Dear Mama... I Love You

I just added one more year to those I already have the other day,
And I couldn’t help imagining how much it has cost you caring for me to this day,
I couldn’t imagine the best gift to give to you except a moment of gratitude,
And passages that express my heart – passages that show just how much I appreciate...

I know I have grown older now
I know I am no longer that boy of yours
That small boy who used to weep as you wipe his tears
Yeah, that boy who used to do the stupid things you always forgave...
I have grown to know the world a little bit more
And I have grown to know that what I’m writing is what I feel
I have grown to know how to express my fears, my feelings and my desires
But no longer to you but to God and some other very close friend...
I have grown a little bit more mum, but I’m still that small boy you used to see years ago...
And I will tell of the story of your love for me...

You remember my filthy behaviours, don’t you?
You remember when Dad (I salute you old chap) used to chase me around, don’t you?
You remember when he spanked me for stealing and I would throw words at him, right?
You remember when I used to be the innocent thief, huh?
You remember when one day I run Dad through terrain and he fell down, and I rejoiced that he didn’t catch me, and I went off and slept elsewhere and left you worrying?
You remember when you went out looking for me but couldn’t find me, yet I was only 10?
You remember that my naughtiness got you worried all the time when I disappeared and told all my cousins not to tell you where I was?
I know you remember so many things
I know you remember when after school you told me to go to church and I locked myself in my room pretending not to want to talk to anyone,
I know you remember that I didn’t really love church that much in those days...
I know you remember when the landlord came and we had no money to pay him and he spoke to you words that got to me and I felt like I wanna...
I know you remember when I felt like I wanted to kill that dude who impregnated my beautiful sister, right?

But you tolerated me, you held me
When Dad said I won’t eat because of my thievery, you stole food for me
I could see how sorry you were right there in your eyes when I bathed cold water in the rains as Dad (not hard feelings old chap) watched me shiver
I saw how worried you were when I was told I won’t spend the night in the house because of my erroneous behaviours
I heard you pray for me early in the morning and late into the night...
I miss those moments when I could hear you mention each of my siblings’ names (plus that of papa) in prayer to God
I remember I was terrified that God would hear you and change me (because I somehow enjoyed who I was then)
I miss those moments when you would return from your long journeys and cook us our sweetest meals (you always seemed to understand what each one of us liked)
I miss those moments when I used to bring you the ugali cooking stick in the kitchen when the water was already boiling...
I miss those celebrations when your friends came around in the weekend
I remember the noise, the ululations, the food, the joy, the fervency
I remember the laughter, the earnestness, the speeches, the life...
I miss them...

Mum, you are one of a kind
Yeah mum, you are a woman of a kind
Some of these guys that are reading this letter don’t know you
They have never seen you or heard you talk
But I know you mum; and I know you are a woman of a kind...
And I’m gonna write to say that I love you
I love you because I know when I needed/need you most, you are present
I know you still care for me as much as you did when I was a child
That you wish I could grow small again so that you embrace me with fondness
But I have now grown up and I need to be the man you taught me to become...
God has taught me many more lessons in this life
Life itself has taught me so much – and I’m still learning
But I won’t forget the first lessons you taught me when I was still rebellious
Yeah, I won’t forget the lessons you taught me when I was still like, “Ta tat a ta”
Those were and still are extraordinary lessons
Thank you mum... I love you;

I know that as I am growing older, you too are growing older
But I pray that God will preserve you (and Dad) much more
I pray (just as you pray for each of us every day) that you may prosper
And that my kids will see their granny for many more days...
Mum, I love you...

Sincerely,
Your son Morris.