Temptations and How to Overcome Them

Every devoted Christian has been tempted or will be tempted in the near future or at some point or another in their life. That's the truth of the matter. I hear that even non-Christians are tempted too (but you'll have to read on and see what I have to say about that.) To what degree and for what reason we are tempted, I don't know (only God and the devil know.) All I know is that Christians are tempted by the devil so that he may make them fall from the gracious glory of our God and the eternal hope that is in our Lord Jesus Christ.

This post is somehow for new born Christians who want to understand how temptations work on this side of life and it somehow (the post) attempts to show us how we can overcome them. It may also prove useful to many of us who've never understood this whole temptation thing. I'll use questions in order to easily guide us in understanding a few things about temptation.

So, here goes...

*******
What is a temptation?
A temptation is something that seduces or has the ability to seduce someone towards sin.

Are temptations normal, are they necessary, and are they to be enjoyed?
Yes, temptations are normal to everyone; Christian and non-Christian alike. And they are necessary because;
1. They help in testing our faith and thereafter in spiritual growth: unless the devil tempts and tests our faith in God and what we believe in, it would be impossible to tell if we are growing or are still stuck in the same place.
2. They help in revealing who we truly are: strong or weak, Christian or non-Christian, hypocrite or true child of God, whether we are of God or of the devil.
3. They help to either reveal the fruit of the Holy Spirit in us (Galatians 5:22-23) or the fruit of the evil spirit (power of the devil working through our sinful nature) in us.
There is nothing wrong with being tempted, but there is everything wrong with falling into temptation (sinning.)

Note: Sometimes suffering comes to Christians as a temptation and other times as a test. Normally, there is nothing to be enjoyed when being tempted, but it later produces a better you whenever you overcome it. The apostles Paul and Peter say the following about temptation (in this context, temptation and suffering being the same thing);Paul says this in Romans 8:18 (ESV) "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."And Peter says this in 1 Peter 3:14 (ESV) "But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled."

How are Christians tempted and how is it different from non-Christians?
The devil tempts Christians (like he did to Christ Jesus in Matthew 4) in order to deviate him from God's original plan for their life. Thus temptations always seek to make the Christian fall (leave God and forsake what the Christian had earlier believed about God.)
I wouldn't say that non-Christians are tempted because that is their nature and introducing sin into their lives is simply making them worse than they already are. I would say the devil uses sin against the non-Christian in order to stamp his ownership on him/her.

Who tempts Christians? God, the devil or themselves?
The devil tempts Christians.
He does this with the assistance of the sin that lives in the person being tempted.
The apostle James puts it this way in the Book of James;
James 1:13-15 (ESV) 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
Here is the unique thing we should note about God, the devil, sin, temptations and tests: temptations are from the devil and they rely on the sin that is left growing in us. They lead to sin and death. Tests are from God and they lead to a deeper understanding and relationship with God. Sometimes (and it is most times actually), God uses the devil's temptations in our lives to grow us in faith, love and in a deeper understanding of who He is.
The Book of Job says this about the nature of God and temptations (this was an answer to Job and his friends who thought that God is evil and tempts people);
Job 34:10, 12 (NKJV) 10 "Therefore listen to me, you men of understanding: Far be it from God to do wickedness, And from the Almighty to commit iniquity. 12 Surely God will never do wickedly, Nor will the Almighty pervert justice.
Also, when you look at the definition of temptation as stated above, it is impossible for God to tempt us. It is unimaginable for a holy God to "do something that seduces someone towards sin or to seduce someone towards sin." It is unimaginable for God to do that.

Which are the three key areas where every devoted Christian will be tempted?
Looking at Matthew 4, we realize three key areas;
1. We will be tempted by the devil to misuse God's Word for personal gratification.
Verse: Matthew 4:3 (ESV) "And the tempter came and said to Him, 'If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.'"
2. We will be tempted by the devil to doubt God and His promises to us, and will be persuaded by the enemy to neglect God's way and follow quick fixes. These temptations seek to sieve through our faith, our sonship in God, and what we know about God and His character.
Verse: Matthew 4:6 (ESV) "...and said to Him, 'If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.'"
3. We will be tempted by the devil in our priorities and what we value most and hold dear above everything else:
Verse: Matthew 4:9 (ESV) "And he said to Him, 'All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.'"
Almost all temptations fall into these three categories.

What should we do when tempted?
The way we overcome every temptation thrown at us differs because of a few reasons;
1. Our levels of spiritual growth (which determines our understanding of God, the devil, sin, evil and righteousness.)
2. The sin that easily puts us down. This sin is different for everyone. The Book of Hebrews calls it "sin that clings so closely" (Hebrews 12:1).
3. Our closeness to God.
But we should take heart because this is what the Lord has said about us when being tempted;
1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV) "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
As we strive to overcome temptation, we should always know that God knows about it (what we are facing) and that by His Holy Spirit, we will always overcome. He does not delight in us falling under temptation.

Here is what we can do when being tempted;
By the means of the Holy Spirit, a Christian can understand the form or kind of temptation thrown at them and the same Spirit will help them deal with each one as it deems right and overcome it;
1. There are temptations that call for fleeing, so we'll need to run away when facing them i.e. sexual sin, gossip etc. There is normally no negotiations with such sins.
Verse: 2 Timothy 2:22 (NKJV) "Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."
2. There are temptations that call for resistance i.e. when being persuaded by friends to do something evil or when being persuaded to forsake the truth you have believed.
Verse: 1 Peter 5:9 (NKJV) "Resist him (the devil), steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world."
3. There are temptations that call for warfare i.e. demonic attacks and temptations inspired or fueled by words.
Verse: 
2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (ESV) 3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 6 being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.
In Ephesians 6:10-20, the apostle Paul lists the weapons we use in this warfare. (Click the link to read the Bible passage.)
4. There are temptations that call for mercy and bearing with one another.
Verses:
Ephesians 4:1-3 (ESV) 1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Jude 1:22-23 (ESV) 22 And have mercy on those who doubt; 23 save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh.

Above all, pray, seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit and apply God's Word in every case. The writer of the book of Revelation says that this is how we overcome the devil; "...they triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and the Word of their testimony... (Revelation 12:11, NIV.)

For how long do temptations last?
It is different for everyone. But here is what we should consider; 
1. All Christians will experience various temptations throughout their spiritual lives whether they like it or not, because they are now permanent enemies of the devil. 
2. Some temptations will last longer than others depending on if we fight well through the temptation and overcame the devil, or if God feels we have learned the lesson that came with the temptation. 
3. Some temptations are likely not to end (like take Paul's example when he says in 2 Corinthians 12 that... "...and lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me..." (2 Corinthians 12:7-9, NKJV).
It therefore requires discernment from our part as enabled by God's Spirit to know which type of temptation we are facing right now and how long it may last.

Are there rewards for overcoming temptation?
Yes.
Here are direct promises from our Lord Himself from the Book of Revelation directed to the various people who will overcome various temptations:

Revelation 2:7, 11, 17, 26-28 (ESV)
7 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.’
11 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. The one who conquers will not be hurt by the second death.’
17 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it.’
26 The one who conquers and who keeps my works until the end, to him I will give authority over the nations, 27 and he will rule them with a rod of iron, as when earthen pots are broken in pieces, even as I myself have received authority from my Father. 28 And I will give him the morning star.

Revelation 3:5, 12, 21 (ESV)
5 The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels.
12 The one who conquers, I will make him a pillar in the temple of my God. Never shall he go out of it, and I will write on him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which comes down from my God out of heaven, and my own new name.
21 The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne.

The apostle James also promises this very thing >
James 1:12 (ESV) "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

*******
Stay blessed... and may the Lord keep us all away from temptation and deliver us from the evil one. And if tempted, may we overcome so that we may receive His reward both here on earth and when we meet with Him on His second coming.


Bonface Morris.

Things Are Not Always What They Seem

Things are not what they seem

He says he doesn't have to put on a mask; masks are for cowards, and he ain't one.
He says people can say whatever they want to about him; he's just fine.
And they can think whatever they want to about him, he's used to the ridicule and the pain.
He is used to letting it shine and heat up as much as he allows it to muddy and rain.
Not that he doesn't care, but that he believes in the power of one.
He is his own self, and with himself, he is one.
So he will tread on, and move on, and live on,
And they will speak on, and think on, and live on;
After all, things are not always what they seem,
And life would be funny, if in everyone's eyes, all it did was to stick with being all the same.
Life is a tether: it goes round and comes round, never sticking with either,
Sometimes it is black, sometimes it is white, and sometimes it is neither.

*******

She wanna see it. You know, the love.
He has said it multiple times, sworn it a couple more, and blabbered from grove to grove.
But she wants to see it. She wanna see the love.
She says, "If only he'd do this one thing, then my heart for him I'd save!" 
She thinks it is not always what it seems because he hasn't done a thing,

And because he hasn't done that thing, it cannot always be what it seems.
He hasn't moved an inch to do it, he hasn't moved a nerve.
Not that he hasn't made the move, but that it is not that move that is her anticipated move.

Love is not always what it seems.
Because if love was a flower, and everyone knew its garden,
Then we would stroll ourselves through, walking with anticipation to make things even
We would walk while holding hands, one, two, three, all of us,
We would walk with sure steps, one, two, three, all of us,
Down to its garden, to pluck one, two, three of love - for all of us.
Finding love would be easy, because we would tend our own garden-fulls.
But love is like gold: we know it exists and we know that it is beautiful,
We just don't know when we'll find ours, and whether it'll be enough or just a handful.
But it doesn't matter, we'll find it anyway.

*******

They talk of making lemonades out of life,
She thinks they are crazy because all she has known is a bitter life.
It is either she doesn't know how to make lemonades out of life,
Or her lemons are too many and there's neither enough sugar nor enough her.

Maybe, but she moves on anyways
Christ before her, worries behind her, she moves on;
Always striving to do better and become better, 

Always striving to be better and live better. 
She doesn't have to give up now. Not now after she has come this far. 

Why? 

Because things are not always what they seem;
Today we weep, tomorrow we rejoice, today we pain, tomorrow we joyfully scream.

Today we fall down, tomorrow the Lord raises us up. 

Tomorrow, He mends our wounds, yes, tomorrow He makes our footsteps firm,
Because things are never what they seem.

*******

Don't bury hope, bruh. 

Don't bury it just yet, bruh. 

Don't feel sorry for who you are. 

You are much more loved than you could ever think. 

You are more pleasant in God's eyes than you could ever know. 

Though you may feel forsaken today, tomorrow He'll keep you alive. You never know. 

So don't give up just yet. 

It may seem dim and dark, gloomy and ducked, 

But who knows? Tomorrow may be precious, bright and well-toned. 

Things are not always what they seem, bruh. 

No, they are not. 

*******

This message is for you who feels forsaken, left out, hopeless, sidelined and worthless: things are never what they seem. And weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalms 30:5). Your morning may be nearer than you could ever know. 

Bonface Morris. 

Christian Living: A Short Study on Discipleship

Here is a short study on Christian discipleship that I wrote a couple of months ago. We've been using it in our youth Bible Study for some time now.

It is a short study, meaning it is not conclusive and I may therefore add in a few things here and there to make it a bit more complete.

Feel free to download and share it free of charge.

Here is the download link;

Discipleship: A Short Study.pdf 

God bless.


Bonface Morris.

HELLO! People Are Hurting

Just recently, I went to YouTube for the ultimate bi-monthly-curiosity-walk I often do. This walk involves looking at trending videos; news, fun videos, art videos, movie trailers, kawaida videos and music videos to see which videos are receiving most views and why, from, at least, the past few weeks. 

I do this as a leader for one sole reason: in order to familiarize myself with popular culture - this very thing that shapes and affects how the young people around me think, act and perceive the world around them.

While strolling around gathering information on popular videos, I stumbled upon a music video by one artist by the name of Adele. Most of us - the aptly no-nonsense spiritual kind - may not know her. (Anyway, you don't have to know her. You'll get all the information you may need to know about her here today – and then you can judge me later J.) The music video to her song  "HELLO" from (I decided to get more info on this song anyway) her 2015 album "25" had 1.7 billion views in 9 months! Yes, lemme say that once again: Adele’s “HELLO” has 1.7 billion views in less than a year!
I first watched the video then paused with a gasp. Man, this reality hit me hard: either people are really hurting in relationships or Adele is such a goooood singer with such greaaaaat music that everyone wants to listen to it.

Okay, as it is always a rule with me, after finding a popular name in any industry, I normally head over to Wikipedia (which is free to access on any network in Kenya by the way) to get basic information on the said person. Uncle Wiki, as knowledgeable as he is, told me the following about Adele;

She is British and was born on 5th May 1988 in Tottenham, London as Adele Laurie Blue Adkins. Her father abandoned her at the age of two thus she seems to only have been solely raised by her mother. She spent most of her time singing rather than reading thus began singing at the age of four and asserts that she became obsessed with voices (maybe that's why her voice captures many, eh?). Time magazine named her one of the most influential people in the world in 2012 and 2016. With sales of more than 100 million records, she is one of the best-selling recording artists in the world.

About her music career: her first album, “19”, of a soul genre, had lyrics describing heartbreak and relationships. It was a break-up record. Her second studio album "21" was inspired by the break-up with her former partner and it came with many more personal regrets from bad life choices. She refers to this period in her life as her "early life crisis". Hurt and pain in relationships seem to be things she understands. However, she describes "25" (her third album) as a make-up record: making up for lost time, making up for everything she ever did and never did. She says it took long to make "25" because "life happened." "25", a 2015 album, became last year's best-selling album and broke first week sales records in the UK and US. The lead single, "Hello" (which somehow forms the basis of this post), became the first song in the US to sell over one million digital copies within a week of its release. She's now married and with one child.

That’s enough info about her, I think (before you judge me too much and end up in hell, haha).

Now, let’s go back to what we were talking about…

"HELLO" is a very emotional song about a person (it may be a dude or a lady) who is trying to reminisce a failed past relationship and the mistakes he/she made that caused it to fail. She misses it. She misses the times she spent with her lover, the moments they had and shared, the things they used to do together... Yes, she misses a whole lot of things. But again, within its hooky theme, she seems to pretend that she is letting go of that past. She's trying to get over it in her own way. She's recollecting herself.

Pause.

Now, imagine that such a song has 1.7 billion views on the most popular video hosting channel/website in the world and let the reality of failing relationships, broken hearts and lives that fail to move on due to hurt sink in. Let it sink in little more. Let this reality also sink in: that, probably, above 60% of the young people (that is six in every ten youth) in your youth ministry – in our churches – have the song downloaded and/or shared with them and they listen to it at least 3 times in a week. They identify with it. They know the depth of every word Adele is singing. They are hurting. And as you stand up trying to preach or teach them about Jesus, they're replaying this song in their heads while whispering this back to you in the secrecy of their emotions: "HELLO, Morris, we are hurting. Please talk about our hurt. It’s killing us. What can we do about it? Please stop that "Jesus talk" and just talk to us about when you get hurt and you can't seem to get over it!"

Now, in response to your HELLO is this post. I'm listening. And therefore I'm asking, why are people - including "good" Christians - hurting each other in relationships? Really, why?

*******
Most of us have read this blog written a few weeks ago by my girlfriend on breakups and scars that unfold. She helped open our eyes to the reality of wounds in relationships and how to overcome them. Today, I'm seeking to show us that Jesus cannot be silent if we ask Him for help in the midst of hurting (even when we feel that whatever people are yapping about when we go to church or Bible study meetings or intercessory meetings is useless.)

But before I do that, let us become conversant with some basic truths about hurt and pain in relationships;

1. Not all Christians or any kind of people in relationships act the same. Also, not all people in relationships think the same way about those relationships. We are all different. Some are mature, others are immature. Some are wise, while others are stupid. Some are committed in relationships while others are not. Some hurt others knowingly (they are psychopathic), while others are oblivious of what they are doing. Also, people love differently. Some are serious about it, while others are not. Some know what love is, while others are still learning to love. Some are interested in knowing how to love back while others don't care. Therefore, we hurt and get hurt differently depending with the character of the person we are/were with in the relationship.
2. Hurt is inevitable, but the degree of hurt varies from one relationship to another. At one point or another in your relationship, you'll either get hurt or you'll hurt someone. That's the reality of life, the wickedness of the flesh and relationships. So, whether Christian or not, whether Spirit-filled or not, you’ll hurt someone, and you too will get hurt at some point.
3. People react differently to pain and hurt, whether Christian or not. This is because hurting or pain is a reality to everyone. Both the Christian and the non-Christian get hurt, no? But our closeness to Jesus will determine whether He'll help us through the hurt or we'll be left to struggle through it alone. That’s where the difference is.
4. In order to get hurt, one will need to take responsibility - they'll need to accept to get hurt. You can't get hurt if you don't want to. Once you accept to get hurt, you surely will get hurt. This means, when you say, "Let it pass", it sure will pass. We have power over what another person's actions do to our lives.  
5. And finally, we may experience hurt in two ways: hurt from a relationship that failed or hurt in a relationship that is failing.

Now, in answer to the question of hurt, and to help us stop singing Adele-style like she does in her reprise, "Hello on the other side?" as we daydream about how it was or how it would/could have been, let me show us how there is no person who identifies with hurt and pain more than Jesus. (Christians around you may not identify with your hurt and pain, but Jesus does.)

First, here is what came out of His mouth concerning guys who see it difficult to hold it together and move on or deal with pain:
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV))

Then, later on, one great teacher of the Word says this about Jesus:
"Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." (Hebrews 2:18 (NIV))

The two verses above familiarize us with another reality above the reality of hurt and pain: that no matter how hurt we may be, Jesus knows a thing or two about it. In the first verse, He insists that if you are burdened (or are hurt or are feeling betrayed), He’s got your back and that He will be gentle with you and won’t hurt you like the other person did. He will give you rest from ALL your hurts. In the second verse, the writer makes evident one truth about Jesus: that Jesus sure knows and understands what it means and feels like to be hurt and get over it: He was born out of wedlock and had to live with that stigma for all His life (come on, who in Israel was to believe that some Holy Spirit made Mary pregnant? Who?); then He was betrayed and got hurt a number of times and by people closest to Him (Peter, Judas and all the disciples…) So, yes, Jesus knows a number of things about getting hurt and surviving it.

The question now is, after we are hurt and we know that Jesus can get us out and pull us up onto solid ground, what are we doing to ensure that we receive the REST He is talking about as far as hurting is concerned? Here are some questions which if well answered will determine if we are ready for Jesus’ help or we are simply dillydallying with the truth:

1. Do you believe, deep in your heart, that Jesus can help you when hurt?
2. If you believe He can help, are you confessing or are you ready to confess to Jesus that, "Lord, I am hurting, and I need Your help"? Do you believe that He is the only one that can offer solid, lasting help?
3. Are you praying to Him as His child that you stop blaming yourself and/or the other person for everything that happened?
4. And lastly, are you taking the necessary steps as mentioned in this post towards healing?

After you have answered the above questions, healing won’t be that far.

To echo my message well, please listen to Group 1 Crew's song "NOT THE END OF ME" from their 2012 album FEARLESS.

PS:
I went out for more web-walk and spotted Jamie Grace at an Adele concert this week on Wednesday. Funny, eh? Read about it here.

Bonface Morris.

Marriage Prep: Notes And Lessons

Side Note: My girlfriend is picking out lessons and making notes from various sources (and from Scripture) on marriage. We are not claiming that she knows anything or everything (we actually know very little - and almost nothing - about marriage, so any married person reading this should get off their high horse at least for the time being), but that she is choosing to share what she is learning along the way. She is simply sharing her findings. And as I said here before, I am allowing her to have a voice on this blog and express what she is learning… If her voice becomes loud enough (read: consistent), she might just get her own blog. (Come on, a lady is gotta fly, no?)

So here is the first part of the various sentiments and lessons she's picking up along the way that she feels may help us guys in relationships. I know it is helping ours, so we guess it may add value to yours too. Also, if you haven't done it yet, please read her first blog in this series of posts here. There, you will find links to both her Facebook profile and her Google+ which you may use to say "Hi!" to her.

*******

Marriage prep: notes and lessons

For we young people that are called to be children and servants of our Father and of Lord Jesus Christ, relationships, courtship and marriage mean quite a lot of things to us. (By the way my boyfriend claims that the word "courtship" is highly overrated by we Christians, but that's a discussion for another day.) To some, relationships, courtship and marriage mean the whole world to them, while to others it's just another part of life.

From my observations, I have come to understand that some of us get into relationships for very selfish reasons. Mostly, these reasons do not fulfill the will of God for our lives and that is why our relationships end up being pain-zones instead of refocus-and-refreshment zones. I am not claiming that I am now perfect as far as the "why" to get into a relationship is concerned, but that I identify with these mistakes because I have made them before.

From what I am learning, most of us don’t know that relationships and marriage are a calling, a service to God, because it is through a good relationship and a good marriage that a servant of God can also carry out what is expected of them in that area of life.

I will be sharing with us the various things I am learning from various good sources about relationships and marriage. I hope that you will not see me as the expert writer but as a conduit, a channel, through which such information is being conveyed. 

First, let us review the meaning of some very important words that are going to come up in these posts;

Relationship - the dictionary definition of this word is a state of connectedness between people, especially an emotional connection.

Dating – the dictionary definition of this word is a form of regular romantic courtship between two individuals. Now, I don’t really fancy the way this word is used in secular systems because it is so selfish in itself. (Although it actually hold good meaning in and and of itself.) Most of us use it to cover our true motives which are having fun, and pretend to want to know people without the actual intention of marriage.

Marriage – the definition of this is a close and intimate union between a man and a woman.

*******

Now, I just came to know of this about most relationships, even the one that I was in when I was 18 years old: that they (including Christian relationships) have a tendency of not demonstrating the love of God and His will for a relationship between the opposite sexes. We have these relationships because of our selfish reasons (only wanting to receive) and our ungodly nature. I am learning that as Christians, our relationships with the opposite sex should always be with the intention of marriage. If you’re in a relationship, you are courting or are dating - whichever you like - I am learning that we better deeply rethink the real reason as to why we are doing so. 

Here is a good place to begin at when trying to figure out if we are doing the right thing or not: we should ask ourselves "Why am I in this relationship?" or "Why do I really need a relationship?"

I know with this you may say, "I have a job, I live on my own, I make good and enough money to support a family..." among many other reasons. 
All these reasons and others that you have may all be valid, and I don’t seek to dispute them, but I want to highlight those that would make me question whether I am there yet. Here are the few things that I have been told we need to have in order to consider ourselves ready for a relationship and later, marriage;

1. A personal unaided relationship with God

Men are called to be the head of the family (so I'm learning), therefore, men need to have a personal relationship with God in order to lead and love in the right way. Women too need to have a personal relationship with the Lord in order to learn the way of submission and how to love both their boyfriends and future husbands. 
This (having a personal unaided relationship with God) doesn't mean that when you get in a relationship, or you start courting or dating or when you get married that you should forget the essentials of brotherhood (having fellowship with your fellow brethren in church, going to church or praying together), but that your relationship with God should be able to stand when all these other people are not with you. This is because, even after marriage, you will still need to worship, read God's Word and pray as individuals and/or as partners. 

According to 2 Chronicles 24:1-2 and 24:17-18, let us not be like King Joash who was very enthusiastic and ready to serve God only when the priest Jehoiadah was alive. He served God to his best all the days of the priest but when Jehoiadah died, he listened to the princes of Judah and forgot the God of his fore-fathers; he even went to the extent of worshiping idols and groves.

Someone has said that if we as women do not have a good relationship with God, then how will we apply it in our relationships with our boyfriends or husbands? How will we know the roles that we have to play in the eyes of God? I am learning that we have at many times misinterpreted Scripture when it says that we should submit to our husbands (I don't have a husband yet, but you get the point). Some of us just want to apply this Scripture by twisting it to fit our selfish desires. 

2. Devotion to God’s purpose in the context of marriage

1 Peter 3:1-7, Ephesians 5:21-26

I am learning that husbands are called to be head of their homes, and to love their wives as Christ loves the church. They are called to lay down their lives for their wives. Wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Lord Jesus. 
Note: You hear me talk a lot about submission because, from my studies, it seems to be the main bone of contention in marriages... (Again, married people should help us understand what this is all about.) Also, an argument I am still trying to figure and argue out is: how then do ladies and young men fulfill God's will (of love and submission) in a normal relationship between two unmarried young people? I got part of the answer here though, but I would wish married people to expound on it further.

3. Knowledge and application of Scripture

How well do we understand the Word of God and how do we interpret it and apply it in our lives? This is very crucial. Deuteronomy 17:18-20 sets an example for men and describes them as an authority influenced by God's law. 
Note: What I am also trying to wrangle with here is: does this mean that in the home it is their way or the highway?

4. To have a Christ-like character

The character of Christ is perfect, yet we are not perfect, so how do we go about being like Christ? This can be achieved through letting the Holy Spirit with His gifts and fruit transform us (Galatians 5). How will we learn to be forgiving and understanding at all times with other people as Christ was and still is with us if we don’t let God’s will to prevail? Romans 12:1-2 says that (paraphrase) when we conform to the nature and image of Christ, we change who we are and eventually what we do. 

5. Labor

A man who is not ready to work should not eat; this is what Paul teaches in 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12, so you should be ready to work and save in order to provide for your family.

Proverbs 10:5, 13:4, 13:22, 28:19, 21:17 also supports this.

*******

After saying that, let me also add that I have learnt that marriage is a school on its own. It's a mystery that cannot be unveiled in a few statements. We actually have known so little and have a very small revelation of what marriage actually means to God: the totality of what He thought/thinks when He creates a marriage. 

Here are the few things I have picked up concerning marriage and God's perspective on the same. God brings two people in holy matrimony for these reasons (there may be more);

1. To raise up a godly heritage for the Lord.

God has major concerns for the institution of marriage and that is why He wants His children not to go around breaking the hearts of His other children, be it His sons or daughters. In Genesis 1:28, God tells man that he should be fruitful and multiply, this mean only when we are married can we bring up children, and if we are not upholding the will of God, then how will the children grow up to be godly? 

This is also seen in Genesis 18:19, "…that he will command his children and household after him and they shall keep the way of the Lord." Though God says that we should be fruitful, we ought to do it under His will, in accordance with His Word so that we do not stray away and fulfill our own desires. So why should you commit to being in a relationship that you don’t wanna raise a godly heritage for God in marriage?

2. To demonstrate the Father’s (God's) love to His children.

John 1:12 says, "but to all who have received Him- those who believe in His name- he has given the right to become God’s children."

I am being taught that we are called to the service of our God in marriage, to demonstrate His unconditional love to His children (our spouses). The apostle John says that we are God’s children for we have accepted Him in our lives. Now, again, I pose a question: if you’re not ready to love another person as God loves them, is there a reason for you to be in that relationship?

God loved us in our sinful nature with all our imperfections and made us whole with his love, you should be ready to love the other person with all their weaknesses and faults.

3. In order to conform to the nature of Christ

Romans 8:28-29, 12:2.

Someone has taught me that the reason which we fail to see - or choose not to see - is that marriage is a calling, a service to God, and like any other calling, we have to give ourselves away so that we can be used by/of Him. This therefore means that we have to conform to the nature of Christ in order to do His will. God foreknew us, predestined us to be conformed to the image of Christ. I know you may ask how this happens; well, Jesus is patient with us, He waited for us to accept Him on our own and He did not force himself on us, likewise we should be patient, loving and caring towards others as Christ is with His church.

Final Note
Am learning this whole marriage stuff because I believe that am gonna be a wife someday, so this for me is just preparation. I want to know what God wants me to do when I’ll finally enter this covenant. I am not some “holy” person, but am working and trying to be more like Christ. I want to know my duties as a wife and my roles in my husband’s life, and who better to teach me than God Himself. Allow Him to teach you how to do it and be it.

Key Reference

Are You Ready for A Relationship? – a teaching by Paul Washer

Alice Ogutu. 

Talking Point: My Reaction to High School Unrest and Students Burning Down Schools in Kenya

Image of Itierio Boys High School dormitories after students burnt them down over missing out on a EURO 2016 match. Source: Daily Nation.

So High School students have gone on a rampage all over Kenya burning down schools like they were piles of dustbin paper, and everyone is answering back with so much the same fire: "You students are stupid! You are childish! You are evil! You should be jailed and denied food!!" etc etc. And I'm just sitting here wondering, "Haiya! What, exactly, are we doing!?"

As a youth leader, I am amazed at how little we know of how young people today really think and operate (which is the age bracket where High School students belong anyway.)

Everyone seems to be shouting at these High School students, condemning them and giving them "lots of advice" and threats for burning down their schools. That is good (according to us), but it is irrelevant to them. It won't help a thing. This is because they don't care to listen to our advice: it is ours and they are just not into taking our advice. They won't listen. No, not for the time being.

"So, what should be done?", you ask.

Okay, what I share below is not a conclusive solution, it is not even a solution but an eye-opener, and it is also a good place to begin when trying to find the solution to this problem. It is some sort of backdoor solution for anyone who would care to read.

I'd recommend this as a start: on friendly terms, just grab the hand/s of one or two outspoken young people from an affected school, and genuinely (without making them feel that you want to "advise them" because at this stage, they just hate advice!) ask them exactly what went wrong. Be specific by asking them what they think is wrong with their school, their parents, their fellow students and with the school administration. Insist that you want them to be open about everything and that their answers will not be used against them when push comes to shove.

Be sure that you'll pick out a few things. Some will be relevant while others will be useless. Then tell them that you'll think about it and call them to discussion some time later.

Note: You cannot solve student issues without involving students. That's like solving Christian persecution without involving Christians; and especially the affected ones. So involve students (especially the ones ranting the most) when trying to solve issues surrounding and involving them.

But keep this in mind;

1. Because you listened and seemed to care, they may choose a different way of retaliation the next time they think of doing it. But be sure that they'll still do it somehow. That's how evil works. Be ready for it because the only language this generation seems to understand is: "I want it now! If you are not going to give it to me RIGHT NOW, I am going to kill someone or kill myself!! So give it to me RIGHT NOW" Get that very clear from me.

2. Students are burning down schools because that is what our generation does to solve matters: we are not good at resolving matters through dialogue but via streets. We've taught them street language and that's exactly what they're reciprocating. They're simply giving back to society what it has taught them.

3. Students are tired of being commanded around. They want to be listened to and they want to be heard; if you are not going to give it to them, you'll pay for your "ignorance". So if you're not going to give them a chance to talk and be heard, they make you "pay for it" through arson, violence or bad behavior. (Sometimes girls get pregnant or run away from home "just to 'punish'" their strict parents. It is madness, right? Unthinkable, yes? Yes, but that is how this generation works.)

4. Students are tired of being treated as kids. Yes, they are kids. But they'll revolt anytime someone tries to call them kids or treats them in a manner implying that they are kids. They want to be involved in decision-making. They want to be part of the deal without being sidelined in any way. I know parents and teachers would strongly disagree with this but that is what it is with this generation. I've seen it all the time: the moment I start treating 12-year-olds as I would treat my age-mates is the moment they start listening to me. Yeah, I have tried it out and it has worked. Just as it is with what we are seeing in our political arena, if parents and teachers won't embrace dialogue with students - no matter how childish they think it is - it is very likely that schools will keep burning. Mark my words.

5. Young people are inclined to think as a team. Always. And these teams don't die as fast as people may think. Those who know the truth of this point misuse this strength in youth by inciting them to engage in violence. However, having said that, some people still think that because students are young, they are not able to articulate an idea as a team and die for it. They are wrong. All revolutions have depended on youthful people to survive. History proves this to be very true.

Okay, as you consider this point, you may be falsely inspired to say, "So if we grab and punish their violent leaders we'll have solved the problem!!??" No, you won't. You can't kill a movement by detaining its leaders. In fact, that's how you fuel it. (That is why it has been hard to kill Christianity by the way. Christianity thrives on the blood of martyrs - Jesus being the first martyr.) It is because the moment you catch the responsible catalyst, another catalyst will be born to counter what you did to the former. And the movement will become stronger, more determined and more violent than the previous one. (Come on people, we should at least school ourselves a bit more on revolutions and how they work. Revolutions only die when you kill the idea or dogma running them, not the people behind them.)
So, get the idea that inspires them first, then you'll kill the movement and the acts thereof. 

At this stage, you may need to ask the students a very direct question: "WHY, REALLY, ARE YOU BURNING YOUR SCHOOL!!??" and use their answers to understand how and why they behave this way. This will then be the template upon which you lay the foundation for your solution-finding.

6. Don't get into the conversation to tell them what is wrong (come on, they've burnt schools and they already know that they've done it) and why it is wrong (why burning their schools is wrong.) They already know those facts, and they don't care. Let me say it again: this generation knows all the bad things. We have been really good at pointing them out, anyway (the bad things). What they don't know is WHY they are wrong and why their opinions are irrelevant as far as such bad things are concerned.

Here is a perfect example: young saved people know that sex before marriage is not good. They KNOW that it is sin. God forbids it but they're still having it anyway. Why? It's not a big deal to them. They don't care about your opinion or God's opinion, they only care about their own. That's our generation, man.

Our biggest challenge therefore is not to tell them what is wrong but why their opinion is not relevant for the time being and why our opinion matters i.e. why burning a school because of a lapse in entertainment (or whatever petty reason there is) is wrong and why it is also wrong to think that burning it will solve a thing. See?

7. Evil is taking course and it has it's teeth engraved in relativism.
Note: Relativism is the belief that different things are true, right, etc., for different people or at different times i.e. probably most High School students in Kenya feel that burning their schools is right so long as their prospected end result is achieved.
These High School students' actions are just a proof of the fallen evil world we live in today. Evil has taught the minds in this generation that violence is sweeter when done as a team.
Anyways, they are not the only ones. We all do it. We skip church to "punish" the pastor or our church leaders. We refuse to pay chama dues to "punish" a certain member of the chama. We do shoddy work to "punish" out bosses. Married people and guys in relationships do funny things to each other in order to "punish" their partners. We are all evil. Very evil. And we all seem to love evil.

When students burn schools, they are just expressing their evil nature and the reality of an evil world - a fallen world for which Christ died. Part of the solution may be to guide these kids in a manner that they'll embrace good Christian values which have no arson or violence in them.

*******
You now realize that at the center of everything I am saying above is dialogue and genuinely seeking to understand the problem before trying to solve it. Parents and teachers need to understand that right from 2010, things changed. Completely. The kind of pupils and students we now have suffer the highest level of moral degradation. They operate only by one law: this is my life, take it or leave it; whatever you think of me, I don't really care!

It is from that aspect of relativism that we have had phrases like: "my dress, my choice", "my life, my opinions", "my this, my that". No one wants to listen to advise anymore.

That's the world we live in today.
What are you doing to change it as far as young people are concerned?

PS: 
Here is the mystery about this generation: we want to be heard more than we are willing to listen to anyone.


Bonface Morris. 

Leadership: Leaders, Are You Delegating or Dumping?

Delegating tasks is very central to effective leadership. Image from www.quickbase.intuit.com

Delegation (allocation of a task/s or responsibilities or power by the leader to someone else) is a common phenomenon in leadership. It is likely that if you are a leader, you have either done it, are scared of it, are unsure of it or are likely to do it in the near future.

There are various reasons why leaders should delegate. They may include but are not limited to;

1. Doing it as a practical step in mentorship.
2. To avoid or trim burnout.
3. As a practical step towards inclusive leadership, and
4. As part of obeying given laws or guidance as stipulated in a given constitution.

Some leaders feel comfortable delegating tasks to fellow leaders or those under them while others have a problem with it. The latter find themselves in the trap of dumping tasks on people under them (I define dumping as throwing a task/s or responsibilities or power at someone).

This may be because;

1. The leader is insecure and thinks that once those under them take on tasks and perform them well, the leader may end up losing their “credibility”.
2. The leader is selfish with power and is title-hungry: they just can’t let go of power and responsibilities.
3. The leader is a perfectionist who is scared of other people “messing up” and otherwise preconceived outcome.
4. It may be as a result of a poor relationship (mostly poor communication) between the leader and the one/s handling tasks.

Be it as it may, a leader will find himself/herself in need of someone to take charge and do whatever the leader normally does or what is required. It is at this point that we are going to gauge whether the leader is delegating (as defined above) or they are actually dumping task/s (throwing a task/s or responsibilities or power at someone).

These two terms need to be looked at with a relational perspective towards leadership. This is because the use of both terms is greatly affected by how the leader interacts with those under him/her. They also determine whether the task will be performed out of goodwill or out of a sense of duty and a need to obey a certain command and honor a certain title or position.

Delegation and dumping are action tasks and from the table below, we’ll discover that it takes a lot of intentionality to do either of them. They can only be performed when the leader steps out to do them. Also, being a “dumper” doesn’t entirely mean that the leader in question is a bad leader, but rather, that they are more inclined towards accomplishing the task than they are interested in the person doing it. (Which is a negative thing in leadership by the way.) However, such leaders are still way better than those who never delegates at all!

In this regard, here are six ways to differentiate between delegation and dumping;

No.	Dumping	Delegating
1	The only time the leader gives up a task or duty is when they are absent.	The leader gives up tasks or duties even when they are present.
2	The leader only gives out a duty/task when it becomes tough for them to handle.	The leader gives out both the simple and the hard tasks.
3	The leader gives out a duty/task in order to escape the aftermath of the bad thing that will happen.	The leader hands over a duty/task even when the aftermath is predictable as good.
4	The leader cares less about other tasks being performed by the person they’re handing over the task to. They also don’t care about how committed the other person is at that moment; they just add them more tasks anyway.	The leader cares about the tasks already being performed by the person they’re handing over the task to and will inquire before adding them more tasks.
5	The leader has no relationship or closeness between him/her and the person receiving the task.	The leader has a good relationship with the one receiving the task and they are able t openly communicate even in an informal manner.
6	The only time the leader gives out tasks is when such tasks are of minimal value or effect to the vision of the team.	The leader gives out both tasks of great and minimal value or effect to the vision of the team.

After looking at both sides of the table above, you are able to know your weak points as far as delegation is concerned. I pray that God gives you the strength and the will to become better in delegating duties and in so doing bettering the leadership capability of the people around and under you.

Read more on delegation here:

1. 13 Warning Signs that What You Delegated Won't Get Done

2. How to Delegate Effectively

Bonface Morris.