Stop the Killings!

Note:

These are my personal views on current murders of ladies in relationships that go wrong (in one way or another).

First, we shouldn't be seeking to blame anyone. I think seeking for a person to blame is a wrong approach. The good approach would be: why - in the first palce - is it happening?

And I can say this: it's a matter of identity crisis with both the young women and the young men in our society today. 

It is happening because people have transferred their identity from what God says they are to what society and themselves think they should be. 

Lemme explain:

1. Men (wanaume) struggle a lot with rejection and withheld honor. If a man has not established well in his heart and mind who he is, he is likely to go psychotic when denied what he was demanding for. Hii ndio Amerix huita "not losing your form", and it may be one of the few times I agree with him (that men should know who they are and establish who they are well before getting into relationships).

Getting your "form" (which in Christianity we call "identity") itafanya men to stop objectifying and victimizing women, stop them from becoming uncontrollably emotional and stop them from making unrealistic demands of their women. And this will stop the killings. 

Amerix offers a physical way of gaining "form" which is temporary; God offers a permanent way of gaining identity that is permanent: become like Jesus - who instead of hitting, insulting and hating people, loved people and minded His own business without caring what people said even after He was rejected by men and they refused to honor Him after all He had done for them.

2. Women (wanawake) struggle a lot with lack of money and the quest for attention. If a woman finds a way to meet her daily demands for money which will make her look a certain way and boost her ego to arouse more attention in men, she is likely not to think twice so long us she'll get the money and the attention. 

In most cases, money seems to be the thing that helps a woman build her identity or "the female form"... Which is mostly about how she'll look and how society will interpret her looks vis-a-vis other women in the society. She struggles with making herself to look in a certain way and wants attention while doing it. Men know it and offer the money to help her achieve her goal. 

Ladies should understand that God has said many things concerning their insecurities and offers a far better solution to them than money or people around them. That solution is Jesus. If a lady accepts Him, He will show her what real worth is and she will thirst no more for the attention she is seeking for from men. He will teach her to be patient with who she is becoming, to face Him and tell Him her needs, to stop depending on mankind for her validity and needs and to lean on His promises because Jesus is the only man that has never lied.

This will establish her identity on solid ground. 

***

Now, when a man that lacks identity meets a woman that as well hasn't believed what God says she is, what comes out is chaos: murder, violence, envy, jealousy, hatred, badmouthing, prostitution, orgies, immorality, lust e.t.c. All these sins come from a place of imbalance due to lack of "form" or identity in both men and women. 

It doesn't matter how it begun and how it's culminating, it's all about identity crisis.

The boychild should understand that his worth is not in being accepted by women but in being accepted (and never rejected) by God and ladies should know that their worth is neither in how they look nor how they're wanted and appreciated by people but in what God has said concerning them. 

When we establish this in every young person, then they won't kill or dictate and we won't be running around looking for love and money in the wrong places. 

Peace. 

Morris 2.0.

Happy Valentine's, My Love

My love, I always wonder how love works.
Really.
I thought I knew a bit about it before I got married, but after I married you, I keep on wanting to understand it.
Like I could wake up today, turn my head over and tell you, "Hey babe, I love you. Happy Valentine's!"
And you would smile.
And that smile would terrify me.

I may be tempted to think that by just saying so, it's enough.
That you'd feel you're loved.
That by saying so, everything in you would scream in the silence of understanding that I could die for you. That I could bring down a mere mountain for you.
But love keeps proving me wrong.
How well can a man REALLY tell a woman that she's loved?
Kill himself, perhaps?
*Sigh!*
Kill himself?
But after he's died who'd remain to show love?
Who would remain to declare to her and the world, "Hah! Y'all have seen that? Huh?!! I love her!! See?! See!? I loooove her!!"
Dead bodies do speak love but it's a silent, dark and gravy love.
Dead bodies die with love.

I think a woman like you would need the continuous caressing of words upon ear:
The symphony of sounds and the melody of words upon heart.
You would need me to tell you I love you.
Over and over and over and over and over and over again like an endless refrain.
Come-on, babe.
You would like it, right!?
I could write songs - because it's an art I'm conversant with - telling you sweet-somethings
You would want me to whisper it with a long hug
You would want me to hold you close in a tight embrace and probably say nothing for minutes...
Just swinging gently in silence while love dominates our hearts, bodies and minds...
You would want me to keep doing it over and over and over and over and over again
Because you ladies just never get tired of being told you're loved...

But would that make me a better lover, a better husband?
Maybe. Who knows?
But how could words alone without death to self prove that a woman is loved?
Words are sweet. I'll say them.
But my eyes and my heart are better: I'll say my words and I'll demand that you look into my eyes.
I'll demand that you look into my heart.
These two never lie.
And maybe I'll smile while at it so you see that my ka-tiny dimple. While at it.
And you'll smile back.
Then, maybe then, you'd know that my eyes and heart are only for you, my love.
The Lord has taught them not to lie.
So let it be.

Let me tell you something about what was happening inside me when I was marrying you, o little angel...
I was being selfish.
I know many men are selfish around their ladies but let me promise you that theirs is not like my kind of selfish.
My selfish is the advanced type.
The notorious type.
I say it again: yes, I was being selfish when I married you.
I wanted you for myself and for myself only.
What man wouldn't? What man wouldn't want you for himself?
But I can repent of my selfishness by twisting my desires in a different way before the Holy Throne of God Almighty;
And while whimpering in astute reverence I'd tell the Lord, "I wanted her for myself, but both of us for You"
He'll smile about it.
I know.

My selfishness also terrifies me.
Now, that's on the edge of things because in these few words, I've already mentioned two things that terrify me: your smile when I say, "I love you, darling" and my selfishness.
I really want you to understand that those two things have changed me.
Because when you smile, I melt... And when I'm selfish, I toughen up.
Yes, to be selfish enough and in a godly manner, I need to show you that I can handle my business when it comes to you.
Do you feel me?
I can't be selfish enough if I can't show you enough that you're loved and that I'm the only one that deserves you.
Well, wait-a-minute... Do I even deserve you?
O Lord, this is an overkill!

Look at me intensely here below and notice the overkill;

This was February last year.

Two months to our wedding.
I was excited about the very idea that a year back (in 2018), you had agreed to marry me.
I had done some churchboy engagement thingy which almost backfired (haha - this is a story for another day) but the sweetest of memories is that I was glad I wanted to marry you.
I wanted to marry someone I love and someone who loves me more than I love them.
Someone I'll be glad to die for because they'd be glad to die for me.
Someone who's my friend.
Someone who gets me.
Someone who doesn't tolerate my nonsense - because I got a lot of nonsense going on in and around me.
Someone who's got grit and ambition.
And guess what?
That someone was you.
That someone is you.

I knew you were special.
No! "special" is an understatement.
I know now that you're more special than I thought you were.
Your confidence and novelty amaze me.
And right there in that photo, as you folded your arms around me, that dreadlocks guy (what's his name again?) taking those photos and we moving and exchanging positions and smiling in the evening sun - that moment was unforgettable.
It is unforgettable.
That moment made me tell people "I'm going to marry her. We'll be one thing. Ukiongea ujinga kumhusu tutakosana."
I said this to the anger of many.
And I still say it again, "Mkiongea ujinga kuhusu wife yangu tutakosana".

And here we are today.
We don't want to be a "super couple", a "power couple", "couple goals" or any of that nonsense.
Not for now.
We've never wanted that.
We've never wanted the world to imagine that there's a perfectness to what we are.
That'd be a lie. And we don't love lies.
Lies don't befit something born of God.
Let's just be us. Let's do us.

We've had our moments.
We've had them all: the good, the bad, the ugly.
We don't have to prove a point.
Not to anyone. Not even to ourselves.
The journey is long, my love. The journey is long.
And you are not alone. I'm here with you. And God is with us.
Let's take one step at a time, my love. One step at a time.
I'm here with you. And the Lord is with us.
The Lord is with us.
I'll love you everyday...

Happy Valentine's, my love.

Morris 2.0

FYI, If you go to church on Sunday but love God everyday, you can as well celebrate Valentine's Day and love your partner everyday.

9 Types of Men

Listen, my son. 
Let me tell you something about men and their women, something I know that you really need to know. 

Son, after reading this, realize that how you treat your woman determines in which category you will fall.

Women are to be treated special; because the LORD GOD says they're fragile and special: beautiful and created in His own image to fulfill His purpose on earth. Son, if you think otherwise, then you don't value what God says about women, and it's almost true that you won't listen to me either. 

Son, there may be 8 types of men, but there are actually three major types in this world that I will talk about below: those who praise their women in public, those who don't praise their women in public and those who have the audacity to flatter other men's women.

What I say below concerning men has nothing to do with the character on the women in these men's lives but the intentional choice a man makes to treat his woman in a certain way in public whether his woman is a "devil" or "angel".

Son, use this critique to also evaluate how I treat my woman. Then you'll know what kind of a man I truly am. 

So here goes...

TYPE 1: MEN WHO PRAISE THEIR WOMEN IN PUBLIC 
Under this class, there are three types of men;
  
(a) Those who praise their women in public because these women are worthy of their praise. 
These are blessed men whose women's private and public lives speak the same language of integrity: they are women of valor and of great character. 
Because such a species of women are rare today, these men are truly blessed; and their praise of their women is like pouring oil on an already deserving head. 

(b) Those who praise their women in public even when these women are not worthy of their praises. 
These are men of steel. They are men who choose / decide to praise their hideous women in public because it's the right thing to do. 
Son, honor these types of men. It takes lots of grace from our good Lord to always say good things about an undeserving person. Honor them. 

(c) Those who praise their women in public because these women coarse them to do so. 
Such men, for the sake of peace, have learnt the art of beautifying sadness. 
They work under close monitoring and supervision, analysis and scrutiny from their trigger-happy women who are ready to pounce on them in the evening if they dare say a negative thing about them. 
Son, also realize that these men never ever say a negative thing about their women even when it could bring a lot of good - even just as an act of humor! 
These men are liars, son. Avoid them if you can. They are super-hypocrites! 


TYPE 2: MEN WHO DON'T PRAISE THEIR WOMEN IN PUBLIC 
Now, son, let me tell you something about the other class of men who don't praise their women in public. They are of three types too; 

(a) Those who don't praise their women in public because these women don't deserve these praises. 
These have chosen to say totally nothing good or bad about their women. Maybe it is because of the unworthiness of their women's tendencies. Or, maybe, they're just cowards. 
It doesn't matter. 
A man who never talks about his woman is either a wolf amongst sheep or the lamb itself. 

(b) Those who don't praise their women because they have never been taught that it is the good / right thing to do. 
Son, when a man has lived all his life without hearing and seeing women praised, he grows up thinking that there is nothing like praising women. 
He grows cold and incessantly unchivalrous towards women, and this is not a good thing. 
Son, women were born to hear words: they're addicted to them. So a man who has not been taught in the skills of flattering his woman because she deserves it, is likely to be read in very many bad books amongst the womenfolk. 

(c) Those who don't praise their women in public because fellow men have coarsed them to do so. 
These men, out of a high sense of egotism, think praising women in public makes a man less of who he already is. 
Son, such men think that they're better than God... Ahem... Even God praises women... See this: 
Luke 1:28 (NKJV) And having come in, the angel said to her, "Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!"
If God is in the habit of praising women in public, son, never let these men lie to you: it is the right thing to do!

(d) Those who don't praise their women in public because they have taught themselves not to. 
Some men learn things along the way. See, life has a funny way of teaching us lessons, and we all need to learn the right things from it. 
Son, don't be such a man, who after being mistreated by other useless women, is coarsed into saying that you'll never value a woman to the extend of praising her in public. Don't. 
Don't teach yourself what will cost you the joy and happiness of your woman. 

TYPE 3: THE MOST DANGEROUS TYPE OF MEN
But son, beware of other type of men - the third type - the most dangerous type. 

(a) Men who have no women of their own but thrive on praising other men's women. 
Oh! Son, if you ever have to be any type of man at all, don't be this one! A man who hasn't accepted the responsibility of having his own woman but nonchalantly praises other women day in day out should be known as the man who empties a fuel tank when the relationship vehicle is moving. 
He crashes relationships and destroys marriages, son. Such a man, if there was any mercy in me, is better suited for the cells. 

(b) Men who have women of their own but only praise other men's women. 
Like their first brothers, these ones are adulterous men filled with lust and whose main intention is to steal other men's women. 
They are not satisfied with their own women and are not ready to commit to make their women better. 
They are greedy beasts who feast on meals they haven't prepared. 
Shut them out of your life, son! Shut them out! 

*******
Now, son, of these 9 types of men, which one do you choose to be?


Bonface Morris. 

Always Ask

Let me share with us some tiny wisdom I have learned over time. The wisdom is this: when in doubt, always ask. It costs you nothing to ask. 

*******
Have you ever been in a situation where things were being said about someone you know quite well and you didn't know what to make of it? 

It may have been that what was being said was either true or false; you just didn't have enough evidence to verify the facts. And this kept you "hanging in there" waiting for the story to end so that you may deeply reflect on the allegations. 

With such scenarios playing a lot in my life of late, I have come to realize that if you depend on another person to tell you the whole story of another person, there will always be bias (good or bad.) 

Take for instance a story an old man - who should be respectable according to public understanding - told me about a year ago: that this lady we both know and with whom we had been interacting several times had been pregnant in a manner I don't know and had given birth to a baby I had never seen. 

Not that she couldn't get pregnant, but the story startled me because for the whole period the allegations were being thrown against her, I had been seeing her in perfect "babylessness".

Now, after listening to the story, I sensed that it was sh*t. Yes, I just said that. The story was sh*t. It was that way because it had so many holes:

1. There hadn't been any visible evidence of a pregnancy: there was neither a baby bump nor any other physiological changes associated with pregnancies for all the time I was interacting with her. 

2. There was no need for me to know about someone's private affairs like a relationship or a pregnancy. Those two things are private, and him telling me about them without the consent of the lady meant that this old man had no respect for people's privacy. I felt like shutting him down. 

3. Why would he care about it anyway if he was going to do nothing about it but just report to Morris? Am I God? Or had God appointed him as an accusing angel to talk about what goes wrong where and with whom? 

See? That's what made me write this blog. Stuff like that makes me feel bad about how people approach other people's successes or failures. 

And for that matter, if you're faced with such ballooned stories in life, you got a few options with you; 
1. Face the story-teller and shut them down, or 
2. Say nothing, or 
3. Do what this blog post is advising you to do: ask. Ask both the victim of the story and the story-teller to sync the two points of view. 

In my case, I picked number two. I said nothing. 

Why? Because 
1. the evidence was clear that none of what he was saying was true; and 
2. silence ensures that he won't bring me any of those fake stories any time soon once he realizes that I don't give comments on people's private lives. 

It may be that you have heard funny stories about a prominent person or a great leader; or that someone is blaming the leadership in a certain place for a certain mess. Either shut that person up, say nothing, ask the story-teller how sure they are that what they are saying is true or go ask the person being badmouthed if what is being said is true. After that, deal with whatever truth you find in a gracious way. 

Here are some other things you can do:

1. Verify a story first before drawing conclusions. 
Go to the victim and get their story before you draw a conclusion. There are always two sides to a story. Get both before victimizing anyone. 
Proverbs 18:17 (ESV) "The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him."

2. Don't poke your nose into people's private lives. It's none of your business. 
Don't go investigating without prior background information. You may end up being a gossip-monger. Even the Bible supports this here: 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (NIV) "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you."

3. Only pray to God or pass on the information to other parties for help after getting the whole story. 
Don't give the devil a chance to play you into his conniving slanderous schemes. 

Conclusion
Here's a simplified version of what I'm saying... 
1. Quietly listen and understand. 
2. Ask questions to get views from both sides. 
3. Take action. 

It costs you nothing to ask, so always ask. 

God bless. 

Bonface Morris. 

Soulmate? What Soulmate?

A few years ago, while still squirming in my naivety, I could only believe that a person falls in love once; and with only one person. 

I was right: a person only falls in love once - but with one person at a time. 

Yes, only one person at a time. Falling in love with two people at the same time ni kuchanganyikiwa, while falling in love with even more people at the same time ni tamaa tu.  

I know that when I say a person can only fall in love with one person at a time, some of y'all who're used to messing around with the word LOVE think, "...aaah but so and so makes me feel butterflies in my stomach even when I do well know that I'm currently in a SERIOUS relationship with so-and-so!" 

Oh yes, they do. They make you feel butterflies because you are careless with your heart and are not entirely serious about the person you're currently "dating". Because if you were serious, you wouldn't tolerate such a kind of nonsensical emotional cheating. You tolerate thinking about being in a relationship with another person when you're already in a relationship because you love cheating and are not ready to pay the price that comes with true love. True love sticks with one person no matter what. 

Okay, after that short (and almost out of topic) ranting, let's move on from where I left kwa third paragraph... 

So who is a soulmate? 
The original/traditional definition of soulmate from the Merriam-Webster dictionary is;
1. a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament or 
2. a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs (ideological soulmates).

The above definitions are alright and if that's what anyone you know refers to when referring to soulmates, it sounds alright with me. 

There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship with "a person who's perfectly suited for me in temperament" or "a person who strongly resembles me in attitude and beliefs". That's a good thing. We all want that, don't we? 

In fact, God put us on earth and assigned to us in our various locations "people who perfectly suit our temperaments, attitudes and beliefs." There is nothing wrong with that. 

Acts 17:26 (ESV)
"And He (God) made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place..."

But here is where the problem creeps in with this whole soulmate issue... 

The current pop culture - which has an inherent addiction to narcissism - seems to support so much this idea of there being only ONE PERSON "who is perfectly suited to another in temperament" and whom one can have a meaningful relationship with. They call that person a soulmate too. 

Notice: 
Notice the difference between our first original definition from Merriam-Webster which refers to a soulmate as "any person who is perfectly suited for me..." and New Age/modern/pop definitions below which call a soulmate "the only person who is perfectly suited for me..."

Let's look at some popular websites that redefine who a soulmate is and how they move it away from the traditional meaning.

Note the following definitions; 

1. The Urban Dictionary follows a rather New Age definition of soulmate (somewhat scary actually). It defines a soulmate as... 
... a perfect eternal lover that fate brings into your life. They are a being or soul, an equal, deeply intertwined into your soul in a romantic way. They become your best friend, and contribute and sacrifice on your behalf. Some believe that your soulmate exists infinitely and is a manifestation of the universe's power. Your soulmate is irreplaceable. They can find your soul in our universe even if you're light years away and in another lifeform. Every soul has a soulmate that offers powerful love energy, it's an equal exchange. It is not always possible for your soulmate to spend this life time with you, there may be reasons. There are other ways your soulmate will connect with you regardless, like a guardian angel. Your soul is conjoined with theirs. Read the full definition here.

2. In this article at foreverconscious.com, the reader is likely to get confused by how these guys are trying to differentiate between a soulmate and a life partner. 
In short, their definition goes something like this: 
A soulmate is someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learnt, physical separation usually occurs.
A life partner is a companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual who you can lean on, trust and depend on to help you through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect and you are both in sync with each others needs and wants.

3. Here, (click to read) the Huffpost (yes, the Huffpost) declares the following in the first paragraphs of the article before delving later into showing us how having a soulmate feels like;
A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.
Soulmates are the epitome of love and partnership. 
Not just anyone can fulfill you the way your soulmate can. There’s a world of a difference between your soulmate, your heart’s other half and a life partner — a person who lacks the elements to mold perfectly to you. Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact, like no piece is missing from the puzzle. A life partner, on the other hand, can be a great supporter and long-time companion, but is limited in his or her capacity to enrich your spirit.

From the above modern/pop definitions, it is now indisputable that soulmates are the MOST SOUGHT AFTER THING in relationships today - especially with the notion that if you don't meet this ONE PERSON you are meant to fall in love with, your relationship life will be forever ruined, or that without them, you'll never ever ever ever ever ever reach your (relationship) life's full potential. 

People are obsessed with finding that ONE PERSON that is "fine-tuned" to their desires and liking, because modernity has fooled them into thinking that this person is their EVERYTHING. They earnestly seek for this non-existent person because they fear "missing out on the best relationship life ever."

Yes, it's true that when God created you, He had in mind a certain person that would suit you as a life partner (as we noted above), but we have no reason to think that there is only one person in the whole creation that fits that bill. Depending with how well you interact with people, you are likely to fall in love and be totally compatible with different people in different seasons of life all the time. If you open your heart wide enough, you will. 

The war of love is when you choose to stick with one person and overlook every other. Love is a choice. 

Another important thing to note as we continue with this discussion on soulmates is this: if we stick to the original, archaic definition of a soulmate, it ain't a bad thing, it's what we all need in a person we are relating with; but if we switch over to the refined modern/pop definition, a soulmate becomes a spiritual thing with New Age connotations and dangerous relationship exploration: ladies like the one in 50 Shades of Grey will stick with a violent person just because some twisted mind told them that that person was their soulmate. It almost as if someone would rather die than lose this person. That's really lame. 

And with that I'm mind, my conclusion below shows why I am against the modern definition of soulmates and why I would wish you as my reader to see this as a genuine reason to be against it too; 

1. Modern soulmates make the "lover" selfish.
If you want something this bad and this perfect, you better be perfect and ready too; and accept it when we call you selfish or self-centered. You are only thinking of yourself, and that's what selfish people do. 

2. Modern soulmates make us idolize relationships and people. 
The many characteristics given to the modern soulmate are attributes that only belong to God i.e. ability to bring wholeness and satisfaction to a person. 

3. Modern soulmates encourage manipulation in relationships.
If the so-called soulmate is discriminatory, the other party may suffer in silent. 

4. The idea of modern soulmates makes us think that love is not a choice but a staged episode in life. It lies to us that falling in love is a matter of fate. 
With soulmates, love is not an adventure full of risks and choices but a run into a limited fairyland.

5. Modern soulmates disapprove love as defined and ordained by God. 
God is love. We get to love others by loving and knowing Him and vice versa. He is the ultimate source and example of true sacrificial love. The modern soulmate puts love into an arena of fate where one can neither control the "how" or "why" of falling in love. 

6. Modern soulmate relationships are fueled by fear and lack of trust in God. 
It seems never meeting this soulmate means living in constant fear that one's love life can never be successful. 

So, friend, whenever someone talks about soulmates, be sure to ask them which one they're talking about.. 


Bonface Morris. 

25 Reasons Why I Love You

First of all, love does not demand for "a something" for it to be given. 

Nevertheless, below are things about you, my darling, that make me fall more in love with you; 

1. I love you because you are you. 
You're not trying to be someone or something else, and that's a head-turner. Being comfortable in your skin is a beautiful thing. 

2. I love you because you are beautiful. 
You are gorgeous, and that's a plus. I appreciate the good work of God in you: both in body and in soul.  

3. I love you because you are my best friend. 
Ain't nobody cooler than you. With you, I'm myself. 

4. I love you because we get mad at each other but we always find each other in the long run. 
We fight "the good fights", isn't that special? 

5. I love you because you are a strong woman. 
You've been tossed by life but Christ has helped you to always come up to the top. I don't know someone who's seen so much pain, yet with so much excitement about life. 

6. I love you because of your loyalty. 
You're loyal to me and to your friends and family; and that's a great thing. 

7. I love you because of the way you always try to help others. 
Sometimes, it amazes me how you can deny yourself so much to that others may benefit from what you give them. 

8. I love you because of how much you and I share in common together about everything. 
But mostly because we share everything about God. 

9. I love you because of those incredible beautiful big eyes.
Come on, everyone says you gat 'em, and I love 'em. (Hehe). 

10. I love you because of how you are always understanding with me even when I don't deserve it. You know my good, and you know my bad, but you still love me. I love that. 
I'm full of sh*t sometimes (yes, cherch people, I just said that) and it seems it's only you who gets it; everyone else thinks I'm perfect. Their bad. 

11. I love you because you have excellent people skills that help you light up the room. 
I think people love you for this. Who can't be attracted to the chiq that's never with mood swings? 

12. I love you because of how you always stand up for what you believe in and are not afraid to take risks. 
Your confidence and your aggressive behavior is an attraction to me. Some may think it's being b*thy, but because you do it with humility, it's perfect. 

13. I love the way you love. I love your compassion. 
Yes babe, I love the way you love. 

14. I love you because people who don't know think that this list fully describes you. It doesn't. 
I love the fact that my attempt to say what I love about you makes you smile but you know I love you for more than this. 

15. I love you because you know how to be a real grown up woman yet senselessly still growing up. 
Whenever you mix the two, baby I fall in love with you all over again. 

16. I love you for the moments when you're all cute and adorable, and when you're all charming and charismatic. 
Meeehn, I love that. 

17. I love you because of your amazing voice.
Your voice is magic babe, your voice is magic. 

18. I love you because of your intelligence. 
I am a sapiosexual, so, yeah. 

19. I love you because of your love for life and the optimism you carry yourself with. 
This world needs hope, and you're one of its agents. 

20. I love your beautiful hair... and neck... and shoulders... and your style and sense of fashion... and... 
I think you underrate it, that hair... and the fashion. You underrate them a lot. 

21. I love you because of the endless moments of excitement you bring into my life. 
I love spending my time with you. 

22. I love your uncompromising belief in God, family, and country. 
I especially love your devotion to God. A godly woman is to a man what opium is to its imbiber. 

23. I love you because you have goals and you have direction. 
I'm in love with the fact that you know where you wanna be and you will do anything to get there. That's why I support you with my knees, mind and self.  

24. I love you because of how you are always concerned about me and my well-being.
I love the fact that with you, in well taken care of. 

25. Lastly, I love you because you have your imperfections that make you a perfect human being. 
At least this reminds me that I'm dating a human being and not some "Samantha".


Quote: 
They say falling in love is an incredible thing; I say falling in love anchors your soul. 

With you I've learnt that love is a great thing, but it can as well be a treacherous master if left unguarded. 


With lots of love, 
Bonface Morris. 

Relationship Blues Part 3: We Are All Imperfect, Somehow

Note: 
Read part one in this series of blogs here: Relationship Blues Part 1: Do You Really Want that Breakup? and part two here: Relationship Blues Part 2: Understanding Conflict In Relationships.

*******
For the past two Valentines, Adrian has been sitting here at The RED SHOP, and both times, he has been ordering for that same "perfect meal" they loved having with Lillian. Such a perfect place for perfect meals. 

The perfect bad habit he has taught himself whenever he hops in at such a time of the year is this:

He takes out his phone - an imperfect Samsung-Galaxy-something (one of those Samsung names according to the year it was released) - taps on the Gallery app, and scrolls down through it. 

He moves on to "sort albums by calendar" and hovers down to year 2015. There, he finds himself staring at Lillian's photos with lots of nostalgia: such a beautiful, but mostly fragile thing! While scrolling, he bumps into a stream of photos when their relationship was as flawless as a baby's skin and as smooth as its butt. 

Even the surroundings in those photos agree that theirs was a relationship made in Heaven, by God Himself: carefully crafted, and meticulously thought-out; the work of a master-engineer. 

In those photos, as he sees buildings, grasses, stones and trees around them - the selfies and all - memories come thudding in. Perfect memories. Everything becomes so alive that a pain engulfs his inner being. It's like his heart is being squeezed from within and the blood is oozing down into his stomach as a reality concealed in excruciating pain. 

It's unbearable. The pain is unbearable. 

"Why are memories so perfect yet reality so baffling?" 
"Why didn't it work out?" he asks himself as the waiter come backs with his order. 
"Why, Lord, why!?"

He reminisces the fanciful times they had together. 
"She was perfect! Almost...!!!" He smirks. 

He has always wanted someone perfect - a perfect woman. Someone with; 

1. A perfect body - a body so perfect that fellow men will stop their cars just to look at her. Some synergy between a work of art, a wild idea and an angel. 

2. A perfect relationship with God - a lady so soaked in Jesus' blood that she's dripping with it wherever she is, yet so humble and committed in ministry that she could preach his nerves away. 

3. A perfect relationship with themselves - a woman so down-to-earth and open-minded that she is comfortable with who she is and knows where she's going. 

4. A perfect relationship with other people - a lady that everyone praises - everyone - for her good manners and kind heart; and one that dearly loves everyone.

He was obsessed with wanting a perfect girlfriend. His thoughts were so tainted that every girl he met had to meet a certain criterion he had stipulated for "a lady worthy his life and time". Not even angels could pass his "tests". Come on, even angels fall, no? Such imperfect things. 

But if Adrian would sit himself down just for a little while and consider the following, maybe he'd realize that we are all imperfect, somehow;

1. As a man, could he conclusively say that he had a "body to kill"? Oh! And that every woman would drool at him and the "perfect" features of his body as he passed around while breathing God's beautiful free air? 

2. Did he have a perfect relationship with God that never faltered? Oh! And didn't he ever sin? Like, ever? Was he always fired up for God? Really? 

3. Was he contented with himself and the totality of who he was then? Oh! And had he achieved everything achievable by men his age? 

4. And finally, did ALL people love him? Oh! And did he love everyone with no strings attached and without excuses? 

If could answer every question above with a "yes", maybe, just maybe, we may start recommending ladies for him. But he still won't find that perfect woman he dreams of. Perfection is a fad, a bad one. 

*******
Now, as Adrian thinks of how his Valentines will be this year, he tells himself that he's got to change. And things have to change. The past is gone, the present is here, and the future is beckoning. He cannot afford to be what he has always been. He will step out, fall in love again, and bear the burdens of imperfection every relationship comes with. This time round, he won't allow his faults and weaknesses to be hidden from his own eyes and he won't be expecting more than he can give. 

This time, it will have to be different. Of course he won't trim down his standards and expectations and he won't play around with his values but he will give his heart a chance to love again: to love freely. Because when you love with a free heart, he has learnt, everything else releases itself to allow your heart to flourish. 

Another thing he is realizing is that maybe God gives us imperfect people to remind us of our own imperfections and to help us learn patience and how to surrender everything to Him; and after all has been said and done, so that we can all, together with God, say, "It is good", "It's alright", "It's perfect."

Closing thought 
A perfect person is almost a thing, and it's hard to love things, because things don't know how to love back. 


Note: 
This post is dedicated to all people full of pettiness in relationships (haha) and to everyone who's ever regretted letting go due to petty reasons. Don't worry, your foolishness just made you wiser, hehe. 



Bonface Morris. 

Whatever You Do, Please Don't Fall In Love

Or fall in love anyway;
Fall in love so deeply, so recklessly...Fall in love so that your heart can be barbecued, grilled and smothered;
Fall in love so that your mind can explode a multiple times into small fragments like fireflies and disappear into oblivion...
Yes, maybe, just fall in love so that you may know the depths of bliss and disarray;
Fall in love anyway, because there is no one that is going to catch you after you come down with a thud!

Because,
If you've ever fallen in love,
If you've ever been loved,
There are two things; no, three things that you have found to be true:
That love is circular: it goes around and comes around,
That love is inexpensive: it brags itself to be aloof and in a class of its own ; and
That mature love is like wine: when you take too much of it, you get drunk, too little of it makes you yearn for more and "just enough" is never enough.
So falling in love leaves you neither in the waters of love nor on the shores...

But in a way I can't explain, mature love cripples the soul.
It retards it's ability to do normal things.
It matures the soul into doing the unthinkable, extraordinary, stupid and almost malevolent things;
Mature love is dangerous.
Childish love is dangerous.
Lukewarm love is dangerous.
All love is dangerous.
All love is not bad; just dangerous.

Stories of love are stories of bloody hearts and broken bones,
They are stories of rugged crosses, thorn-brawed faces and empty graves.
They are stories full of stories inside stories that were stories.


In all my life, I've fallen in love at least twice.
I know how it feels. I know how it tastes.
I know its pits and mountains, its lilies and scotches.I know its sourness and it's sweetness.
I've tasted both the angst and the anticipation;
And all these times, love has proved two things: that it tastes the same way if you get it just right,
And that it can be trodden upon just much;
But if you were my son and you happened to ask me, "Dad, should I fall in love?"
I'll tell you this:
It is beautiful, but it is dangerous. So, please, whatever you do, son, don't fall in love. Or fall in it anyway, because your heart can't help it and somehow, love delights and thrives in it own wars.


********
This tiny writing is for that person who knows what it means when we say, "I am thirsty, but please don't give me water, it will kill me."


Bonface Morris.