Note:
Read part one in this series of blogs here: Relationship Blues Part 1: Do You Really Want that Breakup? and part two here: Relationship Blues Part 2: Understanding Conflict In Relationships.
*******
For the past two Valentines, Adrian has been sitting here at The RED SHOP, and both times, he has been ordering for that same "perfect meal" they loved having with Lillian. Such a perfect place for perfect meals.
The perfect bad habit he has taught himself whenever he hops in at such a time of the year is this:
He takes out his phone - an imperfect Samsung-Galaxy-something (one of those Samsung names according to the year it was released) - taps on the Gallery app, and scrolls down through it.
He moves on to "sort albums by calendar" and hovers down to year 2015. There, he finds himself staring at Lillian's photos with lots of nostalgia: such a beautiful, but mostly fragile thing! While scrolling, he bumps into a stream of photos when their relationship was as flawless as a baby's skin and as smooth as its butt.
Even the surroundings in those photos agree that theirs was a relationship made in Heaven, by God Himself: carefully crafted, and meticulously thought-out; the work of a master-engineer.
In those photos, as he sees buildings, grasses, stones and trees around them - the selfies and all - memories come thudding in. Perfect memories. Everything becomes so alive that a pain engulfs his inner being. It's like his heart is being squeezed from within and the blood is oozing down into his stomach as a reality concealed in excruciating pain.
It's unbearable. The pain is unbearable.
"Why are memories so perfect yet reality so baffling?"
"Why didn't it work out?" he asks himself as the waiter come backs with his order.
"Why, Lord, why!?"
He reminisces the fanciful times they had together.
"She was perfect! Almost...!!!" He smirks.
He has always wanted someone perfect - a perfect woman. Someone with;
1. A perfect body - a body so perfect that fellow men will stop their cars just to look at her. Some synergy between a work of art, a wild idea and an angel.
2. A perfect relationship with God - a lady so soaked in Jesus' blood that she's dripping with it wherever she is, yet so humble and committed in ministry that she could preach his nerves away.
3. A perfect relationship with themselves - a woman so down-to-earth and open-minded that she is comfortable with who she is and knows where she's going.
4. A perfect relationship with other people - a lady that everyone praises - everyone - for her good manners and kind heart; and one that dearly loves everyone.
He was obsessed with wanting a perfect girlfriend. His thoughts were so tainted that every girl he met had to meet a certain criterion he had stipulated for "a lady worthy his life and time". Not even angels could pass his "tests". Come on, even angels fall, no? Such imperfect things.
But if Adrian would sit himself down just for a little while and consider the following, maybe he'd realize that we are all imperfect, somehow;
1. As a man, could he conclusively say that he had a "body to kill"? Oh! And that every woman would drool at him and the "perfect" features of his body as he passed around while breathing God's beautiful free air?
2. Did he have a perfect relationship with God that never faltered? Oh! And didn't he ever sin? Like, ever? Was he always fired up for God? Really?
3. Was he contented with himself and the totality of who he was then? Oh! And had he achieved everything achievable by men his age?
4. And finally, did ALL people love him? Oh! And did he love everyone with no strings attached and without excuses?
If could answer every question above with a "yes", maybe, just maybe, we may start recommending ladies for him. But he still won't find that perfect woman he dreams of. Perfection is a fad, a bad one.
*******
Now, as Adrian thinks of how his Valentines will be this year, he tells himself that he's got to change. And things have to change. The past is gone, the present is here, and the future is beckoning. He cannot afford to be what he has always been. He will step out, fall in love again, and bear the burdens of imperfection every relationship comes with. This time round, he won't allow his faults and weaknesses to be hidden from his own eyes and he won't be expecting more than he can give.
This time, it will have to be different. Of course he won't trim down his standards and expectations and he won't play around with his values but he will give his heart a chance to love again: to love freely. Because when you love with a free heart, he has learnt, everything else releases itself to allow your heart to flourish.
Another thing he is realizing is that maybe God gives us imperfect people to remind us of our own imperfections and to help us learn patience and how to surrender everything to Him; and after all has been said and done, so that we can all, together with God, say, "It is good", "It's alright", "It's perfect."
Closing thought
A perfect person is almost a thing, and it's hard to love things, because things don't know how to love back.
Note:
This post is dedicated to all people full of pettiness in relationships (haha) and to everyone who's ever regretted letting go due to petty reasons. Don't worry, your foolishness just made you wiser, hehe.
Bonface Morris.
No comments:
Post a Comment