeNi (juu yenyewe wanaume tuko na mashida, haha);

1. #MwanaumeNi kusema, "Hata jana nililala njaa" fiancée wake akiulizia dough ndo huyo fiancée amuhurumie na kumuuliza "Babez, can I lend you 1k? Will that do for now?" Kisha msee ana.nod kichwa kwa huruma na kuchukua hiyo ngiri moja, kuikunja srowry na kukaa mbele mbele... :-)
2. #MwanaumeNi kuweka photo ya ndai kali Facebook (kama ile yangu ya fb, lol) kama cover photo ndo wasee wadhanie uko na vision, kumbe hata hujui kuendesha bike. :O
3. #MwanaumeNi kushinda ume.wave mkono kwa hewa kama flag huku uki.smile yako yote ndo dem akikuuliza unasema, "Babez, I'm painting your world with love!"
4. #MwanaumeNi kutumia tu light ya TV akifika home ndo landlord asijue ako home aanze kumdai dough ya rent.
5. #MwanaumeNi kukaa chini katikati ya barabara ndo ashikwe na kanjo aende akae kwa cell the whole day kama strategy ya kuhepa kwenda job - kuna msee angemtafuta huko job amdai dough.
6. #MwanaumeNi kukunywa maji ile ya 20bob for lunch ati kuenjoy wasee ako on diet "as advised by his personal doctor."
7. #MwanaumeNi kulialia ovyo ovyo mbele ya dem ndo akiulizwa anasema, "Nalilia watenda dhambi" kisha kusema, "I am one of those emotional men..." kumbe ni njaro ya ku.avoid kuulizwaulizwa tumaswali.
8. #MwanaumeNi kuambia fiancée, "Yoh, ile siku nitaosa, utajionea tu msupa, tutaishia, er, unadhani which is the coolest place around...?" juu anajitetea vile ni.mstingy.
9. #MwanaumeNi kuweka gazeti kwa choo (ndio tissue paper yako) lakini akiulizwa anaenjoy mtu na kusema, "Aaaaah, tissue yangu iliisha jana, sijapata time ya kubuy ingine, er, hiyo gazeti huwa tu ni ya kusoma time niko hiyo 'throne room'"... haha
10. #MwanaumeNi kuwahi dem flower moja ya kutoka kwa garden on Valentines Day (juu amesota mbaya!) ndo akiulizwa na dem anasema, "Huh! Napenda vitu natural bana. Artificial things are sooo old school yoh!"
11. #MwanaumeNi kununua kabambe, story za tablets achia wagonjwa.
12. #MwanaumeNi kutopeleka mrembo anywhere, story za kupelekwa "out" achia ng'ombe na goats.
13. #MwanaumeNi ku.sip soda kama uji, story za kukunywa na straw achia wasee wa #Tujuane.
14. #MwanaumeNi ni kukosa jina, just ulizia Nameless atakushow vile kunaendaga.

Na some za #MwanamkeNi ndo hizi hapa;

1. #MwanamkeNi kuvaa slippers akiishia mtaani ndo maboys wasimkatie juu ya ya ushamba
2. #MwanamkeNi kusema "aki woishee nimeshiba, sijisikii kula, but si utanipa tu dough...?" kila akipelekwa date ndo akusanye hiyo ngiri moja per every two weeks
3. #MwanamkeNi kuweka ile weave ya kamfuko juu ya kichwa ili imwokolee ma.time ya kuhustle - acting kama place ya kuweka vitu kama eraser na for easy access ya kuweka change ya vitu ka bob bob hivi.
4. #MwanamkeNi kukaa tu ndee ili akiulizwa anajitetea na Scripture: "Mimi ni helper! Hata Bible inasema!" Seriously?
5. #MwanamkeNi (wale wamemarika na wako na watoi) kushinda ameshika mtoi ndo asifanye anything kwa hao... akiulizwa anadaisha ati "mtoto anasumbua, anataka tu kushikwa", while ukweli ni kimtoto chenyewe kimeshalala kitaaaaambo!
6. #MwanamkeNi kukuwa scandal-less,  story za mascandal achia Olivia Pope.
7. #MwanamkeNi kukula fries, tena bila soda au juo, story za "I don't do fries" achia akina Edah na Mirfat.

Hah! One thing I request of you though: don't ask me about the above, priss... :-)


Bonface Morris.