This Is What I Miss

I miss the many days in the past

When I would trip and hobble in the alleys of life
Without being scared of black cats and stray dogs

When laughter was still laughter and the blemish of lips had not been birthed

When oysters still lived on the land and we all played with seashells

And would jump about in oblivion and unlimited bliss

And walking on the beach that was life was such a clueless task

For the moon strolled clumsily in the night, and the sun called in the day beautifully

And I would wake up and care less about the next day…

I miss the days of being young, young and a child

When candy still cost a penny, and I wore Reeboks, yes, my tiny Reeboks

I miss my favourite shorts – I still remember them – all green and sundry

Shorts that I wore and imagined that I was in the marine

And we would play hide-and-seek with “guns” and get tired and run home for lunch

I miss wearing my favourite T-shirt – I still remember it – stripped and all

And my mom yelling at me for wearing these three in a row

And hiding them, and me getting them, and me wearing them again, until they tore…

I miss wonder, and mystery, and rolls of thunder in the rainy season

I miss thinking that the clouds in the coming storm were an indication of the  end of the world

I miss staring at those clouds, scared, but being held by hand by my dad

And him telling me, “Come on, it is just the rains, senior…”

I miss that nickname too (Senior)

I miss walking to church with my siblings, hand in hand

While at the back of my mind knowing that I am all worriless and safe

I miss the stories we told, the nicknames we gave people, the sunny days and the rainy ones

I miss our family stories that no one could understand but only us

I miss having pride in the fact that we had nicknames for all our family friends…

I miss missing my mom and we waiting into the depths of the night,

Waiting with my siblings for her to come back home – with stuff from the other country

I miss crying out to her, telling her I missed her

I miss the feeling of hearing her voice, and the tenderness, and the shoots of peace

I miss so many things…

I miss the jokes we made about everything

I miss the strolls of my teenage days – with my sisters

Damn, I miss those memories, and the taste of a laughing family

I miss those days when they would tell me nothing of their kids and husbands as they do today

When all we could do is cook, eat, listen to music and call it a day

I miss their old selves when they were still who they were

I miss their innocence and lack of busyness

I miss our little fights, and the lovehatric moments, and laughter

O, how I miss those days!

I miss the days of lilies, lilies in their frailty

And smiles that were not forced, and sincerity and that was not charmed

The days when fires brought warmth and not froth nor pain

And colors were defined in the lives of men because such lives were not practiced,

And life-skies that were neither gloomy nor disturbed,

I miss the tranquil life and the way time hovered around us so beautifully

And how everybody cared, and how everyone felt cared for…

But I never wish that they would come back

I never wish that the tiniest of those sweet moments would resurrect

I only wish that I would create more, that God would create more for us

And teach us to number our days

And to enjoy the now, and the then He gives us -

To enjoy it so much that we’ll write about it when we are old enough to write about such things…

I do love the memories, but my present is not buried in them

And now all I miss is a people who know that today is more of a gift than yesterday

And that we can only make a better tomorrow today…

Yes, for now, this is what I miss.

Bonface Morris.

"Boom!"

"She is too preoccupied with nonsense! She says that she is busy? Busy my foot! She even doesn't seem interested in solving anything, but keeps on giving excuses as to why we can't talk about this right now. I needed this to be solved kinda yesterday, but she is just so... Muh! It is like no one was wronged in the first place. I think she cares less about how I feel or the condition of this relationship..." fumed *Arm.

"What? Did he just say that? I don't like his approach on conflict resolution. He is too hasty. Can't I just have some "me time" to think about issues before tackling them? He is already drawing conclusions about me and how I feel about us without even getting my side of the story. Is that how he REALLY feels about me? Why is he treating me this way? What has become of him? Why is he so different from the man I met a few years ago?" ranted *Betty.

Boom! came the hulls. I was caught on the edge there, in the middle of crossfire (or bombfire?). I stared. I stared for a very long time. I stared into my own self before saying anything, that is, if I had to be saying anything at all. I mean, what was I to say? Huh? I am not that bombproof, or am I?
Listening to both sides of a story, and to ramp in some kind of stammered colloquium, a relationship story, gives you some kind of plastic chance of getting around it. However, no matter how volatile my evens were becoming after staring into myself, I think that it is always better that way (to listen to two "unsyncing" halves of a story) than dealing with "half the information." A half of anything, I have been told several times and in different contexts, is never enough...

What *Arm and *Betty have is typical of a modern love relationship... One with its own unique twists and turns, rights and wrongs, and strings and bows... One full of people throwing grenades and shooting from all sides... Throwing and shooting things you would never imagine they would... Just a typical love relationship... Just one normal, modern relationship.

But first, let me help you understand these two (Arm and Betty);

Arm is in his late twenties. A saved young man that loves the Lord, but one who just can't take any "douchy stuff" from anyone - not even from his lovely girlfriend.
You got me right, he is one guy who doesn't bow to weakness. That's his tale and his fate, and he is proud of it. After knowing him for a while, I should say that he is a gentleman in his own right. He met her (Betty) some few years ago and the two have a story I can't go into today. What is important is that they DID meet, and they now DO have a story - a biiiiig story.

*Betty on the other hand is one lady who leaves a mark wherever she goes. She has this countenance, well,
she carries this countenance that you don't find in every lady around. She rubs it on you when you meet her. You get it, right? When a LADY rubs her countenance on you? A great lady-like countenance? Yeah, that one.
I can say she undoubtedly fits in a group of ladies I call "proverbial", as in, worthy to be written and talked about... I only know very few ladies who belong there...
Betty just hit 24 the other month, and she is unashamedly saved and as charming as ever. Well, don't ask me how I know her age, because it is none of your business... It'll be like asking a hen why it lays eggs - it has no clue why...

Anyway, I've known her for a while, and not just knowing, as in "know", but I've known her long enough to tell Arm a thing or two about her: that she too doesn't feed on nonsense. She loves the Lord yeah, but she doesn't tolerate crap. So if Arm is to get glued to her, he really needs to know her game and how she plays it: it is either she owns the game or she doesn't play it at all. It's that simple.

Now that I was caught in their crossfire (or bombfire to suit this case), I had to know that I was dealing with a very delicate issue of reconciling two people I have been, and I am still very proud of. People I believe in. People I behold as changers of this generation as far as Christianity, love, relationships and marriage are concerned. People who are my role models and my friends too...
It came to me at that moment that the toughest part of friendship is trying to advice your mentor. O, there is nothing as tough as that! Guiding your teacher is like instructing God. I mean, where do you start? Where are you supposed to begin? How do you tell someone who's taught you about right and wrong that, "Man this is right, and er, that is wrong?" Tough. Really tough.
But here I was caught in telling them stuff like this;

1. Seriously guys, I was not expecting this from you. How did it come to all this? You tearing yourselves apart? Really? Is that all you can do?
2. So now I am supposed to teach you how to love one another? Me? Teaching you guys? Hah! This is a joke. Just get over it meeeeen!
3. You are my role models, guys! My role models when it comes to things to do with salvation, living upright and relationships. As in, what will I tell other guys about sticking to each other through thick and thin in relationships? Huh? Who will I point them to? Come on!

And so forth and so on...
But after shockwaving through my mind and all the pieces of "sound wisdom" I have acquired over time, I decided to do otherwise. I came to understand something: no one, yes, no one in a relationship anywhere on this earth is ever able to fully agree with their partner kinda 100 out of a 100 times they mingle. We are all going to disagree somewhere. We are all going to fail and betray our own values, the very ones we advocate for everyday. And after that has happened, things are gonna fall apart, so that we may learn the best way to pick up the pieces: to learn how to pick them up beforehand. Yes, it's gonna be "boom, here goes the blast!" at some point, but, but we need to work it around. Those friends closest to us should motivate us into bringing the pieces together...
They can do it in various ways, including understanding that;

1. Everyone is vulnerable to a fall (or a failure) no matter how strongly founded their lives are (both in Christianity and in other things in life.) Being dismissive of their failures without offering help is stupid. We need to help. We need to help because this is our Christian call. From whatever angle the "boom!" may come, we still need to help.
2. Everybody needs mentoring at some point, no matter how many people have been admonished by their instruction. Everyone is a child at some point and they at that moment, just need to be treated as kids for them to coil around and "get" the applicability of the truths they have been teaching to people for ages. The "strong" need guidance and direction too!
3. Everyone needs prayer, and as Hillsong sings, "Everyone needs compassion...", everyone, and mostly, these "strong and wise people" we see (including myself, your leader and your Pastor), need our direction in the very things they already know. They need our support. They are not know-it-alls. It is we who think that it is always alright with them, but you know what? We are mostly wrong. They need us so much at some point.
4. The tiniest of things are the ones that break the greatest of relationships. Nothing should be left pending as far as disagreement is concerned. I betcha, nothing. So, a friend should tell a friend, and tell a friend to tell a friend that nothing, yes, nothing should be left hanging as far as unity in relationships is concerned. If one is grieved, both should be concerned. If one is glad, both should be elevated.

So what did I tell Arm and Betty? My two friends? I told them all there is to be told that makes sense as far as their relationship was concerned... I told them... Oh well, let's talk about this some other day...

*The names used in this blog (*Arm and *Betty) do not belong to any specific or known person(s), but if they do, let's bless that animal called coincidence. :-)

Side note: This is an excerpt from my Christian fiction book you'll know about soon... and "soon", my dearest friends, can be ages... :-)

Bonface Morris.

Integrity 101

There are a few things I have learned as an upcoming writer (or whatever title you may want to give me or have already given me) that I always think are important to note before making you want to read a post like this one;

1. I may not always write what I want but wherever my pen leads me, I obediently follow - FYI, this is the crunch of all kinds of writing.
2. There is no universally acceptable truth, but if I have to say anything [at all], it must be truth; and in such a case, this truth I write, this absolute truth, is still truth whether it is acceptable or not.
3. You are not subject to my opinion of "things" nor to my piece of "unkempt advice" but to the truth thereof, if there be, of God.

Now, because I want to go straight to the point, there are are a few things I've noted of late, things about integrity, things interesting enough to summarize in the next few lines.
These lines represent my views on how to build personal integrity.
First things first though: www.thefreedictionary.com defines integrity as "a steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code" or "the state of being unimpaired; soundness" or "the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness."
Well, because I know that this virtue (integrity) applies to everyone worthy his/her salt, it is of considerable importance to consider the following;

1. Learning to obey authority (any authority in place) even when you think yourself better than that authority leaves you on the better side even at moments when you are inclined to criticize such authority. Integrity uses wisdom while delivering a critique, not strife.
2. Consistency is greater than passion. You can never be passionate enough without being consistent. Learn to be consistent and everyone will paint you as passionate.
3. Integrity has never been the measure of what we have but who we are to God and to men. Integrity does not belong to an individual but to the masses.
4. Words and actions add up to something. They add up to who WE KNOW you are. They accompany your integrity wherever you go.
5. It is humiliating and humbling to do the least of tasks and love the most lowly people, but that is where the mark of greatness belongs.
6. You can't please everyone. You should not impress everybody. All great people have that as an anthem they sing all day long.
7. There is no perfect leadership under the sky. You earn integrity by appreciating who your leaders are and praying for them, but not by ridiculing them - no matter how bad or weird they may be.
8. Stop making gods out of people. Flesh and blood is not worthy the salt of your utmost reverence. Integrity learns to avoid the path of the praises of men. It knows of its honey and its hyssop.
9. The way we value and serve the people around us determines their level of respect and service towards us, and if we'll impart something into their lives or not. Integrity is the measure of our relationships, their relevance and their quality.
10. You are not the ultimate, God is. Stop wanting people to accept all you say and do because that is the place of God. Integrity is accepting that people all over the world see things differently (like I'm going to do after you've read this), getting used to it and moving on.
11. Your identity, if it has anything good hidden in it, has nothing to do with your level of education, where you work, how much you earn, your wealth or your family background. It has everything to do with where you belong in the hearts of men and in the face of God.
12. You attract people more with your smile and your heart. Such beauty is imperishable.
13. Comparing yourself to everyone else around you only leaves you miserable and ungrateful. Integrity is built on contentment and hopefulness, but not on conceit and envy.
14. Listen more. Understand a little more. Be the child as far as instruction is concerned.
15. The most honored person is that one who has learned obedience and adherence to a law, and even better, to an enduring/undying law.
16. Do what you gotta do; if it is right, the better.
17. Spiritual integrity has no share in knowing too much Scripture but in being the doer. Greater is the man who has known one law and follows it than the other who knows ten that are only served through his mouth and mind.
18. Abstinence from sex and setting standards before marriage may not be fashionable nor sell well with 90% of the modern world, but it accounts for above 50% of our integrity as young people.
19. Being sorry for your bad actions, being faithful and honest and speaking the truth may not sell well today but they make you someone we can trust.
20. Integrity learns that nothing is made perfect without the power of many mistakes.
21. Integrity discusses issues and addresses complaints. It does not pretend that everything is okay when it is not.

There you have it.

I hope that you are, just like I am, working on achieving your best, and will never give up until you are there...

Bonface Morris.