You've probably read on most people's Facebook bio under relationship status (I guess it is only Facebook that is really interested in our relationship statuses) that "IT'S COMPLICATED".
I for once wanted to do the same: say that relationships are complicated... Oh, in fact, I wrote a blog post on it to support that notion sometimes back. Read it here.
The funny thing is that, no, relationships are actually not that complicated. I've realized that we are the ones that complicate them.
I'll pass you through why I think so. And I probably will manage to convince you on why you should change your Facebook relationship status to I-think-I've-been-stupid-in-relationships-and-it's-all-my-fault...
I think most of the challenges and complications we meet in our relationships are bred, fed and nurtured by us.
Take for instance a lady that decides to be the incessant/all-time "bread winner" in a relationship from the word go. She thinks it is okay to "take care of the love of her life" in such a way and therefore tolerates buying her sweetheart stuff, helping pay his rent, paying his bills, bailing him out when people are on his neck hunting him down for their money e.t.c.. The thing is that she is not looking beyond...
So, by the time the future comes (even the near future), what do you expect her to post on social media after she realizes that she has been being used? She'll tell us how "complicated men in the millennia are", while sincerely, it was her own fault to ignite the car without looking keenly at the fuel gauge.
Another example is when a guy decides to overlook the bad manners of his lazy and money-loving girlfriend.
This is how it goes: he knows that she's doing nothing to positively serve herself and the people around her but he ignores it all. She has told him before (several times actually) stuff like this: "Honey," she says, "...you know what? I can't wake up before 9am. And if they tell me to do any house chores at home, I always pretend that I'm not feeling well. Also, I never stop watching a TV Show until it's into its season finale. I can watch a great TV Series for a whole day without blinking. Honey, I think we'll just be buying food when we get married, right? Because I abhor cooking. My brother irons my clothing... My mom does the laundry... My dad ensures I look good..." And she goes on and on.
What is the guy not hearing? He is overlooking his girlfriend's laziness and hedonism. And when the going will go tough (and it sure will), he'll start blaming all the women in the world for the very things they've never done.
Do you now get me? Our complicated relationships are our own fault. True story.
So, what are those things we do that complicate our relationships with or without knowing it (at least by 90%)?
Here's a list of some those things:
Here's a list of some those things:
1) We overlook the small mistakes and wrongs we hear from and see in our girlfriends or boyfriends
We allow love to blur our vision of the true nature of the other person. We love with all our hearts minus all our minds.
He is violent. She is rude. He is carnal. She is selfish. His mom is his goddess. Her dad is her god. He is stingy and mean. She is a busy body and full of gossip. He is aptly jealous. She is dishonest and a liar. He is unfaithful and loves money above you. She is evil.
We see all these things in the first month of the relationship, but do we normally do anything about it? No. That's how complications chip in.
2) We overlook the defined rules we have been given for our relationships
God says (literally), "My son/daughter, don't date a pagan or a non-believer. Date a mature Christian who's growing and seeks to grow more in me...", but we go on and say, "Lord, I don't think You understand... You don't gerr-it. This one will eventually change. Huyu ni tofauti..." And when the world crumbles (because it sure will), we cry out loud, "It's all sooo complicated..."
3) We overlook our and their intentions of getting into the relationship
Some of our ladies know that "he's just in this relationship for the sex and/or the money..." (By the way, why do you, as saved people, engage in sex? It is sinful!) As a saved lady, such an issue should be addressed immediately before it grows into something else. But our awesome all-knowing millennial ladies choose to overlook this. The moment will come when he is obsessed with his desires and you'll go into depression saying: men are complicated. Which men? Your man wanted sex, and he's draining your pocket. That's what he was doing. He was not interested in you!!
The same thing applies to we millennial guys. She interviewed you in the beginning, on the first date, remember? You felt like it was a job interview or something. But you took it lightly. She later cunningly moved to your place - without your permission (and you are saved!! Really?). She uses your card without your permission. She never asks you questions about YOU. She rarely offers to support you in anything, but she never delays to ask for favors for herself. Like, how many favors has she asked for since the year began that are all about her? Twenty? Oh my friend, you're dating a narcissistic and self-centred lady. It will drop bruh, it will drop.
What are you waiting to see so that you may prove that she's manipulative and that you are her puppet, and you now need to run away? Complicated, right?
4) We overlook their dismal relationship with God
When was the last time you fought with your girlfriend/boyfriend about their relationship with God and their commitment to their church and the things of God? Or about how often they pray, read their Bible or attend church? You've never done it? Hah, and you expect less complications in that relationship? Here is the blunt line: if the Lord is neither a priority to both of you nor the foundation of the relationship, it will surely sink!! And it will end up veeeery complicated.
5) We overlook other people's warnings concerning our relationships
You know, it seems we've grown so knowledgeable that we think we can teach our parents. That's what we think. We've been warned by our parents or guardians or (insert the name of an elderly person who warns us here) several times about that girl/boy, haven't we? What did we do about it? We ranted. We took offense. Tulicatch feelings. We said stuff like this, "Ooh come on, give me a break!! This is my life. I live my life, you don't and will never live it for me...!!"
6) We overlook what Scripture tells us concerning a good friend, wife or husband
The Bible is full of guidelines and instructions on who is a good friend, a good wife and who is the good husband. We don't need a 50 Shades of Grey or Steve Harvey or Oprah or Mills And Boon best-seller to explain anything to us. We don't even need me. It is right there in our Bibles!! And o how blessed we millennials are!! Bibles are all over the place. There's a Bible on your phone, in your room, on your desktop, on that tablet, on the internet... There are Bibles everywhere... But do we inquire to know what the Lord says concerning what a good friend/wife/husband looks like? Naaaah. What do we normally do? We normally use our own understanding (which Scripture warns about in Proverbs) to criss-cross and judge the right/best person for us. This normally leaves us with complicated relationships.
The Bible gives Christ as the best example of what a good boyfriend/husband should look like, and the Church as an example of what a good girlfriend/wife should look like. (I'll address this in detail in another post this month.)
7) We ignore and overlook the relationship boundaries that have been stipulated for us
So they made their move on you and you already had a girlfriend/boyfriend? Why didn't you tell them there and then? Why did you wait until your girlfriend/boyfriend met her/him carelessly flirting with you? You see, if your real girlfriend/boyfriend heats up because of you carelessly switching your relationship boundaries, it's your fault. You overlooked the boundaries.
Also, why are you giving them too much room yet they ain't your husband/wife? Come on! Don't dare give them the privileges that only belong to a husband/wife. Don't complicate things...!!
The above are good reasons to help us see that we complicate our own relationships and that we need to do something about it before it is too late.
For #ValentinesExclusive Valentines Day 2015.
Bonface Morris.
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