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| Those are people, this is advice, and that is marriage. |
People will come to you and whisper in secret: "Get married! Why are you not getting married!!??"
Then you'll pretend (a little) that you haven't thought about it for a minute and allow them to pour out their sentiments - one after another - on why they think you are now ripe for marriage.
You'll calm yourself down, solemnize an atmosphere of sit-down-and-shut-up, take every hint they give, and pretend to smile throughout the info-session.
And after realizing that they think you are totally dumb (like most people think young saved people are), you'll tell them that you have a girl that interests you, a girl you are in love with, a girl you would love to marry one day: a God-fearing and Bible-thumping girl.
Then, probably, they'll smile back and give you a pat on the back. And right then, you'll be deceived that they're really interested in you getting married and starting a family, and that, maybe, they'll offer you all the support you'll need in such a forest of a season.
Then days will pass by. Even months. Or even years.
After a while, you'll call them to help you plan for your wedding, or to tell them that you don't have enough money to finance it, or that money just never seems to agree with your pocket of late.
Then they'll seem to sympathise with you, and they'll assemble together and give advice.
They'll request that you call them to a meeting. The whole lot of them.
You'll cater for the costs of the first meeting, and the second and the third... in a 2-star hotel because it is you that needs help and they just might offer it to you.
They'll come in floods to the meeting: with bags and cars and phones and tablets; with funny shoes and dress-codes and coats and designer shirts and shiny suits.
But mostly not to give you money, but to see your girl.
Remember it has been ages since you talked to them about her. They really wanna see her.
They wanna see if she has aged: if her chest has gone flat or not, if her hair is still shiny and fluffy or not, if her face is still as it was or life has trodden on it, if she is older than you are or younger... If she smiles like a wife or like a baby, if she breathes Jesus in and out etc etc...
They'll also come to inquire on her mannerisms.
And they'll smile as they sip that tea and later on as they eat that meal.
All bills are on you.
Then they'll discuss with you on what budget befits you.
They'll tell you: "A guy like you needs to have such and such a wedding etc etc. Your wedding should be glamorous, you are a-man-of-the-people" and so forth and so on.
And because you are new to weddings, marriage and such stuff, you'll agree, albeit nonchalantly.
But after the whole discussion, while you're seated there with your girl waiting to pay the bill at the 2-star hotel, reality will hit you hard: you seem to be in and over your head. Infact, you are so much into this thing that the budget they've just proposed will cause you sleepless nights.
Really. It is not what you had expected or planned for.
But you'll hold on to faith (yes, you are such a good Christian) and wait for miracles.
Although your faith is in the clouds, you'll still fear to pray to your God because He may end up asking you questions you have no answers for: "Did you consult Me before making that budget? Are you being realistic?" etc etc.
Then, after waiting for their contributions, the shocker will come rolling in: they'll give you excuses and send two hundred shillings to your M-PESA without flaring.
And then they'll text in their excuses: "We'll send you more very soon."
Then you'll wait until 2 months to the wedding. Then they won't. They won't sent in their 5,000 shillings pledges. Don't be fooled that they might.
Then you may be tempted to borrow to please them. (Remember the budget was theirs and the wedding is more of theirs than yours.)
They wanted pomp, you wanted something simple.
They wanted "a wedding that will be the talk of town for a couple of seasons", yet all you wanted is to marry your sweetheart and have a go at this thing called marriage.
But they wouldn't hear your tiny stories of "people who lack faith in greater things"
Therefore, you shut up.
Your darling stares at you, and you are staring back.
You are holding prayers and fasting like nobody's business.
This thing has got to work.
But after a while, things are still the same.
So, 6 weeks to the wedding, you call your parents:
"Wee mzee, habari yako? Na ya mom? Kusema kweli, nimekwama kiasi na hii mipango ya harusi."
And your old folks, being the good people they are, won't go Osama on you. They'll understand, and chip in. And you'll be glad they did.
Even so, all your pride of being a big boy will be gone because you are now solely depending on people, on fundings and on tiny gifts of money.
And the wedding day will come. And the wedding bells will ring. And that day will be awesome.
But inside, while staring at each other before your pastor, you and your girl will be thinking of something else: paying bills, repaying debts and re-aligning your priorities.
You'll be smiling outwardly yes, but you'll be deep in thought inwardly.
You'll still go for that honeymoon nonetheless. (It is for them, remember? It was their budget. Yes, they intruded and demanded that you spend your honeymoon at a place that requires two aeroplane journeys to be there; and you had thought: "Aaaah, not bad at all. Not bad".)
Then after the honeymoon, you'll think that they've stopped planning your life.
Because all of a sudden, when you're calming and are planning the next step as a couple, you'll hear them ask when you two are going to have kids and why you don't have them already.
They may even start blaming your wife (as if you are the angel in that marriage and are therefore faultless) for misleading you into not having kids early.
They may even gossip about her, pull out a few details from her past or family and use them as blackmail, and call her (such a beautiful daughter of God) names and things.
Then you'll look at each other as a couple and either decide to close your ears to their rantings (something should have done a long time ago) or keep allowing them to rule over what you should or should not do.
Because, truth be told, they don't really care.
Oh, maybe they do; but not enough to help you head in the right direction as a couple.
So, my dear friend, those are people, this is advice and that is marriage. Take care. Be careful.
A friend.
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