Thank God it is (February). I now have the privilege to talk "things love" without being judged by most of you. In some other "normal" month, I would prefer to tread such topics as the one above very carefully, knowing that all these gazelles, porcupines and tigers - sorry for calling you that guys, sorry - are watching from afar, waiting for my slip so that they may slip in their two pence of criticism and marionettry.
Okay.
You may want to curse the goads. If you want to, er, if you have to. But that will not stop February from being what it is, and what it has always been. February is the Rolex of love, the sun of everything love; the month when dead and/or dying relationships face either of these two things: a break-up or a pull-up; and new love is birthed, and some is rekindled, and forgotten things are done, and lame excuses are made... up until another February... (for those who worship routine.)
I just want to promise you that because you cannot escape this reality that comes with February as a single person, or as and oblivious young person or as a "playing ground" kinda fella, you may need to read a few lines from Uncle Morris himself. (Okay, I think I've once mentioned somewhere that I have several kids that call me Uncle, so get used to it buddy. :-) I am an uncle, baby.)
February is boring. Or it is going to be. At least to most of us.
Hello dudes, please say, "Yeah!" in agreement like you be whooping in church...
Well, and because it is boring to many (especially guys), leave alone its hoars of grasp upon tender and lonely hearts, and because you don't like it, why not vent a little? Why not get carried away with my talk?
You'll need to be carried away somehow because with all this power February has on the people around you, the way it is going to grasp you in melancholy and turn you into some kind-of circumstantial puppet, it ain't good. It ain't good at all. Watching a couple of love-frenzy friends is not fun. No, it is not.
Don't blame the love-birds yet. Don't. If it were you in their shoes, you'll do the same thing. True. Don't deny it. Man is a disciple of bliss; wherever it goes, he obediently follows... So when you see them trapped in the hullabaloo that is love and they seem to be busking in the tremors of its existence, and they are are like air-filled balloons aiming everywhere and enjoying the airs of existence, just swallow it up. And move on.
Or allow yourself to be vulnerable to my advice today. Allow yourself to hear what I have to say about you getting rejoined with your ex before taking your phone and falling into the temptation of calling, texting or WhatsApp-ing them "just to kill the loneliness" or "just to say 'hi'". Because that is what getting bored does to people: they start doing things they would never do even if the sun rose up in the middle of the night. They start eating what the doctor warned them not to, and walking on broken glass, and walking naked on the streets (not literally)... Emptiness and loneliness creates a fondness for the past. But honey, please wait.
My research tells me that by the age of 23, each one of us has had an ex or two... the most notorious ones in our midst having had upto five or so. If you have not had an ex since you were born, it is okay. You are normal. There is no problem with that - you are just the reserved type, and pray hard that you won't get into this ex mess soon...
So I've been wondering: Should you date your ex? Again? Is it a good idea? Or just because February is calling, you'll need someone to accompany you to that party you and your friends have planned?
Well, consider the following questions;
- What made you ditch them in the first place? Has it (the thing that made you ditch them) changed? Really? Have you changed? Are you ready to run life with compromise in order to meet their needs? (Of course in a Godly way.)
- Was your break-up nasty? Was there name-calling and yelling, and grenades, and waruus? A lot of repair may need to be done buddy, if you are thinking of going back.
- To the saved guys: was the relationship God's idea or your own idea? And to the secular guy: were you ready for this thing or was it your own (and your friends') idea?
- Was God in it? Was God involved? Were you in it or were you pushed into it?
- Were you two mature people when you got into it? Kids can't manage and keep relationships. They don't know the why (Why am I in this relationship?) the how (How am I going to behave or treat the other person in this relationship?) and the what (What is my role in this relationship? What are my responsibilities?). All they know is to stutter, ask for favors and "enjoy" each other's company.
- Were you unfaithful, or were they? Did you start refusing to pick up their calls and to reply to their texts out of the blues? Or was it induced? What induced it? What induced your deep dislike for them until you two parted ways?
- Were they your fantasies at work, or was it real? (I wrote something about fantasies sometime back. Read it here.) Were you working on the relationship just as he/she was?
- Did you love them or was it an infatuation (lust)? Was it genuine or faked up?
- Did they build you up morally, emotionally and spiritually? Or were you a consolidation of sinful pretenders?
- But maybe your ex was such a mess and you just need to shed them off and move on. And by a mess I mean: manipulative, immature, uncaring, unforgiving, ungodly, unsaved, a serial liar, unfaithful... the list is endless.
- Were they stupid and petty things that broke you two up? And by stupid and petty I mean stupid and petty.
There are some things that you need to know though before I try to move on with what I am saying:
Christianity does not advocate for dating (meeting random people for random reasons but with the possiblity of culturing a relationship) and/or break-ups in relationships. The Bible is straight-on when dealing with relationships: Don't awaken love before its time (Song of Solomon 8:4). It simply means that we should only get into relationships when "the time is right"; that is, when we are mature enough to handle them and the challenges they bring. God wants us to get into relationships when we are ready to, not "when we feel like we want to..."
Breakups and all these "ex factor" things are our own making. God wants us to get into relationships with the main aim being marriage, not "testing the waters because there are many fish in there, and you may not know which is the right one until you catch them one at a time..." The Bible wants us to embrace courtship, not dating. Why? Because courtship has friendship, openness, commitment and seriousness attached to it. There ain't not pettiness in courtship guys.
I have an ex. You may be having one too, but that is not God's idea of relationships, it is our own. I have an ex, and it is wrong. I used to pray for my girlfriend and about our relationship (just like every other saved boyfriend would do), but when the world came tumbling down (and people have been asking me what really went wrong), I swallowed it up and moved on. It was my fault - and I say this unregretfully. Am I going back with relation to the questions I have raised above? I don't know. God knows. That is why I don't bad-mouth people. There ain't no island called Morris. We are good friends with my ex for now. That is all. I am enjoying single-hood. I am. Yeah, I talked to God last August and made a resolution to remain single for the time being - for a period I don't know. I am okay with that. I bet God is.
What I have mentioned above is but an aid to help us make a decision based on wisdom and not on impulse, emotions or circumstances. If you think that your ex scores way above average on the above issues and that you can't start another relationship (for reasons known to yourself and to God), and that God is going to be involved in the relationship this time round, and that the relationship will hold the worth of a courtship, go on and make that call or write that text. Go on and give it a shot. You never know.
But ask God about it first, you saved person. He may surprise you. Yeah, He may.
So, will you date or court your ex? Again?
You have the answer.
Bonface Morris.
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