Dude, I Am Lonely!

Quote: Relationships are "the most beautiful thing that ever happened to mankind..." so they say.

Someone is lonely.
No, it is not me. Woishee, (okay, I've used that word before, so excuse me priss) it is not me. But it may be you... yeah, *pointing finger*, it may be you, or maybe, that friend of yours who is lonely...
But again that good thing about loneliness is that it is normal. Don't fret. Being lonely is normal. Let's justify it .with that clichè. How does it go? "Mankind is a social being, so he/she is in an endless pursuit for, er, company", right? Yeah, let's pin it on a billboard by using that one... then let's sit down, sip some water and say it in unison: 1... 2... 3... go! "It is normal!" (Even that very justification is commonly normal.) :-)
I'm not going to interdict you for loneliness. Let's (for now) say that it is normal. Yes, just for now...
Well, let's leave out the yada yada of who is and who is not lonely, and the other one of if it's normal to be lonely or not... and... let's do some thinking...
Do you ever wonder why people claim to be lonely? Do you ever wonder why you/they are continuously bored and lonely? Well, I would want to say so many things that may offend you but, let's consider this: there's a difference between a guy saying that he is lonely, and when a chiq says the same.
If we closely looked at both, (unless one or the other is a douche) *makes sign of the cross*, we may conclude that one is rightfully lonely while the other is just being overrated.
They both have very different definitions of what loneliness is all about. And the age of both also matters. Teenagers can be lonely as many times as they wish. No one should give a damn. It is NORMAL. Let the hormones do the walking... But dude/dudette, if your age is somewhere above 21 and you serially complain about loneliness, I should buy you a, er, (I wanted to say "puppy", but I won't. You don't do that in Kenya. You don't buy people puppies. So I won't buy you anything,... hehe).
Yeah, loneliness is real in both worlds (a man's and a woman's). It's just that in one it comes with an umbrella, while in the other it clothes itself with the sun. The outcome? Shades versus mirages. But it's okay. It is normal. Croissants (oh! I just had to put-fix that somewhere) buff doughnuts. :-)
Now because I'm already losing my thought line, lemme tell you what I was thinking about when I started writing this. Loneliness is a result of someone being fond of one, two or all of the following:

1. You fear relationships.
You think that ideal perfect people exist, so you are busy waiting, waiting, and er, wasting time waiting for them (the perfect people). Well, darling, they DO exist; but they should be somewhere Google can't trace. Or somewhere where even the collaboration of a pen and a mouth can't assist reveal. Keep on choosing, then keep on being lonely. Great advice, huh?

2. You love being lonely.
Okay, when all statements and things are summarized, you are ridiculous! I don't blame you. I blame the things that have happened in your life. I slightly blame your personality, then the relationships you previously had, your upbringing and many other things my mind refuses to load... :-)

3. You seek the approval of ALL the people in your life over who is and who is not right for you.
The fact is that, my girlfriend (or fiancée) will never be fully accepted by a 100% of the people who matter in my life. Never. She is not some hybrid of an angel, or is she? You need to know this, and get it well spinned and settled in your mind.

So, what am I saying?

This is what I am saying: put on a daring face, grab all the guts you've ever [thought] you have, match out there, (yes, I'm talking to you too all ye saved guys, because I am saved too), go look into her/his eyes and tell them anything. Tell them something. Anything. From "Can we grab a coffee?" to "Do you know how much croissants cost at, (let's say), Art Caffe?". Yeah dude/dudette, move out and say something!!! That's how it all begins.

Good luck with that.

Bonface Morris. 

People Versus Peeple

This is part three to that series of blog posts (what did we call it?), and it's about people; actually, peeple.

This is what I've learnt of people and peeple (and I'll be brief):-

1. It's so hard for peeple to know and live with the fact that they are not perfect, and that everyone else is just as weird as they are. If they at all perceived that they are not perfect, they would stop expecting angels out of other people. Peeple love expecting of others things that they themselves cannot afford to become. On the other hand, people understand that we are all different and mad at the same time... that we cannot please everyone all the time.

2. The best way to know an enemy-friend to a friend is by pretending to peeple that you also don't like that "mutual friend". Gossip has one cure: pretending that you are stupid, then hitting it back with facts. Peeple who talk too much about the fault in others (read: behavior, children, work...) have in themselves yet bigger problems of the same stature as what they gossip about. If what one loves is to talk negatively about others, they are more pathetic than the victims of their gossip.

3. Peeple worship competition, while people know that they don't have to beat anyone at anything, but only need to be themselves. If all of us were to do the same thing in the same way, so that we may achieve the same goals, then there'd better be just one of us and not "all of us". It is useless to have so many of us with the same approach to life and situations. Peeple love unhealthy competition where they fight for the first position and recognition, because they want to be "great". People think that that is rather foolish, and prefer to take on life in unity with others while believing the best of/from them, and also knowing that they are unique in their own way and they therefore don't need to prove out how good they are at something/anything.

4. Peeple always think that they can make better leaders and are always the best critics of any current leadership. They are activists of schism. Yeah, wait until they've been placed in that position (of leadership), and you'll see them shift the blame to someone else. They work underground to halt the success of any leadership, only to come out as fakes. These peeple are rebellious and disobedient to leadership. They are enemies to progress and any aspired achievement(s).

And lastly,

5. Peeple do nothing, but expect people to do everything (for them or for all)... and do it in a manner befitting a Nobel Peace Prize. This is foolish. These peeple stick in their comfort zones and expect everything to be done for them. They are lazy, yet of a domineering nature. They mock and laugh at the efforts of others. They need to grow up, get some daring attitude and pick up their lives...!!! They are the wise spectators "who know how to play" but sit on the fence and claim to own the rules of any life-game...

Which group are you part of? Peeple or people?

Bonface Morris.

Lord, Teach Me to be A Dad

I read somewhere that "being a dad takes guts, patience and a strong will, but being a father only requires you to be male..." I came out with the feeling that that is more sarcastic than it is factual... Well, I was wrong...

With Fathers' Day drawing nigh (it will actually be there tomorrow, Sunday, June 16, 2013), a day which is rarely celebrated with pomp and enthusiasm like Women's or Mothers' Day because (blame my thinks) people have some "secret beef" against men (read "The Boy Child Dilemma"), I am worried that my dad (both in Heaven and on earth) will not feel appreciated and pampered with words and gifts like He/he deserves.

I am worried that we are going to take the men in our lives for granted - just as it is the norm. I am worried that men all over the world will end up wishing that this day was blotted from the calender altogether in order to spare them the ridiculous agony it exposes them to. I am also worried that I should be worried about such thinks.

But wait, maybe I can do something about it. Maybe I can start preparing myself to be a GREAT dad so that I will not face humiliation from my future wife and daughters... (I'm dreaming baby! hehe... :)). Maybe I should start getting worried about who I am and not necessarily about what other men are. Maybe that will change my world... And that is why I am praying the prayer above...

So this is what I have decided: that I will celebrate my two dads this coming Sunday, celebrate other great men in my life that have helped to shape the person that I am; and apart from that, learn a few things from them about, er, fatherhood?, no, about "dadhood". :)

While in the learning process, I want to see and know what dads are made up of because I want to make a GREAT dad someday... So, if they are a mixture of clay and gold, I want that. If they are stupid, I wanna be stupid. Yeah, if it takes stupidity in order to make a dad, I want that. If they are humble, I wanna be humble. If they collect stones and chase grasshoppers, boy! I wanna be that. If GREAT dads carry the blunt of their decisions without complaining, I want to learn to do that. If they provide for their families and live to love each member of their families unconditionally, Lord teach me that. I wanna be great - someone's GREAT DAD.

My moments of wanting to be just a father to my (future) children and a mere name to my (future) wife are gone. I want better Fathers' Days in the future - where I'll always look forward to celebrating and not just having one. (Boy! I am over-dreaming, right? ... Well, never mind... my dreams conquer my world - they make it worthwhile.)

I wanna deal with my arrogance, my stubbornness, my "too much knowledge", my "being a man"... I wanna step out of my comfort zone into the realms of the unknown where my dad in Heaven is - where He's gonna hold my hand and teach me how to be a dad...

Hold a man's hand this weekend, look him into the eye, tell him how much he means to you, then softly tell him, "Happy Fathers Day...!"

ALL men need that. Yes, all men deserve it...

Side note: Read this article to find out just a lil' bit of what I'm talking about. 


Bonface Morris.   

Stories of Love and Betrayal

There once was narrated to me a story of two lovebirds. It was told to me by a trusted friend, and because I believe in this friend of mine, I'll write it as I remember it...

One fine morning (well it's a story, and all stories have every right to begin that way, right?) as I was busy and about my business, I met him (that friend of mine) and I randomly happened to ask him, "Mun, what is it all about love and relationships nowadays? Why are there so many broken hearts and shattered marriages today?" In reply, because he promised that his answer will need "tea accompaniment", he booked a sitting with me in order to tell me this story and he later attached some reasonable truth to it:-

"There once existed a guy and a chiq who in one way or another opportunity struck and they fell in love. The intensity of their love for each other was unheard of. It was off this world. People from across their neighborhood knew of their love, their great love. It was such a deep, unwavering love. O what a profound thing they beheld!

"They did all that there could ever be in order to please and be in good terms with each other - so their love, like their age, grew in bounds... They said words, things. They bought gifts, things. They rode on the mighty wings of understanding, tender loving care and listening to one another. They went places, dreamt. They fought races, dreamt. They did this together.

"Time passed by and that love, the heavenly love of the two young people, begun facing challenges", he said. "Disagreements emerged (like in every other relationship) over stupid things. They started fighting a lot, quarreling and blaming each other. There were trust issues (as many would call them), life issues and betrayal issues. There were issues to do with goals and marriage and ambitions. Their relationship begun draining away. They started shifting attention away from each other. They became more silent - never sharing even the little that had remained between them. They listened more to other people than to their partner. Understanding diminished. Listening diminished. Support diminished. Love started becoming boring. The love they had for one another started becoming shallow. They started feeling that they did not need each other, and that they 'were not meant for each other.' They had betrayed each other, and most importantly, they had betrayed their love for each other...

"Those who knew them kept on wondering if these two 'lovebirds' will EVER rekindle their love again..." 

At this point, I looked at my friend and wondered, "Can that happen to me... to you...?" It was starting to be a hybrid of a Naija movie and a Mexican telenovela... both of which I had a grudge against...

But he continued: "Morris, there is something that happens to relationships today, just like the one I've mentioned, that I would want you to note. Love does not just disappear from relationships, no. Love is MADE to disappear by the actions people practice for or against each other. There are 3, no, 4 tests to true love;

1. It forgives wrongs done
2. It rebukes what is wrong - it corrects
3. It believes even when there is nothing left to believe in - it always hopes
4. It is not selfish (or self-seeking) but sacrifices its all for the other partner.

"That is why so many relationships are falling apart..." "Tell me," he asked, 'Is this a story you can relate with/to?'"

...

Bonface Morris.

Etiquette 101

There are things and behavior people expect of others that they think should be natural. However, with the diversity in cultures and upbringing, this may not always be so and things may not turn out as expected.
With realizing that most things that are taken for granted are the very things that mean the whole world to someone else or some other people, I have given myself to writing a series of "here and there" blog posts that address (from time to time) a few do's and don't's of/in normal human life, and mostly, with the young person in mind... The first post in this series was "21 Signs that You are Growing Up". In this second part of that series, we are going to look at behavior and the good things that are generally expected of us by others but which are rarely talked about. I have divided them into various parts which makes them easy to read through (so I think);

General Life

1. If you promise(d) to call, text, email or "inbox" someone, please do it; and if you may lack "credit" a.k.a. air time on your phone, or became busy, or forgot about it altogether, call back to apologize or beep them or use a friend's phone to call or text them. It is as simple as that; and by the way, it is a great sign of maturity.
2. Learn to return missed calls from unknown numbers. It may be a friend or family member who either lost their phone or their battery got drained; or it may be that link guy (or chiq) you met at a certain meeting and you gave them your business card but forgot to take theirs... All in all, learn the discipline of calling back. It matters.
3. Pay debts. Don't expect people to chase you around begging you to give them back their money. He/she may be your buddy or relative, but when it comes to money, dude/dudette, you betcha pay that dough back!
4. Avoid nose pecking in public. I hope you've heard me, right? ;) Side note: I am a culprit...
5. Don't go to a friend's place, misuse their stuff (read: possessions - from food, to clothing, to personal things) then leave the place dirtier and more deprived of life than you found it. If someone leaves you in charge of their place, ensure that you leave it better than you found it. Period.
6. If you are visiting anyone (be it a friend or family), be sure to inform them beforehand when you'll be traveling, at what time they should expect you, if you'll need to be "picked up" or not and the length of time you expect to be at their place. Days have moved on and things have changed. Forget about "the good old carefree days".
7. Learn to plan your traveling early enough. Write a list of what you'll need so that you won't be found calling out people's names in the dark of the night or later on become an inconvenience to someone somewhere due to forgetting those slippers or soap or woreva...
8. Stop flossing and bragging about your family, business, job, hair, phone (or gadgets), new fashion, shoes, fun-filled-holiday or education. No one needs that. Some don't even care. It makes you look silly.  
9. Not everyone needs your noisy rantings or your so-called "quiet profile". Learn to know how to SWITCH that mouth of yours to fit in people's moods and lives! (^_^)
10. Stop stepping on people's shoes and feet. They feel bad when you do that but they won't actually tell you.
11. Do you have a cold or are you coughing? Use a handkerchief. Cover your mouth. Don't spit your saliva whenever or wherever. Have manners, my friend. 
12. Stop calling or contacting people only when you are in need or only when you need something from them. That is very petty of you.
13. Learn to mind your own business. No one likes it when you keep poking your nose into their personal affairs. It is none of your business.

Dating

1. Apologize if you are late or are going to be late for a date.
2. 2. If it was a date for two, let it remain thus. Don't bring in your friend or young brother or sister or woreva. No baggage pleeeeaaaase.
3. Be yourself. Be easy to be around even though it may not be that easy.
4. Ensure that your date is served first before starting to eat. Allow them to make an order for themselves - unless they request you to.
5. Be polite. Be your best. Be the best date someone can ever be with.
6. Give sincere compliments. They help to ease the moment.
7. Talk less, but listen more. Allow the other person to talk first before you intercept.
8. The man should pay the bill, unless the lady complies to do it. Come rain, come sunshine, a real man should pay the bill for the first date.
9. Escort them out after the date. Board a cab, a taxi or any convenient and available means of transport for the lady. Pay for the transport costs. A serious and mature man should do that. First impressions matter a lot.
10. Call after the date. Call to know if they arrived well, and also call to thank them for the wonderful time you had - even if it wasn't that wonderful, pretend that it was. It makes the other person feel at ease, because dates bring a lot of anxiety and tension. Ease them from wondering, "Did I really do everything right...?" 

Relationships

1. Be open about what you need in a relationship. Guys, and er, ladies, is that so hard to ask of you?
2. Share. Stop being selfish and egocentric.
3. Buy someone a surprise gift. They are the best gifts in the world!
4. Pull chairs. Open doors. Give space. In short, swallow up that pride and give in small spontaneous sacrifices. They mean a lot.
5. Even if hell is breaking loose, a man should never call his lady "fat". A lady should also never call her man "good for nothing". That is the rule in relationships if they have to work.
6. None of you should ever be disrespectful to the other while in public. Etiquette demands that a "couple's" differences should be solved in private. That is a show of maturity.
7. Stop being dumb. Do some favors for people without necessarily being asked or requested! Be intuitive, or in a layman's language, become discerning and thoughful.

Eating

1. Munch that food kimpango. Listen to yourself while eating and judge if you would tolerate another person if they ever munch food that loud. Got it?
2. Considering the amount of food available and the number of guys that are to share it, serve yourself just enough to let others have a share equal to yours. Stop being greedy and a glutton.
3. Don't talk when having food in your mouth. Swallow, then talk.

That is it!



Bonface Morris.

Mind Doodles

I'm seated.

There's something happening to my mind. It is that sort of a think (not a thought) that I hardly have a liking for. I am blaring on blatantly like my mind is going to explode; like I am getting lost and like I don't make sense; or like everything else lacks sense. What is happening to me is happening far away from my nearness.

I am held in two worlds - two good worlds, and dude! I want to enjoy and still be able to hate both. I pause. I think. Loudly. "What am I really doing?" I ask myself. "Well, I am seated and I am, er, thinking. Yeah, I am seated, thinking", I answer myself. Yeah, that is what I am doing. But I am feeling empty. I don't like it. I don't like feeling tired and empty - all at the same time. I mean, I should be full of life, right? Yeah, I should. It should be the best thing to do. So what? Mmmmhhh... I push that one question at the back of my mind and choose to move on...

It is getting hot. It is like the sun has just made a stop over my head. It is making my tired thinking and my body to metamorphose into, er, never mind... I don't like it anyway... I stretch.   

I am now standing.

I am thinking of random things. Thinks are passing through my mind. (Think is a word I use when cloning things and thoughts within my mind. It is a doodle-ish word...;)) I am thinking of climbing hills, and steeping through valleys, and gliding cliffs, and treading deserts, and skating roads, and glaciers, and dusty paths, and misty lands... in life. I am far away. I can see it. I am making colors out of my worlds. I now wish that I was a master painter. Then I would paint this moment with passion. I would assemble and awaken all the dead embers of my passion; then I would hold my brush, and my paint, and look at the pointed edge of the brush and flicker the paint at the edge of the paint card so that to get just the right amount... and I would create portraits and portraits that are replicas of this moment... I can only imagine my disarray. No, I can't. I don't even know what I am doing. Or maybe I do. Maybe.

I am now squatting.

I am like an observatory - standing tall but squatting... I am clinchy. I am racy. I am quiet. I am asking questions. I am inquisitive. I am pretending to be normal. But I am busy. Busy is not normal. So, I am trying to relax while still squatted. I am thinking. I am having mind doodles. I want to run. And hide. And run again. And avoid people. I want to be alone - alone and squatted. I feel slightly insane.

The wind is whizzing through my ears. Its sound is obnoxious. The moment is freezing. And disturbing. I am perspiring. First it was the heat from the sun, and now the wind. It is drying up sweat on my face... I am mixed up. As I take out my handkerchief to wipe away the dead sweat, I am asking myself, "For how long have I REALLY been here?" Well, never mind.

I long to hide from my doodles. I stare at what I am holding. I am holding nothing. My palm and hand are empty. I stare at my empty palm. It looks and feels dry. I put my right hand (the one I just stared at) into my pocket. My phone is missing. Pause. "Where did I leave it?" "Aaaarrrrgh!" I calm down. I stare again, just as I did when I was seated and later while I was standing.

I am now standing.

Then I am walking.

I am thinking.

I am thinking again.

"These thinks do happen", I think. 

21 Signs that You are Growing Up

It is possible that once in a while, every young person has questioned themselves, if at all they are now mature a.k.a. "being of age"; or maybe, why people still think that they are "kids".

Maturity is an issue of concern to the young person; moreso when your actions do not seem to match your age and also because society always expects us to have "grown up" after reaching a certain age. However, age never determines maturity. Only a person's deeds and personality does.

Well, if you have been wondering as to what [really] accounts for "general life maturity" as a young person, I have formulated an informal list of how to gauge and find out for yourself... and maybe do something about it...

I hope it helps.

These are some of the things that you may be seen doing or advocating for:-

 

1. You now know that it is not crazy or stupid to FULLY depend on God. You have learnt to make Him the utmost priority in your life.

2. You take responsibility for every action and word you speak. You are becoming more careful not to lie.You keep your promises: you keep your word no matter what the consequences are or may be.

3. You don't wait to be instructed on what to do. You are able to practice self discipline, self control and self drive with much ease.

4. You say "sorry" when you wrong people, and you show change in your actions to make that "sorry" count.

5. You are able to make critical decisions without necessarily seeking for advice, and though you may seek advice, it may just be to clarify if what you have DECIDED is right or not.

6. You don't FULLY depend on your parents, friends or fiance/fiancée to make your life right or meaningful. You TRY to do and live life on your own.

7. You are mostly thinking of the future. Your plans are more future-prone than they are for 'now'.

8. You don't hold petty grudges or become angry at [small/little] things that used to irritate you in the past. You have better anger management.

9. You are not selfish anymore - or you are trying to. You can care for and sacrifice for others. You take other people's welfare in concern before doing something or making decisions.

10. You can embrace teamwork and submit to given leadership; but you also are assertive to ask questions where your intuition dictates fault.

11. You have values that drive your life and that don't [majorly] lean on your friends' or your society's take on life.

12. You don't fear correction or criticism anymore. You instead use it positively to better yourself.

13. You think and THINK AGAIN before speaking or acting. You listen more, and even if you [may] talk a lot, you ensure that it is sensible.

14. You live one day at a time. You are not hastened in what you do. In fact, people complain that you are [nowadays] too slow in making decisions or taking the much "needed" action.

15. You no longer do things in order to please people but to accomplish what you believe in.

16. You have goals and a well-defined vision that you are aiming at.

17. You are always doing your best to avoid procrastination. You do all you should today, and leave all you must for tomorrow.

18. You hate competition when it is as a result of jealousy or envy. You only admire healthy competition.

19. You've become more careful with who is and who is not your friend. You are very choosy when it comes to friends.

20. You have learnt how to manage and plan for your money. You are saving money or are planning to start saving in the near future. You have plans concerning how you'll earn and spend money in the future.

21. You don't get bored just because you are alone, or "you don't have what to do...". Your life has meaning, and you are determined not to be derailed from it.

...there is no need to say more...

God bless. ;)


Bonface Morris.

A Man Needs Space

A man is just a man. It doesn't matter why, where, when or how. It doesn't have to. He is just a man. Yeah, whether saved or secular, there are things that a NORMAL man will do. First, because he is a man, and second, because he's not a boy anymore. A man will always do that. It is normal. It is known. He will always enter into some sort of "silent mode". For a while. Or for forever. He may or may not have a "good" reason for it, but he'll do it anyway. He is a man. That's the reason why. He is a man.

A man will be indifferent sometimes. It is normal. It is also known. A man will always "throw" silence into the relationships in his life. Always. It doesn't matter which one. It doesn't have to. Not everything has a reason. A good reason. Not everything has a good reason. No? Okay, here's a lame test: Why do you sleep, huh? You think it's because you want to sleep, huh? Do you sleep whenever you want to sleep? Okay, woreva. Here's another one: why do you wake up everyday? Do you think it's because you want to wake up? EVERY morning? Come on, you know very well that you sometimes do things not because you want  to do them, but because you have to do them. So in the same regard, whether in marriage or in a premarital relationship - that never makes the difference - a man will once in a while run into himself and disappear. Just like that. He'll disappear into himself. And he will not want you to search for him. He will demand that you don't search for him. He will be silent. As silent as silence itself. You'll be wasting your energies and time to search for him and argue that he SHOULD talk. He won't. Okay, he may. But he would not want to. Yes, it is normal. He will always need some space. There'll be some abnormal silence which when asked, he will call "space". Throw stones at him or do whatever you wish, he'll still demand space.

Obviously, you will wonder why he is doing that. You may curse. Curse him. Or maybe throw tantrums. You may throw them as yo momma taught you how. And call him things. Names. Or blow yourself around breathing heavily down his throat with your round nostrils. You may give him a nasty look implying things like "screw you!" in screaming mode. You may do THINGS to irritate him. He'll be unapologetic. Okay. He may be unapologetic. Still be sure he will neither be wavered by your round nostrils nor your tigeress bulwark. He'll still need space. His space.

Be sure that when it comes to needing space, a man kills his emotions and becomes an object of self aggrandizement. He will have it anyway. He'll have it his way. All he needs at such a time is space. Space. The issue is: why?

Yoh ladies, as far as I know, it is never pre-planned. Okay, sometimes it is, but it is mostly impulsive. I think. I think a man needs space in his relationships out of the blues. Or we should maybe say that it is not out of the blues but out of the blacks. Blacks? Yeah, blanks. No, blancks. There seems to be blancks. Blancks. Blacnks. Blancks and blancks as huge as an elephant. Woreva mun...

Men are unfair, huh? They don't care, right? Maybe. Maybe not. The faster they are given space, the better...

There is a lady friend of mine who fails to understand this. This "space" thing. Gal (and to many other ladies out there, and err, to guys who don't even know themselves ;)) I will help you understand above 90% of "why" a man needs space. Read on.

So what is "space" anyway?

I don't know. I don't have to, do I? However, there's one thing I know: every man has his own definition of "space". Some just need the kawaida space you know. They just need s-p-a-c-e. Get it? To some, it's some distance between the two of you - some kind of separation where everyone minds their own business and does their thang their own way... Some call a time of reflection and self-examination space. Some actually use the word "space" when they're breaking up with you. They are that kind that is so cowardly that they won't say what they really want. Some use the word "space" to escape relationship responsibilities. They are the cunning type. Playas. Some don't even have an idea of what that is all about. They exist in douchery.

But hey me lady, the best way to know what that man really means by demanding "space" is to ask him. No one knows it better than he does... It is hard, but you have to. Get a way to work it around...

To cut the long story short (shame on me for using that as an excuse), here are some reasons as to "why" he may be needing that space; 

1. You nag a lot, so he needs a break. He needs a break from your nagging. He needs some "breathing space." Fact: ALL men HATE nagging women. Get that right ladies!!

2. You are obsessed with him, so he wants you to learn to be independent. He actually cares that you should learn to run your life alone without him being involved. He wants you to grow up. Which is good. No?

3. He has issues he is dealing with and you may not help in solving them. He feels that instead of you helping him to solve those issues, you may escalate their effect on YOUR relationship; so he needs a break to sort them out by himself. He's being mean, yeah, but look gal, he cares. A lot.

4. You are not supporting him. You are not playing your role in the relationship. He now feels that by giving you space, you will grow up into playing your role in the relationship. And he may be right. Or he may not be. Whichever way, he thinks you need to play your role in the relationship. He wants it to move into the next level, therefore he thinks that "space" is the BEST OPTION.

5. He just needs "me time". He needs a time of reflection and close scrutiny of self. He thinks that being alone will help him build build up himself. Let him be. He may come back a better man. Or a more weird one. It all depends.

6. He has a side flick. Yeah, he may be having another gal. You are becoming irrelevant to him. There are reasons. Reasons you can't understand. Reasons you have never wanted to understand. Reasons he thinks you can't understand. He has chosen to quit. Silently. To leave you for another one. It is sad, but it is the truth. He needs "space" so that he may run into another one's arms... Sad ending.

7. He feels that you can't handle his world. He has become too complicated to/for you, and you, too complicated to/for him. So he has chosen to freeze the complications by staying away from you. He may come back. Maybe he won't. Love and a deep friendship between the two of you will determine that. It all depends.

"Space" is a relationship complication. It may be the main reason why most ladies' Facebook relationship statuses read "it's complicated". "Space" is a natural occurrence to a man, don't judge him for it. "Space" is both good and bad, but you need to tap into the good side of it... "Space" may somehow eat into Machiavelli's rule: "the end justifies the means...", and support it, which ends up being a lovehatric moment for both parties in the relationship.

But one can solve, ease or deal with the issue of "space" by doing a few things;

1. Understand why he really needs space. Are you the cause, or is it caused by an external thing. Discern. Understand first. Don't make assumptions. Ask questions. 

2. Work towards eliminating the cause. Show him that you care. Boost his confidence in you by meeting his needs (sex excluded if you are still single) and creating "a link point" with him. Men need a point of connection with you. Once you break it, "spaces" start configuring themselves into your relationship. Fill up those "spaces" before they grow wider...

3. Don't argue him out at that moment when he is demanding space. Take time to address the issue amicably and in convenient time. Use wisdom. A wise woman knows how to get around her man's heart. That's how powerful women are - remember Esther in the Bible? Yeah.

4. Give him space. Yeah, sometimes it is just good enough to give it to him. It is normal. Why? Because he is a MAN.

I hope that helps. ;)

Good day/night guys!

Bonface Morris.

Of Conferences and Behavioral Puddings

I have been there for four days already, no, five; and as expected, I was excited from the moment I realized that I was going to be there for a while. Excitement (I am told) is the catalyst of liking "new experiences". So I was excited mainly because, well, it is normal to be excited; and subwayly because it is abnormal not to. Feigning disgust where the soul should be mesmerized has never helped No?

I went there (maybe) for more than just one reason - so I think. And obviously (to me), I now think that I should stop thinking and instead confess that there should be more than one reason as to why people go to such places: the main known reason and the main unknown reason. The latter is never entirely known (as we love pretending to brand it) but is discovered in the course of existence. The former seems to be the determining factor but it can't survive without the latter. One who exists only for the former enjoys new things in a rather conventional way, but we should not glory only in it because then, we will be killing our mortality...

*I think I've gone out of place there. I think it's some sort of script thunk...*

Maybe I went there for a change of environment because, well, things there were different. Maybe I went for a-kind-of general change. Maybe. Sometimes I don't know things, you know. I don't have to. I don't feel that I have to. 

I may have gone there for excitement or to satisfy it (the excitement). Or both. Or to meet new people. New people? Maybe. I "meet" "new people" everyday anyway: in real life, on  Facebook, on Twitter... I have a bunch of them to deal with on a daily basis. What I am poor at is meeting them. Yeah, meeting them. It may be because I screw them up in my mind before saying, "Hi!?" or that I sometimes just need my uninterrupted "me space" so much so that I push them away before I even approach them. 

So as I "meet new people", I have come to realize that (probably) I enjoy hacking into their minds as an opening to having an experience with them. I am a mind mole of some kind who prefers to know someone on my own before knowing them through receiving information from them. I think I'm very good at that - and I just feel that it is part of what I was there for - in that, I later reward myself for a job well done whenever my predictions are proven to be true after engagement. I do that. I don't care if you shoot me for that or something... ;) I do it anyway.

Side note: In the near future, I should concentrate more on reducing my mind-screwing tendencies *Dear Lord, help me*.

So now I know you think you know why I had gone there but you know what? (I know I should not use that in writing, but well, I author the rules here) I went there for so many things: most of which I have no idea about. Excuse me!? Last time I checked on wisdom, it was written that you can't know all things, right? Yeah, you now get me.

I was at a youth conference organized by my church under the Youth Department. It happens annually. It was in Meru this time round. Young people from all over Kenya come to such places to almost do what I come to do, but weirdly so, in a rather peculiar way.

I love conferences. They are an epitome of a mobile, radical and active society. A complete society. I love complete societies. I love the spiralling of diversity into one great vision and course. I hate sameness. Sameness is boring and predictable. I hate predictability; unless it is about the blessings of God or the rapture.

It is here you meet an illusion of disjointed temperaments. I love this because existing in such spheres is like a game to me. Some kind of mind game. This is where I use the array of opportunities relayed to me to put my mind to work by studying people: by endlessly talking about them in my mind. There were different kinds of young people. There were those you'll keep on asking yourself in a rather sarcastic tone, "Heeey! Is that a youth?" and those you'll keep doubting if they make sense - even to themselves.

My mind has somehow perfected the ability to collect data on people's personalities basing on first impressions. First impressions may not be the true story about people and their personalities, but they are a good pointer towards what to expect from such people.

These data are stored somewhere in a "brain database" that is frequently updated to merge with paradigm shifts in behavioral trends. I may not be accurate all the time, but this helps me get to know people even without talking to them. People are therefore put in categories which determine how I will (or may) work myself around them.

Here are some of them as the maxim for this post and leaning mostly on the guys I "met" at the conference (Studies courtesy of Morris et al ;)):

1. The "Hallelujah!" team

Most of them sit at the front in most conference sessions. They are qualified in shouting the loudest at almost everything that is said. They are the preacher's best partner, and the worship leader's best charmers. It is not necessarily because they are keen and adherent to what is being said, but because they are good at "fooling" the preacher and the worship leader that they are the best listeners. They heckle and jeer their best and maintain a "sober" mood throughout the event. Most of the time they are just attention seekers hidden in the skin of mindful young people. They are the main reason as to why I prefer being a backbencher in most conferences. I wish we had medals for them...

2. The fashionistas

OMG! I used to be one of them. #TrueStory. Remember those days when I used to wear ties to and in conferences? What about those days when I was almost carrying suits to conventions? Remember when I used to prefer a formal dressing code to a casual one, and when I used to care too much just because I had forgotten my iron box at home? Remember when I used to change into evening wear from wanting to have a "decent evening look"? Yeah, that proves that I have ever been a victim of fashion and style in conferences - until I became old. It is then that I thought that swag was all about the grooming. Just like them, I cared too much about what I wore, how I wore it, when I wore it and why... I now care less. Yeah, you can hang me already, but I care less.

3. The melodramatic kings and queens

Just like the first group, these are attention seekers too. The added weirdness is that they are cheap and stupid. They desperately seek to stand out as comedians - fake comedians. They sit on or take "your" chair in your absence. If you queue for food or any other goodies, they'll make themselves the indomitable first place holders. Of course they expect you to react to their actions so that drama may unfold. And drama does unfold - if you too are into drama. 

4. The Saints

There are moments you wish you were like them, you know: the waking up early to attend morning devotions, the sitting in the front pew as "good disciples", the discipline with which they carry themselves, the angst in their eyes, gestures and movements... But those moments of endless adoration suddenly fade away once you spot out some few things about them;

a) They are too good. Yeah, that kinda gets into my nerves. Being good is great, but it pushes us away. It makes us run away from you wondering at what you may be hiding underneath...

b) They have no social life. Hold on. That means that you have to breath, eat and drink Scripture with them lest you be tagged the unspiritual one.

c) There's no 'being real' in their world. They are mortals that hail their lives in immortal codes. They refute close engagement with the opposite sex. To them, God has to initiate and do all things. They are absurd. Really absurd.

They appear radical by getting involved in almost every important session that comes along, but, well, I am radical too...;)

I avoid them. I normally think that they belong to another world altogether, a world I'm not worthy to fit in.

5. The "Me" team

I belong here. The problem is: I can't describe myself quite well. But there are few things people like me do in conferences: we mind our own business, we sit at the center or at the back of the hall, we are mostly social and antisocial at the same time, we get involved in the available activities but with limited commitment, we positively (and negatively) judge and criticize almost everything that happens or that we come across, we miss meals (a hand clap please) because we either prefer eating 'out' or we disappear to go out to have fun only to come back and find out that everything that matters has already happened... Foodies may belong here too. We are the weird type. Mostly, we do nothing. Our interests are diverse. We fit in all societies. And that's why we love conferences: new environments, new experiences and new people.

Does that make us carnal? I don't think so. I think it makes us normal. *Huko ni kujitetea.*

So as I write this post (I'm in a bus heading back home by the way) I am wondering if you belong to one of the groups above or if you have your own. It actually doesn't matter. What matters is if you are able to enjoy the conferences, conventions or seminars you attend, because either way, you should always come out changed and with lots of new friends...!

Keep the effort buzzing.

Cheers!!!


Bonface Morris.   

I Can Feel the Fireworks

I can feel the fireworks.

I can feel the fireworks like a lass feels when dipping her little hand in a cookie jar.

Like I feel when staring at waterfalls

Have you ever watched waterfalls falling? Right, I can feel it, and I feel it that way...

I can feel them staring at me, the fireworks.

I can feel them like I feel about free, fast wireless internet.

I can feel myself being "stupified" because of the wondrous enigma they carry.

I can feel it, err, them - the fireworks.

I can feel them stealing the very air we share as we hold this moment.

But, are we really sharing this moment? The fireworks? Because I am not sure if you love fireworks, leave alone staring at them...

See? I don't have your hand in mine, neither do you, but you know what? I can still feel us holding each other,

And I am prompted to think that that's what fireworks do to people, to people like us,  

People who come to stare at them...

I can feel them goofy and raffled.

I can feel them old and scanty.

I can feel them fluffy and real.

I can feel the fireworks like a monk feels when a wedding suffices or like a bird in a zoo. Do you love zoos? Never mind. I can feel them anyway.

I can feel them and their mockery and treachery.

Their mouths are hungry for my blood and their hands want my heart

So as I feel them, my blood runs in the inside of me. Raging. Surging. Pumping.

Only that it doesn't run away...

I can feel how stupid I have become because of the fireworks.

I can feel it. It is true.

I can feel the bluntness they weed in us as we watch them.

Reddish, yellowish, blueish, greenish thingys. I can feel those colors speaking to me.

Can you feel them too? Like I do?

I can see you by my side staring at them

Maybe you feel them like I do, maybe not...

But I love the way you stretch your neck to look at them - your beautiful neck. Has someone ever told you that you have a beautiful neck? Okay, never mind. You have it anyway.

I love the tweak on your mouth and the hidden wonder riding in your eyes.

I love this moment, this moment when I can enjoy two things at the same time: the fireworks and you.

But again I hate it when I look at you, at us, staring at them yet doing nothing, saying nothing

I would have wished that you say something. Anything.  

But I love these tiny moments we "share" just staring at these reddish, yellowish, blueish, greenish thingys.

I only hope you feel them too...

I can feel that we are so distant even though we exist in the same world happily "sharing" the same moments.

I can feel it just like I feel the fireworks.

I can feel that I am feeling warm even though I'm not wearing a jacket, and that you are feeling cold regardless of that fur pullover you have on you.

I can feel it.

I can feel our closeness and the distance between us

And that makes me feel the fireworks even more.

I am now lovehatric and desperate, and because of that, I have decided to enjoy the fireworks and [somehow] forget about you...

I now feel the fireworks even the more...

Bonface Morris.  

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Lyrics & free mp3 Download - Hillsong United

Download the song here.

Song: Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) 

Track no: 4

Album: Zion

Year: 2013

Artist: Hillsong United

Contributing artists: Matt Crocker, Joel Houston, Salomon Ligthelm & Taya Smith

Lyrics:

Verse 1:

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown, where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep, my faith will stand...

Bridge 1:

And I will call upon Your Name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Verse 2:

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your Sovereign hand, will be my guide

My feet may fail when fear surrounds me

You’ve never failed, and You won't start now...

Bridge 2:

So I will call upon Your Name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine...

Oooo, oooo, You are mine… ooo ooo ooo…

Chorus:

(Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters,

Wherever You would call me...

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my Faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior...) x6

Vamp:

I will call upon Your Name

And keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine...

Bonface Morris.

Music & Worship: The Power of A Song

I have heard it said that, "Religion is the opium of the people"(Karl Marx), but now more than ever, I'm convinced that it is not religion that opiates society, it is music.

If there is something everyone is so familiar with, something everyone loves, something that reveres and taunts both the old and the young, something that does not necessarily need a struggle to get along with; something sweet and comforting and memorable, something that gladly helps kill our sorrows and bury our pains, something that mediates the healing of our wounds and the clothing of our nakedness; something that echoes the un-echoed and verbs the unspoken, something that arouses feelings of peace and declarations of war, something that batters and scatters, while yet again, smothering and pampering; something that expresses our deepest fears and buries them altogether, that something should be music; yeah, it should be a song...

Who never sings a song? Who in the heavens and on earth never sings or loves a song? Who has no song to sing? Who is it that has no song they relate to? Who refuses a song its pious coddling upon their hearts? Who? Huh? I have not found one and there are not many, because even the absence of 'singing' is music in itself: the song of silence... ;)

Music is the art of the soul expressed in earth's most tangible and influential mode: words. The repetitiveness of a theme resounding in one's soul is what births a song, or in many cases, music. Music can be an impetus impeding or supporting the flow of emotion within someone. It is the best "psychological breather" so to say.

Sometimes music need not to be words. Sometimes it is just that sound of harmonious instruments bringing a melody that offers a stylized atmosphere. Sometimes it is just a moment - the stillness of a heart battling or rejoicing within itself...

I have a feeling that music, when endowed with the right words and atmosphere, has power beyond our natural understanding. I am sure that the combined influence of music to a given society has not been fully explored: it has not been fully known what a song can [absolutely] do to a soul, (but partially so, I will try to elaborate in this post) whether perishing or begetting life. It has not been fully understood, but allow me to somehow help you see it...

I am sure that if we were to anthropologically research on music and society, the outcome will be that, of all arts, music fits best, is the most influential and is the most adopted art in a society. Actually, almost every situation and/or season in life has a song attached to it regardless of the society one lives in: that is why Andrew Fletcher once said "Let me write the songs of a nation - I don't care who writes its laws..." That's how influential music can be - it defines a society... Maybe in my own small words I can say, "I will read through and sing the songs of a nation, then therein I will know the heart and mind of that nation..."

A good song or a reckless song forges a season and an atmosphere with it. There are songs of war, songs of peace, songs of celebration, songs of lamentation...

If one gets used to singing songs of lamentation, grief becomes his/her DAILY food; but if someone chooses to echo the songs of joy, joy will become their portion. If a young unmarried person loses himself/herself in songs of love, love will be stirred within them and uncontrolled passions may soon emerge. Happy songs CREATE moments of happiness and joy. If we sing songs about God and His faithfulness, Faith is built in us and we can start seeing Him as He really is and therefore make it easier to win our war against the enemy (Marvin Sapp in his song "Praise Him in Advance" says, 'Praise will confuse the enemy...'); but if we sing songs of despair and gloom, our hearts and minds will tend to move towards that direction. If we sing songs about clubbing, raping people (God forbid), fornication, adultery, drinking and such things, don't be deceived (and don't lie to us either): your mind will remain attached to and thinking about such things. Do not underestimate the power of a song.

We somehow have a lesser power when it comes to what we hum as determined by the kind of songs we listen to. Our subconscious creates rhythms within us that are transferred to our lips based on what we listen to. That is why when a worship leader tells me, "I can't remember any song to sing right now...!" I normally ask them, "What have you been singing from morning? What about what you've been singing the whole week long...!!??" Any music writer will tell you that above 70% of the music they write is influenced by the type and genre of music they listen to: to make music, you listen to music - unless you are super-creative... The best memorable songs carry the emotional turmoil or aptness of moments, telling stories the singer so dearly beholds to his/her audience; and when mixed with poetry, music (or songs) becomes a true definition of someone's (or a society's) inner being...

Side note (to the worship leader/song writer): We can't lead people to sing and love what we don't sing and love!!  

There is a reason as to why I post a lot of what I listen to on social media. It is not all about boasting that I know quite a bunch of artists and the great songs they sing, but the storyline is this: I create my mood for the day by the kind of music I listen to from morning right into the night. That music keeps on replaying in my mind all day long hence mostly influencing my thinking (and behavior) in that day.

A song with a theme of thanksgiving for my morning makes me have spontaneous moments of thanksgiving all day long - mostly happening in my subconscious, and occasionally exploding into loud singing. People will tell you that I mumble rhythms a lot...

There is one thing that I want us to understand: listening to music that buries your heart in sorrow and other negative behavior has been known to bring about suicidal tendencies. This article (please click on the link to read) tries to illustrate how listening to heavy metal music contributed to several suicide cases in a certain people who listened to that music.

The words in a song (because words carry a force - a force that is the basis of them being used) have so much power upon our being that we should not neglect them. Illuminati feeds on our ignorance of the power that words in music have on our lives (read: thoughts, actions and behavior) and has left many people (mostly young) to think that "a song and words in a song are just like words in every other song..." That is not true. Words influence you depending on who is/was their source and the purpose for which they were intended...

I know that the greatest and deepest songs have not been sung yet. Heaven has its endless songs and the earth too has its songs. Be it as it may, music, unlike most of us have been made to believe, is not a lesser gift - whether in Heaven or on earth - because it is the only art that is eternal. Music will he sung in Heaven as well as in hell; so, as we all know, eternal things are not "minor" but "major".

In Christianity, music consolidates all other gifts. Music is a gift that has its portion and a part to play in ALL the other gifts of the Holy Spirit. Side note: Bear with me on this one because I don't have enough time to delve into that for now...

Music, song and poetry are revealed in the following verses of Scripture:-
1. Shouts and music by the Israelites brought down the walls of Jericho and gave them victory (Joshua 6:20). 
2. The prophet Jeremiah (a renowned "man of grief") says this in Lamentations 5:14 [ESV]: "The old men have left the city gate, the young men their music..."
3. The Apostle Paul referred to music and poetry in many occasions:
(a) Acts 16:25-26 [ESV]: "About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken. And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone's bonds were unfastened."
(b) Ephesians 5:19 [ESV]: "...addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart..."
(c) Colossians 3:16 [ESV]: "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God."
(d) Hebrews 13:15 [ESV]: "Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name."
(e) Acts 17:28b [ESV]: "...as even some of your own poets have said, 'For we are indeed his offspring...'"

Although I don't have enough time to elaborate every moment as described by Scriptures above, we can all see that the Bible too is full of music and poetry. In fact, the Book of Psalms has the most memorable parts of Scripture (my own research) so highly beheld by both Christians and non-Christians and forms the central part of all Judeo-Christian faiths and worship. This means that music is as important to God as it is to man. He expects us to forge our lives around the right kind of music, and such that comes from deep within so that even if our mouths won't open to sing to Him or about Him, our lives can still be a song that is pleasant to Him - that which stirs Him up to action on behalf of His people, that which draws Him nearer to us:
John 4:23 [ESV]: "But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him."

Have a musical day/night people! ;)


Bonface Morris.