Personal Growth: Here's What You Need to Know About Growth

Quote: Grow! Because you can, because you should and because it is good. - Me

Guys, I've been wanting to write. True story. You know, like when I wake up and I just wanna pen down my first blog of the year and stuff like that; like I wanna tell you people, "Alright, I know. It is a new year and I need to unload all my petty wisdom onto a blog to leave y'all oooh-ing and aaah-ing e.t.c. e.t.c. while at the same time I'm trying to play God by giving you instructions on how to walk through the year..."? But then, when I'm almost grabbing my phone and/or keyboard to type that "gibberish" and bring life to this cursor, life happens, and I postpone it into the next day.

(Come on, maybe I'll beat this cursor at its own wars this year, who knows?)

And I've been forgiving myself to have been doing this over and over again. (And this is not the "forgive yourself and move on" kind of mantra-ish cliche, but the "forgive yourself because you deserve it" type.)

So, I've ended up writing.

This post is for everyone. It is for those of us who make resolutions at the beginning of the year, the ones who think of a New Year as a "new beginning", as something breathed by a god, some gift from God, as an opportunity, as a brand new page, blah blah blah... And it is also for those of us who make resolutions and set goals throughout the year, those who only see the 1st of January as the result of a ticking clock once made possible by an infinitely eternal God. (Time is in His hands, no? He created time. Time is because He was.) These ones look at a New Year as a mere change to the calendar(s) of men (anyway, even mankind disagrees on dates and times...) and that what was will continue to be unless man decides to make such and such a change.

This blog is for the planner and also for the one person who is reluctant to take action; for the fearless and the bold. It is for everyone. It is for the one who acknowledges that growth (undergoing development and achieving a specific level of maturity) is necessary because we can grow, we should  grow and because it is good to grow.

Now, whoever you are and wherever you are, here are the few things to note about personal growth and achieving a better you:

1. Personal growth is more about you than it's about us.
Rant all you want about all you've been through, about where you are, about where you come from, about all the "fake" people you grew up amongst (there ain't nothing like that anyways), about your level of education or your limited exposure to it, about your lack of "connections", about how "unkempt" and directionless your leaders are, about your tiny church na watu unadhani hawaoni mbele, about the limited resources that are at your disposal, but you know what? It doesn't take anyone else to change you. It only takes you to begin the change in you. You are the first step towards your own personal growth. You are the first bold and unequalled step towards a better you. You are. Other people have so tiny an effect on what you choose and decide for yourself. So work on how you view growth as an individual, rather than how you see it through the eyes of those around you. It's all about you. (And God helping you make it of course.)

2. Growth occurs differently in everyone and it takes different courses and amounts of time.
You can't say, "I wanna be slim like so-and-so in the same way/time they achieved it." You'll die, man. And we'll bury you. And that'll be end of the story. But you can say, "I wanna lose weight, drop a bad habit or two, become better in such and such a thing only the way I can, so dear Lord, give me all the Wisdom, will, skill, people and strength I need in order to achieve this." Then you'll make it.
Here's how it goes: you may use another person's success or progress to measure your level of growth, BUT NEVER use it to compare the two of you in relation to the same area of growth. You'll die. And we'll bury you. (And, of course, we'll eat at your funeral.) Then that'll be the end of the story.

3. It doesn't matter what people are saying. If you're on the right track, keep going.
You cannot grow unless you shut your ears to all kinds of naysayers. Don't allow your motivation to be thwarted by prophets of doom. If you're on the right track, and God agrees with it, honey, keep going. You'll make it.

4. There are things that change through declaration, then there are things that change through hard work, effort and commitment. Notice the difference.
Lemme say that again: prayer and claiming God's promises in Scripture are good. All great (yes, not "good", not "average", but "great") Christians should practice both. But those two should never replace hard work, commitment, faithfulness, dedication, determination, truth and focus. Let God play His part as you do yours. 

You may pray all you want, but always remember "Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth." (Proverbs 10:4, NIV) and God blesses the works of our hands, not empty talk: (Psalms 90:17, NIV) "May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands.")

5. Do what needs to be done, and stop calling it a resolution.
Yes, sometimes we just need to do what should be done. It's called growing up. It's called maturity. It's called taking responsibility. And most of such stuff ain't no resolution.
You know when people should just pay their tithe, or love and care for their bae or family, or pray and read Scripture via their Bible apps and they claim these are resolutions?
Resolution? What resolution? You SHOULD be doing those things already. Just do them, man/lady.

6. If your growth may depend on another person in one way or another, then they need to be focused on achieving it in the same way you do.
Yes, the success of some of our goals may be intertwined with other people and what they do. And yes, that can bring us to a real slowdown if the other party reiterates on a go-slow.
Relationships or marriage or worship teams or an organization at startup level or a business are such examples. Anything involving the absolute consensus of two separate entities can only succeed when both parties unanimously agree that the page they are opening and the growth they want to experience is what it should be. (So help us Dear Lord.)

7. It's normal not to grow all the time. You shouldn't grow all the time.
That "what's the next big thing" mentality is a dangerous mentality. It's not a bad one, but it puts us in a dangerous place. It makes us think we are failures the moment growth isn't experienced.
God rested. On the seventh day, He rested. That doesn't mean that He wasn't doing anything. Rest is something. Rest helps us reflect on growth, so that when growth pauses, we may use that time to reflect on things and say, "Yeah, it is good. So far, it is good." Rest helps us use that time to see where we may have overgrown or "undergrown".

So now, in conclusion, God desires that we grow. All the time. And no matter the perspective we may have about a new year and personal growth, here's one verse that proves God desires continuous growth in us: Psalms 1:3 (NIV) "He (the Christian) is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."

Bonface Morris.

Grow Your Niche: Discovering Your Abilities, Talents and Gifts Pt. 2

Continued from Part 1…

The last thing I addressed on talents and gifts last week was growth, and I insisted that we can never undermine the role growth plays on talent: “unless a talent is grown, it will soon fade away.”

Today, we continue with the third part of the four main points I was discussing which will help us grow our niche through identifying our abilities, talents and gifts;

3.     Our Passion

Quote: Passion is an aggressive approach towards talents/gifts.

I met a certain young person sometime back with an interest in building and creating mobile apps and a probable OS (yeah, that was his dream, and yes, it is right here in Kakamega – note: we’re awesome like that. Hah.) But the problem was that the boy is forever complaining about capital. Capital? Yes, capital. So I was like, “Capital my foot!!”

After hearing him rant about lack of capital, I decided to grill him. I asked him how many developers he knew that make apps that are similar to what he was going to make. Nada, he didn’t know any. Then I asked him what he wanted to call his app. No, he had no idea about that either. (Okay, he wanted to call it a name that was already existing but he knew nothing about it…) I asked him if he knew coding. No, he didn’t. Then I asked him a final grilly one: “So what do you want to make and how do you want to make it if you don’t even know it and you have no idea of your competitors?”

We reached a conclusion that he lacked passion. He lacked a deep interest in what he wanted or as aspiring to do.

We see it a lot: “I wanna be this, I wanna be that… I wanna build this, I wanna build that… bla bla bla, but these kids (anyway, even old people do this) don’t even know what they are saying.

You see, if you claim that your abilities and interest(s) are in science and that science is your stuff; or that music is your thing and you are a musician, you need to know that s*** really well. Yes, you need to know it like you always know you are hungry. Do you consult anyone – say, a doctor - to know you are hungry? No. Alright, do you consult your dad or mom to know that you need to visit the washrooms? No? Yeah, then you need to know what you are doing or what you are engaging in reaaaaaalllly well.

Let us be realistic. Without passion in your area of specialization, you are doing useless work and you are neither building your niche nor creating a brand, yet that is all this is about.

Passion is when YOU KNOW what you are doing (when you know your abilities, talents or gifts) and you are now developing them with enthusiasm (a.k.a. zeal) and enjoyment. It is when once woken up in the middle of the night and you are asked a question concerning your talent/gift, you’ll reply without hesitation or blinking, right in your sleep, and give a fascinating answer! Passion is when you stand out in the crowd because you know a little more than everyone else and your perfection in doing whatever you do is higher than everyone else. Passion resists the urge to only start a business when there is “enough” capital (like my friend above). It denies you the pleasure of being normal.

I will give you a few examples: a singer who can’t freestyle is yet to be passionate. (It’s like joining that Jaza Mistari show on @KTNKenya yet you don’t even know the lyrics of a single song… *sigh!*). A poet or a writer who needs hours in order to create a post is yet to develop passion in/for what they are doing. A dancer who needs to practice forever in order to give forth something of worth is still underdeveloped in their passion. It is passion that differentiates a good scientist/artist form a great scientist/artist. It is passion that makes your schoolmate get employed before you do, because they are awesome at what they do. Passion is a mark of awesomeness. Yeah, you need to get me really good: passion is a mark of awesomeness!!

a) Master your talent/gift

Quote: If you are able to master and enjoy every fine detail of whatever you do, then you can nurture it, grow it and create a brand out of it.

In an article Strive Masiyiwa wrote last week titled “Be Consummate About What You Do!”, there is one point he reiterates: to become consummate in area of specialization, you need to master and enjoy doing whatever you do. Here is the whole article;

“Last week, I attended an international conference, where I was a keynote speaker on the subject of Mobile Money Transfer services. The audience, wanted to know how our company had built one of the most successful services of its kind known as, Ecocash. One of the first things I did was to show them a slide, showing, 'key performance indicators', based on a comparison with similar services, in other parts of the world, such as Kenya's M-PESA (the best such service in the world). This is 'benchmarking': how you are doing against the best, in your game.

I told them, that we did not 'invent' Mobile Money Transfer service, but we studied carefully what others had done all over the world. Our teams, went on field visits, to countries, like Kenya, and the Philippines. Our people also did 'focus group' studies with customers, to try and evaluate their needs. Then we ran a pilot service, for many months, which we used to evaluate customer responses, and redesign the product.

When you are in a business, you must join associations, (both local and international), so that you can exchange ideas, with people from the same industry, including your competitors. This is how you 'benchmark'. Before you dash off to implement something, try and find out what others have done, or not done... This is really how you should be using tools like the Internet.

Do you want to raise chicken? That's good, but now go out, and become a member of that industry... go down deep. Yes, learn about the industry... make yourself, a 'chicken guru', eat, sleep and talk chicken! If someone asks you about chicken, talk about the Chinese and American industry, tell them who is the biggest player in Nigeria...what type of chicken are preferred in Brazil... It’s your game!

My game is telecoms: the other day someone asked me, over dinner about the history of 'prepaid service', I gave them a lecture, tracing its history, all the way to the first lab tests, in Israel! When I open a newspaper or a magazine, I flip through looking for articles, first on telecoms.

Anything related to communications... I just devour it! It’s my game! So you think, there is nothing about pigs, or rabbits? When you finish reading this, do a search on the internet about the global 'pig industry', or the 'rabbit industry'...

Even if you are working in an organization, as a professional, it is important to remain current, about the job you do, and also about the industry you are in. Be proud of what you do. There is no better way of doing this than subscribing for professional and industry publications. What you are reading locates, you... it’s your game! What are you reading?”

That's why the likes of Paul carried and read books wherever he went: for the sake of mastering what they did! I need not say more about this.

b) Persistently aspire to change your world  

Quote: passion is about creating opportunities for yourself and making others want to copy you.

If we have a strong urge and desire to positively change our world, we need to aspire to learn, on a daily basis, something new about our talents and how to use them to make things easier and better. We need to learn how to create opportunities for ourselves and to better other people’s lives.

Passion is not about rising to fame overnight. No. It is not about creating a name for ourselves out of our “awesomeness”. No. Passion is about building a system THAT WORKS. A system that has been proven to work. A system that changes how things work by simplifying them. Through growth and practice, passion proves that a certain method can be optimized until a formula, protocol or method is achieved. This is how mathematicians came to making and proving mathematical formulas. This is how researchers come up with new technologies. It is passion that concluded that the piano can only be played in a number of ways within a certain number and bracket of keys. All these inventors sought to change their worlds and they therefore passionately found a way to make things easier for whoever will live after them. They never stopped until results were achieved. (You’ll understand this better if you’ve read The Art of War by Giles Lionel Sunzi.)

They worked and used their abilities and talents with the future in mind. They did it progressively without being selfish about the outcome. They saw the end-product in the whole process rather than the means and the fame. They were resilient and focused.

That is what we need to do if we can ever change our present world though the use of our abilities, talents and gifts.

One example I use is that I always tell people that I may not be that into technology but I’ll always dream of a day when my dad can search for specific words in his paper Bible without using sophisticated means, without needing a gadget and without need for the internet. I dream of my grandmother being able to read without actually knowing how to read. (Yeah, stop and think about it. It may be crazy, but it is possible.) In my scientific world, I always think of a day when cancer can be simply cured through the introduction of tumor-killing artificial microbes which can actually eat away any type of tumor… I think of things unimaginable in my world, but I think about them anyway. Dreaming is great. Dreams are ideas in a sleep-stage and it never actually means that they won’t wake up - because they surely will! Dreams always wake up and become a reality when we work on them passionately…

4.     Our profession and career

There are those amongst us who are blessed in a way that their abilities, talents, gifts and passion marry their profession. A few of us have split these into two parts of our existence, while others don’t even know what they’re doing. Well, it may be okay, but let’s address a few things here…

I am always against the notion that being great at school translates to being great in life or being great at your career. Well, prove me wrong by taking statistics of people who made it in life only because they had a First Class Honors in university; prove it to me that a whole 100% of such people have made it in life. Yes, please do it. Getting a First Class Honors is good, but unless one has something to add onto it, it is futile and useless. And if it is the only thing that drives our lives, what becomes of us after school and we are not immediately employed? Huh?

Oh well…

Some people study something else and become something else in life. Others don’t even study at all, yet they end up employing all those creepy bookwarms… Hah… The endpoint should be, after school, are you able to enjoy what you are doing? Do you feel excited when at work doing what you do to earn whatever you earn? Is your profession giving you a stir of passion and satisfaction when you are at it? If not, think twice about it.

A good percentage of people who go for a second or third degree are those who are trying “to diversify” their career or profession. The interesting thing about hearing the word “diversity” when dealing with career is that I always translate it and make it synonymous with the word “randomness”. This means that it always rings in my ears that these people may not even be sure of what profession they are made for. To curb this (the lack of knowledge on what you are made for career-wise), I recommend one to genuinely answer the following questions:

• Do you enjoy it?
• Can you do it for the rest of your life?
• Do you feel excited to report to work (especially) on Monday morning?
• Do you work for the money or for the love of the work itself?
• Would you work under minimum supervision and achieve the same results as when you are working under supervision?
• Do you aspire to grow in your area of work?

If above 70% of your answers for the questions above were “no”, you are in the wrong place. You may need to make your decisions really fast and change what you are doing before it is too late.

When it comes to choosing career, some people may choose it with reference to their abilities, talents and gifts, while others may not. It really doesn’t matter so long as you can pass the above test (the questions I posed above) by scoring above 70%.

As I finish up, the few things you need to know about career and growing/building your niche are listed below;

a)    They say that any skill can be learned in 21 days flat. This is good news to anyone who desires to learn any new skill. Grasp the opportunity and learn it. Stop wishing you had known something you can learn in 3 weeks!!

b)    God does not bless lazy people. Only lazy people use those useless "confess and possess" quotes because they think God is a robber: robbing people's blessings to hand them over to them. Haven’t you ever read in Exodus 23:29 where He says, "I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate… little by little I will drive them out before you until you have increased and possess the land…”? Do you think God was talking to a lazy people? No? Okay, so work hard to get what is rightfully yours in Him!

c)     To some people, once school is over, their lives are done. But those guys who use at least 30% of their time in improving their social skills and talents have less hard time adapting to the new environment after school. Think about it. Apply it.

d)    Eventually, you’ll realize that a man's fulfillment is not in the accumulation of wealth, things or education but in servant-hood. It will do you more good to improve your social skills and talents than to know more mathematical formulas that are useless in real life. People will save you after failure, but that education you are seeking so brutally won’t give a damn when you are suffering out here. So care more about people, then go on and cram/learn your formulas. It is called balancing your life.

e)     If you sit down waiting for employment, it is likely that you're gonna wait forever, but if you keep yourself busy by utilizing your talents and abilities well, opportunities and favor can arise from any side and overtake you.

f)     In anything you do, seek to stand out and create a brand out of yourself.

g)    Believe in possibilities. Believe in God. Believe in the power of God to make you into anything great. Believe that you can become anything you put your eyes on. Then drive all you have towards achieving it. After all has been said and done, tell a testimony of how you became what you are through God’s faithfulness.

Till next time,

God bless.

Bonface Morris.

Grow Your Niche: Discovering Your Abilities, Talents and Gifts Part 1

Side note: It may be a good idea to start by reading this blog post I did 2 years ago.

A year or so ago, I had a conversation with a certain teenager who had just finished High School. He wanted to know how to become busy and stop being “bored” at home. (And about getting bored, I always wonder how someone can really get bored…).

Okay, I looked at him and asked him, “How much do you really wanna get out of your rut…?” “So much… it is screaming right inside my head and all over me!” he answered. So I told him, “I don’t think so. I am not seeing it in you. I think you just want a quick way to get money and acquire a platform upon which you will boast to your friends that you ‘ain’t the idle type’.”

He took offense. I liked it. I like it when people take offense because I am telling them the truth. Yes, he took offense because I was telling him the truth. Of course, he really really really wanted to get something to do - to keep him busy - but truly speaking, he only wanted to get money and get over it – in the simplest way possible.

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A few years ago after leaving High School and because my parents were not able to immediately take me to College, all I could actually do was to sit around and become idle. I bored my mom. I really did. I bored her because I was not useful. So she called my dad and told him about it. (This was mid-June after my KCSE – which I did about a decade ago, yeah I am that old… J)

They agreed that I should get to where my dad was and probably get to do something meaningful with my life. (Meaningful was the key word, and I won’t mention towns because that is none of your business... Hah.)

Well, when I got to live with my dad, he taught me a few things: that I had to learn to do stuff on my own and become independent. As the only son, you can only imagine what went through my mind. Learn to do stuff on my own and stand as a man? Oh no!! No way!! But in present-time Kenya, what do you expect if your dad is not the CEO of some company or when he is not “well connected”? You have to stand your ground and gain substance, or sit down and die poor. He always reminded me (my dad) that he won’t always be around and I should (as his only son) take charge and become a man my sisters and mom can lean on when he becomes old…

Anyway – so you are asking - why am I telling you all these useless stories?

Because of the following:

As much as I was able to do some menial work, earn a little income each week and become financially independent, I kept myself busy during my free time. I will share with you how I spent my free time in the next few lines… I began by writing music. This is something almost everyone does after High School so it should not be a big deal to you. Yes? Writing music was easy: figure out a few words, rhyme them, and I was good to go! (From then to now, I have ended up writing so many unreleased songs that I can’t even recall which one was my first song - I’ll expound on this story after I have become a recording artist one of these fine days.) The second thing I was doing during my free time was reading and falling in love with quotes (remember that I was only 18.) This moved me to the next level: writing tailored quotes. (I have two books full of personal quotes as evidence.) Quotes expanded my knowledge of phrases and words, so I decided to start writing my first book at age 20. (This also is none of your business, haha, so priss don’t ask me about it...) The internet was gaining popularity then so I used it often. Writing (yeah what you see here and what I post on several occasions is just the tip of the iceberg) loaded my room with a lot of stuff. I then decided to start making some research on people and personalities – because by then, I had been given a minor leadership position at my church. I wanted to understand people, so I read a lot about people – on the internet of course, because I am not fond of paper or hard cover books. Alongside writing quotes, a book and various songs, I also started writing poems and doing art and calligraphy (my pastor can witness that I brought him a lot of my artwork at this stage.) I was now 21 years old and still untrained (formally). But was I useful? Yes. 2 years earlier, at the age 19, I had joined the Praise and Worship Team at my church because I just refused to sit around and do nothing. I decided to also join my church’s intercession team which was mainly composed of women. Yes. Women. Lots of women. Dang. A tiny boy amongst a legion of women. Dang… again! We met on Wednesdays for fasting and on Saturdays for general prayer. 1 year later, I was teaching myself how to play the keyboard/piano.  I took (and still take) very serious that Bible verse that says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…” Philippians 4:13 and it has worked for me.

And I have now been improving on the things above and adding more for the past few years: I have learned teaching, public speaking, preaching, ranting (lol), bla bla bla, and have grown in my walk with the Lord.

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I am sharing my tiny – and almost useless example above - to give this blog post a practical background and meaning: that as far as I am concerned, whatever I am going to tell you about capturing and knowing your niche, abilities, gifts and talents, I am a devoted doer of it all. I drink that water yo!

Now, there are a few things you need to know and be able to understand well in order to capture and grow your niche (a niche is a position particularly well suited to the person who occupies it). These things, as listed below, are the very things I’ll address in depth in the two parts that are this blog post;

1.     Your abilities.

2.     Your talent(s) and gift(s).

3.     Your passion.

4.     Your career/profession.            

1.     Our abilities

Quote: Growing your niche is simply moving towards KNOWING YOUR STUFF.

Everyone is born with an ability. Everyone. The Bible says so, and anthropological studies also prove that all mankind is bestowed with the ability to do something. A society can’t move without people’s various abilities. There is not one person on this earth that lacks an ability to do something. Everyone has an ability. (An ability is defined as the quality of being able to perform or a quality that permits or facilitates achievement or accomplishment in something…)

I’ll give you practical examples in a simple nuclear family: your dad is able to lead, your mom is able to organize, your elder sister is able to give orders, the second born in your family is able to cook, you are able to read and understand; and all these people are endowed with qualities that enable them to do these things better than everyone else.

Note: Your ability depicts (describes or portrays) your talent and niche – it curves and exposes it.

Abilities are those tiny and usually neglected awesome acts in our family members or community that define the doers without asking. Is your sister able to cook the best meals than any of you by using the weirdest methods and with very few materials? Yeah, you get it. Is your brother able to naturally milk the cow without being taught? Yeah, now you get it.

Let me bring it further down…

Within a society, various abilities are exposed and discovered: a certain man has the ability to farm and produce crop all year long, another man is able to predict seasons, a certain woman is able to counsel quarreling families and bring them together, that chief you know or that man next door is a great peace-maker, another one is able to repair clothing without training, a certain young man is known for his ability to mend shoes and make electrical repairs and another has the ability to train people on nutrition, losing weight and physical fitness. Another young man you know is good at sports… Another one is the best artist in town – probably in graffiti or photography. A certain worship team member is known for being able to sing like an angel without being taught and a given dancer and keyboard player can do their thing so flawlessly that they are known for such efficiency. All these are abilities we experience in our communities in our day to day lives.

One fact is that people with certain abilities always wonder why some other person (or people) cannot do whatever they do in the simplest and most efficient way.

Have you ever met someone with the knowledge of coding or computers? They have abilities acquired through training that will blow you away. Scientists and doctors have abilities acquired through training too.

So as you come to realize, abilities are not limited to financial status, tribe, physique, level of education, or to the level of one’s IQ. There may be people with a very low IQ score, who have failed in school and some who never even went to school, but these people are damn good managers (the likes of Steve Jobs, Simon Peter and Jesus.)

There are people who are very observant and can detect mistakes in things/places that no one else was seeing, there are people who are very analytical in nature – whenever you want something scrutinized, you have to call them – and they know their stuff!! There are those who know how to save money. (Note: an ability - like extravagance in the use of money – one which wastes resources - is not a positive ability but a vice.)

If you were to ask me if I am lazy, I will tell you I truly I am lazy. I know it. My friends know it. But if you were to ask my boss, my pastor or my work mates if I am lazy, they will give you a different story. Why? Because my abilities differ. I may not able to wake up early and attend classes, but I damn know how to work smart. I may not be passing my exams, but I’ll give you practical life advice if you needed some. I always tell people not to ask me for advice on matters concerning school because I’ll fail them, but they can come for real life stuff - I have a lot.

To round it off, we have naturally acquired abilities (some inherited, and others learnt) and abilities/skills acquired through formal or informal training. These are the building blocks towards discovering your talent, gift and passion.

Therefore, if everyone has an ability [to do something], then everyone has a talent, a gift and a passion. It may be useful at home, or at school, or at work, or in the market place, or by the roadside, or at church, or in the community. You have it. Everyone has it. Scan through your life and discover it. Sometimes people tell you about it or point it out to you. Just be keen to listen when they complement you. Also remember that abilities are given to us or built in us mostly benefit others, so things like watching TV and movies, eating (being a foodie) and stinginess are negative abilities that should be avoided.

2.     Our talents and gifts

Quote: If you want to grow your niche, don’t be in the wrong place at the right time or in the right place at the wrong time.

A talent is defined as a natural ability or quality (so note that talents borrow a lot from abilities), while a gift is an endowment given to someone by God (mostly, gifts are only referred to when talking about one’s spiritual abilities – or abilities influenced by a spiritual force i.e. God.)

I’ll give you a few practical steps towards discovering your talent(s) and your gift(s);

a)     Have an incessant/unstoppable drive towards doing something positive.

In the present world, everyone wants to do nothing but achieve everything. Did you hear that? Everyone wants to do NOTHING, but achieve EVERYTHING. Now, the dangerous thing about wanting to do nothing but achieve everything is that we all end up idle and poor. Yes, IDLE and POOR we become.

The truth is that if everyone decided to do something in his/her society, (something constructive using their natural or acquired abilities – like the ones I have described above), there would be less begging and poverty. Poverty comes in because we all want to be lazy and useless (at least I am lazy but useful. Haha.) We are all driven towards doing nothing. It is our default setting. Doing nothing is our default setting. (And this is the cause of many divorces and breakups in relationships – both parties wanting to do nothing - all the time.)

If we want to discover our talents, we should be driven towards exploiting all our abilities. ALL. All of them. What do you love? Exploit it!! What do people enjoy whenever you do it? Exploit it!! Put all your strength in ensuring that you are moving all your might towards bettering a specific area in your life. What change do you need in your family, church, work place or community? Work towards solving it in the tiniest way you can!! You don’t have to be great, you just have to begin. You can start with working on one ability at a time, until (as I will show you later) you have developed a passion for it. We acquire the drive to explore and use our abilities through desiring personal growth. Unless we desire personal growth, we will never discover what we can do and achieve in our immediate society.

Many successful people work endless hours to meet targets, yet many lazy people think they don’t have talents or abilities. Talents are grown from the abilities God has given us: abilities that positively influence our immediate societies. Once we acquire a strong urge to do something about the little we already have, we grow into what we should become. We should remember that perfection is not acquired in one day. Talents can be discovered through the realization of needs: the need you see wherever you are is a platform upon which your ability and talent is built. Therefore, what disturbs you most to need change is what arouses and directs your ability and thereafter, your talent and gift.

b)    Develop consistency – practice a lot

I have been training several people on how to play the piano. (Those who know me well know that no one taught me how to play the piano. I just woke up one day, told the Lord I wanted to know how to play it, practiced a few notes for 3 months and voila!! I had already known enough to teach you a few things about playing it!!) Consistency worked for me. I have spent time telling every new student I have that unless you are consistent, you can never perfect any art. NEVER. You see, art depends on consistency, while science depends on specificity. Art without consistency will fail, and science without specificity becomes pseudoscience. (Yeah you can quote me on that one also. Lol.) So discover your love, your ability, your talent, learn a thing or two about it, but don't start boasting that you have known it. Seek to become better!! Our keyboard player and several other people always ask me why I am not recording my music, and I tell them, I need a phase in my composition and music writing where I'll become consistent in my music style and writing. I want to be perfect. I want my passion for what I do to be intact. You may see it as a waste of time and talent, but I wanna give out something complete, not half done – and only consistency helps you grow your talent towards that.

Thus this is how talent is nurtured through consistency: you discover your ability > you then focus your strength on that ability > after that, you keep on focusing your strength(s) on it until you are becoming better and better by the day…

An example is a person who is a great cook. First, they realize they can cook > then they do everything to better their cooking > then they expand their knowledge through research and learning new methods of cooking (new recipes and different cuisines) > they keep learning and doing what they do best until they ease themselves into perfection…

c)     Grow

I always say, “If you want to do something, start doing it. Now. Start doing it now. Stop wishing you can do it... If you have the energy, time and (whatever limited) resources at your disposal, still do it.”

Everyone knows that no business empire started with flourishing capital. No invention begun with people who "had it all". Someone had to believe that THEY ARE ABLE TO DO whatever was before them, and they did it. Simple. They did it.

This blog did not begin as a website - I had no resources for a domain subscription. But I want to assure you something - this blog will surely GROW into a website! Mark my words. I saw an opportunity, and I took it. Blogger offers free blog services, I took it. As write week after week, I dream of the day I'll register a website with my own domain. I dream of adding so much more to the website. But I am not just dreaming, no. I am using the free available resources available to me. I am writing.

So what can you do? Are you a poet? Do you have an ability in sharing your mind and thoughts? Is your ability in helping people? Can you lead? Do you cook? Do you love writing scripts? Do you design stuff? Are you a great critic? Is your ability to decipher things high? Are you moved when you hear people talk about technology or cars or games or plays or movies? Do you love singing? Don't wait to have a music producer for you to perfect a singing habit. Start it with what you have. Record those clips on your phone. Record them. Capture the opportunity. Research in your area of interest, get the loophole and go make it a reaaaaally biiiig hole!! Use the minimal resources you have to achieve the goal of growing your talent. Use your church's keyboard player to practice and rehearse. Use your mom’s garden to grow flowers and vegetables. Use your brother’s laptop to learn coding. Use your dad’s bicycle to run errands. Use whatever resource (plus a bit of the internet) to grow. Grow.

Simply grow your talent and gifts through exposure. Add in more effort through networking with people who are in the same field you are interested in. Use that phone of yours to research and grow instead of WhatsApping and chatting the whole day. Get mentors from the internet. Save articles. Read and re-read them again and again. Have blogs and websites you follow. That is what I call seeking to grow. So, grow. Grow your talent!!

Quote: Unless a talent is grown, it will soon fade away.

To be continued in Part 2…

Bonface Morris.

Twenty-Fourteen: Life, Relationships and Everything Between

Just a few days ago – a week or so, to be precise - I shared something on my end-year cum festive-season reflections in what I called "nanoreflections". If you haven't read that post, read it here.

This post is a sequel to that one and it seeks to emphasize on a few issues relevant to any new season. It is not [in any way] advice, (oh, it may be) but just a series of life-questions and views.

Apparently, I just want to talk to us, and, er, help us get into 2014 with some bits of focus and confidence, and with well-directed perceptions of life and those around us.

But before that, let me open up a little about writing, and especially writing in the festive season...

I am putting on paper [almost] everything that has been spiraling in my mind - thanks to my sticky notes and my notepad - in the few days I've been both idle and busy with celebrations. Why? I may grow mad if I don't. (Literally).

Every writer will tell you that it is "extremely normal" to feel "extremely mad" when so many words are passing through your mind and you JUST can't hold them in or put them out in time. It is even more okay to become dumb on someone trying to interfere with your thought line.

This is what happens: a certain urge to vent out thinks (things and thoughts) comes upon you, and you acquire a status of between screaming and shouting, or of between sitting and running; and a force purges from within your lungs (or from wherever within you), because your hand fails to [somehow] tap on the keyboard (or to scribble things on a piece of paper) as fast as your mind is pulling them out; and it is at this time that the heart within you thuds tremendously and your skin increases in tension, and the pumping of blood increases; because beauty is fighting to be let out but it is sticking somewhere and some of it is getting swallowed, and you don't like it...

Eventually, you feel a mixture of excitement and hysteria taking over you, like a sneeze that just won't go off... And worse it will be, if a couple of hyperactive people around you ask you questions and request that you get involved in their "fun"...

You may slightly lift your head, shift on whatever is holding your weight, stare at each one of them conspicuously and after kinda 30 seconds, say nothing at all. They may feel angry for being taken for granted, rant their most, bring out those platitudes they have of you and waste your good five minutes while trying to paint you as the-most-wicked-unsocial-and-punitive-introvert-in-the-world. You may mundanely smile back, or fracture their egotistic selves by exchanging their statements with a plain, emotionless face, and continue struggling with the speed at which words are rushing in your brain... they may even constitute to the adrenaline rush by giving you more ideas...

Oh well, lemme spare you that entire bunny droll...

So, back to our theme...

My observations this festive season have been centered on people's character and behavior. I have observed that it is character and behavior that manifests and depicts the growth of a person as interpreted by those around him/her. Also, regardless of whether you are saved or not, character and growth in life are the two things in life you cannot jump over. We all behave in a certain way and grow to a certain extent. Just differently, but we all do. If not so, we all are dead or are in the process of dying.

Now, because one of the most basic catalysts of life is behavior which intertwines itself in character and leads to a given level of growth, and that without growth we are all exposed to ridicule by redundancy and stagnation or even death itself, behavior, character and growth become the power(s) that drive life - they are the main proof of life. 
And if [at all] they do prove life, how is Twenty-Fourteen going to be with regard to these three? How are we going to trim them so that to make this year the year that marks the beginning of our treading the uncharted territory?

Let's check it out and see a few things that we may need to change in our behavior and character in order to prove our positive growth; or rather, a few things that may make our relationships with those around us more bearable in Twenty-Fourteen.

Here goes... (and I promise that this one is gonna be reaaaaaaally long)…

To all dudes:-

1.      On drinking and partying
It is thought today that the much a man drinks proves his knowledge of partying. Well, I've seen some. They call it "having fun". Fun? Yes, fun. They say drinking yourself silly is fun. And all this time, I’ve been hoping to believe (under some degree of supernatural conviction) that fun includes having hangovers, becoming broke, having a sore body, sleeping in a trench and making God sad through bad use of your body. I’ve been hoping. For a while now. I’ve not succeeded to hope enough though... But be it as it may, my mixture of hopes and observations have noted that 70% of these boys who drink themselves silly still depend on their parents. Yeah, they are just boys. Boys who have not yet learnt to earn their own money and waste it on liquor (that is if liquor is worthy wasting money on). Maybe they'll learn a few lessons then grow up later, no? Lesson learnt? A boy drinks himself silly and parties all day without a break, but a man is conscious of his indulgence, his company and about tomorrow. 
Make a decision on what you wanna be this year. A boy or a man?

2.      On lying and honesty in our relationships. 
In worldly contexts, lies are considered to be the standard measuring unit for a man – his mantra. They say that a man is wired to lie. They are stupid. (Those who say this.) Men are not wired to lie, boys are. They are boys who lie about all things in their lives. Men speak their minds. Men speak the truth, no matter how blunt and painful it may be. Men share issues, and their women help solve them; while boys lie about issues, and their girls swoon over them… So, my dear friend, are you going to be a man [of your word] or a boy full of lies? It is your choice.

3.      On being haphazard.

Someone I respect a lot once told me: Rush the much you want Morris, that is what you young people think life is all about; but come back and be certain that there are two things you can’t rush and recover; time and your age… I’ve been flipping through that advice for a while now and I’ll tell you something about it after I’m done…

With the current flip in technology, everything seems to be running too fast. Android OS versions and phones are coming out every other night. Apple is unleashing products like the wind. All sorts of things are being done to DNA. Robots are becoming more real by the day. Smart homes are becoming the envy of everyone... “So why not go with the flow?” you ask. You don’t have to, do you? If everything in this world ran at our speed and as fast as we would want it to, then everything will end up being messy. (Methinks.) Calm down. Relax. Life was never meant to be rushed. Become a man and see the big picture, rather than being the boy that runs into everything without thinking of the outcome, or without seeing the future. It’s our choice anyway…

4.      On reliability and responsibility 
One outcry I have heard from my lady friends over and over again this festive season is that 90% of we men are still boys – still piping in the drains of boyhood. Yes, you heard me right: 90% of these guys you meet and see are still boys (Ladies et al.) Ladies have been telling me that they are tired of acting as our mothers and elder sisters and at the same time being our fiancées. They are tired of our lack of commitment and playing the man in our relationships. They are tired of our lack of concern and dedication to our relationships. They are tired of us being wimps and play boys. O! They are tired of so many things. Over this season, and while interacting with several of them, they’ve insisted on one single thing: let the so-called men in their lives stop playing boys. They say this: boys play girls and have a string of them and think that females are objects of pleasure and meeting their lustful creeds; men date ladies/women, value them for who they are and plan to marry them. It is our choice guys, what we wanna be this year.

5.      On being the serious and the moody type.

I know this one is gonna catch us unawares. But seriously, who said that men should not know how to switch profiles? (And by ‘profiles’ I mean our reaction to things.) Who said so? Who said that a broke man should always avoid his lady (unless she is a girl – which I am going to address in the next part of this post) or that a “stressed” man is hell-fire? I am being told that a humorous broke man is better than a gloomy endowed man (Ladies et al.) I am also being told that a generous and charismatic man is more attractive than a stingy and moody man.

Guys, again, it is our choice this year what we wanna be.

To all ladies:-

1.      On nagging and drama.

Oh! I know something fah real: every lady and every girl has a degree of drama installed inside her by default, no matter how good they may be. After saying that (and I will allow you to make as much noise about it as you may want to), allow me to point you ladies to a certain direction. Who told you that partying and drinking yourself silly makes you attractive? Huh? Seriously ladies, and who told you that sleeping with as many men as you can’t count and surmounting drama to your name makes you famous? I know there are words like socialite that have become “fashionable” of late, thanks to the internet. Yeah, most of you think that drama and tweefs make you famous. I can see it in most people’s twitter updates. (They won’t do it on Facebook because it will betray their “decency” to their close friends and relatives). There is one point to note though ladies: Girls are drama queens. Girls flirt with every other man they meet. Girls nag all the time. Girls manipulate men. Girls complain and rarely appreciate what their men do for them. But women, yes, well-refined ladies and women, cannot exchange their dignity for cheap fame. Get it right: Women have standards, and they make these standards known. Women support their men, take care of them, are concerned about them and appreciate the little (or much) they receive from them. Women know their boundaries as far as drama, gossip and nagging are concerned. Yes, you’ve heard it, so go on and make a choice this year. 

2.      On insecurity and self image.

Sometimes real men wish that women would understand just one simple concept of attraction: beauty of the skin and a great body figure will fade away, but the greatest of beauties is the beauty of the heart and the strength in a woman’s personality. Of course a man is attracted to your outer beauty too, but he won’t be feeding on that beauty daily nor will it help him welcome friends and keep/preserve relationships that are meaningful to both of you. He will need something deeper - a great personality that matches that beauty. That’s what will keep him. So ladies, why not put more weight and attention to your character, behavior and inner countenance than spending all the time bellowing about a man who seems distant? Why should other women concern you too much if you at all take care of your personality and your man? Aki promise me that this is what you are going to work on this year. Promise me that you will worry more about your-all-round self image than those shoes or dress you don’t have. Promise me that you will not be insecure about yourself or your man when around other ladies. Promise me o sweet little beau… J

3.      On being THE woman in your man’s life

I grew up knowing that women are always in control. Blame my mother, but that is how I knew women should be. I mean, only girls lack territory. Women have their feet grounded upon their territory, and they let everyone know it. You’ve heard the story about the lioness, right? You’ve even watched it on National Geographic, right? Of how she can kick Father-Lion’s a** and those little cubs to hell when they try to bring in nonsense, right? Yeah, that’s what a woman is all about. But I am not here to imply that women should beat up their men Nyeri style, oh no! That is what girls do: beat up their men, act like tomboys, go on silent mode for a decade in repayment for small mistakes done, torch down a house… Seriously!? A woman who knows that she is in control is not a control freak to her man, but she also doesn’t tolerate nonsense from him. She goes about her business and makes him know when he oversteps boundaries. That is a real woman. A Proverbs 31 kind-of woman. Strive to become one this year.  

4.      On being an attention freak

I know that all women deserve some degree of attention – especially from their men and a few of their fellow women. It is genetic. That is okay. Your man (that is if he is a man and not a boy) should compliment you from time to time, hug you, pamper you, bla bla bla… But why boil with negative emotion(s) over him not complimenting you for a day? Seriously? Why turn down his calls just because he didn’t tell you that you were looking good when he met you in the morning? Stop being childish. Grow up this year.

5.      On independence and the fluffy affirmative action

I’ll be on point on this one: ladies, please stop competing with men this year (or nay other time for that case).

Whoever thinks that equality and equity are useless in matters to do with gender is wrong. However modern we are, or have become, God still values the status that a man should initiate leadership in the home and in relationships. I don’t deny you [ladies] holding leadership positions and owning stuff as a much as men do, that is great. But for once, just be proud that you were born a woman. We will value you as that. Don’t wish to be a man. That is becoming girly and senseless.

Yeah, that’s another one to consider this year.

I have to stop here. This can be longer than you can read, and that is not good for your reading health (nor is it for my writing health)… But, er, to add on something small but relevant: please stop replacing "s" with "x" in any of your writings this year. Leave that to teenagers. :-)

So do we choose to live like we are twenty or like we are fourteen this Twenty-Fourteen?

It is our choice to make.

Bonface Morris.