Temptations and How to Overcome Them

Every devoted Christian has been tempted or will be tempted in the near future or at some point or another in their life. That's the truth of the matter. I hear that even non-Christians are tempted too (but you'll have to read on and see what I have to say about that.) To what degree and for what reason we are tempted, I don't know (only God and the devil know.) All I know is that Christians are tempted by the devil so that he may make them fall from the gracious glory of our God and the eternal hope that is in our Lord Jesus Christ.

This post is somehow for new born Christians who want to understand how temptations work on this side of life and it somehow (the post) attempts to show us how we can overcome them. It may also prove useful to many of us who've never understood this whole temptation thing. I'll use questions in order to easily guide us in understanding a few things about temptation.

So, here goes...

*******
What is a temptation?
A temptation is something that seduces or has the ability to seduce someone towards sin.

Are temptations normal, are they necessary, and are they to be enjoyed?
Yes, temptations are normal to everyone; Christian and non-Christian alike. And they are necessary because;
1. They help in testing our faith and thereafter in spiritual growth: unless the devil tempts and tests our faith in God and what we believe in, it would be impossible to tell if we are growing or are still stuck in the same place.
2. They help in revealing who we truly are: strong or weak, Christian or non-Christian, hypocrite or true child of God, whether we are of God or of the devil.
3. They help to either reveal the fruit of the Holy Spirit in us (Galatians 5:22-23) or the fruit of the evil spirit (power of the devil working through our sinful nature) in us.
There is nothing wrong with being tempted, but there is everything wrong with falling into temptation (sinning.)

Note: Sometimes suffering comes to Christians as a temptation and other times as a test. Normally, there is nothing to be enjoyed when being tempted, but it later produces a better you whenever you overcome it. The apostles Paul and Peter say the following about temptation (in this context, temptation and suffering being the same thing);Paul says this in Romans 8:18 (ESV) "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."And Peter says this in 1 Peter 3:14 (ESV) "But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled."

How are Christians tempted and how is it different from non-Christians?
The devil tempts Christians (like he did to Christ Jesus in Matthew 4) in order to deviate him from God's original plan for their life. Thus temptations always seek to make the Christian fall (leave God and forsake what the Christian had earlier believed about God.)
I wouldn't say that non-Christians are tempted because that is their nature and introducing sin into their lives is simply making them worse than they already are. I would say the devil uses sin against the non-Christian in order to stamp his ownership on him/her.

Who tempts Christians? God, the devil or themselves?
The devil tempts Christians.
He does this with the assistance of the sin that lives in the person being tempted.
The apostle James puts it this way in the Book of James;
James 1:13-15 (ESV) 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
Here is the unique thing we should note about God, the devil, sin, temptations and tests: temptations are from the devil and they rely on the sin that is left growing in us. They lead to sin and death. Tests are from God and they lead to a deeper understanding and relationship with God. Sometimes (and it is most times actually), God uses the devil's temptations in our lives to grow us in faith, love and in a deeper understanding of who He is.
The Book of Job says this about the nature of God and temptations (this was an answer to Job and his friends who thought that God is evil and tempts people);
Job 34:10, 12 (NKJV) 10 "Therefore listen to me, you men of understanding: Far be it from God to do wickedness, And from the Almighty to commit iniquity. 12 Surely God will never do wickedly, Nor will the Almighty pervert justice.
Also, when you look at the definition of temptation as stated above, it is impossible for God to tempt us. It is unimaginable for a holy God to "do something that seduces someone towards sin or to seduce someone towards sin." It is unimaginable for God to do that.

Which are the three key areas where every devoted Christian will be tempted?
Looking at Matthew 4, we realize three key areas;
1. We will be tempted by the devil to misuse God's Word for personal gratification.
Verse: Matthew 4:3 (ESV) "And the tempter came and said to Him, 'If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.'"
2. We will be tempted by the devil to doubt God and His promises to us, and will be persuaded by the enemy to neglect God's way and follow quick fixes. These temptations seek to sieve through our faith, our sonship in God, and what we know about God and His character.
Verse: Matthew 4:6 (ESV) "...and said to Him, 'If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.'"
3. We will be tempted by the devil in our priorities and what we value most and hold dear above everything else:
Verse: Matthew 4:9 (ESV) "And he said to Him, 'All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.'"
Almost all temptations fall into these three categories.

What should we do when tempted?
The way we overcome every temptation thrown at us differs because of a few reasons;
1. Our levels of spiritual growth (which determines our understanding of God, the devil, sin, evil and righteousness.)
2. The sin that easily puts us down. This sin is different for everyone. The Book of Hebrews calls it "sin that clings so closely" (Hebrews 12:1).
3. Our closeness to God.
But we should take heart because this is what the Lord has said about us when being tempted;
1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV) "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
As we strive to overcome temptation, we should always know that God knows about it (what we are facing) and that by His Holy Spirit, we will always overcome. He does not delight in us falling under temptation.

Here is what we can do when being tempted;
By the means of the Holy Spirit, a Christian can understand the form or kind of temptation thrown at them and the same Spirit will help them deal with each one as it deems right and overcome it;
1. There are temptations that call for fleeing, so we'll need to run away when facing them i.e. sexual sin, gossip etc. There is normally no negotiations with such sins.
Verse: 2 Timothy 2:22 (NKJV) "Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."
2. There are temptations that call for resistance i.e. when being persuaded by friends to do something evil or when being persuaded to forsake the truth you have believed.
Verse: 1 Peter 5:9 (NKJV) "Resist him (the devil), steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world."
3. There are temptations that call for warfare i.e. demonic attacks and temptations inspired or fueled by words.
Verse: 
2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (ESV) 3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 6 being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.
In Ephesians 6:10-20, the apostle Paul lists the weapons we use in this warfare. (Click the link to read the Bible passage.)
4. There are temptations that call for mercy and bearing with one another.
Verses:
Ephesians 4:1-3 (ESV) 1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Jude 1:22-23 (ESV) 22 And have mercy on those who doubt; 23 save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh.

Above all, pray, seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit and apply God's Word in every case. The writer of the book of Revelation says that this is how we overcome the devil; "...they triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and the Word of their testimony... (Revelation 12:11, NIV.)

For how long do temptations last?
It is different for everyone. But here is what we should consider; 
1. All Christians will experience various temptations throughout their spiritual lives whether they like it or not, because they are now permanent enemies of the devil. 
2. Some temptations will last longer than others depending on if we fight well through the temptation and overcame the devil, or if God feels we have learned the lesson that came with the temptation. 
3. Some temptations are likely not to end (like take Paul's example when he says in 2 Corinthians 12 that... "...and lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me..." (2 Corinthians 12:7-9, NKJV).
It therefore requires discernment from our part as enabled by God's Spirit to know which type of temptation we are facing right now and how long it may last.

Are there rewards for overcoming temptation?
Yes.
Here are direct promises from our Lord Himself from the Book of Revelation directed to the various people who will overcome various temptations:

Revelation 2:7, 11, 17, 26-28 (ESV)
7 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.’
11 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. The one who conquers will not be hurt by the second death.’
17 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it.’
26 The one who conquers and who keeps my works until the end, to him I will give authority over the nations, 27 and he will rule them with a rod of iron, as when earthen pots are broken in pieces, even as I myself have received authority from my Father. 28 And I will give him the morning star.

Revelation 3:5, 12, 21 (ESV)
5 The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels.
12 The one who conquers, I will make him a pillar in the temple of my God. Never shall he go out of it, and I will write on him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which comes down from my God out of heaven, and my own new name.
21 The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne.

The apostle James also promises this very thing >
James 1:12 (ESV) "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

*******
Stay blessed... and may the Lord keep us all away from temptation and deliver us from the evil one. And if tempted, may we overcome so that we may receive His reward both here on earth and when we meet with Him on His second coming.


Bonface Morris.

Christian Living: 5 Truths You Need to Know About Psalm 119

This post was originally posted here: 5 Truths to Know about Psalm 119

Psalm 119

Found in the center of God's Word, Psalm 119 is the longest chapter of the Bible. Important themes, found throughout its 176 verses, focus on the Truth and necessity of God's Word and on His very character. Charles Spurgeon liked this Psalm so much, he was quoted as saying, “We might do well to commit it to memory.” But there are other deeper truths within this great chapter of the Bible that we may sometimes overlook. All too often, maybe simply because of its length, we read through it too quickly.

1. Psalm 119 is an Acrostic Poem

Psalm 119 is actually written as an acrostic poem. The verses of each stanza begin with the same letter of each of the Hebrew alphabet, such as “Aleph,” “Beth,” “Gimel,” and so on. This is only noticeable in looking back at the original text. There are 22 stanzas or sections, equal to 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet, with 8 verses each, and a total of 176 verses. 

2. The Author of Psalm 119 is Unknown

The author of this chapter is unknown but some have suggested it may have been Ezra the priest, written at the time that the temple had been rebuilt. Though the life of Ezra may not be the most well known in the Bible, he was extremely important and greatly used by God at a time in history when the Israelites desperately needed a faithful, strong leader. Ezra lived his days out of a deep, personal commitment to God, not simply seeking his own personal gain. He was given much responsibility to lead, sent by the King Artaxerxes, to set up a program of religious education for the people. His life proved faithful to study, follow, and teach God’s Word, and his godly example is still very relevant for our lives today. Others have suggested that Psalm 119 may have been written by David, or possibly Daniel. The author is certainly one who experienced great affliction in life, since persecution of those who hold fast to the Word of God is a theme carried throughout. 

3. Psalm 119 Emphasizes God's Word

Almost every verse mentions God’s Word in some way – it may be written as His “word,” “ways,” “statutes,” “decrees,” “law,” “precepts,” “commands,” or “promise” – but it’s in some way mentioned through most all of the verses. 

4. Psalm 119 is the Longest Chapter of the Bible

Just as Psalm 119 is the longest chapter of the Bible, two Psalms just before, Psalm 117, is the shortest chapter of all. There has been much discussion through history of whether Psalm 117 or 118 is the center chapter of the entire Bible. Some have said it’s divided as such: 594 chapters up to Psalm 117 and 594 chapters from Psalm 119 on, with chapter 118 being the center, and a total of 1189 chapters in the entire Bible. Those that hold to this also believe that Psalm 118:8 is the center verse of the Bible, “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.” Others have said that Psalm 117 seems to be the center point, with these 2 verses, “Praise the LORD, all nations; Laud Him, all peoples! For His lovingkindness is great toward us, And the truth of the LORD is everlasting. Praise the LORD!”  Either way, it’s interesting to note that, depending on translation, 594 + 594 = 1188. It all points to the truth that God is a God of order and precision. This entire section of God’s Word is Sovereignly placed at a significant and pivotal point in the Bible and we would be wise to study it carefully.

5. Psalm 119 Focus on the Truth of God's Word

 

The overall message of Psalm 119 focuses on the truth of God’s Word.  It encourages us through every generation to stay close and focused on His Word no matter what swirls around us in this world. Living in the freedom and knowledge of God’s ways, obeying His law above all else, and keeping in step with His commandments is the only way to truly live wise, strong lives.

Psalm 119 reminds us that God's very character is reflected through His Word, He is Righteous, He is Faithful, He is Unchanging, He is True. The opening 2 verses remind us, that we are "blessed" as we walk in His Truth, and seek him with our whole heart.

God's Word is Alive

God’s Word is powerful, living, and active. It never changes, because He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His words are breathed straight from His heart to us, a love letter for life, not simply an old-fashioned, outdated book with no relevance for today. His Word is sharper than any two-edged sword.

7 popular verses from Psalm 119:

1.    “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.” Ps. 119:9

2.    “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Ps. 119:11

3.    “Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.” Ps. 119:18

4.    “I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.” Ps. 119:32

5.    “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” Ps. 119:105

6.    “All your words are true, all your righteous laws are eternal.” Ps. 119:160

7.    “Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.” Ps. 119:165

Source: Crosswalk.com

Christian Living: What to Do When the Devil Keeps Reminding You of Your Evil Past

Devil, I ain't my past!!

Note: This post also provides answers to “what to do when you feel discouraged because you feel inadequate (or you feel unworthy) to do something for yourself, for someone else or for God.”

*******

Some of us had nasty pasts before getting saved. Really nasty pasts. We did things that if confessed to the weak-minded, we may end up as trending headlines on gossip blogs or as fodder for prime time news for days on end. We literally used to dine with the devil Himself.

But thank God, we've been redeemed. We are not who we used to be anymore. We are changed. We are now sons and daughters of the Most High God:

“But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:11, ESV)

But this does not hold back the devil from tormenting us. I am sure that Moses (from the Old Testament) and the apostle Paul (from the New Testament) fell victim to these games by the devil from time to time. The former was a murderer while the latter was a persecutor, an accuser and a tormentor of the church.

I always try to imagine of the conversations the devil used to probably create in Paul’s mind from time to time when Paul thought about receiving the crown of eternal glory from Christ Himself when he reaches Heaven. Yes people, this may be true because we have never really figured out what Paul’s “thorn” was (read 2 Corinthians Chapter 12 to get the whole story.)

Below is an imaginary clip from what the devil may have been lying to Paul about when he reaches Heaven:

[This scene is in Heaven and Paul the apostle, a dedicated servant of God, is smiling and just about to receive his crown when Stephen, the first martyr of the Early Church who is behind him pats him on the back]

Stephen: "Hello man! Do I know you from somewhere? I think I know you! [Ponderous pause] [While pointing and shaking his index finger, he continues...] Yes! You are one of those guys who falsely accused me and then ceremoniously watched me get stoned, right?"

Paul: “I’m sorry man. That was the old me. This is the new me. I am changed man. I even wrote about it in 2 Corinthians 5:17.”

Stephen: Just for the sake of knowing man, how did it feel Paul? How did it feel killing an innocent person?"

Paul: *Silence*

Awkward moments, those ones. (And that is why I am always inclined to call Paul “the apostle to Christian misfits/anomalies.”) The apostle Paul really knew something about being rejected because of your past. Read all his letters and you'll figure it out almost in each one of them that he lived with the reality of rejection because of his nasty past...

And many of us feel the same way almost all the time. There are these moments when we are feeling glorious and are celebrating doing something for God or for a fellow man and we are just rejoicing in who we have become; then the enemy, that tormentor of brethren, brings back the bad old memories and starts haunting our minds with thoughts of who we used to be. He then goes further and awakens us to the reality of how awkward it would be if we met the same people we wronged or the people who wronged us and we answered back with nasty revenge. He leaves us helpless and guilty, defenseless and self-accusing. He steals our joy and our peace and we are left empty, feeling hopeless, useless and even contemplating suicide.

There are two things we need to realize though at these moments of torment: that the battle the devil is trying to fight is;

(a)   Mostly in our minds and it can only be won in the mind. If we change the way we think about and view ourselves, there is nothing more he can do to us. 

(b)   Against our personalities: people with weak personalities will always fall vulnerable to the devil's tactics and attacks.

Below, I am listing two main weapons the enemy uses to torment us and how to deal with each:

1.    Weapon: people.

The devil uses self-righteous people to tell us that we are not worthy and that we are going to fail. They come to make us guilty of a past we have already dealt with - a past God has already forgiven us of. They come to pierce thorns in old wounds and to terrify us concerning the future. These people are always those who know you well from your past – a past you can’t undo. 

Solution:

a)    Keep quiet. Sometimes all that is required of us is to shut up. Say nothing. This is because the more we defend ourselves before self-righteous people, the worse it becomes. There are times to talk, but not to self-righteous people. You can’t correct a Pharisee. You can’t argue with self-righteous people. They are not going to change what they think about you and who you are right now. The best thing is to talk to God so that He may give you the grace to live with these people. Avoiding them won’t solve a thing, what you need is patience and tolerance; and these we can always get in good supply from God’s Spirit if we decide to tap from His power.

b)    Face them and tell them that you are not who you used to be. Tell them that it's true that you were that way in the past, but you are different now.

This point does not contradict the first one. It only applies in instances when the Spirit of God whispers to you: “Morris, tell them that who you are right now is not who you used to be in the past.”

c)    You cannot undo your past, so always pray to God to give you strength to live with its realities and consequences. Running away from our pasts is not possible, but learning to live with their consequences is a daily journey. And God is able to help us all the way through. Sometimes, these moments act as a good place to have intimacy with God rather than running away from Him. Remember that He is the only help you got when everyone else seems to be against you. Run to God, not away from Him. He holds nothing against you:

“He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us. (Psalms 103:10-12, ESV)

God has nothing against you.

“Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died - more than that, who was raised - who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? (Rom 8:33-35, ESV)

2.    Weapon: our minds.

As I mentioned earlier, the battle is in our minds and against our personalities. The enemy uses our minds to hit against us. What we allow our minds to think about who we are right now when the devil attacks is exactly who we become. If we think we are who we used to be, that is exactly what we will become... until we counter those thoughts with the Word of God. This means that we can wallow in self-pity for as long we allow it to happen. We are the only ones who hold the key to setting us free. God has already played His part by promising us quite a number of things and telling us exactly who He knows we have now become. It is up to us to believe what He says concerning us.

Solution:

a)    Bring the fight back to him (the devil). Ask him, "So what?" Tell him: "I am new now. I am changed. My past is all forgotten in the eyes of the One who redeemed me. I am neither condemnable by you nor by your agents." (Romans 8:1.) Remind him of who God is to you, what He has done to your life and where you are headed in Him. Use Scripture and the armor of God to overcome him.

b)    Remind yourself who you are right now in Christ:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV)

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” (1 Peter 2:9, ESV)

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39, ESV)

c)    Renew your thinking: start thinking about yourself the way God thinks about you (by commanding your thoughts through His Word) and not through what people, the devil or even yourself think you are. Rise up every day when the enemy and his agents attack you and command your mind to believe what God says about you and not what you or people think you are. The apostle Paul, who I know knew exactly what it means to be tormented in the mind says this about thinking:  

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Philippians 4:8, ESV).

I hope this will be helpful in overcoming the accuser of brethren the next time he comes knocking at your doorstep.

Bonface Morris.

Stuff I Learned and Discovered Last Year (2015 Edition)

Life lessons, 2015 Edition

Since 2013, I've been capturing and noting down a few lessons along the way as the years pass by: things that have made me raise my eyebrows for good reasons.

You can read the lessons from 2013 here in the 2013 Edition and from 2014 here in the 2014 Edition.

This post lists a few inputs from what I captured last year. This does not make me wise, but just keen and observant. (Petty sometimes, as someone I knowy8u recollects.) I encourage you to note down a few of your own on every single moment of your life. You may end up realizing that, after all, your years are really never wasted; and that almost every step of your life has something to teach you.

Here goes...

Lessons on life and personal growth
1. I learned was that there are at least three things you should have done to yourself as a normal person by the end of a year:
(a) You've called yourself stupid a couple of times
(b) You've called yourself great and,
(c) You've called yourself awesome
This is because no one is consistently the same thing throughout the year; only dead people are that way.

2. The world lacks peace makers, it lacks reasonable people. But it is full of go-getters and "fighters". It is like everyone wants to fight and win. Many crisis would be solved only if we had the intervention of people seeking to mend the world, not to tear it apart.

3. We change nothing by keeping quiet. We all should be whistle blowers - shouting and screaming to save a world that is being haunted by injustice and hypocrisy. And not only whistle-blowers, but doers of the very deeds that save the world.

4. By increasing the good use of my idle and wasted time by committing my 15 to 30 minutes a day to reading an ebook ( I have a problem with reading paperback books) or listening to podcasts while cooking, washing or heading home, I achieved some sort of multitasking capability which made me learn quite a lot in such a small amount of time. (This was after my laptop broke down somewhere at the beginning of 2015. All things work for good, no?)

2. The momentum you begin a year is important; and much better is the zeal with which you'll work it out. But what matters most is what you do in the course of the year and how you end it, not how you begun it.

3. Podcasts happened to me last year. I downloaded a few, I'm following a few, and I ain't regretting it.

4. People move on. If you don't, your bad.

5. Most of the things we possess are due to comparing ourselves to others and our endless clinging on competition. If we were to be left alone in this world, we would have so little - just what is enough and necessary for our basic upkeep.

6. People who say nothing online are always present. They are like ghosts; vicious ghosts that are ready to stalk you, pounce on you, read and analyze your every post and become your biggest critics while offline on in your inbox. I've learned to ignore them. I ignore them because life is full of people who do nothing but are always criticizing people who do everything meaningful. They are like the devil: he does nothing but is always here criticising the good we do which he is incapable of doing.

7. The more educated you are, the pettier and more choosy you become. (I'll quote Malcolm Muggeridge on this one: "We have educated ourselves into imbecility...")

8. If you limit yourself to what you already know, how else are you going to change the world? The world is changed by people who take risks: those who choose to wade through the uncharted territory; not those who limit their possibilities to what they already know and what has already been proven and done.

9. A wise man that does not speak wisdom to a fool is in one way or another, the worst fool. 

10. That one thing that we have been equally given is time; you don't have more, I don't have less. At least God is fair, eh?

11. Life has four classes which we all need to simultaneously attend:
1. Of dealing with God.
2. Of dealing with self.
3. Of dealing with people and
4. Of dealing with books.
If we miss the balance while dealing with each, and in relation to others, we all get deformed.

Lessons on leadership and parenting
Note: Parenting lessons were learnt through observing various families around me. I am not an expert of any sort on this topic.
1. Speaking from a youth leader point of view, I think parents assume that young people have no right to audience. That they are only to be commanded, heckled at and ignored. You wanna know what escalates rudeness in young people? It's because you ignore everything they're trying to say.

2. I learned that vulnerability is a good thing for a leader. It's one of the best things that can ever happen to him/her and those under him/her.

3. That thing where parents dismiss a young person before they even try to explain themselves, whether right or wrong, births a drift between the two of them that will keep growing over time. They then should never wonder what happened to their once "good children", when everything falls apart some day and they don't seem to tell them anything.

4. Nobody follows a dumb person unless that dumb person is something close to Stephen Hawking.

5. Fathers and mothers are bringing up solid and empowered ladies/women. That's a great thing. O don't deny it, it is a great thing. But they're altogether forgetting to bring up solid and empowered gentlemen/men to compliment and/or match these ladies. The result is a world that is upside down. And ladies can rant all they want about not meeting so many "ideal men", but the main point still is: they should tell these mothers and fathers, "Please bring up men for us too. Or the world will have too much of our 'empowered' selves and abandon us in unchivalrous agony."

6. There's no great writer and/or leader who does not read. I discovered that writing takes the clutter that are the words in our minds and converts them into meaningful and decipherable statements to benefit people around us; reading is the yardstick that guides that process. 

7. I discovered that taking feedback from the people I lead is just as important as expecting them to give heed to and follow the instructions I give them. Leadership is two way.

Lessons on Christian living
1. God is our Father, not our servant. Once you realize how Sovereign He is, how Holy, how powerful and how exalted He is, you seize commanding Him to do things for you like most crazy Christians are doing today. You should go ask the prophet Isaiah about this for further clarification.

2. When you're open-minded, (I am doing a blog on open-mindedness which I'll drop soon), you tend to learn a few things :
(a) Not to see people as "a whole" but as individuals with unique choices i.e. a person from a specific tribe will be handled as an individual and separate from their tribal affiliation  e.t.c.
(b) To give people people a second chance and treat them beyond reasonable doubt as individuals who can change
(c) To refuse to think that you are a god and that you are immune to the things affecting these other people. You'll start seeing ladies who became pregnant before marriage differently, you see Willy Paul and Kanyari differently e.t.c.
(d) You start learning to see people as God sees them, thus no prejudice: broken, needy (for a Savior) and subject to change. You realize that anyone can change into anything if given chance.
(e) You become less judgmental but more appreciating; and you accept that anyone can be used of God and become anything. You don't start drawing lines/boundaries for who can be or cannot be your spouse based on your pettiness.

3. Christian conferences and seminars don't change anyone. They simply expose us to a wider range of possibilities, which is a very great thing to everyone seeking to grow and become better. Conferences challenge us to become better, but change itself is a choice anyone can make with or without attending a conference.

4. If we keep on kicking each other endlessly and mercilessly in the butt as Christians in the presence of the people who do not know or love God, they'll all eventually think: "Seriously, they can't even agree with each other nor genuinely love each other, so why should I trust them to have the best life so far? Is the good life in Jesus they are telling me about everyday even worthwhile?" That made me have quite some lengthy thoughts on John 13:35 (Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are My disciples.) It opened my eyes to what true Christianity is all about.

5. I think we spend too much time teaching people how to pray or evangelize that we rarely do it ourselves. We rarely pray or evangelize. Therefore, I concluded that evangelism seminars are useless if after everything, no-one goes out to evangelise. Music lessons are also useless if there won't be any singing after they're done.

6. I discovered that Christians in the market place are and could be the best evangelists and witnesses of Christ only if they utilize their opportunities well. (I picked this from one of Rick Warren's podcasts. See? Podcasts are a great thing. :-) )

7. It is very rare that someone who is not consistent with God could be consistent in life. Very rare.

Lessons on relationships and marriage
1. It's weird how people expect others to grow wise overnight or immediately after marriage. It is assumed that all married people are wise. But that's not the case because I am meeting so many married people who don't even know what they are doing in there. 
Example: Say I was gonna get married in a fortnight or so. After a couple of days, people will be expecting me to unleash words of wisdom to all "young people" I left behind as "youth". They forget that wisdom is not an overnight thing. If I can't practice using and delivering it now as a single person, it won't be there after I'm married. Wisdom is not an overnight thing. People should therefore allow the unmarried to be wise too. Because almost half of the New Testament was written by an unmarried apostle (Paul) and Christianity leans on the teachings of the Son of God who was never married. Oh yeah.

2. I confessed something to my bae (damn, this is personal). I told her this: Can I tell you how I love you? This is how I love you: I love you too much to not want to lose you. To want to always be with you. But I also love you knowing that nothing lasts forever except the things that concern the heaven of God.

3. Marry a woman who'll take care of your mother when you're abroad. 

4. I learned that one of the main causes of wrangles and divisions in families and relationships is when couples and family members stop waiting for each other apparently in everything: they watch separate TV Shows, use separate cars, eat from separate tables at different times, go to bed at different times, go to separate churches, love different leisure activities etc. There's no waiting for each other at all. This is how drifts keep growing and people end up not tolerating each other.

5. Married people should write blogs to help both the single and unmarried get life, relationships and marriage right. It is foolish to keep complaining yet never helping.

6. Family is important. It is the first place my faithfulness and service should be felt. If I'm only good to outsiders and not to members of my own family, I have missed the point of what life on earth is all about.

Family

Bonface Morris.

A Boyfriend, a Girlfriend, Christ and Everything Else

Note: This is my third blog from a series of posts this year celebrating February as “the month of love”. You can read the first blog here: Relationships – Is Grass Always Greener On the Other Side? and the second one here: Relationships and Short Stories: Thirty Dates, One Truth

And, later, read the last blog in this series here: Rhetoric: Love Is...

A boyfriend, a girlfriend, Christ and everything else.

Common sense tells me that every relationship has expectations. That is what I have always known. I don't know about you, but I always think that everyone comes into a relationship expecting something from the other person. 

From what I have gathered, I have found it true that people in relationships may pretend and mutter that "I love you baby, that is all the matters" but after they have loved someone and gotten used to it, it always goes down to, "Baby, [if] you really love me, you should be doing this and that for me..." 

I haven't met any two people in a relationship whose lives have not gone down that path after a while. We all seem to end up somewhere on that avenue where we begin expecting stuff to be done to/for us. 

In most cases, these mutterings - these unearthing expectations - may come down to pettiness, but it happens. And I now have come to a conclusion that it is normal. If we are able to expect something from the loyalty animals offer us, I think someone in love expecting something from their beloved is not worth a downplay. It is normal.

There is something you also come to notice when looking at why/what two people in a relationship are expecting from each other: that the presesence of expectations also means that someone is demanding that the other should play a specific role or set of roles within the relationship. (Come on people, I hear marriages operate in the same way too.)

This set of roles lead to responsibilities which in turn become a sense or level of commitment one has towards the other person. The main problem is when these expectations either flare signs of too much neediness or want to throw in augmentations of manipulation. But mutual responsiveness to each other's needs is what I am saying is here to stay. Expecting certain acts from either side of a relationship is normal. 

I am saying this because even Jesus - the very epitome of love and how it should be done - expects something out of his bride, the Church. Now, I am not trying to say that our boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are equal to Christ and His Church. No. The only relationship that can be compared to that one (of Christ and the Church) is marriage (Matthew 25:1-13). But I am saying that His example is the best as far as expectations and relationships are concerned.

Now, when one is in love, it is likely that their minds would not want to imagine that there would be quarrels amongst two people (especially themselves) on why/how/when/what should be done or what should be expected. Some people come into relationships expecting nothing but love. It may be possible that they are imagining of not wanting anything more than a kiss or two and words of affirmation from the other person. That is okay. These are the first stages of love: being smitten to the extent of not wanting to think with your mind. (But even these "common" and "negligible" needs are still expectations). 

As relationships progress from one stage to another, needs arise. And as it always is, all needs always call for action. And any action taken after realizing a need is always a reaction to meet a given expectation (now justifiably masquerading as a need.) I am saying this because, right then, everyone starts demanding something from the other person. Everyone starts becoming "petty". (It is viewed as pettiness because it was not existing before. It was once vivid, but now it is real.) And there may crop accusations that people are not being "loved enough" anymore (I've talked about this before on this blog) because they are being denied certain "rights" or opinions to issues. When keen observations are made, you will find out that what each party is now demanding for from the other party are solid "rights" and this concisely escalates into blunt expressions of disgust and contempt when these expectations are not met.

This is what now happens: people start expecting to be texted a little more than before, they start expecting to be called at certain times, to be supported, to be shown acts of love, to be valued, to be respected, to be given/shown attention, to be bought gifts, to be serenaded and to be pumped up with all forms of affection. 

It becomes a certain weird arena of demands and fights. A muddle of bad blood and stale emotions. 

I realized this sometime back after young people my age started asking questions in the following forms; 

• But we are [just] dating!! Why should he/she make such demands of me? 

• Can we kiss? He/she wants us to kiss!! Why is he/she tempting me to such an extend?!! 

• He demands to touch me, or caress me, or fondle, or for us to hold hands inappropriately. I can't bear with that!! He makes me so uncomfortable!!!

• Should we hug for that long? She says it makes her feel better but it makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel bad about myself. 

• He/she is demanding for gifts and a date every week. Can I even manage that?!!

• He/she is demanding that I visit them every weekend... I think this is too much!! Can't I even have time [just] for myself!!? 

And so forth and so on. 

I know that after reading the above questions - and I promise that this is just the tip of the whole mountain - some of you are now retorting: "Aaaah, stupid and childish games!" and I'm here to unhesitatingly tell you that "You should know people!", and, "Yes, every Christian relationship has it's own slide of pettiness and they are mostly overcrowded with aimless spiritual connotations. Deal with them as they come."

While at it, have you ever imagined that as far much as we expect "things" from our baes and it seems [just] alright, Jesus is also expecting a whole lot of things from our relationships? 

Wait-a-minute, is He? 
Yes, He is. 

That is what I am here to talk about; not our demands from our bae's (which we have already declared normal) but Jesus' expectations of us in our relationships. 

If we claim to belong to Him and our claims are not mere fallacies, then He has every right to demand a few things from us and our relationships in the same way we demand the same of others. 

Who said that Jesus doesn't care about our relationships and everything surrounding them? Well, if you think or thought so, why would He die to save the very hearts that we are using to love our baes? Isn't it because He cares about hearts and what takes place in them? These hearts can't be useless to Him who died for them. The same heart that loves Jesus is the same heart that throbs for my girlfriend. I bet you me that Jesus cares a lot about what happens in these hearts. (And, by the way, a heart that refuses to love Jesus wholly will also fail at loving other human beings wholly.)  

Because He cares about our hearts and relationships, here are a few things I've discovered He expects from us:

First, from all people in relationships, He expects that; 

1. We will maintain purity. Purity not only of the body but also of the heart and of the mind. Having sex isn't the only problem here, but that we as a whole will keep our minds, bodies and hearts to Him and for Him. 

2. We will make Him central in the relationships. Not to just think that He is central, but to truly entrust the relationship and everything in it to Him i.e. when all is well, and when everything is the devil. 

3. We would stop expecting too much of each other but put out focus on expecting everything possible from Him. Because, come on, all of us are just so kaput, broken and retarded. We are very poor at faithfully delivering anything. The only One who can fully deliver all our unreasonable expectations is Jesus. No one else. 

4. We would seek perfection in and from Him first before seeking perfection in and from anyone else. 

5. We both should love Him above our boyfriends and girlfriends. He knows that this will cause us to obey God more in every area of the relationship and stop converting our baes into gods.

Second, He expects the following of young men (me included) in relationships: 

1. To be gentle, loving, caring, supportive and forgiving towards the opposite sex. He uses the apostle Paul to command the following of us: 

1 Timothy 5:2 (NLT) "Treat the older women as you would your mother, and treat the younger women with all purity as your own sisters."

2. To love one lady only, and assure her so. Christ loves one Church, His body. He doesn't love "churches". To Christ, there are no "churches". Although many may say that this tall order belongs to marriage, I would say that a strong foundation to any meaningful marriage begins with reasonable relationships. Failed relationships speak the same language as failed marriages. If a man "loves" quite a "bunch" of ladies all at once, this man is not worthy of a daughter of God. He can't love her well whose Master loves jealously. (You can quote that, haha) 

3.  To be willing to sacrifice His time and self for her. Christianity is all about laying ourselves down for others. In fact, Jesus willingly did the same for us. He demands that every Christian does the same for the other. And relationships aren't different.

John 10:17 (NLT) "The Father loves Me because I lay down My life that I may have it back again." 

John 17:19 (NLT) "And I give Myself entirely to You so they also might be entirely yours."

4. He intercedes for her. 

Jesus intercedes for the Church. He also commands that we pray for one another. Relationships are not an exception. 

James 5:16 (NIV) "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

5. He protects her and leads her in His ways. 

He does it with words. With deeds. In humility. And intentionally. With honesty. With faithfulness. By leading her to the cross of Jesus and at His feet. 

No matter what, the man shall always be expected to take the leadership role (whether in relationships or in marriage.) Christ expects us to protect our baes by not leading them to a place of intimacy if we're not expecting to make them our wives. 

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

Third and lastly, He expects the following of the lady. He expects that; 

1. She learns all the ways of a Christian woman from MATURE Christian women so that in the near future she may understand how to support her man, praise her man, submit to her man cheer her husband and lay down her life for her man. 

Titus 2:3 (ESV) "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children."

2.  That as the weaker vessel, she learns to be led. 
Jesus says that women are the weaker vessel (not 'weak' but 'the weaker vessel' - there is a difference). It doesn't really matter what the present culture says, but Christ says so. If the guy isn't leading, ask him to, and also pray that he will learn to lead. 

Note: The point of leadership in relationships differs from that in marriage. Here, leadership is not the "you lead and I submit" type, but the "you lead and we seek Christ for direction" type. 

3. She possess a humble and gentle spirit.

I know someone would want me to quote a verse from 1 Peter 3 that applies to married women, but I won't. Although it is a great verse. But I'll quote the following verse: 

Philippians 4:5 (NIV) "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

Gentleness has a way of revealing the Jesus in you ladies. It is a firmer grip on what you value than the adornments on your body. Embrace it. 

4. She prays for her boyfriend. 

This instruction is the same as the one for the young man above about interceding for the other. 

5. She guards her heart against the futile lies of the enemy. 

Eve loved foreign words. She loved them so much that she couldn't remember exactly what God through her husband Adam had instructed her to do with that fruit. She didn't guard her heart against foreign words that seemed true and sweet at the moment but poisonous and life-threatening in the end. 

Christ expects the redeemed lady to guard her heart against finding pleasure in the sweet words and enticements of foreign love from a guy that is not her own and from friends that mean her relationship harm. He expects her to live as a new being who has been redeemed from the sins, failures and mistakes of the first woman. 


I rest my case.

Keep expecting. And know that He is expecting too.

Further reading notes for guys:

(a) 5 NOTES ON DATING FOR THE GUYS

(b) 10 Disciplines of a Godly Man

And read the last blog in this series here: Rhetoric: Love Is...

Bonface Morris.