I know very few married people in the Kenyan
Christian fraternity will want to talk about this in the open. We will leave it
to the world to blog about it as we always do. I know how laid back we are when
it comes to taking action and facing stuff head-on – even when we are seeing
how badly the world is seeing these nasty holes within the Church and the
marriage institution itself (which is actually the pillar of the Church.) I
don’t blame us. I don’t. But I am not going to keep quiet on this one this time
round.
You see, when I heard about Gloria Muliro’s divorce yesterday on KTN's Tukuza Show before
leaving for church, I was like, “Oh my God!! Is this it? Really?” And the
question I have been asking myself is since that time is: what is actually very wrong with Christian marriages today?
Well, you may say, “Aaahhh Morris, you’re still a
boy, unmarried, and you lack experience to talk about such issues… Wait until you
get married and the going is tough then you’ll blabber all you want…!!” But
I’ll answer back and say, “Oh, so you are experienced? Why don’t you then share
with us your awesome experiences? Why
wait until I am talking then you sway your criticism my way, huh?
 |
| Pastor Eric Omba and Gospel artist Gloria Muliro in a previous photo. Photo courtesy of Standard Media. |
Marriage is complicated (that is what I hear from most of my numerous number of married friends) but are you not to help the unmarried (like myself) learn from your mistakes so that to build a church that is full of stable families? What is wrong with married people blogging and openly talking about their experiences in marriage? Why do they want us to keep falling in the same holes they fell in… (This excludes my youth patron and a few other awesome elderly people I know who make effort to ensure we don’t fall in the same traps they fell in in their days…)
A few weeks ago, late in 2014, I had this question
haunting me: how come married people do
not all-of-a-sudden wish to share with us - their previous friends in
singlehood and some of us who are already in relationships - about the do’s and
don’ts as far as marriage is concerned? Do they all-of-a-sudden meet demons
that mute their views on various issues on relationships and marriage? Why don’t
they then call us to action to cast out these devious demons?
The
story of Gloria Muliro together with that of Betty Bayo which hit our TV screen
late last year just fueled my need to get answers to the above questions. The
exposure of saved people’s dirty laundry to the public (divorces et al) in a nation like our own where
careless/irresponsible/ruthless blogging has become a profession to many idle
youngsters is not a fair hit to the marriage institution which plays a big role
to church doctrine and Christian values.
With such a revelation of two marriages with hurting
women – and who are icons and mentors of many within the Christian community in
this nation – it is good to say we (youth leaders/pastors) need to be very keen
on who is getting married to who in the church. It may also be an indication
that most saved people are masquerades, right? Although it is not right to
dictate or choose “who” marries “who” within the church, premarital counseling
should never be undermined. Let us not give the devil a loop hole to attack the
church and then we later are heard complaining and casting him out yet it was
our own carelessness and lack of concern for this institution that build him a
home right in our midst!!
This story also reveals that it is possible that we
have so many hurting people in Christian marriages who are not able to come out
in the open and confess to the entire world (at least to the Christian world)
that they need help like our esteemed mothers Gloria and Betty have done. (Issues of infidelity, dishonesty and violence in marriage are almost intolerable, right? And the Bible supports that one can opt for a divorce in such cases...) Is it
not true that all we see out here are skeletons of the reality within the
marriage institution? That the truth is so blunt that it would kill us with heart/mind-tetanus?
Is it possible that a lot of marriages are suffering and that we are all pretending
everything is well and are doing nothing about it? Is it also possible that
many of we youth are only pretending to have been redeemed by Christ yet we are
lions in sheepfolds seeking to prowl, kill and destroy God’s own flock?
Who will answer my questions? Because as far as
marriage is concerned, and with all this going on, all the young people around
us will need to get answers. Real answers. Solid and real answers. They may
pretend they don’t know what is happening and that all-is-well, but deep within
their trust and confidence in the marriage institution will slowly be fading
away. Someone needs to stand up and tell us, “Heeeeey!! Guys, this is how it rolls... We are all pretenders. (at
least.) Our marriages need your fasting and prayers. They need the LORD… When
you see us do all the stuff you see us doing, don’t think we have it all figured
out out and stuff… we need you too…”
Can’t somebody come up with a solution to these many
questions that are now making people in the world go like, “Morris I told you… don’t marry in/from the church!! Don’t. Those guys
are all a heck of beautiful pretenders…” (And I’ll want to defend the
church as I always do…)
But is this true? Is it true that we are all a crowd
of people who are in the church in order to get to snatch the best of what is
there yet we don’t even know the LORD whom we are confessing? Is it true that
we don’t sincerely love our girlfriends/boyfriends, fiancés/fiancées? Is it
true that we are only seeking to use and misuse them? Is it also true that we
don’t care so much about the pain we cause them? Is it true that we don’t care about
what the LORD says concerning our character, growth and development as Christians?
As His children? I don’t absolutely think so. I don’t.
We are not all pretenders. Some of us sincerely love
the LORD: both ladies and we guys. Some of us are in church truly seeking God
and not women/men, money or fame. Some of us sincerely love our girlfriends/boyfriends.
Some of us are remorseful and apologetic when we wrong. Some of us care about
how we make our partners and others feel. Some of us care about what ails our character
and are ready to become better in the eyes of God. The church is not a mass of
callous pretenders. I think there are a few here, in the church, that are spoiling
the name of the church but it is not entirely true that we are all messed up
and are lacking direction. It is not also entirely true that Christian
marriages are not working. No. My parents’ marriage is working. Yours’ too. And
many many others…
What do/did they do right that others don’t? That’s
the question… and I/we deserve answers.
I am not married, but I will get married one of
these fine days. Yes, I will. And this does not mean that I am predicting a
faultless marriage on my side. No. We have our own challenges now, and we will
have others once we are in the next step. We need guidance… and we will keep praying with the victims... And as far as I am
not into marriage yet, I still deserve answers as to why the Church is both
successful and also failing in marriage. I wish someone will write me an email
on this… Is this too much to ask for?
Bonface
Morris.
