She has
prayed for so long for a boyfriend. She has waited, created mind pictures of
him, fantasized... and longed for so long for that day to come... In fact,
she can clearly remember – even deep in her sleep - the last time she had a
boyfriend: she has never had any.
She was almost giving up... giving up on love and these #RelationshipTingz,
until she met him: tall but not so
tall, toned down with every muscle in the right place. She turned her head, looked over and saw him.
She looked again. She never looks twice. But this day, she did…
His name
is Adrian. She knows where he stays. She knows all his friends. Yeah, she can
even tell just how sad or happy he was on July 16, 2011 – hah - and how he was
dressed. She can also tell just how much he talked on that day. What? July 16,
2011? What's so special about July 16, 2011 anyway? Actually, nothing specific.
It was just another day. A day just like any other day. But to her, it was
special. It was the day she laid her eyes on him... Since then, she has never
looked back.
I’ll tell
you the story she told me, yes, my friend does
tell stories…
She had
gone to pick up a movie or two from her movie guy across the street, after
which she had planned to pass through the mall and get back home after an hour
or so.
It was 2pm, Saturday, 16th July, 2011. A hot afternoon, but as it is natural and common on this side of the world at such a time of the year, it was indicative of prevailing showers of rain in the evening – a deceptive camouflage of nature, so to say.
It was 2pm, Saturday, 16th July, 2011. A hot afternoon, but as it is natural and common on this side of the world at such a time of the year, it was indicative of prevailing showers of rain in the evening – a deceptive camouflage of nature, so to say.
She was
prepared to run through town really
first before heading back home then to church. So she moved by the road, up the
streets, via the Mama mboga, past the
barber shop, through the back street, across the petrol station, again through
the street… absent-mindedly waving her thoughts to-and-fro as it is typical of
most her Saturdays…
But just
before she crossed over to the mall, he happened. He did happen. 16th July, 2011. Saturday. He happened.
She almost fell down. The dude was exactly angelic. Exactly. His countenance, his demeanor, his smile, his dressing code, the way he moved his hand and fingers, the way he stared and glanced, the excitement in his eyes… oh my, she was smitten!! He was with one of her friends. Just a common friendship so to say... She wanted to greet her friend and by excuse say hi! to him. She wanted to, but never found enough strength to do so. She actually never did say hi!
Since
that day – Saturday, July 16, 2011 - she has always anticipated their next
meeting. She dresses her best, does her hair, trims and does her nails, borrows
her friend's shoes and phone... because she wants to smite him this time. But the moment he is in the room, he
never seems to notice her. It is like she doesn't exist. To him, she does not.
Her name
is Annabelle. Annabelle never seems to exist in the eyes of Adrian.
*********************************
He
(Adrian), on the other hand, is a hundred miles hushed and travelling in his
own tough relationship world. He has this girl he met way back in 2012 –
December 2012 to be precise - that he just has never gotten over. Oh well, they
say guys don’t bend easily. They do say so. It may be true, or it may not be.
But deep within him, he knows that it is impossible that she did not melt a big
chunk of his heart. Every time he sees her, it seems like he gets lost. Somehow.
Here is
his story;
It was in
December, 2012. He had gone to visit his brother who lives in the East and
therefore he was extremely excited about a change of environment and stuff. So here
he was, stolen by the proximity of a new environment and the endless
possibility of adventure. On that day – he says – he was dressed in print
shorts with a casual short-sleeved white shirt and his feet, he was wearing branded
African leather open shoes. He was on a mountain bike heading, er, nowhere
actually. He was just on his routine spontaneous rides. He had just turned the
second corner, stopped and was now resting for a while with his left feet on
the pedal and the right one on the ground, before thinking of cycling on to the
other side of the road. As he looked up from where he was, while wiping the
sweat off his face, he spotted her. His heart stopped, er, it skipped (his words, not mine…). He was blanked.
Her name
is Trizah. She was amazing. Fragile. Heavenly. Beautiful. Breathtaking. She was
like no woman he had ever seen. He felt so drawn to her. But how was he going
to make it in (at least) making her his
friend in this short period of time
he was at his brother’s? 2 weeks. “Arrrgghh! 2 weeks!?” He thought deep within
himself how much good agony she had brought to his heart. So he said hi!
She did reply. But shyly and in a manner
full of lack of interest – like he was a nuisance to her existence or something
like that. He ignored this as lack of familiarity and he thoughtfully went on
his way.
Back at
home, while on his bed meditating on the activities of the day, that is when he
realized that a spell had been cast, and that he was now caught in a love net
he was not willing to draw himself out from – he was attracted to a girl he
knew not.
The
following two weeks marked a period of his despair - a period when he made all
the efforts in his social books to get to make her his friend but he realized
that she can never be into him in the
same way he is into her… His name is Adrian.
**********************************
Days have
gone by and now here are Adrian and Annabelle. Anabelle daily wishes and prays
so hard (to her Lord) that Adrian will notice her, while Adrian still struggles
with the denial he met in the East from that lady called Trizah.
Annabelle
wonders: “But why? I guess I am more beautiful than that chiq he's obsessed with, right? I guess I am more endowed in all
things than she is… I am saved like he is. I serve the Lord, bla bla bla…" Of late, Annabelle has put in more effort in
drawing closer to him: she has learnt his hobbies so that she can do the stuff he
does and let him notice her, she has befriended his friends and known most of
them in a greater way, she has called herself something else on Facebook,
Instagram and Twitter and befriended him, she has stalked him endlessly, she
has his WhatsApp… she has already put to work all the written things in the
book of How To Get Him Interested but
Adrian just never seems to notice her…
Oh well, one day he did – but all that moment earned her
was a smile and a disguised date that never happened… He leaves her devastated.
Adrian
wonders too: “Am I not tall enough for her? Ladies love tall guys, right? (His words, not mine) Is it my
personality she doesn’t like? Am I too childish? Does my face betray my
maturity? Am I not good enough for her? Do I joke or talk too much? Maybe it is
my voice, right? And so forth and so on...” These questions surge endlessly
through his mind. They stir him to wondering why he is being denied a simple
relationship with a girl who overturned his world. He thinks that he can never
fall for another lady the way he did with this one…
Yeah it
was attraction at first sight, but after stalking her for a while (yeah, he does stalk her from time to time as
escalated by his visits to his brother’s place which have become as monotonous
as the rising and setting of the sun… and in these escapades, he manages to
know a few things about her; that her name is Trizah, and that she is cooooooool like that – just what he
wanted in a lady… he even has her
WhatsApp (oh my!) but it now seems that her chatting tendencies are like drops
of rain in the Sahara…) and talking her over, he has decided that fate (yes, he
thinks that it is fate) has denied him his place in her heart.
***********************************
And this
cycle between Annabelle, Adrian and Trizah continues. It goes on forever. It goes
on forever because Adrian says that Annabelle is not his type and that there is no way he can ever fall in love with her;
although he appreciates that she is a good lady who deserves another man – just
not him! Annabelle on the other side thinks he is the perfect guy dropped down
from the Heaven of God just for her but one who
keeps treating gold as trash... Again, Trizah does not think Adrian is her
type. She thinks he deserves better (yeah, that is what she always tells him on
the few occasions she manages to reply to his messages) which is something
Adrian is always perplexed at because according to him, she is his best!!
I chose
to call this cycle a clash of types. It
is where love, affection, interests and so on are not reciprocated in the way
the giver was expecting or deserves. It is where one person suffers that blunt
of not being loved back or being cared for the way they deserve. It is where
people struggle to love and care for the other who loves them too much. It is
where people lie about so many things in order to make the other feel good
about themselves and the relationships yet all they are telling are lies (God forbid). It is where she is interested, while he is not; because he
is into another who is not. It is called a clash of types.
Can we
ever solve a clash of types to
make impossible relationships work? Maybe. Maybe not. I propose the following
(which I will expound on later in another blog titled “So You Want Him/Her to Be Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend…?”) as ways on
trying to solve a clash of types;
- Get over it and move on
- Play your cool, you still have a chance
- Study their game and become their type – the art of
the love language and love through suggestion
- Have a life – stop being predictable and boring
- Get your type to whom you are their type.
See you next time.
Bonface Morris.
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