Marry Village "Material" or Not?

Side note: Three words (or more) used in this post: experts, village and civilized are so put in quotes because of the measure of relativity they carry...

To the single person, issues about marriage bring about a lot of japery. Okay, don't start wishing to pluck out my eyes just yet because, it is true that singlehood is very vulnerable to both "civilized" and "village" japery. And, well, I hate japery...

If you are a single person (like myself) you are haunted - and if not now, are going to be haunted anyway - with advice from a stream of elderly "experts" on "who to marry" and "who not marry" (Experts et al). But I don't love "experts". I don't have this 'soft spot' for them. (Refer to "Embracing 2013",)

Well, I love advice, but I hate being forced into advice or a certain way of understanding or doing things. I don't love forced advice. I admire being freelance, no, I love being freelance. I love being freelance but I'm not obsessed with it. I am not obsessed with the "my-menu-my-food-my-tummy" way of thinking because it is stupid. Stupid people add no good to any society, right?

I am not rebellious (this is actually self defense) because I think I love making decisions with a backup of advice (even advice from "experts"). So I love advice.  But I hate tyrannical advice. My freelance way of dealing with advice is simple: listen to as much wisdom and advice as you can but be ready to account for every decision you make without making excuses...

Well, I think I'm confusing you already... just forget-about-it...   

*Spoken in a Johnson Mwakazi voice and tone*: So, as far as "experts" are concerned, word (read: advice) is out; and it is (that word that is 'out') busy hopping into our (we single people) quiet, mortal minds with frails of so-called deepness (read: depth), and thereafter resting on our relationship consciences concerning who and who not to marry; who to date and who not to date; err, if we should or should not date... bla bla bla...

Saved guys like myself have been subjected to even greater expectations: mild do's and don't's, relationship dings and bongs, and puddles and ponds of relationship and marriage advice... all spilling and pouring [ramshackle] knowledge down the throats of our minds.

Our ears and minds are already drumming with suggestions and views, advice and buffoonery... (maybe) all in the name of "we-grownups or we-[your-buddies] are giving you young [buddy] people advice on your possible-cum-potential life partners..."

We are overwhelmed. Yeah, we are.

The advice and expectations are quite draining if we have to put a lot of weight into it.

Side note: Hey grownups! Calm down. Chill... We appreciate your efforts. You're doing well. You're doing a great job with all that advice...

Well,...    

And in that line of thought, while having lots of "leaked" information I have never known I needed staggering somewhere at the back of my mind, and as I was doing my soma soma za hapa na pale, I happened to meet a badly written article (okay, excuse me for calling it that way because every writer has a way with his/her pen that is relevant enough) on why "village" chiqs (or in that case, why "village" dudes) are the cutest marriage partners.

The writer claimed that he'd rather go to the village to get a wife (or as the late Wahome Mutahi would put it, "to fetch his thatcher") than marry campus chiqs - who are, according to him, just but "spoiled brats"... He claimed that "village" chiqs are the coolest, that they are well mannered and so on...

Be it as it was, that did not impress me much. Yeah, I was not very impressed with what I read... And although I may be writing this in defense of civilization, I'm in no way an advocate for unwanted, evil, wicked and immoral behavior posed by the so-called town-born guys...Ati (the writer premised) the best place to fish (though I still prefer using another word in the place of the word 'fish', because, well, fishing is such a clumsy activity that I don't want to be partisan to... and the very idea of holding a stick with a 'string' and a hook for lengths of time waiting for I don't know what to appear, has never impressed me... and anyway, ladies or guys are not equivalent to some pitiable piece of aquatic meat...) for a potential marriage partner was in the village, or, well, for someone from the village. "Woooooot!?" went me, "A village chiq for a wife? *Mind went blank and haywire plus a veeery long pause.*

Anyways,...

I hold nothing against "village" people. And it's abusive to think them less important. I think that they are cool in their own great way, and I don't have to turn that down.

But to me, dating kisha marrying a "village" lady can be a lil' more complicated than imagined.

Yeah, the view people have of "village" ladies is that they wipe their faces with dew and eat a fair breakfast, right? And that village guys (from what I hear) singlehandedly construct houses, thatch them and rear cattle as their chill-out activity, right? Now, that, my friend, although it's actually a warped view of the actual truth, needs a lot of placement before I come to terms with its reality. It is commendable yeah, but it needs a lot of mind-editing before committing to adopt it. So I conclude that I may not be able to stand that (at least when I look at it from a certain angle), and that the most obvious aftermath is: we are likely to constantly disagree on very many primary things - which (as far as I know) is not healthy for a relationship.

Anyway, what makes people think that a village boy or girl is the ultimate-chivalrous-classic-hyperfabulous marriage type? Or that "they are the iiiissssshh" in relationships democracy?  Eiiiish! Kwani they produce or come with free bread, meat, milk and electricity? Shindwe!

I always say that "village" guys should not always think and assume that they are the only ones that qualify to be tagged as being "saint-like"; because, as a matter of fact, there are more town dudes and dudettes who are as smart, cool, saint-like, beautiful and marriage "material" as the "village" guys out there could ever be.

Who assumes that we are all manner less and cunning? Who said that we can't respect people or love with sincerity?

Who said that we ALL can't cook?

Who said that wearing trousers makes ALL women sluts or wearing jeans makes dudes wakora? Who said that, huh? And did whoever said that really have the reality and truth on whatever they were saying? Really?

It is not fair to draw a line and conclude to any extreme end that either side of this coin is thus...

Hey "village" chiq, who said that dressing like my mom makes you a better wife?

**Oooo, BTW, I really love my mom - she's excellent...!!** 

Who said that coming from the village automatically qualifies you as responsible and reliable? Who said that there are no thieves or wakora in the village? Who said that all "village" boys and girls are innocent? Who said that every "village" guy is "a bearer and a rarer of children"? Who said that every "village" boy and girl is a virgin? It is not true: It is known. It is known. Good character (read: personality) and values can exist on both sides of this coin. Bad character can't be refuted as not existing and cohabiting amongst members of both societies either. We all have a share of good and bad regardless of where we were born or come from...

Well,...

I know I am tempted to tell "village" guys to go on and continue dancing Rare Watts moves to the sounds of blinding smoke from their kitchens and draw happiness from fetching water from the stream together... but that will not help us solve our differences. I am tempted to, but it is useless. It will only escalate animosity (which should not be existing amongst us) and end up widening the drift separating us...

If what constitutes a good relationship is the naive nature of one partner or the other, then, I always say, I should have no business with such deals.

I once told a friend (there's another writer who supports it too) who thrills in the "humility" of Ugandan and Teso ladies **makes sign of the cross** that he is a fool (forgive me for that again). Okay, to him, the kneeling and bowing of females from these communities indicates submission; but to me, it indicates weakness - and I haven't even an ounce of admiration for a weak, vulnerable and malleable lady. I don't love weakness - and please don't misinterpret my take on weakness and strength as indicated here. I admire strength. I admire aggressive behavior. I admire someone who can point out my weaknesses and stupid ways (like the original status of this blog post) but I don't admire rudeness, lack of respect and stupid independence... A rude, disrespectful and puffed-up lady is an abomination to the institution of helpers (as God calls them.)

A guy (or a lady in any case) who praises a "village" person just because they come from the village is absurd. They are credulous. They are uninformed. And although I hold nothing against "village" people, "village" behavior comes out as tumultuous as it can ever be - which is also true that civilization has its back-stabs.

My take? Let "village" people marry "village" people, and let "civilized" people marry "civilized" people. Only mix the two at your own expense... and... coming from the village does not translate to having so-called good manners, nor does being city-born automatically make one a tomboy or a sissy... eish!!

Enjoy your "village" or "civilized" thoughtful time. ;)



Bonface Morris