Twenty-Fourteen: Life, Relationships and Everything Between

Just a few days ago – a week or so, to be precise - I shared something on my end-year cum festive-season reflections in what I called "nanoreflections". If you haven't read that post, read it here.

This post is a sequel to that one and it seeks to emphasize on a few issues relevant to any new season. It is not [in any way] advice, (oh, it may be) but just a series of life-questions and views.

Apparently, I just want to talk to us, and, er, help us get into 2014 with some bits of focus and confidence, and with well-directed perceptions of life and those around us.

But before that, let me open up a little about writing, and especially writing in the festive season...

I am putting on paper [almost] everything that has been spiraling in my mind - thanks to my sticky notes and my notepad - in the few days I've been both idle and busy with celebrations. Why? I may grow mad if I don't. (Literally).

Every writer will tell you that it is "extremely normal" to feel "extremely mad" when so many words are passing through your mind and you JUST can't hold them in or put them out in time. It is even more okay to become dumb on someone trying to interfere with your thought line.

This is what happens: a certain urge to vent out thinks (things and thoughts) comes upon you, and you acquire a status of between screaming and shouting, or of between sitting and running; and a force purges from within your lungs (or from wherever within you), because your hand fails to [somehow] tap on the keyboard (or to scribble things on a piece of paper) as fast as your mind is pulling them out; and it is at this time that the heart within you thuds tremendously and your skin increases in tension, and the pumping of blood increases; because beauty is fighting to be let out but it is sticking somewhere and some of it is getting swallowed, and you don't like it...

Eventually, you feel a mixture of excitement and hysteria taking over you, like a sneeze that just won't go off... And worse it will be, if a couple of hyperactive people around you ask you questions and request that you get involved in their "fun"...

You may slightly lift your head, shift on whatever is holding your weight, stare at each one of them conspicuously and after kinda 30 seconds, say nothing at all. They may feel angry for being taken for granted, rant their most, bring out those platitudes they have of you and waste your good five minutes while trying to paint you as the-most-wicked-unsocial-and-punitive-introvert-in-the-world. You may mundanely smile back, or fracture their egotistic selves by exchanging their statements with a plain, emotionless face, and continue struggling with the speed at which words are rushing in your brain... they may even constitute to the adrenaline rush by giving you more ideas...

Oh well, lemme spare you that entire bunny droll...

So, back to our theme...

My observations this festive season have been centered on people's character and behavior. I have observed that it is character and behavior that manifests and depicts the growth of a person as interpreted by those around him/her. Also, regardless of whether you are saved or not, character and growth in life are the two things in life you cannot jump over. We all behave in a certain way and grow to a certain extent. Just differently, but we all do. If not so, we all are dead or are in the process of dying.

Now, because one of the most basic catalysts of life is behavior which intertwines itself in character and leads to a given level of growth, and that without growth we are all exposed to ridicule by redundancy and stagnation or even death itself, behavior, character and growth become the power(s) that drive life - they are the main proof of life. 
And if [at all] they do prove life, how is Twenty-Fourteen going to be with regard to these three? How are we going to trim them so that to make this year the year that marks the beginning of our treading the uncharted territory?

Let's check it out and see a few things that we may need to change in our behavior and character in order to prove our positive growth; or rather, a few things that may make our relationships with those around us more bearable in Twenty-Fourteen.

Here goes... (and I promise that this one is gonna be reaaaaaaally long)…

To all dudes:-

1.      On drinking and partying
It is thought today that the much a man drinks proves his knowledge of partying. Well, I've seen some. They call it "having fun". Fun? Yes, fun. They say drinking yourself silly is fun. And all this time, I’ve been hoping to believe (under some degree of supernatural conviction) that fun includes having hangovers, becoming broke, having a sore body, sleeping in a trench and making God sad through bad use of your body. I’ve been hoping. For a while now. I’ve not succeeded to hope enough though... But be it as it may, my mixture of hopes and observations have noted that 70% of these boys who drink themselves silly still depend on their parents. Yeah, they are just boys. Boys who have not yet learnt to earn their own money and waste it on liquor (that is if liquor is worthy wasting money on). Maybe they'll learn a few lessons then grow up later, no? Lesson learnt? A boy drinks himself silly and parties all day without a break, but a man is conscious of his indulgence, his company and about tomorrow. 
Make a decision on what you wanna be this year. A boy or a man?

2.      On lying and honesty in our relationships. 
In worldly contexts, lies are considered to be the standard measuring unit for a man – his mantra. They say that a man is wired to lie. They are stupid. (Those who say this.) Men are not wired to lie, boys are. They are boys who lie about all things in their lives. Men speak their minds. Men speak the truth, no matter how blunt and painful it may be. Men share issues, and their women help solve them; while boys lie about issues, and their girls swoon over them… So, my dear friend, are you going to be a man [of your word] or a boy full of lies? It is your choice.

3.      On being haphazard.

Someone I respect a lot once told me: Rush the much you want Morris, that is what you young people think life is all about; but come back and be certain that there are two things you can’t rush and recover; time and your age… I’ve been flipping through that advice for a while now and I’ll tell you something about it after I’m done…

With the current flip in technology, everything seems to be running too fast. Android OS versions and phones are coming out every other night. Apple is unleashing products like the wind. All sorts of things are being done to DNA. Robots are becoming more real by the day. Smart homes are becoming the envy of everyone... “So why not go with the flow?” you ask. You don’t have to, do you? If everything in this world ran at our speed and as fast as we would want it to, then everything will end up being messy. (Methinks.) Calm down. Relax. Life was never meant to be rushed. Become a man and see the big picture, rather than being the boy that runs into everything without thinking of the outcome, or without seeing the future. It’s our choice anyway…

4.      On reliability and responsibility 
One outcry I have heard from my lady friends over and over again this festive season is that 90% of we men are still boys – still piping in the drains of boyhood. Yes, you heard me right: 90% of these guys you meet and see are still boys (Ladies et al.) Ladies have been telling me that they are tired of acting as our mothers and elder sisters and at the same time being our fiancées. They are tired of our lack of commitment and playing the man in our relationships. They are tired of our lack of concern and dedication to our relationships. They are tired of us being wimps and play boys. O! They are tired of so many things. Over this season, and while interacting with several of them, they’ve insisted on one single thing: let the so-called men in their lives stop playing boys. They say this: boys play girls and have a string of them and think that females are objects of pleasure and meeting their lustful creeds; men date ladies/women, value them for who they are and plan to marry them. It is our choice guys, what we wanna be this year.

5.      On being the serious and the moody type.

I know this one is gonna catch us unawares. But seriously, who said that men should not know how to switch profiles? (And by ‘profiles’ I mean our reaction to things.) Who said so? Who said that a broke man should always avoid his lady (unless she is a girl – which I am going to address in the next part of this post) or that a “stressed” man is hell-fire? I am being told that a humorous broke man is better than a gloomy endowed man (Ladies et al.) I am also being told that a generous and charismatic man is more attractive than a stingy and moody man.

Guys, again, it is our choice this year what we wanna be.

To all ladies:-

1.      On nagging and drama.

Oh! I know something fah real: every lady and every girl has a degree of drama installed inside her by default, no matter how good they may be. After saying that (and I will allow you to make as much noise about it as you may want to), allow me to point you ladies to a certain direction. Who told you that partying and drinking yourself silly makes you attractive? Huh? Seriously ladies, and who told you that sleeping with as many men as you can’t count and surmounting drama to your name makes you famous? I know there are words like socialite that have become “fashionable” of late, thanks to the internet. Yeah, most of you think that drama and tweefs make you famous. I can see it in most people’s twitter updates. (They won’t do it on Facebook because it will betray their “decency” to their close friends and relatives). There is one point to note though ladies: Girls are drama queens. Girls flirt with every other man they meet. Girls nag all the time. Girls manipulate men. Girls complain and rarely appreciate what their men do for them. But women, yes, well-refined ladies and women, cannot exchange their dignity for cheap fame. Get it right: Women have standards, and they make these standards known. Women support their men, take care of them, are concerned about them and appreciate the little (or much) they receive from them. Women know their boundaries as far as drama, gossip and nagging are concerned. Yes, you’ve heard it, so go on and make a choice this year. 

2.      On insecurity and self image.

Sometimes real men wish that women would understand just one simple concept of attraction: beauty of the skin and a great body figure will fade away, but the greatest of beauties is the beauty of the heart and the strength in a woman’s personality. Of course a man is attracted to your outer beauty too, but he won’t be feeding on that beauty daily nor will it help him welcome friends and keep/preserve relationships that are meaningful to both of you. He will need something deeper - a great personality that matches that beauty. That’s what will keep him. So ladies, why not put more weight and attention to your character, behavior and inner countenance than spending all the time bellowing about a man who seems distant? Why should other women concern you too much if you at all take care of your personality and your man? Aki promise me that this is what you are going to work on this year. Promise me that you will worry more about your-all-round self image than those shoes or dress you don’t have. Promise me that you will not be insecure about yourself or your man when around other ladies. Promise me o sweet little beau… J

3.      On being THE woman in your man’s life

I grew up knowing that women are always in control. Blame my mother, but that is how I knew women should be. I mean, only girls lack territory. Women have their feet grounded upon their territory, and they let everyone know it. You’ve heard the story about the lioness, right? You’ve even watched it on National Geographic, right? Of how she can kick Father-Lion’s a** and those little cubs to hell when they try to bring in nonsense, right? Yeah, that’s what a woman is all about. But I am not here to imply that women should beat up their men Nyeri style, oh no! That is what girls do: beat up their men, act like tomboys, go on silent mode for a decade in repayment for small mistakes done, torch down a house… Seriously!? A woman who knows that she is in control is not a control freak to her man, but she also doesn’t tolerate nonsense from him. She goes about her business and makes him know when he oversteps boundaries. That is a real woman. A Proverbs 31 kind-of woman. Strive to become one this year.  

4.      On being an attention freak

I know that all women deserve some degree of attention – especially from their men and a few of their fellow women. It is genetic. That is okay. Your man (that is if he is a man and not a boy) should compliment you from time to time, hug you, pamper you, bla bla bla… But why boil with negative emotion(s) over him not complimenting you for a day? Seriously? Why turn down his calls just because he didn’t tell you that you were looking good when he met you in the morning? Stop being childish. Grow up this year.

5.      On independence and the fluffy affirmative action

I’ll be on point on this one: ladies, please stop competing with men this year (or nay other time for that case).

Whoever thinks that equality and equity are useless in matters to do with gender is wrong. However modern we are, or have become, God still values the status that a man should initiate leadership in the home and in relationships. I don’t deny you [ladies] holding leadership positions and owning stuff as a much as men do, that is great. But for once, just be proud that you were born a woman. We will value you as that. Don’t wish to be a man. That is becoming girly and senseless.

Yeah, that’s another one to consider this year.

I have to stop here. This can be longer than you can read, and that is not good for your reading health (nor is it for my writing health)… But, er, to add on something small but relevant: please stop replacing "s" with "x" in any of your writings this year. Leave that to teenagers. :-)

So do we choose to live like we are twenty or like we are fourteen this Twenty-Fourteen?

It is our choice to make.

Bonface Morris.