Slow Down

“I confess that I should be the busiest boy/girl in Africa.”

“I rarely go to bed on the same day I woke up.”

“My days are more filled up than they are freed out.”

“I am almost always exhausted!”

If you can relate with any of the above statements, just as I do, then this post is for you...

In the recent few years, so much has been happening in my life. So much so that I cannot not hold it all together to show you just how much. I tend to be more and more involved in tight schedules and random activities. My to-do-list is always overflowing, always over-flooded with things to be done. I am striving to become better at so many things in so little a time. I want to be here. I want to be there. I want to be in so many places touching so many lives in so little time. I am needed here. I am needed there. I am needed in so many places all at the same time. I am always dividing myself into little pieces of myself in order to meet various demands at varied times. I am always diving into deeper waters of service. My life is always on the run. I am in urgent need of a slow down.

Life is in a rush today. A very big rush. I have not met many people who don't rush through life today. Not even my own self manages doing that quite well. People are becoming less creative, less intuitive, less thoughtful but more noisy and more presumptive. Everything seems to be in a waterfall: studies, service to people (both work and church), family, friends... Everything is a waterfall. Everything demands for our attention:

Drivers are driving faster. Preachers are preaching quicker, and their messages are becoming shorter. Young people need things done kinda yesterday. Twitter is faster, more definite, precise and more to the point than ever before. Facebook is crazier, bumper and more spontaneous today than it was 5 years ago. WhatsApp is crazier, nastier and catchier. More and more relationships are budding from social networks than they are in real life. Divorces are on the rise due to lost hope - married partners are losing trust in each other at a rapid speed than you can ever imagine. Trust is like the wind - swings and sways without ever settling. People are preferring get-quick-get-out paradigms to anything that demands commitment (no wonder so many relationships are falling apart, and if they DO exist, they are only but ghost relationships...). People want quick things and they don’t care that these things attained in a rush will disappear just as fast as they came...

Christians want to deal with their God in the same way: more demanding, more impulsive and edgier than ever before. I am not talking about charisma because charisma can be good; I am talking about ambition, because ambition is always dangerous. THE WORD OF FAITH DOCTRINE is on the rise. And it is sweeping all of us away. All of us. True story. (Get time to read about THE WORD-FAITH DOCTRINE/MOVEMENT here.) More and more Christians now believe that they can literally “manufacture” their own blessings so long as they do a few predetermined things or follow a certain predetermined way of doing things - and always minus obedience or adherence to the Word of God. We are believing more in the lie that we don’t need God to make things work. We are having puppetry for Christianity: a people who believe in (and are mostly controlled by) systems than they are controlled by the Word of God. (I bet you have heard that somewhere in Matthew 15:9, right?)

Life is in a rush - a very unhealthy rush. And we need to redirect traffic and stop life from rushing this fast and ending us all in a place called nowhere. We need to stop life before we lose our friendships that have been nurtured over time, before we lose our health (both spiritually, physically and morally), before we throw away our relationships due to emotional drain and/or absence, before we lose our God and our faith; and before we get burnt out or ultimately depressed. We need to slow down.

But how do we slow down in this internet age where everything is in a rush?

Somewhere at the beginning of this week, Mashable.com had an article titled “How to Spend Only 10 Minutes Per Day on Twitter”. It didn't help us at all (we twitter addicts). (Oh I just had to confess that!) It is because it suggests the very things we avoid to do: creating lists and streamable #hashtags. We hate that. So we won’t be doing it. Not anytime soon.

But after running over a  few possibilities about the best way to slow down, I created a list that I think may help. Read it below and consider yourself helped:-

1. Learn to say “no!” Yes, I am writing this in bold red so that you get it. Saying ‘no’ does not mean that you are narcissistic, or that you are  mean, but that you know when your limits are catching up, and that you can never be God: you can’t satisfy everyone at all times by doing everything they "need" you to do! You will burn out and nobody will care. Yeah dearie, nobody will care. So why not take care of your body by simply saying ‘No! Not now.’ That is why people take sabbaticals.
2. If you are a leader, learn to delegate duties. There are people around you that can perform that task just as well as you can. Please allow them to trim their expertise. Step in an mentor someone to take over you. Leave a permanent legacy in your area of specialization.
3. Learn to know that time is no one’s possession. You can’t control time, but you can master it. Use this knowledge to your advantage.
4. Pray that you don’t get carried away by the cloggy unimportant stuff you meet in the course of every day you spend. It is the devil’s trap to make you depressed and discontented all the time. Take time and have your devotions. Read your Bible. Pray. Don’t just skim through the Bible and mutter/stutter words and call them prayer, no. Become intimate with God. Meditate on what you read. Seek to know Him. Make Jesus your friend and the Holy Spirit your daily guide. Spiritual strength is able to muster enough strength to keep you going for days. So the more you make it a habit, the more refined you will be on a daily basis!
5. Schedule your to-do-list. Have priorities. Learn to work on one thing at a time, starting with the 2 minutes activities, then the 10 minutes tasks, then the 30 minutes ones, and so forth and so on. Don’t postpone a call or a text message unless it is sooooo necessary for you to do so. Smartphones can help you work around this. Get an SMS app that schedules texts and a Contacts app that persistently pops up a notification to remind you to call someone. Log out of WhatsApp or any other IM service you are using; or to save yourself from "IM starvation" (it is some sort of modern malnutrition), respond to a few WhatsApps then mark yourself “away” - that is if WhatsApp has such a thing (I have never used it, so I have no idea if it has such stuff)... As for me, I cannot stand unanswered pings and messages on WhatsApp, so I refused to join.
6. Schedule your Email, Twitter and/or Facebook updates/respond times so that you only appear on social media at certain times of the day and not all the time... (This is actually for me.) Or again, blot out all the unnecessary pings from those many apps you have on your phone or laptop. Uninstall them. (I just did that to some today! :-) Hah!)
7. Do what you can today. Leave the rest for tomorrow. It is that simple. Not all things fit in one day. But don't again fall trap to worshiping a god called procrastination. No, don't. 
8. Have a time off. Chill. Relax your brain. Go out for a walk. Take out someone for a meal. Watch a movie. Play a game. Read a book. Listen to music. Laugh. Go for a holiday. Exercise. Join a gym club - or just do your gym thang. Make yoursefl happy. That is what the money you are running after is for, right? Just do something that calms you down - something that pulls you away from the world and unto yourself.
9. Take at least ten minutes daily to reflect on how the day was without worrying about the bad parts. Please remember to congratulate yourself for the good parts. During this time, put off your phone, shut down your laptop, the internet and that TV... Just allow your mind to go on recess - unoccupied and “breathing.” This will put you back on track.
10. Start working on the above points - one at a time until you feel slowed down.

Then slow down.

Good luck with that.


Bonface Morris.

Valentine's With My Crush

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ahem! Guys, this is a singles’ edition of Valentine’s Day.

It will act as a breathing spot for us, so let all ye people who are in relationships and all that bla bla bla stop reading this or, eeeeh, you may as well just read it for your painful merriment. I don’t really care. But to the single guys, it may just give you a leeway on how to deal with the Valentinemania.

This is how it it is likely to go;

The day is Thursday, 13th February, 2014. It is just one day (or just a few hours really) from the whacky Valentine’s Day. Everyone is already quoting empty love quotes all over the place - TV, radio, social media, blogs (where guys are heightening the madness of writing ‘letters’ to husbands or wives-to-be) are filled with all these empty quotes. Everything is just so sickening.
Well, but Morris, the lad with guts to challenge status quo has something in mind...

The following conversation (and scenes that follow) are happenings between him (*sic*) and his good friend Annabelle (a single lady actually).
These events occur in real time, in an undisclosed place, but in his mind...

Annabelle: Hi Morris, niajez za Valentines? Najua uko single, so hakuna haja ya kuanza ku.pretend ati ooh ooh nini... Hebu nishow your Valentine’s ideas this year kama msee ako single...

Morris: *Clears voice and feigns oblivion* Huh? Ati unasemaa?

Annabelle: Okay, I gerr it. I have to dig deeper. Tell me, you have a crush, right?

Morris: Yeah, let’s say so - that is if what a crush is to you is what a crush is to me.

Annabelle: Mhhhhh, that’s interesting... So what is a crush to you?

Morris: A crush is just that: a crush. They crush you. You gerr it? They convert you into some sort of plummy-pudding. They melt you. Yet they either don’t exist and/or if they do, you have neither met nor talked to them. Yeah, it is like that. It is like that with crushes.

Annabelle: Oh! We are on the same page now-o.

*Silence*

Annabelle: Okay, have you ever fallen in love before? Or, eeehh, are you somewhat in love currently?

At this point, Morris is tempted to give her an answer close to the one in a certain advert: “Come on dearie, love is for the quails!”, but he gathers his utmost etiquette and good Christian manners and tells her...
Morris: Yeah, something close to that.

Annabelle: Who was/is it? I mean, the mam’selle?

Me: Oooh, you really wanna know? Okay, lemme talk about the now and not the then. I don't even know her - my crush - if that is what you need clarification on. She exists only in my imagination and prayers, but you know what? I wanna date her on Valentine's. She is real to me. *Sic*

Annabelle: Aaaaaaaaw! Tell me about it.

Morris: Okay my dear. But be ready for a grenade, tonsils, a soap opera and a Kenyan-styled digital migration - all combined. Get ready for awesomeness. This is what I am planning:

Morris goes into a hyperbolic frenzy but with minimal extroversion of the contents therein...
Morris: You know that I am a lover of adventure, right? (Annabelle nodes her head) You know it. And I just don't gerr it how I can be missing out on all the fun on Valentine's Day. Oh no, I won’t. So my dear, this is what I am going to do today and tomorrow as I await my crush to bombard my petty life;

1. Culture an obsession for the red color
Thank God that my Airtel is already red - that is well catered for. I am happy about that. Another good thing is that my blood is always celebrating Valentines - red all the way! I'll stay around relaxed and (maybe) develop a liking for red stuff. I know she'll like it - my crush. I hear that red has a sense of romance and passion in/about it, and that red can awaken failing embers of life. So in that line of things, I may need a red bow tie, (or a red shirt), red candles, a red heart, red flowers and a red mind... Aaaaah! Even red air flying high with crimson fireflies! After that has been put in place, and I'm satisfied with the days' arrangements, I shall comb myself into the next step...

2. Learn the art of giving gifts
This is the next step in my line of plans. 

Although there is a certain argument that I have been having in my mind about gifts, I am considering to keep it pending to allow Valentine's Day to flow in freely. This is the ultimate date my dear, and I am going to overrule those funny thoughts about gifts and embark on well-mannered gift-unleashing tendencies. I am going to learn to relentlessly give in to all weapons formed against my precious wallet by allowing them to prosper (I actually overheard this somewhere.) I am going to think #HighTech when unleashing my gift-sense on my crush: I am going to think Lillian, Mimi or Kung'ara. You know wharr um talking ‘bout!
Then I’ll sit down and pretend that it ain’t nothing and spoil her in the utmost sense of the word. Case closed.

3. Flowers
Oh my my my! Flowers! Damn fresh flowers! Red, velvety-soft, cute, and sweet-smelling things! O what I would do for their love! Maybe I should start the search now. Maybe tomorrow morning. Maybe. But I’ll need a strong flower sense in order to impress her.

Annabelle blushes...

This (the flower sense) will ensure that I am on top of my game come tomorrow. I am going to make my well rehearsed ninja moves on how I’ll present the gifts and flowers to her (to this non-existent lady), then smile and continue planning...

4. Get a next level music collection for the occasion
If you thought that we single guys don’t have a sense for romance attached to our core-most lives, baby you got it all wrong. You have it the other way round, buddy. You see, what I am going to do is this: You have heard of #SelfieOlympics, right? Oh yeah. I am gonna have my own selfie competition, right here in my diggs with the music playing in the background. Then I will take my best photo shoots (worthy of an Oscar actually) - the best you've ever seen as I DJ one playlist after another of this music and that... and, er, maybe take video selfies of my dance moves (again, do we have a name for that? For videos selfies?) Okay...

5. Prepare for whatever comes my way
Because I am still not sure if my crush will be here, I’ll need a few rehearsals on dealing with the “boom!” feeling that comes with her deciding to thin herself in the air. Ladies love surprises. I don’t. I don’t love surprises. And because of that, I am not going to tolerate being played dumb on such a beautiful day.
I want a beautiful and successful day, and if I am not going to have one, at least I can give it to myself. (That is actually law number two of singlehood.) So this is what I am going to do: if she won’t turn up (because this may just be but a dream), I’ll take all these stuff, make myself comfortable, keep dreaming (and praying if possible) and (at least) be happy that I did something for myself on Valentines.

*Silence.*

Annabelle: Oh, I now gerr it.


They both walk away in silence...

End of scene.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all ye clumsy single people. Take care.



Bonface Morris.

Leadership: Guidelines to Leading Worship & Worship Teams Today

It is already five Sundays into the new year, and I am glad that we've all been worshiping, worshiping the Lord Almighty.
It is amazing how days are going forth before us... January has vanished before I even took a deep breath, and February is already moving on rapidly.
The year is not new anymore. And if we have not yet embarked on doing something useful with ourselves, we are already failing.

As a worship leader (or as a worship team leader), you may have made a few resolutions in the course of last year or at the beginning of this new one - those you don't dare shout on any other mountain but on the mountain of God - about leading people in worship, about music, about your worship team and teamwork, about creativity and maybe about enthusiasm in ministry.
You may have called out on God in the secret place and whispered to Him (just as He does to you from time to time) about the congregation you lead, your fellow worship team members, the instruments you use, your pastor and so forth and so on...

But my question is: are you impressed so far with how things are going on?

There is this song by Casting Crowns, "Stained Glass Masquerade", where Mark Hall says this;

Is there anyone that fails? Is there anyone that falls? 

Am I the only one in church today feeling so small? 

Cause when I take a look around, everybody seems so strong 

I know they'll soon discover, that I don't belong 

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay 

If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too 

So with a painted grin, I play the part again 

So everyone will see me the way that I see them 

Chorus: 

Are we happy plastic people, under shiny plastic steeples? 

With walls around our weakness, and smiles to hide our pain? 

But if the invitation's open, to every heart that has been broken 

Maybe then we close the curtain, on our stained glass masquerade... 

What Pastor Mark is trying to say to us is that once we are in our churches, we tend to pretend that everything is absolutely okay. We love making everyone else in our worship teams and congregations to believe that WE (as a whole) are okay. We stand before people every Sunday, look at them, smile, and pretend that as far as worship is concerned, our churches are doing well. Well, everything may not be okay.

The truth is that we face innumerable challenges but we prefer not to talk about them as worship leaders. We have gotten used to developing shock absorbers, learned how to work around these problems and move on.

But that doesn't mean that the issues we fail to attend to disappear, no. They still remain: the stings of insubordination in our teams, the lack of seriousness and charisma in fellow lead worshipers, the grating brought by self-ish-ness and the autonomous clunk of uncooperative members; and the lack of discipline (both in attendance of practice/rehearsal sessions and to authority)... These issues still grind us from time to time. They never stop glaring their teeth at us. And we feel inadequate and let down in one way or another. Mostly plastic. Because we fail to know how to deal with these challenges.

I have been in my church's Worship Team for about 8 years now. (Yes, I'm that old. :-)) I have seen, worked with and and heard from quite a number of worship leaders and members. We have struggled with so many issues - some of which have refused to disappear up to date. (We are a tiny and humble team anyway.) But regardless of the many challenges we are facing from week to week and season to season (because all worship team leaders will tell you that church worship moves along a certain trend of weeks and seasons), I am still convinced that God did not call us to this place for nothing. He did not ordain us to maintain a certain viewpoint and weakness and term it as "what we are". No, He did not.

I am [rightfully] convinced that effectiveness as a worship leader - even as challenges abound - is something I am going to talk about even ten years from now. I am convinced that I have had all these challenges right here where I am, with my small team of weird worshipers (me included), so that I may be able to wear the same shoes all lead worshipers all over the world wear every Sunday.

I need to remind us that victory has never been apart from a myriad of challenges, but their child. Challenges yield power to overcome even more challenges. So if I remind us that God has called us to a ministry that cuts across all the major offices of the church, a ministry that is not small but great - even though many of us may be tempted to think otherwise - a ministry that involves ushering people into God's presence, I know we will gain a conscience that overcomes what the devil is trying to do to our worship teams today.

The following points don't seek to solve our challenges but to better our standing (because Paul says in Ephesians 6:13 "...and having done all, to stand...")

1. Be Sure of Your Calling
Maybe as a start, the most important thing and what we need to be very sure about is our calling. Our calling is very critical to our commitment to the work of the One who called us.
A calling is nothing near passion and talent; it is deeper and greater than that. Being called is being called: you hear a voice, you follow that voice, you do what that voice is telling you; that is what we call being called. A worship leader needs to have a deep assurance that it is God who told them to do whatever they are doing, and that it is not their show.
If a worship leader is not sure that they have been called by God Himself, they will not survive the many challenges the devil will bring their way. Once we realize that we have been called by God Himself, and that He has chosen us to the Priestly service of helping people bring up their utmost offering to Him, we can conquer whatever comes our way with the Knowledge that He who called us is faithful and that He is always watching over us to the end. (Philippians 1:6)
If we are not sure about our calling, we can never be sure of our service.

2. Show Commitment
We may cry foul as many times as we want, but none of those we lead will believe in us as their leaders unless we are a notch higher in our commitment, intimacy with God and fervency than they are.
A team lead by a leader who is less serious about what he/she is doing will either fall apart or undermine their leadership.
People will take you for your word or ignore you according to how you manage your time (including theirs), how you follow after the words you say and how you do whatever you do.
As a worship team leader, (and/or as a worship leader), how much more than the rest of your team are you committed to the team and what you people do? How many new songs have you taught them as an individual? Do you pray more than any one of them? What about your own rehearsal sessions? do you practice on your own? Do you read your Bible often? Are you strongly founded in the Word of God? How much more creative than the rest of your team are you? Do you sing more than any one of them? Do they see intimacy in your relationship with God? Do you value teamwork?
These questions guide us in gauging our intimacy, commitment and fervency in leading worship.

3. Become Like a Pediatrician
God just whispered to me the other day that leading worship is like becoming a pediatrician. I fumbled with it for a while. I mean, I clearly knew that all pediatricians do is to treat children and offer guidance on child-care. I could not connect that with worship. I couldn't.
But wait, while in my fumbling, a congregation was brought to me: people seated with others standing, and a worship team full of newbies and oldies; and there I was taught the lesson of my life: "Morris, learn to treat all these people you are seeing before you like children. Pretend that none of them knows the right thing to do and how to do it. Tolerate them and make them learn from you... step by step..."
Then I understood. I hope you get it too: we need to treat everyone else around us as if they are children (not that they are children, but like they are children) and that they are waiting for guidance from us. Any wrong step they may make becomes our fault.
Why? Because we are their pediatricians, and they are our child patients...
A lead worshiper should never make assumptions about the congregation he/she is leading. Thus the faster we learn to deal with and handle our team members and congregations as we do children, the fewer the challenges we'll have to deal with.

4. Serve 
Everyone will tell you how well they know that "we are called to serve". Even politicians do so. But you will find very few people who actually serve. Very few people DO serve.
All the people in our congregations and worship teams exist at different spiritual levels. Each one of them wakes up every Sunday (or every other day of practice/rehearsal) from a family with all kinds of situations to deal with. We are not the same. We will never be. And we as worship leaders need to learn a way that will help us fully embrace this and deal with it in a constructively.
People have a wild array of distractions still clouding their minds even after stepping past that church gate. They may be standing before you in church, but their minds may be miles away.
In an article I was reading sometime back, the author indicated that every church or congregation - depending with where it is located and the nature of its members - needs to have a way of "capturing people's minds and bringing them to the same page and place" before worship or any other engagement in church is commenced.
The writer reiterated that the best way to enable people "switch" from their personal affairs to church affairs may be through story telling or a short skit, a poem or humor... Everyone needs to be on the same page before worship...
So considering that everyone else around us is like a child, how do we move them to the place where they can minister to God instead of waiting for God to minister to them?
It is through service. We need to learn to serve the congregations and teams we lead. Service is achieved through;

• Sharing a word of encouragement from Scripture 
• Smiling 
• Telling them a story about what God has been doing currently - with relation to the issues they already know 
• Encouraging them to sing because God is pleased when people worship and sing to Him. (Hebrews 13:15) 

That is all I have to say for today.

Remember that it is normal to be wondering (because I also do it often) "What has the church become today?" (in a twist of speech slightly similar to G.K. Chesterton's "What Is Wrong With the World?") and to stand before people on Sundays and get worried about what we have become: too green, without enthusiasm, fervency or emotion in our singing and without the good old loud prayer in our worship moments... but after you have wondered, know that God - the One who called us to His service - is still in FULL CONTROL. Yes, He is.

Keep doing what you are called to do. Your reward is greater than you can know or tell (1 Corinthians 15:58 and 1 Corinthians 2:9.)



Bonface Morris.

The "Ex" Factor: Should You Date/Court Your Ex Again or Not?

Yes guys, it is February again. The month of love. Or so they say.

Thank God it is (February). I now have the privilege to talk "things love" without being judged by most of you. In some other "normal" month, I would prefer to tread such topics as the one above very carefully, knowing that all these gazelles, porcupines and tigers - sorry for calling you that guys, sorry - are watching from afar, waiting for my slip so that they may slip in their two pence of criticism and marionettry.

Okay.

You may want to curse the goads. If you want to, er, if you have to. But that will not stop February from being what it is, and what it has always been. February is the Rolex of love, the sun of everything love; the month when dead and/or dying relationships face either of these two things: a break-up or a pull-up; and new love is birthed, and some is rekindled, and forgotten things are done, and lame excuses are made... up until another February... (for those who worship routine.)

I just want to promise you that because you cannot escape this reality that comes with February as a single person, or as and oblivious young person or as a "playing ground" kinda fella, you may need to read a few lines from Uncle Morris himself. (Okay, I think I've once mentioned somewhere that I have several kids that call me Uncle, so get used to it buddy. :-) I am an uncle, baby.)

February is boring. Or it is going to be. At least to most of us.
Hello dudes, please say, "Yeah!" in agreement like you be whooping in church...
Well, and because it is boring to many (especially guys), leave alone its hoars of grasp upon tender and lonely hearts, and because you don't like it, why not vent a little? Why not get carried away with my talk?

You'll need to be carried away somehow because with all this power February has on the people around you, the way it is going to grasp you in melancholy and turn you into some kind-of circumstantial puppet, it ain't good. It ain't good at all. Watching a couple of love-frenzy friends is not fun. No, it is not.

Don't blame the love-birds yet. Don't. If it were you in their shoes, you'll do the same thing. True. Don't deny it. Man is a disciple of bliss; wherever it goes, he obediently follows... So when you see them trapped in the hullabaloo that is love and they seem to be busking in the tremors of its existence, and they are are like air-filled balloons aiming everywhere and enjoying the airs of existence, just swallow it up. And move on.

Or allow yourself to be vulnerable to my advice today. Allow yourself to hear what I have to say about you getting rejoined with your ex before taking your phone and falling into the temptation of calling, texting or WhatsApp-ing them "just to kill the loneliness" or "just to say 'hi'". Because that is what getting bored does to people: they start doing things they would never do even if the sun rose up in the middle of the night. They start eating what the doctor warned them not to, and walking on broken glass, and walking naked on the streets (not literally)... Emptiness and loneliness creates a fondness for the past. But honey, please wait.

My research tells me that by the age of 23, each one of us has had an ex or two... the most notorious ones in our midst having had upto five or so. If you have not had an ex since you were born, it is okay. You are normal. There is no problem with that - you are just the reserved type, and pray hard that you won't get into this ex mess soon...

So I've been wondering: Should you date your ex? Again? Is it a good idea? Or just because February is calling, you'll need someone to accompany you to that party you and your friends have planned?
Well, consider the following questions;

• What made you ditch them in the first place? Has it (the thing that made you ditch them) changed? Really? Have you changed? Are you ready to run life with compromise in order to meet their needs? (Of course in a Godly way.)
• Was your break-up nasty? Was there name-calling and yelling, and grenades, and waruus? A lot of repair may need to be done buddy, if you are thinking of going back.
• To the saved guys: was the relationship God's idea or your own idea? And to the secular guy: were you ready for this thing or was it your own (and your friends') idea?
• Was God in it? Was God involved? Were you in it or were you pushed into it?
• Were you two mature people when you got into it? Kids can't manage and keep relationships. They don't know the why (Why am I in this relationship?) the how (How am I going to behave or treat the other person in this relationship?) and the what (What is my role in this relationship? What are my responsibilities?). All they know is to stutter, ask for favors and "enjoy" each other's company.
• Were you unfaithful, or were they? Did you start refusing to pick up their calls and to reply to their texts out of the blues? Or was it induced? What induced it? What induced your deep dislike for them until you two parted ways?
• Were they your fantasies at work, or was it real? (I wrote something about fantasies sometime back. Read it here.) Were you working on the relationship just as he/she was?
• Did you love them or was it an infatuation (lust)? Was it genuine or faked up?
• Did they build you up morally, emotionally and spiritually? Or were you a consolidation of sinful pretenders?
• But maybe your ex was such a mess and you just need to shed them off and move on. And by a mess I mean: manipulative, immature, uncaring, unforgiving, ungodly, unsaved, a serial liar, unfaithful... the list is endless.
• Were they stupid and petty things that broke you two up? And by stupid and petty I mean stupid and petty.

There are some things that you need to know though before I try to move on with what I am saying: 

Christianity does not advocate for dating (meeting random people for random reasons but with the possiblity of culturing a relationship) and/or break-ups in relationships. The Bible is straight-on when dealing with relationships: Don't awaken love before its time (Song of Solomon 8:4). It simply means that we should only get into relationships when "the time is right"; that is, when we are mature enough to handle them and the challenges they bring. God wants us to get into relationships when we are ready to, not "when we feel like we want to..."

Breakups and all these "ex factor" things are our own making. God wants us to get into relationships with the main aim being marriage, not "testing the waters because there are many fish in there, and you may not know which is the right one until you catch them one at a time..." The Bible wants us to embrace courtship, not dating. Why? Because courtship has friendship, openness, commitment and seriousness attached to it. There ain't not pettiness in courtship guys.

I have an ex. You may be having one too, but that is not God's idea of relationships, it is our own. I have an ex, and it is wrong. I used to pray for my girlfriend and about our relationship (just like every other saved boyfriend would do), but when the world came tumbling down (and people have been asking me what really went wrong), I swallowed it up and moved on. It was my fault - and I say this unregretfully. Am I going back with relation to the questions I have raised above? I don't know. God knows. That is why I don't bad-mouth people. There ain't no island called Morris. We are good friends with my ex for now. That is all. I am enjoying single-hood. I am. Yeah, I talked to God last August and made a resolution to remain single for the time being - for a period I don't know. I am okay with that. I bet God is.

What I have mentioned above is but an aid to help us make a decision based on wisdom and not on impulse, emotions or circumstances. If you think that your ex scores way above average on the above issues and that you can't start another relationship (for reasons known to yourself and to God), and that God is going to be involved in the relationship this time round, and that the relationship will hold the worth of a courtship, go on and make that call or write that text. Go on and give it a shot. You never know. 

But ask God about it first, you saved person. He may surprise you. Yeah, He may.

So, will you date or court your ex? Again?

You have the answer.

Bonface Morris. 

Stuff I Learned and Discovered Last Year (2013 Edition)

First, this is not a poem. Or let me just say that I don’t know what it is.I have wanted it to become one (a poem), but my pen has told me otherwise. And I am okay with that. Fighting with pens can be overwhelming. Really overwhelming. You can never win. Such fights. You can’t. But if you ever do, you won’t be friends at all. So I have conceded defeat. In a good way. Because I still value this friendship.

I don’t know what you’ll think this is, but again, that is one of my discoveries: that what you think of things or of what other people do is all up to you. You choose what to believe and what not to. The other person/people (or things in any case) do not rule over what you want to think about them... And they should not pester you about it. Okay, they should. Sometimes. If they so choose. But it still won’t be changing how you feel about them. Or about some things. Or anything. It won’t.

Secondly, read on... Read on and see what I’ve been seeing and the conclusions I have been making all along. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m not...

The art of "discovering things."

....................................
I have discovered that we should all be equally insane. That I should not be just as bad (or good in some other rare case) as you are. I should be “more bad” (if that can be acceptable) or “more good” than everyone else. And that the more insane I am, the better. I have discovered that being normal is sad. Normal is too average. And being normal normally chars our world and embers it. With time. I have discovered that we should prefer remaining insane for the sake of our society. Only an abnormal society is aware of the need for change. A normal society almost always thinks that everything is alright. Well, it is not. Everything is not alright. It is not alright for all of us to score the same average mark in everything. It is not good for all of us to jump the same length or run the same distance or achieve the same results. That is what normal people do: the same old stuff in the same old way to achieve the same old results.

Being abnormal - yes, being insane - is what makes us extraordinary. It is what makes brands out of us. It is what turns our society and world around. It is what makes us invent, and invest, and rant, and heckle at issues and change the world around us. It is what ticks. Yeah. Insanity.

.............................
I have also discovered that you should not get into the habit of eating all that you are cooking while you are still cooking it. People will go to bed hungry. Because by the time you’ll be finished eating/cooking, you’ll be having no food at all. And that is not good. It is not good for all of us that were expecting that food. Now, think about it again while replacing food with any other resource at your disposal. Got it?

The old people around here used to say (I am not so sure if they still do say it), “Do not put all your eggs in one basket...” and that “You cannot kill two birds with one stone”. We loved what they said. It was good. But I wish they had specified which eggs, which basket, which stone and which birds they were talking about. Because that can be really catastrophic if we limit ourselves to the mere stones and baskets we know.

So I have been rolling my mind through what they said and I have discovered that you can actually kill thousands of birds with one stone and that all your eggs can be safe in one basket. It just depends with your choice of the stone and the basket. What if God is the stone and the basket? What if He is our only stone and our only basket? We can kill more birds and keep more eggs, right? Oh well!

Let us move on...



...............................

I have also discovered that life actually does change overnight. It is not a universal guarantee for it to do so on the positive side of things, but on the negative one, it does change overnight.

“Positive change,” as everyone else puts it, “is progressive.” But negative change is not. Negative change is instantaneous.

Consider this: there is a very thin line between wisdom and foolishness. Very. Why? A fool cannot become wise overnight. It doesn’t work that way. But the wise can be foolish in one minute. Yes. So we’d rather be foolish to men to save our reputation than rant to all about how wise we are and lose it all. Most wise people are the most foolish in our societies because they want to play it cool. Fools want us to recognize and know how wise they are, and as a result, we always ignore them.

Then consider this: it takes time and effort to accumulate knowledge, and experience and wealth, and skills, and artistry; but it takes no commitment and effort at all to lose them. Bad things happen overnight, while good things take time. This is the mystery of life.

................................

I have also been keen on wanting to understand how you - yes, you and your life - are mostly none of my business, but again that you are solely part of mine. About this one, I am still discovering. I am still wanting to know where to draw the line between being mindful of how you live your life and being skeptical of how you live it. Those are two different things. Two very different things. But again, sometimes I am tempted and would prefer to do neither.

You see, where I wonder most is why I love making you part of my business much more than I would love you to make mine part of yours. Okay. And it is an awful thing. A one sided coin actually. It is like a sun that refuses to set in the West. A sun that forcefully wants to rise from the East and go back there. Evading the laws of nature and mutuality. Yeah, that is me when dealing with you.
Anyway, I have been wondering why I should be obsessed with your life this much. Am I your God? Or your guardian angel? But again, should I stop to care that you are messing up somewhere? Or that you are doing things right?

I am still wondering. Discovering. I will come back on this one some other time.

......................................
And there is this other thing. God. Some people are serious with/about Him. (And by serious I mean devoted.) Others are not. Some are skeptical. Others are not even sure where they are with Him. Yet others really wish, year in year out, that they would be a bit more serious with Him this time.
"This is the season and time, Lord”, they say. “This is the season and time I am going to serve and love You like never before...”

I know you can mention a few of them - these people of seasons and times. But that - they forget to put in mind - is a cycle they can’t complete on their own. They fight to please Him so much that they become miserable, and cry and mourn, and throw themselves in the dust, and pray, and fast... And after all has been said and done, they go back to where they begun. Or even worse. Why? Because they think God can be served their way. Nah, it does not work that way. Terms and conditions apply. Understand the terms and conditions first before making any move(s) or commitment(s) with/for God.

Others think that they've already pleased Him. That they have outsmarted His principles by doing all He demands. Wait until they reach heaven. There will be chaos, the politics of ownership and self-righteousness.
And maybe then they’ll discover that God is so different from men. His ways are unfathomable and that what pleases Him is far less than what men would think. Yeah, He is cool like that.

And I have discovered that when it comes to God, none of us should boast about anything. Not at all. God is mysterious. So unpredictable. We should take one day at a time with Him, but should also have before us the whole array of the galaxy that is life well placed within our view. We should be seeing the stars within the galaxy, but never boasting about knowing why they are there. Because we don’t.

James 4:13ff: “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’ - yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.”

Have you ever read this verse somewhere in Romans 9:15: “For he says to Moses, ‘I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.’”? That is God speaking. We can’t judge or tell why He makes the moves He makes or why He does the things He does the way He does them, because (I have discovered) He chooses to do them like He gotta and like He wanna. He is God. Period.

If we’d prefer to take one step at a time with Him, then we’ll be less miserable. His mind is far too high for our understanding (Isaiah 55:8ff:“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.) But as the apostle Paul puts it in 1 Corinthians 2:16, He has revealed his mind to us: “‘For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?’ But we have the mind of Christ.” And He also has “...made everything beautiful in its time... and put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end...” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). That is interesting.

...................................
Finally, I have also discovered that life is a paradox. That it sways between one known and several unknowns. I have a feeling that this is okay... but let’s talk about it some other time.

I know you have your own discoveries, but it is just your pen that needs some ink.

And you need some good paper. And a glass of water... Water? Yes, water. :-)

Maybe.
Until next time,

Bonface Morris.

Tye Tribbett & G.A.'s "What Can I Do?" Lyrics and Download

I bet one of the best contemporary Gospel music albums I came across last year was Tye Tribbett and Greater Anointing's "Greater Than".
The Stellar Award winning singer together with his choir "Greater Anointing" (G.A.) have one of their songs, If He Did It Before... Same God, (from the same album) nominated for various awards - including the Grammys.
That sounds great, and (methinks) Tye actually deserves it after his sabbatical due to a scandal that almost brought down his marriage. You can feel it in the message in the songs in this album.
Well, this is the first album Tye is doing with G.A. after his sabbatical - the first one being "Fresh" which was a solo studio album.
The song I share is just a pick from the best in this album. So here goes...

      Downloads (from my drive): High quality mp3 (larger size). Low quality mp3 (smaller size).

Song: What Can I Do

Track number: 9

Album: Greater Than

Year released: 2013

Artist: Tye Tribbett and Greater Anointing (G.A.)

Lyrics

Chorus:
(Tell me what can I do?
'Cause I can't live without You, I can't live without You) x3
Verse 1:
So here's my heart, here's my mind
I give You my soul Lord, I need You to take control
Cause I've tried it all, tried it on my own but
But what I found is I can't make it

Bridge:
(On my own, on my own
I can't make it, I can't make it) x2

Chorus:
(So tell me what can I do?
'Cause I can't live without You, I can't live without You) x3

Verse 2:
So here's my heart, here's my mind

I give You my soul Lord, I need You to take control

Cause I've tried it all, tried it on my own but
But what I found is I can't make it

Repeat Bridge x2

Repeat Chorus x2

Vamp:
Solo: Oooh, Ooooh, Ooooh
All: Oooh, Ooooh, Ooooh

      Oooh, Ooooh, Ooooh

      Oooh, Ooooh, Ooooh

Solo: Lord I can't walk without You

All: Lord I can't walk without You
Solo: I can't talk without You

All: I can't talk without You
Solo: Lord I can't sing without You
All: Lord I can't sing without You

Solo: I'm nothing without You
All: I'm nothing without You

Solo: I can't live without You

All: I can't live without You
Solo: I can't breath without You
All: I can't breath without You

Solo: I can't be without You
All: I can't be without You

Solo: And Lord I confess, that there's no me without You Lord

All: I can't walk without You
I can't talk without You
I can't sing without You
I'm nothing without You
I can't live without You
I can't breath without You
I can't be without You

Solo: There's no me without you

End:

(So tell me what can I do
Cause I can't live without
I can't live without You) x2....

Leadership: Mentorship and Consultancy

I am your consultant if all you need from me is advice, but I am your mentor if we have a relationship and you do all that I tell you to do – Bonface Morris.

It has been two years since I started this blog, and I know that most of you (especially those I lead) have been wondering why I have never written something specifically on leadership.

Well, part of the answer is that I have never considered myself a “writing leader", but just a “leading leader”. Okay, don’t rant already, the issue is that “Wherever my pen leads me, I obediently follow…”, remember? And it (the pen) has never been leading me to write about leadership. Until today.

The other part (of the answer) is that I really don’t know why I have never specifically written about leadership. I honestly don’t know why. And when I don’t know about something, I don’t have to explain myself, do I? Good.

I am pressed on both sides (please don’t ask me what “both” stands for here) to write about leadership. Maybe it is because it is at the beginning of the year and I want to be an influence on how you’ll interact with your subordinates this year (as a leader) or on how you will interact with both your fellow colleagues and leaders in the course of this year. Yeah, maybe.

But it is majorly because a good part of last year (2013) was spent looking at “Leading Young” – a book by one Gibson Anduvate (a Youth pastor at ICC Nairobi - @anduvate on Twitter.)

I have not yet read the book, but (please) take the word “looking” in the above sentence to mean that after reading various reviews from reliable sources indicating that the book is a gem worthy my salt, I somehow have gained the authority (and audacity) to say that I have looked at it. (By the way, don’t all of us do that same thing quite so often? Don’t deny it. How many times on twitter, have you claimed to have seen a TV Show, read a book, watched a movie (or a TV series), watched/played a game or that you have been to a certain place just after reading several posts from people with a deep knowledge of such things? Many times, right? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. You have done it, so don’t call in a bluff on me.) *Pun intended*

Anyway, after looking at those reviews, I have decided that Leading Young is what I am into. That it is what I am gonna put both my feet into. I am only 27 of course, but that doesn’t matter much. Many will claim that I have not gained much experience to talk about and/or write about certain issues (even on this blog), but you know what? That doesn’t matter – at least not to me. What matters (I think) is that this generation needs direction and as far as I am concerned, Christ has given that direction to most of us. All I want to do is to point as many young people as possible to the way He has already pointed and is leading me…

As I write this, I am thinking about you. I am hoping that what I share here will be useful to all of us: from leaders and mentees and in the church, to the corporate and administrative world and deep down to all statutory fields.

I mean, how many leadership meetings or seminars have we attended? How many TED Show episodes have we watched? What about the number of books we have all read on leadership, mentorship and management? *Sigh!* They are so many. Innumerable. Countless, even.

They all have told us at some point to get a mentor (a noun which is defined in the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary as a trusted counselor or guide; a tutor or coach.) That is how it all goes. Always.

“Get someone to mentor you…”

“In order to succeed in any field, you need a mentor…”

“You cannot do without a mentor…”, they say.

They have told us that having a mentor will help us avoid the various mistakes others preceding us have made in the same field(s) we are in. And we’ve loved their advice. Yes, we even quote it (this advice) from time to time when we are called upon to teach a few people about the same. We quote them (these famous writers and speakers) and we come out feeling fat with knowledge and that we have accomplished “mentoring” a few people... And it all ends there. 

But going back home, we face the reality that is always staring at us so menacingly: we don’t even have mentors ourselves! Dang!! Talk about drinking all the age-old wine as we give out the precious water! 

Take for instance, myself. I don’t have a mentor as far as writing and authorship is concerned; and er, even musically (because I do sing most of the time :-)). All I have are role models. I may claim to have a few people I consult with, but I have no solid mentor (meaning that I have no one that I am directly answerable to or one who guides me accordingly in matters to do with writing and singing). And I am so accustomed to it that I have normalized it. I give excuses. I sleep on it. I play around with it. I get away with it. Always. My most famous excuse being, “I am not exposed enough. I don’t have enough support… There is no one around me who DOES write the DEEP STUFF I would associate with. So what do you expect me to do? Give birth to a mentor and then follow them?” And my excuses go on and on and on…

But later, somebody whispered to me a very important thing which I whisper to you too today: “Morris, first understand the relevance and meaning of mentorship and consultancy in all their fields of application, then start becoming one so that the next generation will not claim to have lacked someone like you and give excuses like you do…” Do you get it? I got it then.

There is a certain story I was reading last week on Forbes titled “The Single Greatest Piece of Advice Steve Jobs Gave ‘Frozen’ Executive Producer John Lasseter.” Well, at a glance, the article is about Lasseter repeating in various interviews he was giving one statement Steve Jobs (of course you know Jobs) told him while making a short animation film called “Tin Toy” (later known as “Tin Story”.)

Jobs had told him to “make it great” (the film). Lasseter has never forgotten those words to date. 

Of course Lasseter had gone to Jobs for consultation (a meeting in which someone talks to a person about a problem, question, etc - Merriam-Webster) but as it turns out, Jobs ended up being his mentor. Consultation turned into mentorship the moment Lasseter did exactly what Jobs had told him to do and sought to show his “consultant” the achievement he had gained after his advice. But if Jobs was just but an option amongst many that Lasseter was seeking advice from, he would have remained but a consultant to Lasseter.

In Biblical contexts, I will pick on an example known and relevant to all of us: that of God, Moses and Joshua. 

In the Book of Numbers 27, we witness Moses ordaining Joshua to be leader over Israel under the Lord’s command:-

Num 27:18-23 (ESV): “So the LORD said to Moses, ‘Take Joshua the son of Nun, a man in whom is the Spirit, and lay your hand on him. Make him stand before Eleazar the priest and all the congregation, and you shall commission him in their sight. You shall invest him with some of your authority, that all the congregation of the people of Israel may obey. And he shall stand before Eleazar the priest, who shall inquire for him by the judgment of the Urim before the LORD. At his word they shall go out, and at his word they shall come in, both he and all the people of Israel with him, the whole congregation.’ And Moses did as the LORD commanded him. He took Joshua and made him stand before Eleazar the priest and the whole congregation, and he laid his hands on him and commissioned him as the LORD directed through Moses.”

But the firm relationship between God, Moses and Joshua did not begin here. It begins some few years back in Exodus 17. In this passage (Exodus 17), we see the Israelites facing their ancient enemy - the Amalekites - and as Moses stands on top of a hill lifting up his hands, Joshua is out there fighting and carrying out the Lord's order against the Amalekites. 

Joshua is seen as a young man who is ardently interested in what Moses and God are doing and he is involving himself in it. Mark that one – he is involving himself in what his mentor is doing. 

In Numbers 13, when God commands Moses to send spies to Canaan to explore the land, and bring back a report on what they had seen in the land, twelve men (one from each tribe of Israel) are sent and among them are Joshua son of Nun (the same Joshua mentioned above) and Caleb son Jephunneh. After their return, I want you to notice that only these two were able to give a report that matched God’s and Moses’ plan for Israel, and thus from this point on, Moses starts noticing the leadership ability in Joshua and the possibility that God may be preparing him (Joshua) to take his (Moses') place.

How and why, you ask? First, it is because Joshua is seen almost everywhere that we see Moses and God – the mentee is seen with his mentor everywhere he goes. Second, Joshua is not just a spectator to the things Moses is doing, but is concerned and involved in all the activities Moses is doing. Third, Joshua is carrying the same vision for the people of Israel as did Moses – by not seeing defeat in the hands of their enemies but by believing what the Lord their God was saying about them as a nation...

We therefore  realize that the one thing about Lasseter and Joshua that syncs is that they both followed and did what those with the knowledge of things in their fields told them. They didn’t have to desire to become like their mentors (which is important but still limits one to a certain way of doing things); but they did become more like them simply by following their instructions. They did not reduce their mentors to mere consultants but went ahead and exercised their words, thus becoming real mentees.

If mentorship has to make sense at all – like the sense Jesus’ mentorship brought on all his disciples, except one (Judas) – the mentee has to be in one accord with his/her mentor, and they should at least agree on the same vision. Without this, the so-called mentor in converted into a consultant – a person who only offers advice and direction but has no relationship with the other seeking help in his/her field. 

If any friction through misunderstandings occurs, it is to be amicably solved so that the path towards the goal is not compromised.

So many people want to be like Lasseter (or Moses, Joshua and Jesus in spiritual contexts) but they still neglect that unique thing about these two parties (and allow me to compare them in contexts of mentorship only, because in other contexts, the Biblical examples given are incomparable). 

These two first recognized their passion (or field of work/operation), then they identified people in their fields that “stuck out” and then followed in their footsteps without looking back… 

I’m gonna need to find mine.

Maybe the problem we have with mentorship today that seeks to convert it into consultancy is that most potential mentors fear being overridden by their mentees. This problem is two-way: either the potential mentee is overambitious and wants to override his boss/mentor; or the potential mentor is jealous, envious or terrified of the upcoming potential mentee… Oh well, let’s make that a story for another day… 

Lastly, I want us to notice some differences between mentors and consultants. I feel that these two words have been being used interchangeably but in a wrong way. They are not the same thing.

What mentors do (it can be to one individual or to a group of people):-

1.        They advice you, encourage you and guide you accordingly

2.        Are concerned about your growth and check in to see how far you have gone as related to your field of work

3.        They share about their experiences and shortcomings and help you overcome yours

4.        They are in the same field as you are and seek to achieve the same goal as you do

What consultants do (it can be to one individual or to a group of people):-

1. They give you advice on the situation challenging you, and that is all. They are more of counselors than mentors.
2. They may never check in on you to monitor your growth as pertaining your challenge (unless asked)
3. They establish no relationship with the concerned party
4. They may not share the same interests with you, but if they do, you only seek after   them when you are stuck.

I think that is enough for today. I hope that you can now identify who is who and where in your life, and/or who you are to the few or many people you interact with daily.

Meet/see you next time, right here.

Bonface Morris.