The Angst

Prologue 

Of all things known to mankind, freedom is the cheapest and yet the most expensive.
 

…………………………………..

She feels empty. She doesn't know why. Her whole body aches. She thought that after sneaking out to go the club and after having sex it would all calm down – that after she is done doing all the evils that had been running down her gut, she would be okay.

Well, it worked. For five minutes. And as predictable as it is, five minutes of happiness cannot fill an eternity of emptiness. She has felt empty for as long as she can’t remember. And she had promised herself to try out something worth an adrenaline rush, but it seems that she has been lying to herself all this time. Even her friends – her newly acquired adventurous friends – were all pathetic liars. Nothing has changed. Oh, well, everything has changed: her record of never stepping into a night club until she is married has been broken and she became someone’s one night stand – and that is really really really cheap – and sex with a stranger wasn’t an adventure at all. There was no fun in all of that as she had been promised. She regrets it. (Oh again she refrains from such a thought and convinces herself that she liked it.) She was a fool to believe them, no? She had been told, “Fake it until you make it…” but the faking it part took 98% of her making it, and she doesn’t see the “making it” happen soon. Why do people keep doing this to themselves? Why do people keep doing things that are this useless? What do they gain from all these? Or are they now slaves of consequence – trying to console themselves with deliberate overindulgence?

Her desires are now growing and are louder within her than ever before. Louder. Sleeker. Slyer. More tormenting. And it is making her feel like she wants to roll over a cliff. It makes her feel like she wanna walk from their home to “she-dain’t-know-where.”

Today, she is picking up her stuff again. She needs a break. This is intolerable. So she calls her boyfriend and tells him, "Honey I'm sorry, I just can't go on with this..." Then she hangs up. He’ll figure it out. What she means. He’ll figure it out somehow. Maybe he will call her back. Maybe he won’t. Maybe he will be so clueless that she has to tell him everything for him to understand what is going on with her life.

Why does she feel this way anyway? Why is life this unfair to her? She has a great boyfriend. A caring and responsible guy. He hasn’t done anything to her to make her think he’s a jerk. No. He’s a cool guy. Not a wimp, but cool. She has a beautiful family. They are always there for her. The other group of her real friends is full of great people. They can understand if she tells them this – how she is feeling right now. But why is she feeling so empty? She goes to church, yeah, but she is still empty inside. Church has been so boring of late actually, so she has skipped a few Sundays just to “freshen up”. She picked up this new trend from her newly acquired friends: “if it is not working, take a break…” they had told her. They don’t go to church, but she does. Okay, that should be like driving a car right in the showroom…

........................ 
He has been staring at that girl for a very long time now. And all along, he has wanted her to be his girl. He has a girlfriend, yeah, but he just can’t stop thinking about his other girl. What would his girlfriend she think of him if she were to read his thoughts? Why in the whole world does he feel this way about her anyway? Why? Why can't he just EVER be calmed down? Why? Why does he always live on the edge, wanting the next big thing in his life? Why is his life like the life of a teenager - expecting too much for and from so little? Why does he always have to keep fighting, running, desiring ad lusting? Why is lust haunting him like a ghost? Why does his blood rush so fast to get into “the next big thing”? Why can’t he just settle down and be contented with what he already has?

He thought – and he has been thinking for a while now - that after he disobeyed his parents and stopped attending church, stuff will change. He had thought that he'd be happier after he started drinking. Some fake ninjas had told him to try the bottle, just a little. He thought that his world will be transformed into a fairy tale. Kinda. But they were just his thoughts, and they were just fake ninjas for real. Reality has it that things have actually become worse. And although he pretends before everyone that all-is-well, he desires to go back. Back to the days when life was “boring”. At least then he knew what was happening. At least it was lighter then. It was boring but bearable. Church was boring but at least it added a little meaning to his pathetic life. But can he? Can he go back after all this? 

Maybe he'll talk to his friend Adrian. Maybe Adrian will understand. Maybe he'll talk to his drinking buddy James... oh no, James is never sober. (Sigh.)

He decides to step out and ponder this out. 

He then spots her. Another girl. "Isn't that Jane?" he asks himself. I have seen that chiq somewhere. So he takes a step and decides to say hi. 
"Hi, Jane?" 
"Hi!" she replies without looking at him at all. 
"Come on, you remember me right? From the party at James's place, huh?" 
"Oh, eeh, yeah. You are that guy - the all talkative and hyperactive guy... eeeeh Sam, right?" 
"Yeah. How are you doing? Would you mind some coffee?" 
"I gat an hour or two. That'll be okay" she replies.

With Jane, she is all like, "Hey, maybe this guy can sort my life out..." and Sam is all the same... "I actually needed someone to talk to..." "Maybe she can become my silent drug sent by the good Lord I forsook to heal my anxieties in life" "Maybe he is my savior... sent by the good gracious Lord to rescue my hopeless soul…"

They walk happily to the next café with indescribable monologues in their heads. They order drinks. They talk. They seem to like each other. They decide to meet up at his place the same night. 8pm. No one will see her come in, and no one will notice the time she’ll go out. She can sneak out at 4 in the morning. All-is-well. All-is-well.

During the night of adventures when the two hopeless souls meet without a good reason but with thoughts of lust and orgies to try to steady their already ailing consciences, all there is is more illicit sex, drinks and pulling facades… and as always, lots of fake happiness and tons of the same old emptiness. 

Of course Jane will regret it. Again. And Sam will regret it too.  Again. But this cycle may never be broken…

Epilogue

Walk. Talk. Pull facades.
But you can never fool happiness.
It knows when it is your friend, and when it is not.
And especially when it is not, that is when you want everyone to believe that it always begs to stay with you wherever you are.

Sleep. Sneak. Pull masquerades.
But you can never fool yourself.
You always know it when you are your own friend and when you are not.
And especially when you are not, when you are not your own friend, you struggle to make everyone think you are.

I have seen the angst in a teenager’s eyes while longing for freedom.
And the anxiety in the bird’s eyes while longing for the air.
But still such an angst cannot be compared to that which haunts the souls of men.
For amongst men, there are those who know where they are going, those who think they know where they are going… and yet still, those who long to know where they are going and where they should be going.

There is a certain fooling we may use fool people, but it is this fooling that haunts the reality we hide within.
This fooling of ourselves may never end.
It may never end until you and I say to ourselves, “How many of my Father’s hired men have food/happiness/favor/satisfaction/contentment/calmness/peace to spare and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my Father and say to Him, ‘Father, I have sinned against Heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called Your son, make me like one of your hired men…’” (Luke 15:17-19) 

This is the only place where the angst disappears – at the Father’s feet.

  

Bonface Morris.

Of Commitment-phobes And the Proverbs 31 Woman

“All men fear commitment!”

“Oh really? Men? What men?”

“All men”

“Uh! Men are not fish. Fish is ‘all fish’, but men are one individual acting and making decisions on his own…”

“Men are all the same… just the dressing code, the shoes, the voice, the skin and the grooming tho… but they are all the same…!!”

“I said men are not fish or chicken – every man is independent in character and choices…”

“Wacha kujitetea… undhani wee ndo uko fiti?”

“Uh!”

Adrian is listening carefully to his lady friend Annabelle as she rants on and on about how men can’t just be committed to anything (at least as far as she is concerned).

He is used to it. She calls him, he answers back. She asks him the usual, “Do you have some time...?” And he responds with his usual, “Kinda…” Then she begins ranting about how men and women are so different on their outlook on life… which eventually runs down to relationships and stuff… At this moment, he is exhausted enough to only respond with grins and shins, with the rubbing of his forehead from time to time and the wiggling of his tongue in the cheeks of his mouth down to his teeth. It is this time that he is so much trying to concentrate on what she is saying. Later, after about 10 minutes or so, she thanks him and hangs up.

That girl with her postpaid thingy! Yes, whoever pays her phone bills is in eternal trouble. But she is a good friend: open-minded, assertive and easy to be around with. Throw anything at her and she’ll hold it in and know just how to throw it back or throw it away.

The above conversation is a stub from their latest chat via a phone call. She initiated the call. He rarely does. Calling people makes him uncomfortable. He’d rather just text…

They never actually agree whenever they talk. They just rant, rant, rant, laugh and disagree then after one of them has failed to justify their point of view, they disappear before boredom creeps in. In their book of relations and communication, that is how it has always flown: you don’t have to agree, but you need to make your voice heard. Talk about it. They are good friends and that is all that matters, right?

But Adrian has been doing some homework on their ongoing chat on the lack of commitment amongst both sexes in relationships. It can’t be possible that men are incessant commitment-phobes. It can’t be. It is not genetic (sex-linked or something…) It is not even related to that. You can’t say “all men are commitment-phobes” without the evidence that ALL men have fallen short of commitment as far as anything is concerned… What about women? How many can say that they are truly committed to anything? At all? Commitment is not gender-inclined. It is in both sexes! He needs to make her see this. He therefore has coined a series of things to kick off his next conversation with Annabelle: Men are not afraid of commitment, they just lack the right person (or thing or cause) to commit to... and a woman of worth should strive to convince a man that he really needs her in his life in order to stir his commitment to the next level in the relationship. A man does not see the need to commit to a woman (or anything in that case) who cannot behave her age…

…………………………………..

I agree that Adrian has a point, don’t you? Someone - whether a man or a woman - is perceived in a manner worthy of his/her countenance. If all women around a man are behaving in a childish manner, why should he commit to these ‘xaxa’ lasses? Why in the whole beautiful world should he do that? In the same way, why would a woman commit to a ‘xaxa’ lad? Why should a woman worthy her salt do so?

So, in this view of things, let us address the commitment issue in relationships in two phases: phase one (where we are looking at the non-committal man) and phase two (where we address the non-committal woman) because there is a problem on both ends.

Phase 1 – The Non-committal man

There are a few reasons to why a man won’t commit.

There are the good ones;

• All females around him are ‘xaxa’ lasses 
• All females around him are not ready to settle down (party animals, always absent minded, spendthrifts and braggarts…)
• He is not yet of age (although this is never a reason enough because having a sense of commitment begins as early as when one is 15 years old.)

Then there are the stupid ones;

• He is a mommy’s boy and he therefore fears another woman taking charge over his life
• He is still fully dependent upon his parents – head to limb to toe to air (sic)
• His woman is not pushing them enough (oh, so he wanna be pushed?)
• He still wants to flirt around and play ground (stupid, huh?)

Commitment to a man is taught of him by fellow men. He learns it from the SOLID men around him. He smells it, sees it, feels it, adapts himself to it and starts speaking it as a language. (That is why it is recommended that a boy gets his mentorship from a SOLID man so that he may learn the art of manhood in his teen age…) 

If a man cannot realize that he is the leader within any given structure (a relationship in this case) and that he should therefore stop being passive, hold the mantle and show the way to go, he is not yet worthy to be called a man. (Oh, ninjas are pulling their bows and arrows on me already, I guess.) Men who fear commitment are absconding the very rule and purpose for which God created them: leadership and purpose. 

A man was created to lead. God said in the Garden of Eden, remember? The man should be the head of the activities he involves himself in (unless they involve other stipulated rules which thus require a different order of doing things). Just as Christ is the head of the Church, so the man should be the head of his relationship(s). If he doesn’t feel like he needs to lead or to get committed to a cause which drives his life and show others that he has a sense of direction, let him then not expect to be treated as a man but as a ‘xaxa’ lad.

I normally say that people had rather say that a man is proud and has a sense of direction and knows where he is headed to, than that he is aimless and without focus.

If people cannot see that a man is self driven and that his life is headed somewhere (regardless of where he is in life right now), he should not expect a focused lady to see otherwise. A man should ask people around him to confirm whether he is moving into the next level or not. He should ask to know if they think he has a vision for his life or not. He should ask them indirectly in order to get genuine answers. It is this simple: if a man cannot figure out where he would love to be in the next five years, he is still ‘xaxa’ material. Period.

Solution?... To wake up a non-committal man, all women need to learn the art of running away. Don’t think he will change unless he realizes that he has lost you. And let him know that you ran away because he has refused to grow into a SOLID man. Don’t waste your time praying for him you saved ladies. Don’t. Prayer may help but the ‘xaxaness’ and the passiveness may not vanish that fast. Run away. The earlier the better.

But this is not to mean that there are no committed men out here. No. There are a whole lot of them. It is just that they too do not tolerate ‘xaxa’ lasses...There are many young men I know who do not fear getting a focused lady. They do not get intimidated by focused ladies. They are ready to lead them into a better world (only if these women would allow them.) These men are here. They are responsible. They admit that they have their weaknesses but they move beyond them and step out of their comfort zones. These men are here, ladies. I know several. Ladies, these men are here – on this planet.

Phase 2 – The Non-committal Woman

All along, it has been thought that women love commitment. I see it a lot in saved ladies who claim to be The Proverbs 31 Woman (I’ll address this below.) I want to prove us wrong – not entirely but to some extent. I have met at least two out of 10 women I have informally asked about the question of commitment (in anything from marriage to some other business) and I have discovered that a great percentage of the 21st Century woman prefers independence to being bound to an oath (either of marriage or any form of contract, mutuality or form of understanding.) 

These statistics are also being proven by this video which was a discussion on Citizen TV's #MondaySpecialKE a few weeks ago on Youth And Commitment. Two ladies in the discussion are seen denying the possibility of them getting married due to various reasons one of them being commitment (watch the video to get their reasons.)

This indicates that it is not only men today that have a commitment problem but women too. Our mothers were proud of getting into relationships, taking care of their future husbands and later getting married; in the contrary, most women you meet today are either dreaming of eternal independence or temporal cohabitation as far as relationships and marriage are concerned.

Reason?... (genuine ones);

• All men around them are ‘xaxa’ lads 
• All men around them are not ready to settle down (party animals, mommy’s boys, always absent minded, spendthrifts and braggarts…)
• They are not yet of age (although women actually mature faster as compared to men – so by age 14 they should already be knowing what is going on with their lives – they should not necessarily be mature but seeing the world I a different way altogether…)

The lame ones include;

• She is a daddy’s girl and she therefore fears another man taking charge over her life (which has proven to be a very big problem to men today.)
• She is still a ‘xaxa’ lass – texts and chats 24 hours a day, binge eats, and binge watches movies all day long, she is a party freak, and has not yet learned what I call The Lady Code (a manner in which a lady worthy her salt carries herself)
• Her man not pushing her enough (oh, so she should be pushed?)
• Relationships and marriages don’t work nowadays so it is safer to sit on the edge than commit (whatever that is supposed to mean.)

Some of the factors a man considers while gauging a woman’s maturity and level of commitment include;

• Independence of mind and deeds - ability to be her own personal brand, and not a replica of her friends’ decisions and behavior.
• Self-driven - ability to offer support to the man and people around her without being forced or asked. (No wonder Eve was so self-driven that she drove her husband Adam into sin, while Ruth did the same to Boaz until he noticed her...)
• Ability to peg her dependence on God rather than on the man or other people.
• A personality not only built on outer looks but also on gentleness of the heart (yeah, you may now quote and add a Bible verse)

If a woman scores so low on the above, why should a man even bother to commit?

There is another issue thoough: The Proverbs 31 Woman factor which has of late become the opium of both the single and married Christian woman. Most women think that they are this woman. What? Yeah, the say it all over the place. But in reality, they are commitment-phobes who only do 20% of what is mentioned in this Proverb.

There is a certain level of commitment the Proverbs 31 Woman has that very few 21 Century women possess. I have summarized below a few things women should note from this Proverb.

Note the following;

1. (v. 10b & 11) …she is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain – she builds up trust in her man through the manner of her commitment and provision.
2. (v. 12) She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life – the message in this verse is open and evident – she adds value to the man’s life.
3. Verses 13 through verse 17 portray her as a hardworking woman who is a good planner and manager of her possessions (she works with willing hands… she brings her food from afar… she rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household… she considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard… she dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.)
4. Verses 18 and 19 portray her as outgoing and engaging, not bossy and domineering
5. Verse 20 proves that she is generous to the poor and needy and is committed to taking care of them from her own resources.
6. Verse 21 reveals that her hands offer security and beauty to her family and that this causes her man to be envied by other men in their neighborhood (a thing all men cherish). Strength and dignity are her clothing (v. 25)
7. Verse 26 through 27 portrays her as woman of wisdom and one full of kindness, one who is not idle.
8. She is praised by both her husband (man) and her children. Her works praise her. And she fears the LORD. (v.28 – v.31)

If a Christian woman (single or married) thinks that she does not have a commitment problem, she should re-read the above passage and make it a mirror for her behavior and countenance (James 1:22-25). This passage (Proverbs 31:10-31) shows us a woman who is truly committed to what she is doing. Such a woman should be the one teaching our girls on how to be SOLID women – SOLID committed women.


Side note: I guess you already are getting used to me using these two names: *Adrian and *Annabelle. I know you are smelling something there… whatever you are smelling, keep it to yourself J… ahem! But they ain’t existing in real life…

Till next time,


Bonface Morris.

Lecrae - Anomaly (2014) Full Free Album Download and WhatsApp+ v6.26D Download

Note: This post is specifically as per request and that is why I have not reviewed the music and uploads herein. (I can do that later.)

Guys, here is a full download of Lecrae's latest album Anomaly released this year plus a bonus track they gave out for free on Reach Records website.

There is also WhatsApp+ for guys who've been requesting that I post a link.

Stay blessed.

Bonface Morris.

Lecrae - Anomaly (2014) Full Free Album Download (60MB)

WhatsApp+ (WhatsApp Plus) Free Apk Download for Android v6.26D (15MB)

Writer’s Block

Well, the funny thing is that I don’t have what to write about today; oh, and most funny about it all is that I am going to force myself to write about not being able to write [at all] and stuff like that.

Well, (again, you’ll have to get used to me now when I use this awesome word), if you are into developing habits, or at one time or another you have had a chance to know how habits are developed, you have probably already read somewhere (or have been yelled at by some “expert” at a seminar as you yawned yourself away before lunch break) that you can learn anything and come to making it part of your character in 21 days. 21 days? Yeah, that’s how they get us all duped. You can’t learn anything and become good at it in 21 days. (Yeah unless it is involving food, movies or having a good time). I’ve tried it buddies. It has never worked. (At least for me.)

Side note: I think there should also be another cliché teaching us on how to unlearn things in such and such a number of days. *Sigh* And they surely (whoever does this bad stuff to us good people) will get us all derailed from the awesomeness of not knowing too much useless stuff.

Anyway, because I have just realized that I have never learned anything in 21 days (which is spectacular because I don’t want to be part of the crowd that qualifies such an Ipsos Synovate thingy - they always lie to us anyway), I now embark on justifying my point: you don’t have to learn anything in 21 days, and that you can actually enjoy writer’s block and learn from it instead of being stressed and brought down by it. Yes, you don’t have to be demeaned by your own makings and unmaking(s).

Another side note: You laymen (ahem) don’t know how demeaning it is to know that you can’t just get stuff and words and things to write about even when you really want to, and that it has been happening to you for kinda since your dad send you pocket money (oh, brilliant, now you get it.)

Back to the road...

There are quite a number of habits I have learned without even learning. There are. Quite a lot. Really. My bandwagon of such habits consists of things like waking up late. Come on, don’t give me that eye roll. We were never ever (ahem) taught how to wake up late. None of us was. Did you learn it in 21 days? Naaah, I don’t think so. You didn’t have to.

Okay, the smart ones amongst us may now be having an argument at this point and may be having an avalanche towards telling me, “Those ‘experts’ are actually talking about good habits, Morris!” Oh, good. Great. Well and good, I have a surprise for you. My bandwagon has got good habits too. Check this one out: we have learned how to avoid and deal with criticism in so many ways, and it did not take 21 days. We keep learning and unlearning it. This is life - learning and unlearning habits.

Habits like reading our Bibles have been developed over differing periods of time. Other bad but unprecedented habits include writer’s block, which only requires one or two occasions and you are an expert at it (and the period of learning it is never actually 21 days.) Habits like believing in something (having Faith) and loving people unconditionally take a much longer time to learn and adopt to (ask Thomas and married people about it). Others like unfaithfulness and infidelity can occur in milliseconds.

So what am I trying to say? I am saying that each one of us has a way and a period within which we may study, learn and adopt to a given habit. We do it differently for different habits.

The habit we are trying to deal with here is writer’s block (oh, actually, some may say that it is a condition). We learn it over time, get used to it and eventually make it part of us. It doesn’t just occur. We nurture and cultivate it (just as we do with other good or bad habits) over a given period of time.

...........................................................

The thing about writing that is also common with other arts is that it takes time for you to develop your style - your own genre so to say - in any piece of art. As long as you are not trying to duplicate someone else’s style, you remain relevant; but if you are trying to wear another person’s shoes, know that that is the beginning of your fall. We can never fit in anyone else’s shoes, no matter how big or small.

Writer’s block is a result of many things, but the main point is this: you are a writer, and you either don’t have what to write about so you are now scared of "the blank page" or you don’t feel like writing [at all]. (And this applies to all artists, by the way.)

So how do we deal with it?

On a light note, you can overcome it through the following ways (oh you can);

1.   Visiting your blog or that folder you save your write-outs in somewhere on your laptop or phone or tablet, staring at the awesome posts you have already posted, sighing, counting them again, sighing a second time, closing the folder and congratulating yourself: “Yaaay, I am a ninja...!!” It won’t change a thing but it may help. Really.

2.   Get to Google and type “How to overcome writer’s block in 21 days...” After that, stare at the search results, click on a few links, click back, re-read an article, smile about it, do a few Opera or Chrome keyboard shortcuts just to prove to and remind your awesome self that you have acquired ninja status and go on with your miserable writing-less life. Yes, go on with your life, buddy. We won’t judge you. After all, the pen, the keyboard, the screen, the energy, the brain, the sacrifice to write and so forth and so on are all yours. We won’t judge you, I promise.

3.   Post to your social media platforms something like this: “I need to do something about not writing... It’s been a long time” and wait for the ooooooohhhs and aaaaaaahhs that arise. Argue with friends a little to why you are not writing and then just disappear from the comments. You are the bause, remember, you are the bause.

4.   Mourn about it until you fall asleep or until you become hungry and eat it away. Of course you’ll add weight due to binge eating. And of course that’s another bad habit you’re slowly developing...

Or, on a serious note, you can do the following;

1.   Try to understand when and why you stopped writing.

Is it a problem you can overcome or do something about? Then do it. Is it a problem with a change of environment and as a result you are still trying to acclimatize or is it a change of friends and the work-space? Inspiration differs depending with our environments, achievements and the challenges we encounter along the way. These things may be happening to us or to the people around us. I may stop writing or my style of writing may switch swiftly from one to another depending on people around me and the things I see, touch, smell, think about, feel, like and love from moment to moment and day to day: was I previously single? Am I still single? Am I from a broken relationship? Have we clashed with God or are we in good terms? Am I married? Do I now have kids e.t.c. These things redefine art. A lot. And writing is not a exception.

2.   Ask your writing friends about how they overcome the block.

Birds of the same feather flop together (Experts et al), remember? At a personal level, I deal with mine by doing exactly what I am doing today... Writing about it. But best of all, I have so many unfinished writing mini-projects and I always use one or two of them to get me back up again. Once I contribute to a certain topic I was addressing somewhere in the underground, everything else (my thought process, my grasp for inspiration and my passion) just falls in place. Someone else may give you a point or two to help you pick yourself up again.

3.   Stop believing that lie that you can undo the block in 21 days.

This is not some sort of theory, my friend. Writing is serious business, so if you don’t want to do it (or you don’t feel thrilled doing it), it will take you 21 years to get anything done. Yes, 21 years or even more. Mark my words. (I actually have a certain writing project that has stayed untouched for four years... and I am still counting...) Yeah, this thing is real.

4.   Take advantage of modern technology.

Own a notebook (paper, if you are all conventional and stuff), a phone with a note-taking app, a tablet or a laptop with note-taking apps that sync across all platforms (phone-tablet-laptop/desktop). This way, you can start writing something on one platform and finish it off elsewhere once you get the time and opportunity. What mostly contributes to our failure to write - that is if we have not befriended technology - is when an idea chips in and we don’t note it down, or we note it on a piece of paper which gets lost, gets torn or gets rained on thus losing information and leaving us with an overwhelming sense of helplessness.

5.   Stop wanting to be like someone else.

Admire people’s work, but stick to your own style. Read a lot yeah, but don’t duplicate someone’s writing style into your own. You are prone to fail if you do so. The weird thing about art is that counterfeits don’t last long, so stop being one. Yes, counterfeits, copy-cats and wannabes never bounce back after a burnout or after the block creeps in.

6.   Manage your time well.

There is always time to write and there is always time to rehearse. Always. If you are passionate about it, you will always find time. You only need three hours (at most) to write something exponential i.e. you write the whole unedited script of three pages (of a Word document of course) in 1 hour, edit it in the next 30 minutes, go walk for 20 minutes to clear up your head, come back and review it anew for 40 minutes or so before posting it or stacking it on top of other writings your already have. You can spread the 3 hours across a week by getting to write at least 30 minutes a day. You don’t need 21 days, you just need 30 minutes per day for a lifetime.

7.   Don’t judge yourself so harshly when you aren’t able to write for a while, but congratulate yourself when you do.

You do this for a while and you come to realize that there is nothing that works better in art than self-motivation. Motivate yourself to achievement or die seeking for compliments from ghosts. :-)

8.   Don’t write nothing if you have nothing to write.

It is better you shut up and write nothing than fill up people’s faces and minds with unrefined art. There is nothing as bad as everyone wondering, “Oh Morris, who really forced you to write that?” Or “You could have prepared more, man. We’d appreciate more if you did so!!” Preparation and research are key to perfecting any gift or talent, so thoroughly work on them before spreading your block woes to everyone else around you.

9.   You don’t have to figure out the beginning to the end of what you want to write about - nobody does that all the time.

You just have to see the beginning, a little of the middle (the body) and some part of the end of the work of art. If you wait to see the whole thing before embarking on writing, you may actually end up seeing nothing hence write nothing.

10. Never procrastinate your writing time. Ever.

Writing, like every other art, requires discipline and consistency in order to achieve great (not just good) results. Once you break this order of things, you are likely to fall off really fast. (Ask me about it.)

11. Don’t restrict yourself to one style of writing.

Art, unlike science, is always exploratory and changing. The Shakespearean style of writing can e revived today if we choose to. We can write the same things in many different ways... And as I always say, “Writers and movie-makers are gods...”, there is nothing that a writer can’t possibly do to his/her style or the very things they address in their works of art. So go on and make yourself a god with your work being your creation...

Until next time,

Bonface Morris.  

Nothing

Yo man, yo gal
So you think you are nothing?
Wait, do you really think you are nothing?
Nothing can't breathe, and nothing can't read what I'm writing
Nothing can't tread the earth, and nothing can't bleed with life
Nothing ain't nuthin'

Listen bruh, and listen bae...

There is a tale I used to hear of old, of near-old
Buddies used to shout and sing it all over
It went somethin' this;
"Yo, there ain't no way somebody's gonna roll
And roll really deep
Yeah, deep like pizzas down the raw yo
Without being sumthin
To roll like you really rolling, you gotta be sumthin
And you ain't gotta be sumthin by being nothing
Nothing ain't nuthin..."

Later, I realized this;

There's a time when one thinks they are nothing
And they depend on men and women to validate their worth
And they worship them
For they long for the filling of that emptiness and the scraping away of nothingness
And loneliness and ill relationships creep into their lives while trynna be something
They travail in the agony of nothingness
And plead with mankind to fill their emptiness
Men trample on their worth and feed on it
Women drink their blood and spit on their cloth
Exhaustion, regret, pain and blackmail take their toll
Hatred, dishonesty, imbalance and low self esteem create their fall
Leaving them without meaning and with a destiny forged by the arms of men...
But ain't they something?
Wain't we all created in God's awesomeness? In His image?
Ain't we, therefore, all awesome?

Listen...

We may all want to justify our being "nothing" by our levels of education:
That we have not stepped in a school to receive even the most basic education
Or we may want to define our lives by our failures (and they are many)
Or see ourselves through the eyes of others: the words they've told us, the curses they've hurled at us and the betrayals they have made us experience
Or because of where we have come from: our "fallen" families, the divorces around us and all our failed relationships
Or that all our days we've been being told that we are useless and nothing
And we let drugs define us
And people, and our weaknesses, and pride, and arrogance, and selfishness
And sorrow, and anger, and fury, and unforgiveness and grudges
All in the name of trying to escape being the nothing we've been told we are
But does all this matter?
Does it change our feeling of being nothing?
Does it make us feel worthy, wanted or even better?
Does it draw new portraits of reality: the reality of who we TRULY are?
Does living to satisfy other people's demands of us make us better?
It ain't nuthin
We can't define ourselves through nuthin-ness
We can't thrive if we remain wanting to define our lives through the words and actions of the people around us
It ain't nuthin

Pain will still hold us captive
We will still live in unbelief
Stress will still make us less positive
Life will still give us reasons to find no relief
People will still find us uninteresting
And we will die with blame games and be buried nothing

Listen...

We need to turn around and stop hurting ourselves and paining those we love
I need to do so, you need to do so
Until we realize we are something in God's eyes,
Until we define ourselves through His eyes: how awesome, beautiful, worthy, loved, cared for... we are
Man will never satisfy our crave for identity...
And we'll die nothing, for nothing
It is in God, in Christ, that all our experiences with men unfold our worth
It is only in Him where our pains and our regrets are turned to worth
He clothes us into something, into His children
And He calls us by name;
"Morris, er, (fill in your name), you are something to me
I gave up myself, my life, for you
I love you... I have always loved you with an unfailing love...
I won't give up on you...
Come to me child, I will never give up on you...
You are something to me - you are my child... you can't be nothing to me..."

To sum up, here's Lecrae's outro from Nuthin'
Hey man, the way I see it
I think we were made for mor
Than just, ya know, the simple things that we aspire toward
We were made for more than just telling stories about
How much money we can get by selling poison to people
It's time to talk about who we are and who we can be
And we need to build each other up and not put each other down
I feel like we not talking about nothing right now

And here is Francesca Battistelli's own words in He Knows My Name;
I don't need my name in lights
I'm famous in my Father's eyes
Make no mistake, He knows my name...

That's how the Creator of the universe wants us to define ourselves: we are not nothing , He knows our names. They're written on the palm of His hand...


Bonface Morris.

Christian or Less Christian?

I have, in the past few days, met a few friends who've been telling me that they've been criticized (or have been being criticized) and accused in one way or another by a group of people (most being their saved friends) of being "less Christian" or "less saved".

I have so badly wanted – and so desperately desired - to know where such referrals are being derived from, and why they have to be used on such a beautiful creation as I was then talking to. In such a way of wanting to understand, I have realized a few things which I choose to address in this post.

……………………….

To begin with, I have been asking myself: so there is a certain group of people who are more Christian than others? Anyway, what is that even supposed to mean: when one declares for all beautiful Heaven and unveiled earth to hear, “I am more Christian…!!??”

In certain contexts, this may not be debatable at all, but in other numerous ones, it is incredibly unscrupulous as far as Christian doctrine is concerned.

………………………….

It is true that the phrases more Christian and/or less Christian come from an urge within a people in Christianity who want to think that various attributes, factors and loyalism within the Christian life contribute to more or less spirituality amongst saints; and that various actions and deeds make one to be more or less pious/righteous as compared to a few others around them - who knowingly or not are the yard stick for such attributes.

I don’t deny that every Christian should possess certain habits and attributes to prove to the world and saints alike that they are now born again (Matthew 3:8 (ESV) Bear fruit in keeping with repentance and Ephesians 4:1 (ESV) I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called,), but it is not true that all of us are able to achieve the same level of spirituality overnight. Also, putting in mind the kind of backgrounds we had before coming to Christ, and the different places where all we are from, it is impossible for the work of regeneration and transformation to Christlikeness to happen at the same rate within every Christian. The apostle Paul in Philippians 3:12 (ESV) “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own” gives witness to this. We grow differently yeah, but we all seek to become like Christ in the long run.

From my observations, it is not normally spiritual maturity that is being measured in most cases when one is being referred to as more Christian or less Christian but an adherence to certain rules created by some of us and which we so wish to subject others to - weak and strong alike. It is then that we are justified to say that we are masters yielding a dogma which we use to enslave whosoever does not know, follow or obey it. This is evidentially seen in the Colossian church during Paul’s time when he warns them against such people; Colossians 2:8 (ESV) See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. But again if it is spiritual maturity that is being “measured” by such a people within us, and that spiritual maturity makes one more (or less) saved (or Christian), I reiterate that even THAT (the spiritual maturity) is a relative thing.

For instance, we may find masters of such a law claiming that once a lady wears a pair of trousers, even a very decent one in any case – and of course you may wish to debate the word decency as used here, which I don’t mind - or once a gentleman plaits his hair, they immediately cease to make any spiritual sense and become less Christian, less saved or worse still, apostate as they refer to them.

And these masters will want to make it a rule within a given congregation that if any lady wears a trouser, or a gentleman plaits his hair, they have denied the LORD. And if, they (these masters) are given more room to spread their yeast-like gospel (pseudo-gospel), even the weak and the new to the Christian walk will not attend church services in such a congregation or church for fear of being judged, prejudiced or maligned by them. Such a dogma is created to intimidate people into thinking that spirituality in a Christian context is a product of works/deeds and not of the work of grace by the power of the Holy Spirit. This is the very thing the apostle Paul addresses in Ephesians 2:8 (ESV) > For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast…

But I want to speak out boldly and say that in any case where these masters would so much want to use spiritual maturity as the determining factor for anyone to call another more or less saved or (more or less Christian), the following should be considered;  

a)      Spiritual maturity is a relative thing. It is different things to different people all over the Christian world. Only God has the right gauge for who is spiritually mature and who is not. We may blabber all we want, but this is the truth. (I share below a few signs of spiritual maturity.)

b)      At different stages of spiritual maturity, we all tend to view life through different eyes, thus the tendency to think of others as less or more saved than others at these times. This is a proven truth. (One who is still growing spiritually will abhor certain things about people of which they will tolerate once they are at a certain level of maturity.)

c)      It is not they that “know” and quote scripture that are counted righteous before God, but those that are doers of that Word which they have heard. Just because one quotes the Word, talks about it, prays and fasts a lot and so forth and so on, it does not qualify them as being more Christian than others: Romans 2:13 (ESV) For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified; James 1:22 (ESV) But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

To add to this, every generation of these masters of a modified gospel has had its own way of defining “the more Christian” Christian, “the less Christian” Christian and of what is right and what is wrong. But they have altogether failed because whatever we think is right today, was so wrong a few decades ago. If those who existed then were to be put in today’s society, they may faint and die from “the supposed level of abomination that is present today.” It therefore indicates that this should not be the way we measure any society’s or congregation’s righteousness (that is if righteousness is something measurable by man), because man’s definition of what is or what is not righteous changes over time and within contexts (geologically, environmentally, culturally and socially.) Only God’s definition of holiness and righteousness is immutable.

For instance, when my dad was my age, the very musical instruments, types of singing and a dressing code we are so proud of today were termed as an abomination then.

Pastor Francis Chan is wrong in the following video when he says that lukewarm Christians are not saved: "Are Lukewarm Christians Saved". Salvation and being lukewarm are two separate things. Being lukewarm does not steal away one’s salvation, it only makes one a worldly Christian – the one the apostle John talk about in 1John 2:15 (ESV) Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him; meaning that we cease to walk in God’s love when we become lukewarm, not that our salvation disappears at the point we become worldly/lukewarm… (Oh, I know this is a million times debatable, but that is my take.)

They once were saved before they became lukewarm, right? They are Christians, right? They are lukewarm Christians, not lukewarm pagans, right? It is true that they are not devoted to Christianity as to make them devoted Christians, but that does not mean that they are not saved. They have become cold to the voice of the Spirit of God – they are disobedient children of the same house, not disobedient children of another house.

If we were to say that every born again person who sins ceases to be Christian the moment they sin, it would be like saying a child ceases to belong to a family just by eating from another family (that is if eating from another family is denied in that family in the same way sin is denied within Christianity.)

It is not like I am trying to defend a state of being lukewarm but that I am trying to open our eyes to Truth. A child that has wronged the father does not cease to belong to the family unless they are snatched away or adopted by another family; that is if God is the father to the child and the child is completely adopted into another family, that is when the child ceases to be Christian (a child of God). Based on the above argument, it may therefore be right to say a Christian is lukewarm but not less Christian, but it not right to say that lukewarm Christians have lost their salvation. No.

…………………………………..

Below are my various views on this matter with Biblical references where it deems necessary;

1. The church or Christianity is for the lost, for the lonely, for the misfits, for the outcast and the maligned, for the rich and the poor, for both the so-called acceptable and the unacceptable in society; it is for everyone in this world, for all seeking to embrace the Savior unto perfection – becoming like Him both in word and deed. The person called a Christian is derived from all kinds of people all over the world, and anyone qualifies to be called thus so long as they accept to terms and conditions I mention below in point number 9 below.
2. Christianity is a process of increasing sanctification – no one becomes perfect overnight, nor do we become like Jesus with the twinkling of an eye after confessing Him into our lives! (Philippians 3:12 (ESV) Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own; Romans 12:2 (ESV) Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
3. Being spiritual and being spiritually mature are two very different things. Being spiritual is relatively anything from adhering to worship towards a deity to having rules that govern a manner of worship; but being spiritually mature has to follow the rules in point number 7 below.
4. These two: a born again person and a Christian are one and the same thing; and we should put in mind that both refer to the changed person as a result of what happens in point number 9 below and not just lip service and a form of godliness. 
5. In such cases as when referring to a given person regarding the services they offer to the church or the community, I would suggest the following (using a rapper as an example); there is actually no difference between "a Christian rapper" and "a rapper who is Christian", "Christian rap" and "rap that is Christian". This is because even if the singer is a follower of Jesus Christ, there should not be an issue with whether he/she is “a Christian rapper” or “a rapper that is Christian”. If the transformation due to the presence of Christ in their lives is evident, you can call them anything you want, but that won’t change who they are. This is addressed a bit in this article.

6. It is actually abnormal to think a lady as Christian just because they dress in a certain way which we observers think is good. It is also wrong to think that because she wears in a certain manner, she is diabolic. (Are catholic nuns more holy and righteous before God than Joyce Meyer just because they wear “good clothing”? Who is this that determines what good clothing is anyway?) In this line of thought, it is also feeble of mind to think of all men who plait their hair, wear studs, have bling (sic), do tattoos and so forth and so on to be “less Christian” on the account of what we see. Heaven may tell you something else in the long run, by the way.
7. A spiritually mature person has the following abilities;

a)      The ability to distinguish good from evil: Heb 5:14 (ESV) “But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.”

b)      The ability not to judge except for offering positive rebuke/criticism and bearing with the weak in spiritual matters. Rom 14:1 (ESV) As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions; Rom 14:10 (ESV) Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; 1Corinthians 13:6 (ESV) it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

c)      The ability to love others as they love themselves in all things Matthew 7:12 (ESV) “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

d)     Spirit filled Romans 8:9 (ESV) You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.

8. Nothing makes anyone pure or impure except for what they conceive that yields whatever comes out of them. Mark 7:18-23 (ESV) And he said to them, “Then are you also without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile him, since it enters not his heart but his stomach, and is expelled?” ( Thus he declared all foods clean.) And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person”; Acts 10:15 (ESV) And the voice came to him again a second time, “What God has made clean, do not call common.”
9. We are qualified to be Christians through the confession we make (Romans 10:10 (ESV) For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved) and birth by the Holy Spirit into the family of God after the confession is made (John 1:12-13 (ESV) But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God and Romans 8:9 (ESV) You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.)

Conclusion

Here is C S Lewis’s take on who is the person that should be called Christian (from Mere Christianity):

“Far deeper objections may be felt-and have been expressed- against my use of the word Christian to mean one who accepts the common doctrines of Christianity. People ask: ‘Who are you, to lay down who is, and who is not a Christian?’ or ‘May not many a man who cannot believe these doctrines be far more truly a Christian, far closer to the spirit of Christ, than some who do?’ Now this objection is in one sense very right, very charitable, very spiritual, very sensitive…

“Now if once we allow people to start spiritualising and refining, or as they might say ‘deepening,’ the sense of the word Christian, it too will speedily become a useless word. In the first place, Christians themselves will never be able to apply it to anyone. It is not for us to say who, in the deepest sense, is or is not close to the spirit of Christ. We do not see into men's hearts. We cannot judge, and are indeed forbidden to judge.

It would be wicked arrogance for us to say that any man is, or is not, a Christian in this refined sense. And obviously a word which we can never apply is not going to be a very useful word. As for the unbelievers, they will no doubt cheerfully use the word in the refined sense. It will become in their mouths simply a term of praise. In calling anyone a Christian they will mean that they think him a good man. But that way of using the word will be no enrichment of the language, for we already have the word good. Meanwhile, the word Christian will have been spoiled for any really useful purpose it might have served.

“We must therefore stick to the original, obvious meaning. The name Christians was first given at Antioch (Acts 11:26) to "the disciples," to those who accepted the teaching of the apostles. There is no question of its being restricted to those who profited by that teaching as much as they should have. There is no question of its being extended to those who in some refined, spiritual inward fashion were ‘far closer to the spirit of Christ’ than the less satisfactory of the disciples. The point is not a theological, or moral one. It is only a question of using words so that we can all understand what is being said. When a man who accepts the Christian doctrine lives unworthily of it, it is much clearer to say he is a bad Christian than to say he is not a Christian…"

Although there is a measure for spiritual maturity; although we should be careful when we use such a measurement against others so that we may not come out as thinking of ourselves as "more spiritual" than others, because by so doing, we may end up sinning.
(1 Corinthians 8:1-3 (ESV) Now concerning food offered to idols: we know that “all of us possess knowledge.” This “knowledge” puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God; Romans 12:3 (ESV) For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.)

Bonface Morris.