9 Types of Men

Listen, my son. 
Let me tell you something about men and their women, something I know that you really need to know. 

Son, after reading this, realize that how you treat your woman determines in which category you will fall.

Women are to be treated special; because the LORD GOD says they're fragile and special: beautiful and created in His own image to fulfill His purpose on earth. Son, if you think otherwise, then you don't value what God says about women, and it's almost true that you won't listen to me either. 

Son, there may be 8 types of men, but there are actually three major types in this world that I will talk about below: those who praise their women in public, those who don't praise their women in public and those who have the audacity to flatter other men's women.

What I say below concerning men has nothing to do with the character on the women in these men's lives but the intentional choice a man makes to treat his woman in a certain way in public whether his woman is a "devil" or "angel".

Son, use this critique to also evaluate how I treat my woman. Then you'll know what kind of a man I truly am. 

So here goes...

TYPE 1: MEN WHO PRAISE THEIR WOMEN IN PUBLIC 
Under this class, there are three types of men;
  
(a) Those who praise their women in public because these women are worthy of their praise. 
These are blessed men whose women's private and public lives speak the same language of integrity: they are women of valor and of great character. 
Because such a species of women are rare today, these men are truly blessed; and their praise of their women is like pouring oil on an already deserving head. 

(b) Those who praise their women in public even when these women are not worthy of their praises. 
These are men of steel. They are men who choose / decide to praise their hideous women in public because it's the right thing to do. 
Son, honor these types of men. It takes lots of grace from our good Lord to always say good things about an undeserving person. Honor them. 

(c) Those who praise their women in public because these women coarse them to do so. 
Such men, for the sake of peace, have learnt the art of beautifying sadness. 
They work under close monitoring and supervision, analysis and scrutiny from their trigger-happy women who are ready to pounce on them in the evening if they dare say a negative thing about them. 
Son, also realize that these men never ever say a negative thing about their women even when it could bring a lot of good - even just as an act of humor! 
These men are liars, son. Avoid them if you can. They are super-hypocrites! 


TYPE 2: MEN WHO DON'T PRAISE THEIR WOMEN IN PUBLIC 
Now, son, let me tell you something about the other class of men who don't praise their women in public. They are of three types too; 

(a) Those who don't praise their women in public because these women don't deserve these praises. 
These have chosen to say totally nothing good or bad about their women. Maybe it is because of the unworthiness of their women's tendencies. Or, maybe, they're just cowards. 
It doesn't matter. 
A man who never talks about his woman is either a wolf amongst sheep or the lamb itself. 

(b) Those who don't praise their women because they have never been taught that it is the good / right thing to do. 
Son, when a man has lived all his life without hearing and seeing women praised, he grows up thinking that there is nothing like praising women. 
He grows cold and incessantly unchivalrous towards women, and this is not a good thing. 
Son, women were born to hear words: they're addicted to them. So a man who has not been taught in the skills of flattering his woman because she deserves it, is likely to be read in very many bad books amongst the womenfolk. 

(c) Those who don't praise their women in public because fellow men have coarsed them to do so. 
These men, out of a high sense of egotism, think praising women in public makes a man less of who he already is. 
Son, such men think that they're better than God... Ahem... Even God praises women... See this: 
Luke 1:28 (NKJV) And having come in, the angel said to her, "Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!"
If God is in the habit of praising women in public, son, never let these men lie to you: it is the right thing to do!

(d) Those who don't praise their women in public because they have taught themselves not to. 
Some men learn things along the way. See, life has a funny way of teaching us lessons, and we all need to learn the right things from it. 
Son, don't be such a man, who after being mistreated by other useless women, is coarsed into saying that you'll never value a woman to the extend of praising her in public. Don't. 
Don't teach yourself what will cost you the joy and happiness of your woman. 

TYPE 3: THE MOST DANGEROUS TYPE OF MEN
But son, beware of other type of men - the third type - the most dangerous type. 

(a) Men who have no women of their own but thrive on praising other men's women. 
Oh! Son, if you ever have to be any type of man at all, don't be this one! A man who hasn't accepted the responsibility of having his own woman but nonchalantly praises other women day in day out should be known as the man who empties a fuel tank when the relationship vehicle is moving. 
He crashes relationships and destroys marriages, son. Such a man, if there was any mercy in me, is better suited for the cells. 

(b) Men who have women of their own but only praise other men's women. 
Like their first brothers, these ones are adulterous men filled with lust and whose main intention is to steal other men's women. 
They are not satisfied with their own women and are not ready to commit to make their women better. 
They are greedy beasts who feast on meals they haven't prepared. 
Shut them out of your life, son! Shut them out! 

*******
Now, son, of these 9 types of men, which one do you choose to be?


Bonface Morris. 

Always Ask

Let me share with us some tiny wisdom I have learned over time. The wisdom is this: when in doubt, always ask. It costs you nothing to ask. 

*******
Have you ever been in a situation where things were being said about someone you know quite well and you didn't know what to make of it? 

It may have been that what was being said was either true or false; you just didn't have enough evidence to verify the facts. And this kept you "hanging in there" waiting for the story to end so that you may deeply reflect on the allegations. 

With such scenarios playing a lot in my life of late, I have come to realize that if you depend on another person to tell you the whole story of another person, there will always be bias (good or bad.) 

Take for instance a story an old man - who should be respectable according to public understanding - told me about a year ago: that this lady we both know and with whom we had been interacting several times had been pregnant in a manner I don't know and had given birth to a baby I had never seen. 

Not that she couldn't get pregnant, but the story startled me because for the whole period the allegations were being thrown against her, I had been seeing her in perfect "babylessness".

Now, after listening to the story, I sensed that it was sh*t. Yes, I just said that. The story was sh*t. It was that way because it had so many holes:

1. There hadn't been any visible evidence of a pregnancy: there was neither a baby bump nor any other physiological changes associated with pregnancies for all the time I was interacting with her. 

2. There was no need for me to know about someone's private affairs like a relationship or a pregnancy. Those two things are private, and him telling me about them without the consent of the lady meant that this old man had no respect for people's privacy. I felt like shutting him down. 

3. Why would he care about it anyway if he was going to do nothing about it but just report to Morris? Am I God? Or had God appointed him as an accusing angel to talk about what goes wrong where and with whom? 

See? That's what made me write this blog. Stuff like that makes me feel bad about how people approach other people's successes or failures. 

And for that matter, if you're faced with such ballooned stories in life, you got a few options with you; 
1. Face the story-teller and shut them down, or 
2. Say nothing, or 
3. Do what this blog post is advising you to do: ask. Ask both the victim of the story and the story-teller to sync the two points of view. 

In my case, I picked number two. I said nothing. 

Why? Because 
1. the evidence was clear that none of what he was saying was true; and 
2. silence ensures that he won't bring me any of those fake stories any time soon once he realizes that I don't give comments on people's private lives. 

It may be that you have heard funny stories about a prominent person or a great leader; or that someone is blaming the leadership in a certain place for a certain mess. Either shut that person up, say nothing, ask the story-teller how sure they are that what they are saying is true or go ask the person being badmouthed if what is being said is true. After that, deal with whatever truth you find in a gracious way. 

Here are some other things you can do:

1. Verify a story first before drawing conclusions. 
Go to the victim and get their story before you draw a conclusion. There are always two sides to a story. Get both before victimizing anyone. 
Proverbs 18:17 (ESV) "The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him."

2. Don't poke your nose into people's private lives. It's none of your business. 
Don't go investigating without prior background information. You may end up being a gossip-monger. Even the Bible supports this here: 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (NIV) "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you."

3. Only pray to God or pass on the information to other parties for help after getting the whole story. 
Don't give the devil a chance to play you into his conniving slanderous schemes. 

Conclusion
Here's a simplified version of what I'm saying... 
1. Quietly listen and understand. 
2. Ask questions to get views from both sides. 
3. Take action. 

It costs you nothing to ask, so always ask. 

God bless. 

Bonface Morris. 

Here Are 7 Free MP3 Downloads that Help Me Say "Goodbye Third Day, I'll Miss You"

Third Day (a Christian rock band) 

Okay guys, Third Day, one of our favorite Christian rock bands formed in the 1990s and consisting of Mac Powell as lead singer/vocalist (come on, we all love Powell's gritty voice, yes?), guitarist Mark Lee, David Carr and Billy Wilkins (former member) is calling it quits this June.

😥😥

No, the guys are still good friends by the way, so don't start a stale rumor mill just yet.

The lead singer, Mac Powell, said this in an interview last week: "It’s great that we get a chance to close the chapter in our own timing and in our own way. Nobody is mad at each other,” he said. “We’re still friends and still buds. We’re riding off into the sunset in a good way.”  Each band member will now pursue individual creative interests. 

As four-time GRAMMY® Award-winners and a multi-platinum selling band, Third Day will hit the road one last time from the end May 2018 to headline their FAREWELL TOUR, which concludes an extraordinary touring career that spans 25 years and boasts legions of loyal fans from around the world. The tour will run from May 31 to June 27.

In addition to performing their hits during the tour, Mark Lee will also be sharing new music and stories from his critically acclaimed autobiography, Hurt Road, which released last year. Worship leader Matt Maher will be a special guest on the tour, and other guests will be featured in different markets.

Some good news though...

Mac Powell will continue making music with his band Mac Powell and the Family Reunion. 

FYI, Powell has been pursuing a side career in country music in recent years with his band releasing two independent albums and touring solo as well as doing shows with country traditionalist Craig Morgan.
He may release an album and a Christmas album later on in the year. Let's wait and see.

*******

As my tribute to them, here are but a few of their songs that have influenced my worship and as a Gomer...

Note: Click on the song titles to download the free audio (standard quality mp3). 

1. Born Again (from the 2008 album Revelation).

2. God of Wonders (from the 2003 album Offerings 2: All I Have to Give).

3. I Need A Miracle (from the 2012 album Miracle). 

4. In Jesus' Name featuring Michael W. Smith, Natalie Grant & Michael Tait of Newsboys (from the 2015 album Lead Us Back: Songs of Worship).

5. You're So Good to Me (from the 2003 album Offerings 2: All I Have to Give).

6. Your Love Is Like A River (from the 2015 album Lead Us Back: Songs of Worship)

7. King of Glory (from the 2002 album Offerings: A Worship Album)

We will miss you Third Day!!

Bonface Morris.

Soulmate? What Soulmate?

A few years ago, while still squirming in my naivety, I could only believe that a person falls in love once; and with only one person. 

I was right: a person only falls in love once - but with one person at a time. 

Yes, only one person at a time. Falling in love with two people at the same time ni kuchanganyikiwa, while falling in love with even more people at the same time ni tamaa tu.  

I know that when I say a person can only fall in love with one person at a time, some of y'all who're used to messing around with the word LOVE think, "...aaah but so and so makes me feel butterflies in my stomach even when I do well know that I'm currently in a SERIOUS relationship with so-and-so!" 

Oh yes, they do. They make you feel butterflies because you are careless with your heart and are not entirely serious about the person you're currently "dating". Because if you were serious, you wouldn't tolerate such a kind of nonsensical emotional cheating. You tolerate thinking about being in a relationship with another person when you're already in a relationship because you love cheating and are not ready to pay the price that comes with true love. True love sticks with one person no matter what. 

Okay, after that short (and almost out of topic) ranting, let's move on from where I left kwa third paragraph... 

So who is a soulmate? 
The original/traditional definition of soulmate from the Merriam-Webster dictionary is;
1. a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament or 
2. a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs (ideological soulmates).

The above definitions are alright and if that's what anyone you know refers to when referring to soulmates, it sounds alright with me. 

There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship with "a person who's perfectly suited for me in temperament" or "a person who strongly resembles me in attitude and beliefs". That's a good thing. We all want that, don't we? 

In fact, God put us on earth and assigned to us in our various locations "people who perfectly suit our temperaments, attitudes and beliefs." There is nothing wrong with that. 

Acts 17:26 (ESV)
"And He (God) made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place..."

But here is where the problem creeps in with this whole soulmate issue... 

The current pop culture - which has an inherent addiction to narcissism - seems to support so much this idea of there being only ONE PERSON "who is perfectly suited to another in temperament" and whom one can have a meaningful relationship with. They call that person a soulmate too. 

Notice: 
Notice the difference between our first original definition from Merriam-Webster which refers to a soulmate as "any person who is perfectly suited for me..." and New Age/modern/pop definitions below which call a soulmate "the only person who is perfectly suited for me..."

Let's look at some popular websites that redefine who a soulmate is and how they move it away from the traditional meaning.

Note the following definitions; 

1. The Urban Dictionary follows a rather New Age definition of soulmate (somewhat scary actually). It defines a soulmate as... 
... a perfect eternal lover that fate brings into your life. They are a being or soul, an equal, deeply intertwined into your soul in a romantic way. They become your best friend, and contribute and sacrifice on your behalf. Some believe that your soulmate exists infinitely and is a manifestation of the universe's power. Your soulmate is irreplaceable. They can find your soul in our universe even if you're light years away and in another lifeform. Every soul has a soulmate that offers powerful love energy, it's an equal exchange. It is not always possible for your soulmate to spend this life time with you, there may be reasons. There are other ways your soulmate will connect with you regardless, like a guardian angel. Your soul is conjoined with theirs. Read the full definition here.

2. In this article at foreverconscious.com, the reader is likely to get confused by how these guys are trying to differentiate between a soulmate and a life partner. 
In short, their definition goes something like this: 
A soulmate is someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learnt, physical separation usually occurs.
A life partner is a companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual who you can lean on, trust and depend on to help you through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect and you are both in sync with each others needs and wants.

3. Here, (click to read) the Huffpost (yes, the Huffpost) declares the following in the first paragraphs of the article before delving later into showing us how having a soulmate feels like;
A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.
Soulmates are the epitome of love and partnership. 
Not just anyone can fulfill you the way your soulmate can. There’s a world of a difference between your soulmate, your heart’s other half and a life partner — a person who lacks the elements to mold perfectly to you. Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle. A life partner, on the other hand, can be a great supporter and long-time companion, but is limited in his or her capacity to enrich your spirit.

From the above modern/pop definitions, it is now indisputable that soulmates are the MOST SOUGHT AFTER THING in relationships today - especially with the notion that if you don't meet this ONE PERSON you are meant to fall in love with, your relationship life will be forever ruined, or that without them, you'll never ever ever ever ever ever reach your (relationship) life's full potential. 

People are obsessed with finding that ONE PERSON that is "fine-tuned" to their desires and liking, because modernity has fooled them into thinking that this person is their EVERYTHING. They earnestly seek for this non-existent person because they fear "missing out on the best relationship life ever."

Yes, it's true that when God created you, He had in mind a certain person that would suit you as a life partner (as we noted above), but we have no reason to think that there is only one person in the whole creation that fits that bill. Depending with how well you interact with people, you are likely to fall in love and be totally compatible with different people in different seasons of life all the time. If you open your heart wide enough, you will. 

The war of love is when you choose to stick with one person and overlook every other. Love is a choice. 

Another important thing to note as we continue with this discussion on soulmates is this: if we stick to the original, archaic definition of a soulmate, it ain't a bad thing, it's what we all need in a person we are relating with; but if we switch over to the refined modern/pop definition, a soulmate becomes a spiritual thing with New Age connotations and dangerous relationship exploration: ladies like the one in 50 Shades of Grey will stick with a violent person just because some twisted mind told them that that person was their soulmate. It almost as if someone would rather die than lose this person. That's really lame. 

And with that I'm mind, my conclusion below shows why I am against the modern definition of soulmates and why I would wish you as my reader to see this as a genuine reason to be against it too; 

1. Modern soulmates make the "lover" selfish.
If you want something this bad and this perfect, you better be perfect and ready too; and accept it when we call you selfish or self-centered. You are only thinking of yourself, and that's what selfish people do. 

2. Modern soulmates make us idolize relationships and people. 
The many characteristics given to the modern soulmate are attributes that only belong to God i.e. ability to bring wholeness and satisfaction to a person. 

3. Modern soulmates encourage manipulation in relationships.
If the so-called soulmate is discriminatory, the other party may suffer in silent. 

4. The idea of modern soulmates makes us think that love is not a choice but a staged episode in life. It lies to us that falling in love is a matter of fate. 
With soulmates, love is not an adventure full of risks and choices but a run into a limited fairyland.

5. Modern soulmates disapprove love as defined and ordained by God. 
God is love. We get to love others by loving and knowing Him and vice versa. He is the ultimate source and example of true sacrificial love. The modern soulmate puts love into an arena of fate where one can neither control the "how" or "why" of falling in love. 

6. Modern soulmate relationships are fueled by fear and lack of trust in God. 
It seems never meeting this soulmate means living in constant fear that one's love life can never be successful. 

So, friend, whenever someone talks about soulmates, be sure to ask them which one they're talking about.. 


Bonface Morris. 

25 Reasons Why I Love You

First of all, love does not demand for "a something" for it to be given. 

Nevertheless, below are things about you, my darling, that make me fall more in love with you; 

1. I love you because you are you. 
You're not trying to be someone or something else, and that's a head-turner. Being comfortable in your skin is a beautiful thing. 

2. I love you because you are beautiful. 
You are gorgeous, and that's a plus. I appreciate the good work of God in you: both in body and in soul.  

3. I love you because you are my best friend. 
Ain't nobody cooler than you. With you, I'm myself. 

4. I love you because we get mad at each other but we always find each other in the long run. 
We fight "the good fights", isn't that special? 

5. I love you because you are a strong woman. 
You've been tossed by life but Christ has helped you to always come up to the top. I don't know someone who's seen so much pain, yet with so much excitement about life. 

6. I love you because of your loyalty. 
You're loyal to me and to your friends and family; and that's a great thing. 

7. I love you because of the way you always try to help others. 
Sometimes, it amazes me how you can deny yourself so much to that others may benefit from what you give them. 

8. I love you because of how much you and I share in common together about everything. 
But mostly because we share everything about God. 

9. I love you because of those incredible beautiful big eyes.
Come on, everyone says you gat 'em, and I love 'em. (Hehe). 

10. I love you because of how you are always understanding with me even when I don't deserve it. You know my good, and you know my bad, but you still love me. I love that. 
I'm full of sh*t sometimes (yes, cherch people, I just said that) and it seems it's only you who gets it; everyone else thinks I'm perfect. Their bad. 

11. I love you because you have excellent people skills that help you light up the room. 
I think people love you for this. Who can't be attracted to the chiq that's never with mood swings? 

12. I love you because of how you always stand up for what you believe in and are not afraid to take risks. 
Your confidence and your aggressive behavior is an attraction to me. Some may think it's being b*thy, but because you do it with humility, it's perfect. 

13. I love the way you love. I love your compassion. 
Yes babe, I love the way you love. 

14. I love you because people who don't know think that this list fully describes you. It doesn't. 
I love the fact that my attempt to say what I love about you makes you smile but you know I love you for more than this. 

15. I love you because you know how to be a real grown up woman yet senselessly still growing up. 
Whenever you mix the two, baby I fall in love with you all over again. 

16. I love you for the moments when you're all cute and adorable, and when you're all charming and charismatic. 
Meeehn, I love that. 

17. I love you because of your amazing voice.
Your voice is magic babe, your voice is magic. 

18. I love you because of your intelligence. 
I am a sapiosexual, so, yeah. 

19. I love you because of your love for life and the optimism you carry yourself with. 
This world needs hope, and you're one of its agents. 

20. I love your beautiful hair... and neck... and shoulders... and your style and sense of fashion... and... 
I think you underrate it, that hair... and the fashion. You underrate them a lot. 

21. I love you because of the endless moments of excitement you bring into my life. 
I love spending my time with you. 

22. I love your uncompromising belief in God, family, and country. 
I especially love your devotion to God. A godly woman is to a man what opium is to its imbiber. 

23. I love you because you have goals and you have direction. 
I'm in love with the fact that you know where you wanna be and you will do anything to get there. That's why I support you with my knees, mind and self.  

24. I love you because of how you are always concerned about me and my well-being.
I love the fact that with you, in well taken care of. 

25. Lastly, I love you because you have your imperfections that make you a perfect human being. 
At least this reminds me that I'm dating a human being and not some "Samantha".


Quote: 
They say falling in love is an incredible thing; I say falling in love anchors your soul. 

With you I've learnt that love is a great thing, but it can as well be a treacherous master if left unguarded. 


With lots of love, 
Bonface Morris. 

Relationship Blues Part 3: We Are All Imperfect, Somehow

Note: 
Read part one in this series of blogs here: Relationship Blues Part 1: Do You Really Want that Breakup? and part two here: Relationship Blues Part 2: Understanding Conflict In Relationships.

*******
For the past two Valentines, Adrian has been sitting here at The RED SHOP, and both times, he has been ordering for that same "perfect meal" they loved having with Lillian. Such a perfect place for perfect meals. 

The perfect bad habit he has taught himself whenever he hops in at such a time of the year is this:

He takes out his phone - an imperfect Samsung-Galaxy-something (one of those Samsung names according to the year it was released) - taps on the Gallery app, and scrolls down through it. 

He moves on to "sort albums by calendar" and hovers down to year 2015. There, he finds himself staring at Lillian's photos with lots of nostalgia: such a beautiful, but mostly fragile thing! While scrolling, he bumps into a stream of photos when their relationship was as flawless as a baby's skin and as smooth as its butt. 

Even the surroundings in those photos agree that theirs was a relationship made in Heaven, by God Himself: carefully crafted, and meticulously thought-out; the work of a master-engineer. 

In those photos, as he sees buildings, grasses, stones and trees around them - the selfies and all - memories come thudding in. Perfect memories. Everything becomes so alive that a pain engulfs his inner being. It's like his heart is being squeezed from within and the blood is oozing down into his stomach as a reality concealed in excruciating pain. 

It's unbearable. The pain is unbearable. 

"Why are memories so perfect yet reality so baffling?" 
"Why didn't it work out?" he asks himself as the waiter come backs with his order. 
"Why, Lord, why!?"

He reminisces the fanciful times they had together. 
"She was perfect! Almost...!!!" He smirks. 

He has always wanted someone perfect - a perfect woman. Someone with; 

1. A perfect body - a body so perfect that fellow men will stop their cars just to look at her. Some synergy between a work of art, a wild idea and an angel. 

2. A perfect relationship with God - a lady so soaked in Jesus' blood that she's dripping with it wherever she is, yet so humble and committed in ministry that she could preach his nerves away. 

3. A perfect relationship with themselves - a woman so down-to-earth and open-minded that she is comfortable with who she is and knows where she's going. 

4. A perfect relationship with other people - a lady that everyone praises - everyone - for her good manners and kind heart; and one that dearly loves everyone.

He was obsessed with wanting a perfect girlfriend. His thoughts were so tainted that every girl he met had to meet a certain criterion he had stipulated for "a lady worthy his life and time". Not even angels could pass his "tests". Come on, even angels fall, no? Such imperfect things. 

But if Adrian would sit himself down just for a little while and consider the following, maybe he'd realize that we are all imperfect, somehow;

1. As a man, could he conclusively say that he had a "body to kill"? Oh! And that every woman would drool at him and the "perfect" features of his body as he passed around while breathing God's beautiful free air? 

2. Did he have a perfect relationship with God that never faltered? Oh! And didn't he ever sin? Like, ever? Was he always fired up for God? Really? 

3. Was he contented with himself and the totality of who he was then? Oh! And had he achieved everything achievable by men his age? 

4. And finally, did ALL people love him? Oh! And did he love everyone with no strings attached and without excuses? 

If could answer every question above with a "yes", maybe, just maybe, we may start recommending ladies for him. But he still won't find that perfect woman he dreams of. Perfection is a fad, a bad one. 

*******
Now, as Adrian thinks of how his Valentines will be this year, he tells himself that he's got to change. And things have to change. The past is gone, the present is here, and the future is beckoning. He cannot afford to be what he has always been. He will step out, fall in love again, and bear the burdens of imperfection every relationship comes with. This time round, he won't allow his faults and weaknesses to be hidden from his own eyes and he won't be expecting more than he can give. 

This time, it will have to be different. Of course he won't trim down his standards and expectations and he won't play around with his values but he will give his heart a chance to love again: to love freely. Because when you love with a free heart, he has learnt, everything else releases itself to allow your heart to flourish. 

Another thing he is realizing is that maybe God gives us imperfect people to remind us of our own imperfections and to help us learn patience and how to surrender everything to Him; and after all has been said and done, so that we can all, together with God, say, "It is good", "It's alright", "It's perfect."

Closing thought 
A perfect person is almost a thing, and it's hard to love things, because things don't know how to love back. 


Note: 
This post is dedicated to all people full of pettiness in relationships (haha) and to everyone who's ever regretted letting go due to petty reasons. Don't worry, your foolishness just made you wiser, hehe. 



Bonface Morris. 

Stuff I Learnt From Last Year (2017 Edition)

Generally, here's my Year 2017 summarized in various forms... 

Also, it you're interested in what I picked up from previous years (especially 2016), click here. 


Quotes from Various Sources 
1. You don't have to worry about what people say about you, but what people say about you that is true. - Brian Houston (senior pastor, Hillsong Church) in an interview with Carey Nieuwhof (Canadian pastor and leadership guru.) 

2. Leaders who stop believing the best about people stop receiving the best from people. - Carey Nieuwhof 

3. Growth has more to do with your attitude than your budget - from an e-book called The Senior Pastor's Guide to Breaking Growth Barriers. I shared this book here. 

4. You can disagree with my choices all you can; but judging my choices won't change yours. - from Hell On Wheels (TV Show) Season 2, Episode 7.

5. While describing the nature of a fallen world, the script writer of Hell On Wheels in Season 3 episode 2 says, "Every man here carries a gun, which can be had for as little as 3 dollars, and a knife and goes to church on Sunday."

6. Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. - Tim Keller 

7. For in the beginning of things is often to be found their end. (Salem, TV show, Season 2 episode 1).

8. Nobody here does anything to be nice. The quicker you learn that, the longer you survive. - UnREAL season one episode 9.

9. There is nothing (evil) a man cannot do once he accepts the fact that there is no God. - from Don't Breathe (movie). 

10. You cannot win a war without a general. - Tyrant (TV Show) season 2.

11. Billy Graham’s Rules for effective Christian ministry:
(a) Operate with financial transparency.
(b) Avoid even the appearance of sexual immorality.
(c) Avoid criticizing other pastors and churches.
(d) Be painstakingly honest in all publicity.

12. We don’t want to become a company for everything, we want to become a platform for everything. And in fact we’ve even moved on from using the word platform. We now use the word raft because platform is something which sits still. A raft is something which moves. And the world that we’re in today is moving at a particularly rapid pace - Bob Collymore, Safaricom CEO 

13. If you cannot be honest with yourself, how can you get the truth out of anyone else? - Quantico (TV Show)

14. We should notice that there is a big difference between being present and being in the presence of God - Kim Walker-Smith (while performing THRONE ROOM at Worship Central's New Song Cafe) 

15. Everything is food for something else - Carl in The Walking Dead Season 2, Episode 7

16. Judas Iscariot was not a godly man who had a bad day, but an ungodly man who got exposed on one day - Pst. Mark Driscoll 

17. Earth’s crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God. But only he who sees, takes off his shoes - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

18. The highest expression of stewardship is obedience, not readiness - Edmund Chan. 

19. Contrary to popular opinion, “No” is a complete sentence. - Scott Savage 

20. Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, is the truth. - Elementary (TV show) Season 1, episode 10.

21. "The paradox of tolerance" refers to the act of being intolerant of intolerance. - Unknown 

22. There's always a temptation to go, "Alright, well, let's write another 'Oceans'." But I'm, like, a firm believer that God's always doing something new, as opposed to the comfort of resting on laurels or resting on what's worked in the past. - Joel Houston (co-writer of Hillsong's "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)") in their documentary, Hillsong - Let Hope Rise (2016)

23. Trust is such a delicate thing. Always easily clouded by love or hate. - Quinn in "Into the Badlands" (TV show) Season 2 episode 3.

24. Jimmy Kimmel on Las Vegas Shootings: “It feels like someone has opened a window into hell.”

25. A shark that does not swim sinks - Arrow Season 5 episode 1.

26. We should give not because we have but because we know the pain of lacking - Anonymous 

27. It is a good rule, after reading a new book, never to allow yourself another two new ones till you have read an old one in between. - C.S. Lewis


Lessons On Life and Personal Growth 
1. Everyone - even the most forgiving and the most tolerant - has a breaking point. Just don't stretch them to that point. You'll regret it. 

2. When you realize that you are not always right, you'll LOVE to listen to people who think TOTALLY DIFFERENT from the way you do. It will keep you sober. 

3. Approach another person's weaknesses and failures with caution. Do it as if you're walking bare feet in a room full of broken glass. Because that's the same way you'd like people to deal with you when your world is falling apart. Yes, like it or not, it will someday. 

4. The other word for a "tired mind" is depression. 

5. "I have nothing to hide" is an understatement. Everyone has something to hide.

6. Don't rush. Your "next" may be now. 

7. Not everything has an immediate "next". Dig deeper. Your next may be now. 

8. The debate on what to wear and what not to wear is not about you or the clothing you're wearing, but the one you're representing. 

9. He is no man he who has to be reminded or who has to remind others that he is one. 

10. At some point, we have all said something regrettable - something nasty - something that we all want everyone to forget; but they don't and they won't forget. So we just have to bear with that reality and move on. That is life. 

11. People can sometimes see holes in your character which you don't; so don't always put them off when they tell you some stuff. Go think about it. It helps. 

12. Don't take me as I am and leave me the way you found me; take me as I am then rebuke my stupidities. Then you'll be a good friend. 

13. Be yourself. That's the best gift you can ever give yourself and others. 

14. Your freedom is always limited to what you know. The more you know, the freer or more enslaved you become. 

15. Almost everyone that loves second hand things is stingy. 

16. People love anonymity online because it gives them the needed courage to be evil without accountability. It's the courage of fools.

17. Misplaced passion is a dangerous thing, a violent master.


Lessons On Leadership 
1. Through close observation, you realize this: that there is always the other guy under that great leader that seems wiser and better than the leader but doesn't really care about titles and fame.

2. I always think that the greatness of a leader is in how many people one has mentored and not the number of his or her followers.

3. When you're not answerable to anyone, it's not a privilege but a trap - a trap for impeding disaster. Autonomy makes you think that you are a god; you are not. You are human and you are replaceable.

4. A leader needs to trust people - whether those people are trustworthy or not - or he/she will lead alone. And leading alone is tough and exhausting.

5. Everyone has potential hidden in them it's the responsibility of the leader to identify it and help that person fully unlock it. 

6. If you don't adapt fast after trusted members of your team move out of town, your team is likely to stagnate or die altogether. 

5. The absurdity of being a "prominent public figure" is that someone can deny God His glory so that to guard his/her ego.


Lessons On Ministry and Christian Living
1. There are at least three types of Christians: 
(a) Those who live by always being amazed by what God is doing. 
(b) Those who live by always being threatened by what the devil is doing. 
(c) Those who don't know the difference. 

2. Prayer should not replace strategy and strategy should not replace prayer. Each one has its place in the journey of success. Carnality is when you replace prayer with strategy, and foolishness is when you replace strategy with prayer. 

3. Holistic Christian teaching touches on three areas of life: a Christian's relationship with God, a Christian's relationship with their surroundings (people and things) and a Christian's relationship with their own self. 

4. Your level of obedience to God is not ultimately determined by what you do after He's given you instructions to follow but what you decide that you'll do even before He gives you the instructions. That is called surrender. There can never be total obedience without surrender. 

5. Fear says, "We've never done that before!" Faith asks, "So what?"

6. Everyone has a theology. It may be right, it may be wrong, but we all have a theology. We all have something to say about God. 

7. The finished product.
That's what we all seem to see in others, but rarely in ourselves. That's also what God sees in all of us. But, of all things we are ever supposed to see, we rarely see it in ourselves.

8. Most of the time, we think we know what we want... until we receive it, then we don't actually know what to do with it. That's why God hesitates to give us stuff, until our purpose and what we want are aligned in the same path. Then, only then, will we know what to do when we receive what we want. 

9. Every spiritual gift has its own way of discipline in order to maintain its effectiveness. Break the discipline, and you make the gift ineffective in edifying the church or oneself. 
A prophet is given a grace totally different from a teacher, who in turn is given a different grace from an encourager. Once you understand your gift, also seek to understand its gracing and its disciplines. 
Flowing within your gift and diligently being disciplined in it makes it effective as far as you are concerned and as empowered by the Holy Spirit. 

10. God will let you have the leader you deserve; but it's not necessarily His choice. This means that God will allow you people to have a leader (whether nominated or elected) but that does not make Him the chooser. 

11. Too much prayer without praise and thanksgiving is like always borrowing but never saying "thank you". Praise the Lord also, for that is the duty of man. 

12. It is quite humbling when we realize that God has made us part of His story: His great story of saving the world.

13. No one is angrier at sin than God; and yet no one is more forgiving of sin than He is.

14. God will do it. Not because you are good, but because He is good.

15. In ministry, the surety and promise within your call is the source of your perseverance. 

16. Three people are always watching you: people, the devil and the Lord. But they do it differently. 
The one to criticize and judge you, the other to devour you and the last one to show you favor.

17. The less fervent the prayer, the more carnal the mind.  

18. The longer we live, the more we realize that we need God more than we even need our own lives. 


Lessons on Relationships, Marriage and Family 
1. You cannot break a relationship habit under the same conditions that created it. That's why breakups are a necessary ingredient while dating. 

2. Fall in love but with your mind wide open. Being drunk with love is dangerous, way more dangerous than being drunk with anything else imaginable. 

3. Another observation I've made concerning married people: there is a very big difference between the wife that's appreciated in public, and the other one who's demonised in public. 

4. Most of the arguments in relationships end with the man demanding that he be respected and the woman pleading that she be heard. It's a quintessential overflow of a very infamous peculiarity. 

5. Once sex is involved, the mind is blurred to thinking right. The mind becomes "sexified".
Avoid the sexification of your minds, guys.

6. If you want to be a poet or a philosopher (or both), get into a very good relationship or a very bad one. The awesome or diabolic actions of your partner will always have an an effect on the overflow of your words. 

7. The best therapy for a man is an ego boost, not psychoanalysis.

8. Relationships have issues. Marriages have more.


Lessons on Music, Worship and Singing 
1. To all musicians, lead worshipers, singers etc: you're as good as both your public and private voice rehearsals. You may sit around the best vocalists and be trained by the best voice trainers in this world but if you're not teachable and you don't take time to practice both in public and in private what you're taught, your voice will remain as bad as it was 10 years ago. True story. 

2. This world is filled with too many superstars, but less artists. Creativity is so elusive today.

3. You can be a great singer with a great voice but when you overdo your voice techniques, you just end up boring everyone. When it comes to singing,  little is more. 

4. If a song is helping someone reach God, regardless of how you feel about it as the singer, just sing it. Right then, it's God's song for the person, not yours. 

5. People who sing are either very happy people or very sad people. Music only knows two extremes of emotions: happiness or sadness. 

6. If you don't delight in the exactness of detail, you can't be an artist. 


That's basically what I picked from 2017.
See you in the next blog as we start talking relationships and stuff... 


Bonface Morris. 

Here Are the Books I Read In 2017 (Plus Download Links)

It is not a secret anymore: I read "weird" books.

Find proof here, here and here.

But again...

C.S. Lewis says that "It is a good rule, after reading a new book, never to allow yourself another two new ones till you have read an old one in between", which means as far as I am weird, I still consider the books below as "new" great books which I don't have to read with haste. A few are enough in a year, I guess.

NB: If you don't have a good ebook reader, I recommend this free one; PocketBook for Android devices. It's perfect. Throw anything at it and it works just fine. Click on link to download.


1. The Senior Pastor's Guide to Breaking Barriers by Paul Carrasco (www.churchfuel.com)

Genre: Leadership and Church Growth
Download the 24-page PDF e-book here.

I know you're asking: what is Morris doing reading a senior pastors' book?
Well, it should be my curiosity... and there is no rule that says I shouldn't read pastors' books. So my curiosity led me to reading it; which after doing it, I realized that the book can actually be very helpful to anyone in church leadership.
The book seeks to dig into three main growth barriers;
(a) Spiritual growth barriers.
(b) Cultural growth barriers.
(c) Structural growth barriers.
It's only 24 pages, so please read it.



2. 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright

Genre: Relationships and Marriage
Download the 48-page e-book (epub) here.
(I'm still reading and evaluating myself through it by the way. No hurry with this one.)

The key point in this book is this: don't fear to ask a potential spouse the hard questions because it may just save you from a botched marriage.
The books addresses the following issues:
(a) Never marry or get engaged to a stranger.
(b) 101 questions to ask before you get engaged.
(c) What to do and questions to answer if you've been married before.



3. The Author of Sin by Vincent Cheung

Genre: Christian Apologetics and Christian Doctrine
Download this book here.

This book may (yeah, it depends with how you'll look at it) help you understand man's free will, God's will, sin, their origin, limits and the causative aftermath. The unique thing abot thing - apart from it being very complex to understand - is that Cheung directly opposes various views posed by Calvinists concerning compatilism and determinism. Not that this really matters, but just that he could do it sounds intriguing. You don't have to agree with everything Cheung says in this book, but he gives quite a batch of relevant Biblical support for each of his claims; including the most outrageous one like "man has no free will, God controls everything."

Tolerating him enough to understand his point of view can shed some real light on what you already know. Look at another statement he makes: "evil is not good... but God's decree and causation of evil are good." Think about that for a moment.
Cheung also argues that it is useless for a non-Christian to use non-Christian worldviews to describe, criticize or oppose the Christian worldview. They should not even talk about evil and its origin when they have no idea of what it is, where it came from or why it exists.


4. Fifty Crucial Questions About Manhood And Womanhood by John Piper & Wayne Grudem

Genre: Christian Doctrine, Relationships, Marriage and Christian Living
Download this book here.

First of all, this is more of an excerpt overview from a 500-page-plus book (Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood) written by a league of church leaders in the US in the 1980s (The Council On Biblical Manhood and Womanhood) on the same topic.

The writers encourage laypeople to tackle the issue of manhood and womanhood by considering arguments available to them, thinking for themselves, saturating themselves with Scripture and to pray earnestly for what the apostle Paul promised in Philippians 3:15: "If in anything you think otherwise, God will revel that also to you."



5. Expository Apologetics 101: Steps In Debating Well (from Expository Apologetics videos by Voddie Baucham, DMin)

This is not an ebook but a stream of videos on the above subject. 
You can watch the videos from here.

Lessons you can learn from these videos are that while practising apologetics;

A. Listen Carefully
1. Don't assume you know what they're going to say.
2. Don't fill in the blacks > they said what they said and meant what they said.
3. Follow the logic in their argument.
4. Ask clarifying questions.

B. Summarize Generously
1. Repeat what you heard them say.
2. Be careful with sarcasm.

C. Oppose Gently
1. Show them the inconsistency in their worldview.
2. Show them where they are counterfeiting the Biblical worldview.
3. Show them what the real thing looks like. Apologetics is not a formula. It depends on grace to get people to believe the Biblical worldview.



Bonface Morris