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Have you ever been in a situation where things were being said about someone you know quite well and you didn't know what to make of it?
It may have been that what was being said was either true or false; you just didn't have enough evidence to verify the facts. And this kept you "hanging in there" waiting for the story to end so that you may deeply reflect on the allegations.
With such scenarios playing a lot in my life of late, I have come to realize that if you depend on another person to tell you the whole story of another person, there will always be bias (good or bad.)
Take for instance a story an old man - who should be respectable according to public understanding - told me about a year ago: that this lady we both know and with whom we had been interacting several times had been pregnant in a manner I don't know and had given birth to a baby I had never seen.
Not that she couldn't get pregnant, but the story startled me because for the whole period the allegations were being thrown against her, I had been seeing her in perfect "babylessness".
Now, after listening to the story, I sensed that it was sh*t. Yes, I just said that. The story was sh*t. It was that way because it had so many holes:
1. There hadn't been any visible evidence of a pregnancy: there was neither a baby bump nor any other physiological changes associated with pregnancies for all the time I was interacting with her.
2. There was no need for me to know about someone's private affairs like a relationship or a pregnancy. Those two things are private, and him telling me about them without the consent of the lady meant that this old man had no respect for people's privacy. I felt like shutting him down.
3. Why would he care about it anyway if he was going to do nothing about it but just report to Morris? Am I God? Or had God appointed him as an accusing angel to talk about what goes wrong where and with whom?
See? That's what made me write this blog. Stuff like that makes me feel bad about how people approach other people's successes or failures.
And for that matter, if you're faced with such ballooned stories in life, you got a few options with you;
1. Face the story-teller and shut them down, or
2. Say nothing, or
3. Do what this blog post is advising you to do: ask. Ask both the victim of the story and the story-teller to sync the two points of view.
In my case, I picked number two. I said nothing.
Why? Because
1. the evidence was clear that none of what he was saying was true; and
2. silence ensures that he won't bring me any of those fake stories any time soon once he realizes that I don't give comments on people's private lives.
It may be that you have heard funny stories about a prominent person or a great leader; or that someone is blaming the leadership in a certain place for a certain mess. Either shut that person up, say nothing, ask the story-teller how sure they are that what they are saying is true or go ask the person being badmouthed if what is being said is true. After that, deal with whatever truth you find in a gracious way.
Here are some other things you can do:
1. Verify a story first before drawing conclusions.
Go to the victim and get their story before you draw a conclusion. There are always two sides to a story. Get both before victimizing anyone.
Proverbs 18:17 (ESV) "The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him."
2. Don't poke your nose into people's private lives. It's none of your business.
Don't go investigating without prior background information. You may end up being a gossip-monger. Even the Bible supports this here: 1 Thessalonians 4:11 (NIV) "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you."
3. Only pray to God or pass on the information to other parties for help after getting the whole story.
Don't give the devil a chance to play you into his conniving slanderous schemes.
Conclusion
Here's a simplified version of what I'm saying...
1. Quietly listen and understand.
2. Ask questions to get views from both sides.
3. Take action.
It costs you nothing to ask, so always ask.
God bless.
Bonface Morris.
