Talking Point: Some Musings on Relationships Today

Note: This post seeks to give my general observations and opinion on relationships today. It mainly revolves around relationships amongst the unmarried members of the opposite sex. It doesn't have to be conclusive, I think. Most views are personal, but because I'm a devoted Christian (whatever that means to you) they are mostly guided by my Christian value system.

Millennial hyperbole
That one thing that sticks out amongst millennials is the way we relate to the opposite sex - the way we make or unmake relationships. It is very interesting and noteworthy.

You'd watch, imagine and conclude a few things about relationships today by looking at a few determining factors;
1. Why we get into relationships (that is, the reason as to why we would want to be in a relationship with the opposite sex, at all.)
2. How we get into relationships (this answers the question of the conditions, process and procedure/s through which or by which we get into relationships), and
3. When and where we happen get into relationships (the time, location and period most youngsters get in relationship matters.)

Then you'd discover that relationships today are either exaggerated (people post too much, think too much and suffer quite a lot because of them), suffer overindulgence (people put too much time and value in them), get overrated (people always think they mean to them what - in my opinion - they actually don't), get underrated (people think too little concerning them and offer little effort to salvage them) or are just a play ground (people refuse to take relationships seriously as they are supposed to in many cases.)

People get into relationships and they go overboard without looking back, and mostly, it is with a bit too much salt or without salt at all.

A variety of differences
Going back in time, I think our parents - from what I've gathered around - got into relationships in a very different context from ours.

The reason, the place, the age, the driving factor, the end point... They are all different.

Today, this difference causes parents to insist that young people should; study first, establish themselves, then get into relationships and that there is a certain age where wanting to be in a relationship with the opposite sex is nonnegotiable.

This is because they would want to pull out the same card that was pulled against them years back - of course in a different context but under similar circumstances - when they were still plucking and chewing the berries of their youth.

I would want to partially agree with such parents concerning the appropriateness of time when it comes young people and relationships; but truth be told: times have changed. Technology is making a 7year-old sound smarter than I am and possibly have access to more "adult" information than it was a few decades back. This seven year old now thinks like an adult and is able to make what modernity likes to call "informed decisions".

Also, it not guaranteed that God planned the same plan for all young people (about and above 3billion in the whole world) concerning falling in love and relationships: that our relationship "templates", so to say, are defaulted to: go to school > get work > meet a guy/lady > fall in love > get in a relationship > get married.

That cannot be the case.

I think we ought to really reconsider the age, conditions and status at which we are strongly inclined to think someone is "ripe enough" to get into a relationship with the opposite sex.

There has been little or no agreement at all between the old generation and millennials on why, how and when to enter into serious relationships. The difference should be understood, I think. The reason may be because our parents (and most people born before the 90's) got into relationships and managed relationships quite differently from the way people do today.

(Even then, there are still disagreements between the views on relationships from the 80's crowd, the 70's crowd and the below 60's crowd. It is most likely that relationship dynamics change with every decade; thus if there are siblings in our families that were born 10years apart, their views and values as far as relationships are concerned will be very different.)

Elderly people would say that "we remind them of themselves when they were our age" and they therefore pity us on how we choose to get into and work out our relationships.

It is true, we are pitiable. But we aren't hopeless. The times have changed, and so have the dynamics.

Our mothers wanted responsible, caring and able leaders in men; our ladies may need the same but with something more. Why? I think it is because life today comes with much more than just an "able man". Ladies today want to see beyond the promising capabilities. They want to see self-drive, handsomeness (uuh?), vision, ambition etc. It is more of the same cake but with more ingredients.

There are also differences not only in what caused our parents to get into relationships but also in how they ran and managed their relationships.

Everything seems to be so different now. (And I guess, that is why we are always fighting with our parents on how things should be done.)

Stimuli
And then campus changes almost everything someone has/had believed about relationships and love.

Once in campus, a young person with very conservative Christian values would always find themselves at crossroads as to what they should or shouldn't do as far as relationships are concerned.

There will be pressure (both direct and indirect) forcing them to think differently about the opposite sex. This pressure may come from the hormonal changes when they are close to the subject of love, from friends, from culture (the movies they watch, the people they see from time to time, the music and programs they listen to etc.) or from their consciences.

So if the wildest opportunity presents itself (and it always does, doesn't it?) even the good relationship they may end up having (like one with a person saved by the grace of God and washed in Christ's blood) may become a stumbling block to their value system and basic Christian principles for relationships.

A "super" brother can make a "super" sister fall, and vice versa. There is no mystery in this. So long as there is opportunity and no boundaries are put in place, and self-control is thrown out of the window, sin fears not the mighty. (This is the one thing I have noticed we overlook.)

People may judge these two as badly as they would want to, but that doesn't minimize or eliminate the possible risks that emerge in such relationships from time to time.

Dilemmas 
Unanswered questions and expectations will arise every now in relationships. Whenever such fears and concerns are not spoken out to the one they're intended for, problems arise. 

Some people refuse to get into committed relationships because they fear that they will fall victim to one or several of the factors that make relationships to fail (they may feel inadequate as potential partners, or fear that they may fall prey to unfaithfulness or violence or breakups or divorce). You can't blame them for this. (Or you may actually, depending on how you choose to look at it.)
Some make false conclusions on a certain group of people because of the above factors. You can't blame them too.

Such situations cause people to be quite indecisive and makes us pose the question: when can we ever be sure of anything if it involves and solely requires the commitment of another person rather than your own and when that involvement is not under your jurisdiction? Then we realize that surviving on maybes maybe the only great option we have for now. Our expectations may be less haunting if we acted with a bit more faith than surety. Because, for what it's worth, love is a war.

The biggest and most common dilemma today is when we Christians fall in love with non-believers and are threatened by the fact that we might overstep and go against every issue I addressed in this post »» Relationships: Why The Fuss Over Yokes? and in so doing, sin against God.

In the name of love
Millennials (and you should pick a bone with me on this one because young people are not the only victims here as we have come to notice) seem to be able to do anything so long as they are defending "the course of love" and are doing it (as they would want us to perceive it), "for the greater good" and "to the benefit of all." (Machiavelli should really be turning in his grave kinda right now.)

"So long as I'm gonna be with my love and we are two people who can tell wrong from right and have henceforth chosen this path to celebrate our love (a love which at such a point C S Lewis would say has become both a god and a demon), there is no reason for anyone stopping us..."

Stories have emerged (like the one below) and will keep emerging of a marriage or union of two people from two walks of life or two distinct generations that claim to have fallen in love and are therefore giving it a go. And they'll be unstoppable. And people will applaud them. And wine glasses will toss. And cycle would repeat itself over and over again.

I don't oppose this. (I have no reason to do so anyway.) But I would oppose such unions if the motive behind them is of a selfish or evil nature.

Here is a good example of this crop of people who fancily either go for the too old or the too young member of the opposite sex »» Woman, 38, Meets Boy Online, Gets Pregnant By Him.

We can blame them all we want, but they are grownups. No?

Hope
But there is always hope.
Our relationships, in their different trajectories can survive all these waves. It is not about escaping the waves, but learning to ride on them. 

Here are the waves:
1. What is the underlying factor behind our genuine or fake love? What draws us to each other or apart?
2. What are the underlying issues concerning relationships that cause us to disagree with people from different backgrounds, personalities and generations?
3. Why do we either treat relationships casually or with lots of commitment? What can we do about it?
4. Why does it matter so much what our sociocultural systems say about our relationships and how we run them? Is there anything we can do about it?
5. How to we deal with the dilemmas we face daily in our relationships?
6. Why do we put God on the edge but cry foul when everything gets messed up? Is there a place for Him in our relationships as young people?

These are just some issues I needed us to ponder about in today's talking point. Then, maybe, we can salvage the relationships we have between members of the opposite sex in the 21st century.
I know we can.

Bonface Morris (for Talking Point).

Leadership: 10 Toxic People to Leadership Today

This seems to be my second post (or maybe the third) about leadership on this blog. (Or so I think... They may be many. No?)

I always think the first one was this one; Leadership: Mentorship And Consultancy and then this one; Leadership: Guidelines to Leading Worship and Worship Teams Today. But the rest is for you to judge and conclude. There may be more.

Leading toxic people

*******

First and foremost, leadership is a unique gift. It is unique because it calls for direct inescapable accountability. To be a leader, you need to have a close relationship with at least three attributes: commitment, accountability and team-building skills. 

Of course you'd want to say responsiveness, creativity, decisiveness, risk-taking, adaptability, good character, being a visionary etc etc should be listed here too but I pick the above three because they relate more to this post than the rest. They are not the major ones, but they are relevant here for now.

NB: If you would like to read more on various Productivity, Leadership, Self-government and Management Principles, download this pdf booklet I compiled with materials from www.lared.org sometime back. It has proved to be quite useful to me over the years, and I know will be useful to you too. Here's the download »» Foundations For Achievement.

Having said this, it is good to note that the so-called "great leaders" (yeah, it depends with what greatness is all about to you) have a whole score of attributes that contribute to them being called "great".

If you were to ask most of them what contributes to "great" leadership, they would tell you that leadership requires sacrifice and determination. That it requires a heart of steel and a heart of a dove. It is neither for the faint hearted nor for the strong-willed. It is more of a lifetime test of balance between power and meekness, between greatness and humility, between madness and sanity.

"Great" leaders would also tell you that there are many times when as a leader, you are tempted to behave in a manner not soo rhyming "with the norm and status quo" due to how different people from different backgrounds and personalities react to situations, to other people and to assignments; but you choose to behave differently in order to preserve the dignity to the title and the authenticity of your call.

Leaders would also assure you that every situation and encounter with people calls for a different response. And that there is no kind of leadership that can be successful without adequate people skills. Mostly, there is no distinct "black and white" in leadership when dealing with people. Each situation and encounter with different kinds of people calls for a different action. 

Every leader, depending with the crowd subject to your guidance, has different challenges. I always think the most challenging leadership is when you lead people who have all the freedom to say "no" but instead, choose to say "yes" to ideas and activities in your team.

*******
Yes, people behave badly all the time, but some behave well all the time too. People make us feel nasty. Others make us feel great. Sometimes people make you want to lead more; other times they make you want to quit.

Now, with these different kinds of people leaders meet and lead, I'm picking out those who seem to always make us feel discouraged. This is what this blog is about: showing you the different types of toxic people in our midst - people we (as leaders) should either tolerate or avoid.

If you spot these kind of people as a leader, beware of their poisonous influence on your leadership.

Here are the ten types:

1. Insubordinate people
Have you ever had an event, wrote people messages, made phone calls and was happy everything was well catered for because everyone responded soo positively? Then all-of-a-sudden after you were smiling all night looking forward to a successful day ahead no one appeared? Or no one showed up until the whole event was over leaving you to take care of everything? 

If you are a leader, this is the day you go in recess for 12 hours after the event. This is the day you disappear into yourself. This is the day you refuse to receive calls and reply to messages.

Such people who disappear without notice show insubordination, a lack of discipline and a full measure of arrogance. They show the most elevated sign of lack of accountability.
I always wonder: why is it so hard for people to be accountable and pass on their apologies in advance if they'll be absent for an event or to perform their duty? Or is it taking God and His work for granted?
Leaders should act with diligence when dealing with these people because they lack submission to authority and care less about commitment. They, in every way, don't care about the success of a team, project, service, program or event. They are complete letdowns.

2. People who are hype with refined suggestions on how things should be run but are poor at helping accomplish tasks 
These kind of people say a lot of good things and give the best ideas but are rarely present to put them to effect. They are sweet talkers who fear commitment. Their habits involve stirring up people with enthusiasm towards a specific course but come up with excuses once the day of action comes.
Simply put, they act with fear and would rather say good things concerning a project and how it should be run, but run away during its establishment.
Leaders should listen to these kind of people with one ear open and the other closed; and should not accept wholly their call to commitment. This will bring the leaders less disappointment.

3. People who think that change is an overnight thing
Change is complex. Sometimes it takes five minutes. Sometimes it takes a month. Other times it takes a whole decade. Or two. And sometimes, it never really happens at all. (There are also times when change is not even supposed to happen.)
People who demand instant change think the power to change other people, tasks and situations belongs to them or to leaders. I won't deny that power to bring about change is sometimes fully in leader's hands, but this isn't always.
People who sometimes quit being part of a team because "the team is not spiritual enough" or that "you are not visionary enough" are likely to bring about divisions and conflict in the team. They should either be taught otherwise or be prayed for. The world and circumstances are not driven by the power of men but by the grace and will of God. No matter how much we try to bring about change, if it is meant for another season and time, it is not going to happen right now.

4. People who think leadership is as easy as it is put 
Organising and managing different people from different walks of life as one flock is not easy. Everyone desires to see you meet their needs and expectations. The more in numbers they are, the harder it becomes. No wonder Moses' father-in-law suggested to him to get people to help him in service. Leading a crowd is tough. No wonder the apostle Paul instructs that deacons should be good managers of their families (a smaller crowd) before they are allowed to lead the church.
Things are not easy as they seem. Really. Leadership is like this. Some people think it is all about one thing (the thing they see and know) yet it may be about twenty other things. 

Leadership is always about seeing the big picture: people who only see the "now" are harmful to the visionary leader because they seem to see simple, yet there is so much that makes for complex.

5. People who think leaders are gods
We all have our shortcomings. So many of them actually.
I have a list of sins and mistakes that run from here to Pakistan. You see? People overrate me. People overrate us. These people think we can't or should not make mistakes. Seriously, this is putting pressure on leaders and others suffer burn out while trying to play "Mr/Mrs Nice Guy/Lady" to all the people they lead.
People who push leaders to their limits while trying to be perfect are playing an unfair game of wits on their leaders which will lead to these leaders dropping down and failing completely. You can't play an actor/actress, god/goddess full time. You'll lose yourself sometime soon. Really.

Leaders do show and give direction, but they are not gods.

6. The always complaining and always opposing lot 

These ones will never agree with anyone on the team. They always think their mission and suggestions and superior to others'. They demonize other people by making them feel inferior. They demoralize other members of the team that have good ideas and keep them from speaking out for fear of being pulled down in the long run.
If a leader doesn't deal with these demoralizers early enough, the only members of the team remaining will be him/her and that Einstein guy/lady.

7. People who look down upon leaders because of their social or cultural status in society
"He/she is short."
"He/she is not that educated."
"He/she isn't that grown up - he/she is still a child."
These are some of the comments that come from these people. They think leadership is about social, marital, economic or intellectual classes. They think that only the "old" people can lead.
These people will make good teams drop or chase away good leaders due to pettiness and end up electing quacks to cannot perform. That's what Israel did with King Saul, remember?

8. People who think they can lead better than the present leader when placed in that same leadership position
These ones always blow their own trumpets. It may be deliberately/directly or indirectly.
They aspire to make the whole team think, "If so and so was the leader, he/she wouldn't do that" or "If so and so was the leader and if he/she had the authority the leader has, he/she would have done such and such a thing differently."
If team members listen to them (and yeah, they always have a voice amongst all of you - probably louder than yours), they'll vote you out very soon. Sooner than Kenyan teachers can have their salary increment. ;-)

9. People who value their own opinions and others' opinions rather than what God has to say
There is this thing amongst millennials, this thing where we are always saying, I'll have my say, no matter what! Okay, I don't deny that everyone "should" have something to say, but thinking that what we have to say is superior to what God is saying about a specific team is ridiculous.
Just because a certain method or skill worked elsewhere, it doesn't mean we should now listen to the majority rather than to the voice of God.
Every leadership, every team and every situation has a unique place in God's plan for us. Those people who try to override this plan by thinking like men and without putting God in the picture will lead a team into a deep bottomless pit.

10. People who make promises but never keep them
"I'll give 10k!"
"Oh, I'll be around to clean up and cook" 

"Morris, I'll preach/sing/take care of the visitors on that day!"
This crowd of toxic people are almost like the first group, but the difference is that they may show up but "forget" they promised to do some specific thing. They'll blame the leader for not reminding them.
"You should have reminded me!", they say. "I would have come on time / I would have given out the cash." "You should have reminded me! I was just at home!"
Oh, really? You were just at home? You forgot, huh? Just forgot? God help you.

As leaders, and with all these people challenges facing us, we should remember that our calling to the work given us (whether in a corporate or spiritual sense) is greater; and that the grace we need to deal with all this kinds of people is sufficient.
Because it is written;
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

and

Hebrews 13:5 (NIV) "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

So, take heart and stay blessed.

Bonface Morris.

Surviving On Maybes

So you realize you were wrong.

But you can't undo it.
It's like the sun has set and the day is done. You can't bring it back.
So you promise yourself to do better next time. To spin it differently.
But maybe there is no "next time".
And you are not sure if everyone affected will understand you're remorseful.
Or that you deserve a second chance.
Or that you are not "who they think you are".
Or that you have now truly changed.
Or that it was just an accident.
For what it's worth, this was not "you".
You overreacted. You overestimated. You overstepped. You insinuated.
This was not "you"!!
So you live begging for the resurfacing of an opportunity to undo your mistakes.
You live waiting for that day when you would act "you" to prove who you really are.
You live surviving on maybes...

*******
Maybe he was right, maybe he wasn't.
He got swallowed up by thin lines.
Overwhelmed by them.
He got dragged in slowly.
It wasn't intentional. No, it wasn't.
He had believed he would beat the urge to become what he had always dreaded he might become: a failure.
People now think he is one.
They think he is a jerk too. Dang.
It only took two minutes.
Yes, two minutes and nobody now believes that all he had been to them for years meant something.
It feels so bad that nobody wants to believe in him anymore.
Come on. He has been their mini-hero for such a long time. Why can't they listen to his side of the story even a little bit?
I mean, why are people so mean?
Or maybe they are giving him time, eh?
They'll soon come around, yes?
He crossed a line.
That he knows. He acknowledges it too.
He crossed a line.
He got drank.
He had sex.
With a minor.
Will they really come around? These people?
He crossed a line.
He got emotional.
He booked a room.
He slept with a colleague.
The effect of all that is now weighing in on his marriage.
Will it really come around?
Maybe.
But our friend is surviving on maybes...

*******
Maybe he'll marry her, maybe he won't.
He has never said he is interested.
Not even hinted it.
But they've been together for kinda forever.
People, friends, colleagues, cats, flies etc say they look good together.
They say it. They beat them the drums of hail and say.
They keep waiting.
She keeps waiting.
For him to say he's interested in taking it to the next step.
Wait-a-minute. What is keeping this dude from proposing?
Or they're in some kind of game, eh?
A game? Oh, so it's a game now?
Can she now launch her own?
Where she can go on her way and tell him she is moving on. Or something close to that...
Something like, "Dear, I'm moving to Dubai on Monday next week. It'll be harder to work this out after I'm gone so it's better we move on with life separately."
Then maybe this will bring him back to his senses.
Maybe the dude will then say, "Dear, I had plans for us. I was gonna pop the question this coming month and we'd be a couple by the end of the year. How do you see it!?"
Maybe this would work. Maybe.
You know what? Our gal is surviving on maybes...

*******
He has been praying about it for years.
Two years. Three. Several.
That she may change.
That she may become better.
Learn to be herself. Let go of her pettiness. Let go of her childish ish.
That she would become a woman. A lady. A noblewoman.
That she would have a vision for her life. Have a life. Stop believing in a lie.
That she would fantasize less and live in reality.
"Life is bleak", he has told her several times. "Don't wait until you're hopeless and blind to start groping for guidance. It may be too late."
She has looked at him almost the same way almost all the time he has said those things.
She thinks he overrates things.
She wants her pedestal and her chair and her groove pack.
He is her friend yeah.
And he needs to remind her that life is mixture of colors.
Sometimes black. Sometimes white. Sometimes grey. Sometimes colorless. Sometimes you don't even realize what color emanates.
But if all is surrendered to God and with knowledge that life is so colorful, it's gonna be well.
But maybe she'll simply roll her eyes and tell him, "I'm living my life, try to live yours."
Or maybe she'll listen this time.
Maybe.
Our guy is surviving on maybes...

*******
He has held her hand like this before.
Promising to make her days smile and her nights sigh in wonder.
He has said he loves her.
That he loves her more than his wife.
More than all those mistresses she has heard he has had.
"It is funny, babe. It is funny how people say bad things concerning me. I think they are envious of my success."
She has believed him.
That he is a good man.
That he is generous and goofy and honest and full of humor.
That his wife is a b***tch.
She has believed all this.
All this nonsense.
She has believed that he probably will ditch his wife for her.
Nonsense.
It is sad. It is false hope.
It is surviving on maybes.
She is surviving on maybes...

*******
So...
When life is a pool.
When it's a river.
When it's mud.
When it's a puddle.
When we find ourselves wading in and out wondering.
When all wonder is dark wonder.
When we think we're surviving.
When we know we are surviving.
Maybe that's life. Maybe it's not.
Maybe they are just maybes.
Or maybe we make life to be all about maybes when it should be about everything else.
Maybe.
Or maybe we are the ultimate life maybes...

Maybe, (take some time and think about it), in some tiny way, we are all surviving on maybes. 

Bonface Morris.

Mercy Masika – Mwema (Good) Lyrics & free mp3 Download

Okay guys, because many have been requesting, here goes…

 Download link (3.89 MB)

 Song: Mwema

Album: None (Single)

Year released: 2015

Artist: Mercy Masika (Kenya)

Genre: Kenyan Local Gospel (Swahili song)

Lyrics:

Verse 1:

(Oh, oh)

 (Still Alive…)
(Wako Mwana, ukamtuma, duniani (Your Son, You sent into the world)

Kisa na maana, nipate uzima, jamani (For this reason that I may have life, for real)) x2

Bridge

(Ishara kwamba unanipenda zaidi (As a sign that You love me so much)

Hivo nishaelewa, sifa nitakupa zaidi (I now I understand and I praise You more…)) x2

CHORUS:

(Lead: Na siwezi jizuia (…and I can’t hold it back)

All: Kusema wako wema (To tell of Your goodness)

Lead: Sio kama najigamba (It’s not like I’m boasting)

All: Umenitenda mema (You’ve done good things to me)) x2

Umekuwa mwema kwangu… (You’ve been good to me…)

Verse 2:

Lead: Umenitoa gizani (You’ve taken me from darkness)

All: Nilipokuwa nimeshikwa mateka (Where I had been imprisoned)

Lead: Ukanipa tumaini (And You gave me hope)

All: Kwako nikajificha (In You I took refuge)

Lead: Sasa nitakupa nini (So what will I give to You)

All: Iwe sawa na yale umetenda (To be equalled with all You have done?)

Lead: Hakuna ila moyoni (I can’t repay You, but with all my heart)

All: Sifa nitakuimbia (I’ll sing Your praises)

Bridge

Solo: Ilikugharimu (It cost You)

All: Msalabaani unifie (To die for me on the cross)

Solo: Hivo inanibidi (And so I am compelled)

All: Sifa nikuimbie (To sing Your praises)

Lead: Wema wako niseme (To tell of Your goodness)

All: Ili na wengine wakujue (So that others may know You too)

Lead: Wote waungane nami (And that they may join me)

All: Na wazee ishirini na nne (Together with the 24 Elders)

CHORUS:

(Lead: Na siwezi jizuia (…and I can’t hold it back)

All: Kusema wako wema (to tell of Your goodness)

Lead: Na sio kama najigamba (It’s not like I’m boasting)

All: Umenitenda mema (You’ve done good things to me)) x2 

Lead: Umekuwa mwema (You’ve been good) 

All: Kwangu… (To me)            

Lead: Wacha niringe, umekuwa mwema (Let me boast, You’ve been good)

All: Kwangu… (To me)

Lead: Oh Yahweh, oh oo (Yahweh, oh oo)

All: Kwangu… (To me)

Lead: Oh umenitendea, aa aa ah ah, acha niimbe (Oh, You’ve done a lot for me, aa aa ah ah, lemme sing)

CHORUS:

(Lead: Siwezi jizuia (I can’t hold it back)

All: Kusema wako wema (To tell of Your goodness)

Lead: Na sio kama najigamba (It’s not like I’m boasting)

All: Umenitenda mema (You’ve done good things to me)) x4

                                                        

Lead: Siwezi jizuia!! (I can’t hold it back!!)

NB: This music is copyrighted material. All rights of ownership belong to the composer, artist and recording company.

Bonface  Morris.

21 Things that Can Make Your Life Better

I have a tendency of always wanting to simplify things. A love a simple, intentional and relevant life.

I sometimes dream of a day when I can "Google" for my "lost" socks in the house. (Yeah, crazy, right?) Or a day when I can send my bae a great TV Show I just met in minutes via some network at a cheap cost...

Can you now hear me?

I'm crazy about a simple, hustle-free life.

My phone's launcher has got to have gestures, shortcuts and beauty. If not, I'm gonna ditch it sooner than that Android Central recommendation can even blink. I want someone to go to school on my behalf (yeah, that's lazy, but it's a way of simplifying life); my remotes have to be at an arm's length from where I am etc etc.

So, if in that spirit of making life simpler and better, here are a few life principles I love and with various Bible examples to help:

1. Life is not THAT serious, so have some fun. Not too much useless fun though, but have good fun. Not wicked, evil fun but good, righteous fun. (Oh my goodness, so there is righteous fun?)
Too much of one thing is poisonous. Go out sometime. Take your bae out. Watch some movies or TV Show. Have some goofy time somewhere.
Ecclesiastes 2:24 (NLT) says, "So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that this pleasure is from the hand of God."

2. Don't judge yourself too highly nor too lowly.
Feeling too important raises a tendency of autonomy, self-righteousness and pride. You will end up thinking you are a god. You are not.
Feeling less important about yourself brings about low self-esteem, depression and self neglect. You'll get old and die really fast. See?
Romans 12:3 (NIV) says, "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you."

3. Don't hold grudges. They'll kill you. Forgive people. Move on.
Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) says, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

4. Release your anger, frustrations and emotions by talking about them to a person you trust and with God. The more learn to do this, the better.
Job in The Book of Job is a good example of someone who decided to release his frustration by talking about it with friends and with God. Though his friends turned out to be fake, it still helped.

5. Learn to deal with people and to treat them with a little benefit of doubt.
Jude 1:22-23 (NIV) says, "Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear - hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh."

6. Don't post your frustrations on Social Media. Nobody cares. In fact, we're all going to laugh at you for doing so.
Ever read this? »»
Proverbs 14:10 (NIV) "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy." Good. Now youce read it. 

7. Live one day at a time and don't procrastinate the simple stuff.
Matthew 6:34 (NIV) says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Proverbs 6:4 (NLT) says "Don't put it off. Do it now! Don't rest until you do."

8. Talk to God often. Talk to people often. You weren't created to be an island.
Ecclesiastes 4:9, 12 (NIV) says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work... Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

9. Always pause in life and reflect.
There's always that season in life when we think that we are right and that we know everything. We are not and we we don't know everything. Not always, really.
1 Corinthians 8:2-3 (NLT) says, "Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn't really know very much. But the person who loves God is the one God knows and cares for."

10. Love your family (whether you're married or not.)
In Genesis 45:9-11 (NET), after Joseph was made the Prime Minister of Egypt, he instructed his brothers who had previously sold into slavery, "Now go up to my father quickly and tell him, ‘This is what your son Joseph says: 'God has made me lord of all Egypt. Come down to me; do not delay! You will live in the land of Goshen, and you will be near me – you, your children, your grandchildren, your flocks, your herds, and everything you have. I will provide you with food there because there will be five more years of famine. Otherwise you would become poor – you, your household, and everyone who belongs to you.'"
Paul the apostle also says, "But if someone does not provide for his own,especially his own family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (1 Timothy 5:8, NET)

11. Serve God. Serve people.
Only in these is true satisfaction found.
Mark 10:44-45 (NET) says, "...and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

12. Work hard. Be creative. Don't waste anything that God gave you. If you can imagine a thing, know that it is absolutely possible. So go for it. Make money too but don't overindulge in it.
Proverbs 22:29 (NIV) "Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will serve before kings; he will not serve before obscure men."
Proverbs 14:23 (NIV) "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty."

13. Make friends. Good friends, bad friends and all kinds of friends. Talk to them often. (Both types of friends are meant to make us balanced and to view life a wide range of perspective). But don't forsake your good old friends for fake new ones.
Proverbs 18:1 (NIV) "An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment."
Proverbs 17:17 (NIV) "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
Proverbs 12:26 (NIV) "A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray."

14. Take care of yourself. Don't limit yourself. But don't compete or negatively compare yourself with others.
Galatians 6:4 (NLT) says, "Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else."

15. Expect less from men, and a lot from God.
Jeremiah 17:5 (MSG) says, "God's Message: 'Cursed is the strong one who depends on mere humans, Who thinks he can make it on muscle alone and sets God aside as dead weight.'"

16. Be inquisitive. Ask questions when you're lost. Be curious about how stuff works and why things happen the way they do.
Ecclesiastes 1:13-14 (NIV) says, "I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men! I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind."

17. Follow sensible people whom you admire and that can shape your life positively. But, again, don't worship them. That kind of fanaticism ain't good for anybody. 
1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV) "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ."

18. Learn some few things about self discipline and self control. Practice them. It will help you a lot.
Learn to control your anger, your pain, your emotions and feelings, what you listen to and watch, how much you eat, how much you relate with people.
It is said boundaries are meant to keep the dog in the compound and the cat in the house...
1 Thessalonians 5:6-8 (NIV) says, "So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self-controlled. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet."

19. Love God. Love People.
But without compromising. One article I read this week reiterated that "Truth without love has no decency; it’s just brutality. And love without truth has no character; it’s just hypocrisy. You can read it here.
Matthew 22:37 (NIV) says, "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'"
Matthew 7:12 (NIV) says, "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

20. Strive to learn something new everyday; even from the oddest places, occasions and people.
Don't limit your knowledge to what your pastor, your teacher/lecturer, your leader or your parent tells you. Explore. Find out more about something. Make your opinion on something count. Be able to teach someone something new. That's what life is all about.
Proverbs 19:27 (NLT) »» "If you stop listening to instruction, my child, you have turned your back on knowledge."

21. Be passionate about something. Have something that makes you think; something that drives you into a crazy feat of creativity. Something that activates that part of you that nobody knows about but they're all liking the product that comes out.
2 Corinthians 9:2 (KJV) says, "For I know the forwardness of your mind, for which I boast of you to them of Macedonia, that Achaia was ready a year ago; and your zeal hath provoked very many."

You know what? I'm done.

Bonface Morris.

How to Pray: Spending One Hour in Prayer

When it comes to prayer, it is true that, 

1. Only Christ through the Holy Spirit can teach us how to pray (what to say, when to say it and how to say it) and therefore there may be no reason for me to write this post.

2. There's already a good example of how we ought to pray in Matthew 6:9-13 and tweeting and posting it here and there on the webosphere would help guys to somehow get it on how prayer works and how it should be done, and,
3. I am not a prayer guru, and there's therefore no need to try to do stuff I'm also trying to learn.

That said, it is also a good thing to remind us of the truth in the following two statements. That,

1. Very few of us actually pray. Why? Because it terrifies us. We need someone to encourage us that prayer isn't that complicated, and,
2. Some of us need convincing that someone can actually sit before God and they'd be chatting for an hour or two; and that prayer is not boring at all.

I think this is necessary. I think it's necessary to encourage people to pray by simplifying the whole process. Making it adaptable.
You get it? Good. If you get it, know that this is why I'm writing this post.

And I'll go straight to the point;

Prayer, because it is communication involving a Holy God and an unholy man justified through faith, it has some few requirements before we engage in it. 

They are:
1. We need to get an isolated or secluded place with minimal interference for our dedicated times of prayer. We should remove obstructions (phones, TV, friends, kids, gadgets etc)
2. We need, at such moments (and actually always), to search our hearts and be attentive to hear from God.
3. We need to be conscious of what we are saying before God in order not to blabber empty and meaningless words. (Unless the Holy Spirit has blessed us, in such moments, with tongues and we're now flowing in that beautiful language, we should remain conscious that it is God we are talking to, and sensible words are required.)
4. We need to come to the place of prayer with a predetermined mind: I want to spend at least one hour or two with God today. (It isn't a bad thing if we use a stop watch for this. It will ensure we are uninterrupted and keen with what we are doing.)

So, this morning, as I overheard Benny Hinn (please, for now, put aside all the dumb things you believe about him because he had a good point here) teach on how prayer is more important than power, it led me to thinking deeply on how we as Christians should not underestimate the effectiveness of prayer.

As the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) puts it so well, prayer helps us in various ways. Prayer,

1. Connects us with God. We connect with Him through praising Him and inviting Him yo take control of our lives.
2. Drives out demons, paralyses the work of the devil and helps us move away from temptation.
3. Is an avenue for miracles and all kinds of provision from God.
4. Connects us with fellow Christians through sincere love.

So, if you think you're too busy for prayer or that it is unnecessary yet you're a Christian, you're losing it and you may want to reconsider your stand.

After saying all that stuff up there, here's a simple 10 step model on how to spend our time with God. You will find below it a summarised infographic that you may download as a photo or as a document.

Note: I'm only giving this as a model, not a rule, thus you may be required to change time allocated for every part of this model as the Spirit will allow you every other time when you come to pray...
This model was acquired from my Church so it's originally not mine...

1. Praise God for all He has done, who He is, what He is doing and what He's going to do. (Psalms 63:3-4). This will take around 5 minutes.

2. Wait on God in prayer. Be silent and allow Him to speak to your heart. (Psalms 46:10). This will take around 5 minutes.

3. Confess & repent of your sins. (Psalms 139:23). This should take around 3 minutes.

4. Submit to Jesus all that you are: your thoughts, plans, strengths and desires (James 4:7). This may take around 2 minutes.

5. Read the Word (Psalms 119:105). This can take upto 15 minutes.

6. Pray to be a doer of God's Word. (James 1:22). This can take around 5 minutes.

7. Meditate on what you read for about 5 minutes (Joshua 1:9).

8. Petition (pray for yourself and your needs) (Matthew 7:7). This can take around 5 minutes.

9. Intercession (pray for other people around you and their needs) for about 10 minutes. (1 Tim 2:1-2, Psalms 122:6).

10. Thanksgiving (glorify God for all He is and for answered prayer) (1 Thesa 5:18, 1 John 5:14). This may take around 5 minutes.

I hope the above prayer model will encourage you to pray more. Share it with a friend.

Here are the two downloads that you may print and keep a copy for personal or group use:

1. How to Pray: Spending One Hour in Prayer (Word document - 35kb)
2. How to Pray: Spending One Hour in Prayer (JPEG image - 76kb).

God bless.

Bonface Morris.

The One

#TheOne

She tripped and fell down. A disgusting fall it was. So disgusting that the ground got hurt. It should have; how could such beauty meet the ground with a thud and it pretends not to feel anything: even angry, or glad, or sweaty, or plummy? How?

Her handbag and all that was in it fled from her arm and filled the whole ground in front of her. Her hair brush, her lip gloss, her clutch bag, her book (The Four Loves by C S Lewis), her phone (which unceremoniously got split into three pieces - back cover, the body and the battery), her handkerchief (now embodying onto itself the color of earth), her earphones (which loosed themselves carelessly in front of her - the ear pads and front cases separating themselves from the main frame... plentifully neglecting each other) all scattered themselves before her mud-splashed face.

Her pen seemed to be the only thing that remained sane in its entirety: all naive, refusing to be dirtied by the gloom on the ground and seeming to smile and glitter in the fullness of day.

Yes, there they were right before her - all her items lay there with their helpless mistress - being grasped in her bewilderment and within a worm's eye view. Waiting to be redeemed. It was as if the ground on which she now lay was a masterpiece scrapbook, a work of art, a painting by a glorious artist - all dirty and beautiful at the same time.

She winced. And groaned. And gasped. And cried. A little. And spit out grains of sand from her mouth. She pulled off with her right hand the black scarf that clenched so tightly on her neck, recklessly begging to strangle her to an ultimate feeble weakness. She pulled it and wiped her face with it. Her hair too was a mess: it seems the mud was waiting for her to embrace it; it had wholesomely embalmed the left side of her head.

"I ain't gonna make it. [Liquid pause.] I ain't gonna make it to that meeting", she smirked.

She was going to miss out on an opportunity. Irredeemable it seemed. *Phew!!* That day was going to be indelible. Utterly indelible. She was going to play it over and over again in her mind like a song. And dear to her as it was, or should have been, she was never going to forget just what was happening to her.

******************
As she groped to start collecting her paraphernalia, she felt a tiny pain in her back. But she clenched closely onto her stuff, picking it up one by one. Hand on her left knee, she tried to lift her painful self up...

Then something happened.

She felt someone watching her. A deep sense of another person's eyes dwelling on her painful self haunted her. She looked up. She looked up bringing her eyes steadily to the object in her presence.

"Eeeeh, miss, can I, with your permission, help you up!? "
.
.
Remember that day she fell in love with television, 9pm news? That day she heard this dude, eeh Wilson, debut on the 9pm news? (Damn dude made her raise her eyebrows and smile by calling Dorah, "Dolah"). Remember how she felt her tummy was full yet she had been from the fridge just a few minutes back and had cussed all she could after finding it empty? Remember how she forgot all that food nonsense until 10.30-ish when the news were finished and she (o what a glorious day) even read the TV Station contact details after the news? Remember that? Remember how her mom thatchered her up: "Kwani umeanza kuona news lini, wewe?" and she had cared less because this guy was her ultimate TV darling?

Yes honeybunch, that's how she felt when those words, "Eeeeh, miss, can I, with your permission, help you up!?" came rushing to her ears.
 

It was as if the ground on which she lay had become an ocean... That she would want to swim and float on it all day long. It was as if the mud on her left side was a puddle and she was five again, and she wanted to play and dance until she was hungry and was running to her mom for food. It was as if the tiny dust particles in her mouth were dancing - dancing in ultimate mockery of this blissful moment. It was as if her eyes were bound, and her scarf was wool, and her stuff was drooling...

"Uuum, fine. I'm fine...! I'm doing just fine," she replied

"But, miss, you seem to be hurt. Please allow me to at least get you up!"

With every bit of his presence there, and his deep voice, she was feeling intoxicated in a good way. She seemed to breath faster now. She could feel the warmth of her breath on the back of her hand which was now steadily clamped to her left knee. She felt blood rush down her right arm that was still fasted to the ground.

"Um...it's okay..."

He then held her by her left hand, lifted her up, gave her a handkerchief to whisk off the dirt, unwound the scarf from her neck, and helped her tidy herself a little.

"My name is Adrian... I just thought you needed a little help, you know. I hope it is okay with you miss."
"Eh, um, it's alright. I'm Dolah, eh, nope, Dorah."

The pounding of her heart astonished her. It was almost crushing her chest.

"Not noooow!! No, not now 'Dolah'" She said to her inner self. "Please stop pounding. Pleeease darling." She continued.

He stared at her. I mean, he really stared at her...

"Can I help with something, eh, anything?"
"No, maybe just the earphones and the phone. I'll pick up the rest..."

So as he bent down to pick up and try fixing the two, she also was picking up the rest of her things, wiping dirt off each item and putting them back in her handbag.

And they both got thinking about this turn of events...

Adrian was thinking:
Like seriously? How has this just happened? I mean, just this morning, I wasn't gonna be coming this way. That dude had wasted me already, you know... How could he just change plans within a period of one hour? And all for a favor! Friendships are expensive - dude demands help without considering that I have my own pile of stuff to deal with and I am with so little time!! But here I am... and I am liking what I am feeling and seeing... She seems likeable, this Dorah. Attractive even. Mud or no mud on her face, she is beautiful. Could she be #TheOne? Naaah, experts say, there is nothing like #TheOne - that it is an overrated relationships gimmick that is used to fool and dissuade hearts from true love...
Well, but I can indirectly get her number by pretending I'm testing this phone of hers to see if it broke? Call myself from her phone maybe in order to get her number? Good idea. But I also can schedule some sort of date, yes? Kinda a meet-up or something? I guess that should work... But, but, caution Adrian. You don't wanna step in too fast and be mistaken for being a member of the infamous and avaricious #TeamMafisi SACCO. No way. Play it cool dude. Play it cool like a cucumber: innocently hanging around but secretly interested...
 

On the other side, this is what was going on in Dorah's mind;
Okay Dorah, okay. Calm down darling, calm down. Analyze. Breathe in. Breathe out. Good. Okay, now let's go on... Not long ago, you Dorah (ahem), in all your amazing choosiness, had wanted to believe in something else; something else, but not love. Not love at first sight! Did you hear that? Love is overrated, Dorah. Love at first sight is even worse. That's your mantra. Love is overrated. He can't be #TheOne. No, there is nothing like #TheOne. Okay. Are you okay? Do you think you are really really okay at this very moment, Dorah? Or do you wanna see a doctor or sumthin? Your head and heart are nuts kinda right now... What's happening to your heart, Dorah? What's happening to your heart? Please pinch yourself. Do it again. Harder. Damn! It's real. It's real, Dorah. The ecstasy is real. Deal with it. You gotta deal with it darling before it gets you carried away...

"Could I take you out sometime?" Adrian asked.
"Oh, right now?"
"No, maybe Friday afternoon or any afternoon you may be free. But still, I won't mind taking you out today, and yes, right now. The mud splash ain't a problem to me. I think you look beautiful with it still. But if you please, we can fix that somewhere within town, get you a change of cloths and you'll be good-to-go."
"Oh, I am quite busy of late, and I have plans for today. I'll look up my diary and see when I can be free then I'll call you."
"But I don't have your number and you don't have mine."
"Oh, my number? Give me yours, I'll call you."

He gave her his number and handed over her phone together with the broken earphones.
"You may need to get new ones, but the phone is alright."
"Thank you. Thanks a lot, Adrian..."
"The pleasure was mine, Dorah..."

Then they would both merry themselves in some poem (each one in their world but with words that resemble the ones below) as they walked away. Each to their own direction... Each in their own bliss, while thinking and gasping with delight at what just happened;

Love is an affection of engrossment
To feel its weight, its fanciness and its joy, you need to get buried in it
You need to die a little, and live a little to feel it...

Love is another chance
Another chance to lose
But we all love it - getting lost in it...

We pain and lose, get and get lost in this thing, in this beautiful thing...

If it is real, it is real; and if it is not, it is not

There are no middle grounds with it

Love can be found in the most miserable and unlikely places.

At the most miserable points it can call.

So please don't wither away when it calls...

Because maybe you could meet #TheOne

Or you could meet just someONE

Maybe you could meet none

But give it a try.

*********************

Maybe this first meeting will be the first step to proving these words to be true. But be it as it may, they were sure that they liked each other. 'LIKE' was a good word for then... No surprises, no over-do's, just good.
But as we'll discover later: she never called and that they never went for a date... (Ladies don't call guys for first dates, right?) (Damn dating rules!!) But they met again. Under different circumstances...
Let's wait and see.
(Maybe I'll write Part Two to this post, maybe I won't. I don't know. Let's wait and see.)

*******************

I'm dedicating Jimmy Needham's version of Forever And Ever Amen to y'all who believe in love; or y'all who, like Adrian and Dorah, won't mind giving it a try ;-);

(from Jimmy Needham's 2015 album "Vice & Virtue")

Lyrics:

INTRO:

I'm gonna love ya (forever)

I'm gonna love ya

I'm gonna love ya (forever)

I'm gonna love ya

You may think that I'm talking foolish
You've heard that I'm wild and I'm free
You may wonder how I can promise you now
This love that I feel for you always will be

See you're not just time that I'm killing
I'm no longer one of those guys
As sure as I live, this love that I give
Is gonna be yours until the day that I
die, oh baby...

CHORUS:
I'm gonna love you forever,
Forever and ever, Amen
As long as old men sit n' talk about the weather
As long as old women sit and talk about old men
If you wonder how long I'll be faithful
I'll be happy to tell you again
I'm gonna love you, forever and ever,
Forever and ever, Amen

BRIDGE:
I'm gonna love ya (forever)
I'm gonna love ya

They say that time takes it's toll on the body
Makes a young girl's brown hair turn gray
But, honey, I don't care, I ain't in love with your hair
And if it all fell out, well, I'd love you anyway
They say time can play tricks on the memory
Make people forget things they knew
Well it's easy to see, it's happening to me
I've already forgotten every woman
but you

REPEAT CHORUS

Darlin, I'm gonna love you forever,
Forever and ever, Amen
As long as old men sit and talk about the weather
As long as old women sit and talk about old men
If you wonder how long I'll be faithful
Just listen to how this song ends
I'm gonna love you forever and ever,
Forever and ever, Amen

ENDING:

(I'm gonna love ya (forever)

I'm gonna love ya) x4

Official album art for Jimmy Needham's "Vice & Virtue

Bonface Morris.