PS: I am saying it as it is on this one as I always do, so
please bear with me if you feel offended.
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| How to overcome masturbation. |
What is masturbation?
Masturbation
is the act of “touching one’s own body,
including sex organs for sexual pleasure”.
It is an
addiction: just like of drugs, sex, pornography etc. that involves someone
using their own body parts or sex objects to achieve sexual pleasure.
Is masturbation wrong for a Christian?
Yes, masturbation is a sin.
Side
note: Some counselling
psychologists argue that masturbation is beneficial to the victim’s health but
this is only trying to mask its real effects to concerned parties and to God as
I will show below.
Why is masturbation a sin?
Reason Number
One: Because it defiles the
definition of sexual gratification and sexual engagement as stated by God
within and outside marriage.
First of
all, God intends, has always intended and will always want sex to be between a
man and a woman who are married in holy matrimony. Thus anything that brings
satisfaction to a married couple that is not his or her partner becomes sinful.
Masturbation is one of them. A married couple that masturbates is being
unfaithful both to God and to their partner.
Second,
when a married couple masturbates, it is an act of selfishness. They are
denying each other what God has prescribed in His Word that they should share. Read
this:
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (ESV) 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man
should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should
give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4
For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise,
the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do
not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that
you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that
Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Reason Number
Two: Because it masters
over someone and becomes an idol to them.
Anything (whether
good or bad) that takes rule over a Christian's life that is not God Himself is
an idol. And idolatry is sin.
1 Corinthians 6:12 (ESV) “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful.
“All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.
And
1Thessalonians 4:3-8 (ESV) “For this is the will of God, your
sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to
control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do
not know God;
that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this
matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you
beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in
holiness. Therefore
whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit
to you.”
Reason
Number Three: It is a form of sexual
immorality because someone is having sex with themselves outside the
prescription given by God.
The act
of masturbation is also a sin against one's own body: using the body selfishly
for one’s own personal gain. Our bodies were bought at a price, thus they are
to be used to glorify God, not ourselves. As part of THE BODY of Christ, we no
longer belong to ourselves but to Christ who has bought and redeemed us:
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV) “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy
Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were
bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
Who are the people that are highly susceptible
to masturbation?
Anyone
can fall victim to masturbation. It happens to both male and female. This
includes; Christians (church leaders, church members, pastors etc.),
non-Christians, children, youth, young adults, the married, old people.
Everyone.
There are
three most vulnerable groups in Christian circles though;
(a) Christian youth who are
struggling to abstain from sex before marriage. They may be fooled into using
it to overcome the sexual pressure that builds up in them while avoiding sex
before marriage. (This is an issue that needs another blog altogether.)
(b) People that have/had
been sexually active before i.e. partners in divorce, separated couples,
couples whose loved ones are not close to them anymore, traveling couples that
are away from their partners for long periods of time, couples with ailing
partners etc.
(c) Anyone who is not filtering/guarding
what their eyes see, what their ears hear, what their mouths speak, what their
minds think, what their eyes read, and what their bodies feel.
What are some of the effects of masturbation?
1.
Feelings
of guilt, shame, self-pity and fear. These feelings escalate and even hinder us
from talking to God and talking to our friends. Because talk on sexual matters
is mostly taboo in many cultures, people become depressed, backslide and can
even commit suicide.
2.
Increase
in selfishness due to preference for self-gratification.
3.
Reduced
sex drive in couples because one or both of them have “another way out.”
4.
Increased
use of pornography, pornographic material or erotic stuffs which leads to submission
to other addictions/idols.
Can someone overcome masturbation as an
addiction?
Yes. This
can be achieved through commitment to a pattern of life that will ensure the
person is not exposed to things that trigger masturbation, through counselling,
through accountability to another person and through prayer and God's guidance.
How would you help someone who is addicted to
masturbation?
As we
have mentioned above, masturbation requires a high level of commitment in order
to stop it.
Side note: Allow me to add that the support from God and the
Christian community to a Christian who wants to overcome masturbation will make
them stronger and better placed to overcome it than any other people group. And
please, fellow Christians, don't go out there spreading gossip about a fellow
Christian that has confessed this sin in your midst, or to you as an individual.
You'll be becoming a disgrace to THE BODY of Christ and the Lord will punish
you for that. As you help a fellow Christian overcome this addiction, treat
them the way these verses state:
Jude 1:20-23 (ESV) “But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy
faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God,
waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. And
have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire;
to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh”
and
Galatians 6:1 (ESV) “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any
transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of
gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
Here are my
five steps towards overcoming masturbation:
1.
Confession and acceptance of status.
The affected person
should come out in the open (either to his/her own self or to a group of
trusted friends) and confess that masturbation is sin, it is affecting them
personally, it is affecting other people and that they need help.
2.
Identification of triggers or causes of the addiction.
Every addiction (including
masturbation) has a trigger hence identifying what causes this state of things
will help the victim know exactly what needs to be stopped, when, how and
where. Triggers are things or people or places that leave the victim highly
vulnerable to the pressure of sexual desires and wanting instant satisfaction. The
victim should identify them. They include (but are not limited to):
(a) Watching pornography
(real pornography, virtual pornography, using sex toys, having in possession any
sexual or sexually suggestive photos or videos etc.)
(b) Use of or possessing
sexually suggestive material (romantic movies, novels, playing erotic games etc.)
(c) Following people on
Social Media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and WhatsApp) or blogs or video
channels that post sexually suggestive material.
(d) Being close to a lady
or a guy that causes the victim to desire sexual gratification from their
object of pleasure.
(e) Sexting (sending
sexually suggestive messages to another person via SMS or email).
3.
After identifying the triggers, they should work on either
eliminating the triggers or killing them. (This is a picture of “hacking the
Amalekites to pieces” in the Biblical Old Testament story of King Saul).
The best thing to do is
to find something or an activity to replace the trigger but one which will not
eventually become an addiction itself. Jesus once said:
Matthew 5:29-30 (ESV) “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it
away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole
body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off
and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that
your whole body go into hell.”
Mark His Words. He says
that the victim to any addiction (including masturbation) may need to go to
unthinkable extremes to hack it to pieces. These comprise; going back to using
a feature phone (if the smartphone is the bringer of evil), using search
filters while performing internet searches (Google can always help them do this,
and there are apps in the App Store and Play Store that can be helpful for
this), using network/website filters so that seach results with explicit
content will not appear when they make internet searches, lending out their
laptop for six months (or probably until they are persuaded that they are in
good condition not to be deceived into having explicit material on it again),
burn books, delete so-called favorite songs, videos or photos, put to flames
CDs and DVDs with such material, change friends, change places they hang out...
in order to get out of that addiction.
4.
Seeking spiritual help (and professional help if necessary)
as they go through the whole process of change.
Here, they'll need
someone to stand with them in prayer and in counselling. This should be someone
who will be available to offer spiritual/Scriptural strength and companionship
to the victim so that they may not be killed by another close enemy: doubt of
self, guilt, shame, fear or self-pity.
5.
Getting an accountability partner.
An accountability
partner may not necessarily be a prayer partner as mentioned above but just a
person the victim can fully confide in. This partner will help them go through
the healing process step by step until recovery. It can be achieved through the
accountability partner asking direct and intentional questions like:
"How are you doing
so far?"
"Which step is
harder to take and how can I help?"
"Have you been
tempted to watch/buy/use such-and-such a thing of late?"
"Are you committed
to this course? If not, where are you failing and how can I help?"
"Are you changing
for yourself, for another person or for God?"
They should also be a source
of strength and encourgement to the victim as they progress towards total
deliverance.
Here is my conclusion on this matter;
- Anyone can overcome masturbation. It just requires two
things: determination (both in God and self) and a good support system.
- People - especially Christians - should not judge
victims of masturbation once they open up to them. If someone trusts you
enough to tell you about a sin they're struggling with, please become a
confidant, not the devil (an accuser).
- The church should never assume that masturbation is
not real within its walls. If the Spirit of God would help us see just how
many are struggling with it, it would be one thing we never cease to pray
about and against.
- The struggle against sin is real in every individual. Masturbation is just one of them.
I pray
that any and every victim of musturbation will find healing and restoration
because I have been there myself and I found healing.
Bonface Morris.
