HELLO! People Are Hurting

Just recently, I went to YouTube for the ultimate bi-monthly-curiosity-walk I often do. This walk involves looking at trending videos; news, fun videos, art videos, movie trailers, kawaida videos and music videos to see which videos are receiving most views and why, from, at least, the past few weeks. 

I do this as a leader for one sole reason: in order to familiarize myself with popular culture - this very thing that shapes and affects how the young people around me think, act and perceive the world around them.

While strolling around gathering information on popular videos, I stumbled upon a music video by one artist by the name of Adele. Most of us - the aptly no-nonsense spiritual kind - may not know her. (Anyway, you don't have to know her. You'll get all the information you may need to know about her here today – and then you can judge me later J.) The music video to her song  "HELLO" from (I decided to get more info on this song anyway) her 2015 album "25" had 1.7 billion views in 9 months! Yes, lemme say that once again: Adele’s “HELLO” has 1.7 billion views in less than a year!
I first watched the video then paused with a gasp. Man, this reality hit me hard: either people are really hurting in relationships or Adele is such a goooood singer with such greaaaaat music that everyone wants to listen to it.

Okay, as it is always a rule with me, after finding a popular name in any industry, I normally head over to Wikipedia (which is free to access on any network in Kenya by the way) to get basic information on the said person. Uncle Wiki, as knowledgeable as he is, told me the following about Adele;

She is British and was born on 5th May 1988 in Tottenham, London as Adele Laurie Blue Adkins. Her father abandoned her at the age of two thus she seems to only have been solely raised by her mother. She spent most of her time singing rather than reading thus began singing at the age of four and asserts that she became obsessed with voices (maybe that's why her voice captures many, eh?). Time magazine named her one of the most influential people in the world in 2012 and 2016. With sales of more than 100 million records, she is one of the best-selling recording artists in the world.

About her music career: her first album, “19”, of a soul genre, had lyrics describing heartbreak and relationships. It was a break-up record. Her second studio album "21" was inspired by the break-up with her former partner and it came with many more personal regrets from bad life choices. She refers to this period in her life as her "early life crisis". Hurt and pain in relationships seem to be things she understands. However, she describes "25" (her third album) as a make-up record: making up for lost time, making up for everything she ever did and never did. She says it took long to make "25" because "life happened." "25", a 2015 album, became last year's best-selling album and broke first week sales records in the UK and US. The lead single, "Hello" (which somehow forms the basis of this post), became the first song in the US to sell over one million digital copies within a week of its release. She's now married and with one child.

That’s enough info about her, I think (before you judge me too much and end up in hell, haha).

Now, let’s go back to what we were talking about…

"HELLO" is a very emotional song about a person (it may be a dude or a lady) who is trying to reminisce a failed past relationship and the mistakes he/she made that caused it to fail. She misses it. She misses the times she spent with her lover, the moments they had and shared, the things they used to do together... Yes, she misses a whole lot of things. But again, within its hooky theme, she seems to pretend that she is letting go of that past. She's trying to get over it in her own way. She's recollecting herself.

Pause.

Now, imagine that such a song has 1.7 billion views on the most popular video hosting channel/website in the world and let the reality of failing relationships, broken hearts and lives that fail to move on due to hurt sink in. Let it sink in little more. Let this reality also sink in: that, probably, above 60% of the young people (that is six in every ten youth) in your youth ministry – in our churches – have the song downloaded and/or shared with them and they listen to it at least 3 times in a week. They identify with it. They know the depth of every word Adele is singing. They are hurting. And as you stand up trying to preach or teach them about Jesus, they're replaying this song in their heads while whispering this back to you in the secrecy of their emotions: "HELLO, Morris, we are hurting. Please talk about our hurt. It’s killing us. What can we do about it? Please stop that "Jesus talk" and just talk to us about when you get hurt and you can't seem to get over it!"

Now, in response to your HELLO is this post. I'm listening. And therefore I'm asking, why are people - including "good" Christians - hurting each other in relationships? Really, why?

*******
Most of us have read this blog written a few weeks ago by my girlfriend on breakups and scars that unfold. She helped open our eyes to the reality of wounds in relationships and how to overcome them. Today, I'm seeking to show us that Jesus cannot be silent if we ask Him for help in the midst of hurting (even when we feel that whatever people are yapping about when we go to church or Bible study meetings or intercessory meetings is useless.)

But before I do that, let us become conversant with some basic truths about hurt and pain in relationships;

1. Not all Christians or any kind of people in relationships act the same. Also, not all people in relationships think the same way about those relationships. We are all different. Some are mature, others are immature. Some are wise, while others are stupid. Some are committed in relationships while others are not. Some hurt others knowingly (they are psychopathic), while others are oblivious of what they are doing. Also, people love differently. Some are serious about it, while others are not. Some know what love is, while others are still learning to love. Some are interested in knowing how to love back while others don't care. Therefore, we hurt and get hurt differently depending with the character of the person we are/were with in the relationship.
2. Hurt is inevitable, but the degree of hurt varies from one relationship to another. At one point or another in your relationship, you'll either get hurt or you'll hurt someone. That's the reality of life, the wickedness of the flesh and relationships. So, whether Christian or not, whether Spirit-filled or not, you’ll hurt someone, and you too will get hurt at some point.
3. People react differently to pain and hurt, whether Christian or not. This is because hurting or pain is a reality to everyone. Both the Christian and the non-Christian get hurt, no? But our closeness to Jesus will determine whether He'll help us through the hurt or we'll be left to struggle through it alone. That’s where the difference is.
4. In order to get hurt, one will need to take responsibility - they'll need to accept to get hurt. You can't get hurt if you don't want to. Once you accept to get hurt, you surely will get hurt. This means, when you say, "Let it pass", it sure will pass. We have power over what another person's actions do to our lives.  
5. And finally, we may experience hurt in two ways: hurt from a relationship that failed or hurt in a relationship that is failing.

Now, in answer to the question of hurt, and to help us stop singing Adele-style like she does in her reprise, "Hello on the other side?" as we daydream about how it was or how it would/could have been, let me show us how there is no person who identifies with hurt and pain more than Jesus. (Christians around you may not identify with your hurt and pain, but Jesus does.)

First, here is what came out of His mouth concerning guys who see it difficult to hold it together and move on or deal with pain:
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV))

Then, later on, one great teacher of the Word says this about Jesus:
"Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." (Hebrews 2:18 (NIV))

The two verses above familiarize us with another reality above the reality of hurt and pain: that no matter how hurt we may be, Jesus knows a thing or two about it. In the first verse, He insists that if you are burdened (or are hurt or are feeling betrayed), He’s got your back and that He will be gentle with you and won’t hurt you like the other person did. He will give you rest from ALL your hurts. In the second verse, the writer makes evident one truth about Jesus: that Jesus sure knows and understands what it means and feels like to be hurt and get over it: He was born out of wedlock and had to live with that stigma for all His life (come on, who in Israel was to believe that some Holy Spirit made Mary pregnant? Who?); then He was betrayed and got hurt a number of times and by people closest to Him (Peter, Judas and all the disciples…) So, yes, Jesus knows a number of things about getting hurt and surviving it.

The question now is, after we are hurt and we know that Jesus can get us out and pull us up onto solid ground, what are we doing to ensure that we receive the REST He is talking about as far as hurting is concerned? Here are some questions which if well answered will determine if we are ready for Jesus’ help or we are simply dillydallying with the truth:

1. Do you believe, deep in your heart, that Jesus can help you when hurt?
2. If you believe He can help, are you confessing or are you ready to confess to Jesus that, "Lord, I am hurting, and I need Your help"? Do you believe that He is the only one that can offer solid, lasting help?
3. Are you praying to Him as His child that you stop blaming yourself and/or the other person for everything that happened?
4. And lastly, are you taking the necessary steps as mentioned in this post towards healing?

After you have answered the above questions, healing won’t be that far.

To echo my message well, please listen to Group 1 Crew's song "NOT THE END OF ME" from their 2012 album FEARLESS.

PS:
I went out for more web-walk and spotted Jamie Grace at an Adele concert this week on Wednesday. Funny, eh? Read about it here.

Bonface Morris.

A Boyfriend, a Girlfriend, Christ and Everything Else

Note: This is my third blog from a series of posts this year celebrating February as “the month of love”. You can read the first blog here: Relationships – Is Grass Always Greener On the Other Side? and the second one here: Relationships and Short Stories: Thirty Dates, One Truth

And, later, read the last blog in this series here: Rhetoric: Love Is...

A boyfriend, a girlfriend, Christ and everything else.

Common sense tells me that every relationship has expectations. That is what I have always known. I don't know about you, but I always think that everyone comes into a relationship expecting something from the other person. 

From what I have gathered, I have found it true that people in relationships may pretend and mutter that "I love you baby, that is all the matters" but after they have loved someone and gotten used to it, it always goes down to, "Baby, [if] you really love me, you should be doing this and that for me..." 

I haven't met any two people in a relationship whose lives have not gone down that path after a while. We all seem to end up somewhere on that avenue where we begin expecting stuff to be done to/for us. 

In most cases, these mutterings - these unearthing expectations - may come down to pettiness, but it happens. And I now have come to a conclusion that it is normal. If we are able to expect something from the loyalty animals offer us, I think someone in love expecting something from their beloved is not worth a downplay. It is normal.

There is something you also come to notice when looking at why/what two people in a relationship are expecting from each other: that the presesence of expectations also means that someone is demanding that the other should play a specific role or set of roles within the relationship. (Come on people, I hear marriages operate in the same way too.)

This set of roles lead to responsibilities which in turn become a sense or level of commitment one has towards the other person. The main problem is when these expectations either flare signs of too much neediness or want to throw in augmentations of manipulation. But mutual responsiveness to each other's needs is what I am saying is here to stay. Expecting certain acts from either side of a relationship is normal. 

I am saying this because even Jesus - the very epitome of love and how it should be done - expects something out of his bride, the Church. Now, I am not trying to say that our boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are equal to Christ and His Church. No. The only relationship that can be compared to that one (of Christ and the Church) is marriage (Matthew 25:1-13). But I am saying that His example is the best as far as expectations and relationships are concerned.

Now, when one is in love, it is likely that their minds would not want to imagine that there would be quarrels amongst two people (especially themselves) on why/how/when/what should be done or what should be expected. Some people come into relationships expecting nothing but love. It may be possible that they are imagining of not wanting anything more than a kiss or two and words of affirmation from the other person. That is okay. These are the first stages of love: being smitten to the extent of not wanting to think with your mind. (But even these "common" and "negligible" needs are still expectations). 

As relationships progress from one stage to another, needs arise. And as it always is, all needs always call for action. And any action taken after realizing a need is always a reaction to meet a given expectation (now justifiably masquerading as a need.) I am saying this because, right then, everyone starts demanding something from the other person. Everyone starts becoming "petty". (It is viewed as pettiness because it was not existing before. It was once vivid, but now it is real.) And there may crop accusations that people are not being "loved enough" anymore (I've talked about this before on this blog) because they are being denied certain "rights" or opinions to issues. When keen observations are made, you will find out that what each party is now demanding for from the other party are solid "rights" and this concisely escalates into blunt expressions of disgust and contempt when these expectations are not met.

This is what now happens: people start expecting to be texted a little more than before, they start expecting to be called at certain times, to be supported, to be shown acts of love, to be valued, to be respected, to be given/shown attention, to be bought gifts, to be serenaded and to be pumped up with all forms of affection. 

It becomes a certain weird arena of demands and fights. A muddle of bad blood and stale emotions. 

I realized this sometime back after young people my age started asking questions in the following forms; 

• But we are [just] dating!! Why should he/she make such demands of me? 

• Can we kiss? He/she wants us to kiss!! Why is he/she tempting me to such an extend?!! 

• He demands to touch me, or caress me, or fondle, or for us to hold hands inappropriately. I can't bear with that!! He makes me so uncomfortable!!!

• Should we hug for that long? She says it makes her feel better but it makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel bad about myself. 

• He/she is demanding for gifts and a date every week. Can I even manage that?!!

• He/she is demanding that I visit them every weekend... I think this is too much!! Can't I even have time [just] for myself!!? 

And so forth and so on. 

I know that after reading the above questions - and I promise that this is just the tip of the whole mountain - some of you are now retorting: "Aaaah, stupid and childish games!" and I'm here to unhesitatingly tell you that "You should know people!", and, "Yes, every Christian relationship has it's own slide of pettiness and they are mostly overcrowded with aimless spiritual connotations. Deal with them as they come."

While at it, have you ever imagined that as far much as we expect "things" from our baes and it seems [just] alright, Jesus is also expecting a whole lot of things from our relationships? 

Wait-a-minute, is He? 
Yes, He is. 

That is what I am here to talk about; not our demands from our bae's (which we have already declared normal) but Jesus' expectations of us in our relationships. 

If we claim to belong to Him and our claims are not mere fallacies, then He has every right to demand a few things from us and our relationships in the same way we demand the same of others. 

Who said that Jesus doesn't care about our relationships and everything surrounding them? Well, if you think or thought so, why would He die to save the very hearts that we are using to love our baes? Isn't it because He cares about hearts and what takes place in them? These hearts can't be useless to Him who died for them. The same heart that loves Jesus is the same heart that throbs for my girlfriend. I bet you me that Jesus cares a lot about what happens in these hearts. (And, by the way, a heart that refuses to love Jesus wholly will also fail at loving other human beings wholly.)  

Because He cares about our hearts and relationships, here are a few things I've discovered He expects from us:

First, from all people in relationships, He expects that; 

1. We will maintain purity. Purity not only of the body but also of the heart and of the mind. Having sex isn't the only problem here, but that we as a whole will keep our minds, bodies and hearts to Him and for Him. 

2. We will make Him central in the relationships. Not to just think that He is central, but to truly entrust the relationship and everything in it to Him i.e. when all is well, and when everything is the devil. 

3. We would stop expecting too much of each other but put out focus on expecting everything possible from Him. Because, come on, all of us are just so kaput, broken and retarded. We are very poor at faithfully delivering anything. The only One who can fully deliver all our unreasonable expectations is Jesus. No one else. 

4. We would seek perfection in and from Him first before seeking perfection in and from anyone else. 

5. We both should love Him above our boyfriends and girlfriends. He knows that this will cause us to obey God more in every area of the relationship and stop converting our baes into gods.

Second, He expects the following of young men (me included) in relationships: 

1. To be gentle, loving, caring, supportive and forgiving towards the opposite sex. He uses the apostle Paul to command the following of us: 

1 Timothy 5:2 (NLT) "Treat the older women as you would your mother, and treat the younger women with all purity as your own sisters."

2. To love one lady only, and assure her so. Christ loves one Church, His body. He doesn't love "churches". To Christ, there are no "churches". Although many may say that this tall order belongs to marriage, I would say that a strong foundation to any meaningful marriage begins with reasonable relationships. Failed relationships speak the same language as failed marriages. If a man "loves" quite a "bunch" of ladies all at once, this man is not worthy of a daughter of God. He can't love her well whose Master loves jealously. (You can quote that, haha) 

3.  To be willing to sacrifice His time and self for her. Christianity is all about laying ourselves down for others. In fact, Jesus willingly did the same for us. He demands that every Christian does the same for the other. And relationships aren't different.

John 10:17 (NLT) "The Father loves Me because I lay down My life that I may have it back again." 

John 17:19 (NLT) "And I give Myself entirely to You so they also might be entirely yours."

4. He intercedes for her. 

Jesus intercedes for the Church. He also commands that we pray for one another. Relationships are not an exception. 

James 5:16 (NIV) "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

5. He protects her and leads her in His ways. 

He does it with words. With deeds. In humility. And intentionally. With honesty. With faithfulness. By leading her to the cross of Jesus and at His feet. 

No matter what, the man shall always be expected to take the leadership role (whether in relationships or in marriage.) Christ expects us to protect our baes by not leading them to a place of intimacy if we're not expecting to make them our wives. 

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

Third and lastly, He expects the following of the lady. He expects that; 

1. She learns all the ways of a Christian woman from MATURE Christian women so that in the near future she may understand how to support her man, praise her man, submit to her man cheer her husband and lay down her life for her man. 

Titus 2:3 (ESV) "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children."

2.  That as the weaker vessel, she learns to be led. 
Jesus says that women are the weaker vessel (not 'weak' but 'the weaker vessel' - there is a difference). It doesn't really matter what the present culture says, but Christ says so. If the guy isn't leading, ask him to, and also pray that he will learn to lead. 

Note: The point of leadership in relationships differs from that in marriage. Here, leadership is not the "you lead and I submit" type, but the "you lead and we seek Christ for direction" type. 

3. She possess a humble and gentle spirit.

I know someone would want me to quote a verse from 1 Peter 3 that applies to married women, but I won't. Although it is a great verse. But I'll quote the following verse: 

Philippians 4:5 (NIV) "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

Gentleness has a way of revealing the Jesus in you ladies. It is a firmer grip on what you value than the adornments on your body. Embrace it. 

4. She prays for her boyfriend. 

This instruction is the same as the one for the young man above about interceding for the other. 

5. She guards her heart against the futile lies of the enemy. 

Eve loved foreign words. She loved them so much that she couldn't remember exactly what God through her husband Adam had instructed her to do with that fruit. She didn't guard her heart against foreign words that seemed true and sweet at the moment but poisonous and life-threatening in the end. 

Christ expects the redeemed lady to guard her heart against finding pleasure in the sweet words and enticements of foreign love from a guy that is not her own and from friends that mean her relationship harm. He expects her to live as a new being who has been redeemed from the sins, failures and mistakes of the first woman. 


I rest my case.

Keep expecting. And know that He is expecting too.

Further reading notes for guys:

(a) 5 NOTES ON DATING FOR THE GUYS

(b) 10 Disciplines of a Godly Man

And read the last blog in this series here: Rhetoric: Love Is...

Bonface Morris. 

Leadership: Mentorship and Consultancy

I am your consultant if all you need from me is advice, but I am your mentor if we have a relationship and you do all that I tell you to do – Bonface Morris.

It has been two years since I started this blog, and I know that most of you (especially those I lead) have been wondering why I have never written something specifically on leadership.

Well, part of the answer is that I have never considered myself a “writing leader", but just a “leading leader”. Okay, don’t rant already, the issue is that “Wherever my pen leads me, I obediently follow…”, remember? And it (the pen) has never been leading me to write about leadership. Until today.

The other part (of the answer) is that I really don’t know why I have never specifically written about leadership. I honestly don’t know why. And when I don’t know about something, I don’t have to explain myself, do I? Good.

I am pressed on both sides (please don’t ask me what “both” stands for here) to write about leadership. Maybe it is because it is at the beginning of the year and I want to be an influence on how you’ll interact with your subordinates this year (as a leader) or on how you will interact with both your fellow colleagues and leaders in the course of this year. Yeah, maybe.

But it is majorly because a good part of last year (2013) was spent looking at “Leading Young” – a book by one Gibson Anduvate (a Youth pastor at ICC Nairobi - @anduvate on Twitter.)

I have not yet read the book, but (please) take the word “looking” in the above sentence to mean that after reading various reviews from reliable sources indicating that the book is a gem worthy my salt, I somehow have gained the authority (and audacity) to say that I have looked at it. (By the way, don’t all of us do that same thing quite so often? Don’t deny it. How many times on twitter, have you claimed to have seen a TV Show, read a book, watched a movie (or a TV series), watched/played a game or that you have been to a certain place just after reading several posts from people with a deep knowledge of such things? Many times, right? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. You have done it, so don’t call in a bluff on me.) *Pun intended*

Anyway, after looking at those reviews, I have decided that Leading Young is what I am into. That it is what I am gonna put both my feet into. I am only 27 of course, but that doesn’t matter much. Many will claim that I have not gained much experience to talk about and/or write about certain issues (even on this blog), but you know what? That doesn’t matter – at least not to me. What matters (I think) is that this generation needs direction and as far as I am concerned, Christ has given that direction to most of us. All I want to do is to point as many young people as possible to the way He has already pointed and is leading me…

As I write this, I am thinking about you. I am hoping that what I share here will be useful to all of us: from leaders and mentees and in the church, to the corporate and administrative world and deep down to all statutory fields.

I mean, how many leadership meetings or seminars have we attended? How many TED Show episodes have we watched? What about the number of books we have all read on leadership, mentorship and management? *Sigh!* They are so many. Innumerable. Countless, even.

They all have told us at some point to get a mentor (a noun which is defined in the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary as a trusted counselor or guide; a tutor or coach.) That is how it all goes. Always.

“Get someone to mentor you…”

“In order to succeed in any field, you need a mentor…”

“You cannot do without a mentor…”, they say.

They have told us that having a mentor will help us avoid the various mistakes others preceding us have made in the same field(s) we are in. And we’ve loved their advice. Yes, we even quote it (this advice) from time to time when we are called upon to teach a few people about the same. We quote them (these famous writers and speakers) and we come out feeling fat with knowledge and that we have accomplished “mentoring” a few people... And it all ends there. 

But going back home, we face the reality that is always staring at us so menacingly: we don’t even have mentors ourselves! Dang!! Talk about drinking all the age-old wine as we give out the precious water! 

Take for instance, myself. I don’t have a mentor as far as writing and authorship is concerned; and er, even musically (because I do sing most of the time :-)). All I have are role models. I may claim to have a few people I consult with, but I have no solid mentor (meaning that I have no one that I am directly answerable to or one who guides me accordingly in matters to do with writing and singing). And I am so accustomed to it that I have normalized it. I give excuses. I sleep on it. I play around with it. I get away with it. Always. My most famous excuse being, “I am not exposed enough. I don’t have enough support… There is no one around me who DOES write the DEEP STUFF I would associate with. So what do you expect me to do? Give birth to a mentor and then follow them?” And my excuses go on and on and on…

But later, somebody whispered to me a very important thing which I whisper to you too today: “Morris, first understand the relevance and meaning of mentorship and consultancy in all their fields of application, then start becoming one so that the next generation will not claim to have lacked someone like you and give excuses like you do…” Do you get it? I got it then.

There is a certain story I was reading last week on Forbes titled “The Single Greatest Piece of Advice Steve Jobs Gave ‘Frozen’ Executive Producer John Lasseter.” Well, at a glance, the article is about Lasseter repeating in various interviews he was giving one statement Steve Jobs (of course you know Jobs) told him while making a short animation film called “Tin Toy” (later known as “Tin Story”.)

Jobs had told him to “make it great” (the film). Lasseter has never forgotten those words to date. 

Of course Lasseter had gone to Jobs for consultation (a meeting in which someone talks to a person about a problem, question, etc - Merriam-Webster) but as it turns out, Jobs ended up being his mentor. Consultation turned into mentorship the moment Lasseter did exactly what Jobs had told him to do and sought to show his “consultant” the achievement he had gained after his advice. But if Jobs was just but an option amongst many that Lasseter was seeking advice from, he would have remained but a consultant to Lasseter.

In Biblical contexts, I will pick on an example known and relevant to all of us: that of God, Moses and Joshua. 

In the Book of Numbers 27, we witness Moses ordaining Joshua to be leader over Israel under the Lord’s command:-

Num 27:18-23 (ESV): “So the LORD said to Moses, ‘Take Joshua the son of Nun, a man in whom is the Spirit, and lay your hand on him. Make him stand before Eleazar the priest and all the congregation, and you shall commission him in their sight. You shall invest him with some of your authority, that all the congregation of the people of Israel may obey. And he shall stand before Eleazar the priest, who shall inquire for him by the judgment of the Urim before the LORD. At his word they shall go out, and at his word they shall come in, both he and all the people of Israel with him, the whole congregation.’ And Moses did as the LORD commanded him. He took Joshua and made him stand before Eleazar the priest and the whole congregation, and he laid his hands on him and commissioned him as the LORD directed through Moses.”

But the firm relationship between God, Moses and Joshua did not begin here. It begins some few years back in Exodus 17. In this passage (Exodus 17), we see the Israelites facing their ancient enemy - the Amalekites - and as Moses stands on top of a hill lifting up his hands, Joshua is out there fighting and carrying out the Lord's order against the Amalekites. 

Joshua is seen as a young man who is ardently interested in what Moses and God are doing and he is involving himself in it. Mark that one – he is involving himself in what his mentor is doing. 

In Numbers 13, when God commands Moses to send spies to Canaan to explore the land, and bring back a report on what they had seen in the land, twelve men (one from each tribe of Israel) are sent and among them are Joshua son of Nun (the same Joshua mentioned above) and Caleb son Jephunneh. After their return, I want you to notice that only these two were able to give a report that matched God’s and Moses’ plan for Israel, and thus from this point on, Moses starts noticing the leadership ability in Joshua and the possibility that God may be preparing him (Joshua) to take his (Moses') place.

How and why, you ask? First, it is because Joshua is seen almost everywhere that we see Moses and God – the mentee is seen with his mentor everywhere he goes. Second, Joshua is not just a spectator to the things Moses is doing, but is concerned and involved in all the activities Moses is doing. Third, Joshua is carrying the same vision for the people of Israel as did Moses – by not seeing defeat in the hands of their enemies but by believing what the Lord their God was saying about them as a nation...

We therefore  realize that the one thing about Lasseter and Joshua that syncs is that they both followed and did what those with the knowledge of things in their fields told them. They didn’t have to desire to become like their mentors (which is important but still limits one to a certain way of doing things); but they did become more like them simply by following their instructions. They did not reduce their mentors to mere consultants but went ahead and exercised their words, thus becoming real mentees.

If mentorship has to make sense at all – like the sense Jesus’ mentorship brought on all his disciples, except one (Judas) – the mentee has to be in one accord with his/her mentor, and they should at least agree on the same vision. Without this, the so-called mentor in converted into a consultant – a person who only offers advice and direction but has no relationship with the other seeking help in his/her field. 

If any friction through misunderstandings occurs, it is to be amicably solved so that the path towards the goal is not compromised.

So many people want to be like Lasseter (or Moses, Joshua and Jesus in spiritual contexts) but they still neglect that unique thing about these two parties (and allow me to compare them in contexts of mentorship only, because in other contexts, the Biblical examples given are incomparable). 

These two first recognized their passion (or field of work/operation), then they identified people in their fields that “stuck out” and then followed in their footsteps without looking back… 

I’m gonna need to find mine.

Maybe the problem we have with mentorship today that seeks to convert it into consultancy is that most potential mentors fear being overridden by their mentees. This problem is two-way: either the potential mentee is overambitious and wants to override his boss/mentor; or the potential mentor is jealous, envious or terrified of the upcoming potential mentee… Oh well, let’s make that a story for another day… 

Lastly, I want us to notice some differences between mentors and consultants. I feel that these two words have been being used interchangeably but in a wrong way. They are not the same thing.

What mentors do (it can be to one individual or to a group of people):-

1.        They advice you, encourage you and guide you accordingly

2.        Are concerned about your growth and check in to see how far you have gone as related to your field of work

3.        They share about their experiences and shortcomings and help you overcome yours

4.        They are in the same field as you are and seek to achieve the same goal as you do

What consultants do (it can be to one individual or to a group of people):-

1. They give you advice on the situation challenging you, and that is all. They are more of counselors than mentors.
2. They may never check in on you to monitor your growth as pertaining your challenge (unless asked)
3. They establish no relationship with the concerned party
4. They may not share the same interests with you, but if they do, you only seek after   them when you are stuck.

I think that is enough for today. I hope that you can now identify who is who and where in your life, and/or who you are to the few or many people you interact with daily.

Meet/see you next time, right here.

Bonface Morris.

The New Me

I need a brand new me
Yes, I need him because I am tired of this normal me
I am tired of the "usual" and "common" me
I need a new me, a brand new me
I need him so much that I dare write about him;
A me that is different, and wiser, and more intuitive, and abnormal,
A me that husks from berries, and fetches pints and pints of salt
Yes, this me, this one, I will write about

I need this me, this brand new me so bad
I need him so much that I'll climb all the mountains there are to reach him
And I will walk all the journeys there are, and all there is...
I need him to come and swallow up this other me...
And before he is done, I want him to teach me some few things, to teach me to become this kind of me:
A me that does not cuss, nor lie, nor quarrel
A me that does not judge people according to their flaws, nor discriminate, nor pamper prejudice
A me that seranades and passionately totters compassion
A me that is polite, and humble and true, but a lil rugged
Yes, before he is done, I wanna be like him...

Then after he has taught me, and directed me and my obedience has been tested,
After I have withered in his strokes and I am dead,
Then I shall not be anymore,
And I shall have pardoned my shameful paddling, and seamlessly grasped a few, no, all of his mannerisms...
Then as a toddler I will barge from these old soils, stretching my arm, seeking guidance
Murmuring a new tongue and eating a new language...
And clutching at pots and spoons, bread and corn meals and bones that will be food of my new aboard
And I shall be confounded by my growth...

Then patience will not be a lake, nor will hungering and thirsting for Him who created me be a river,
After I am done learning from this new me, the throne of Him who made me will be my dwelling place,
And talking to Him will be my eternal pleasure...
O that this me will come!
That I may hide no more the fires flaming within my soul!!
O that I may eat of no earthy cuisines and drink of no blemish!

But he is not far away from me, this one, no, he is not
This brand new me is right here with me
If only I can lean deeper within,
If only I can stop running and chasing him around,
I can bring him to life
Yes, I can bring him to life from right where I am...

And so as I seek to get to that me, I am wanting to ask you,
"Have you found your 'you'?
Do you want to?"
Have you met with Jesus?
Have you known that there can never be a "you" that is better than what He forges, what He makes?
This is what He once said to Israel (Jeremiah 18:6 [NKJV]): "'O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?' says the LORD. 'Look, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel...!'"
And Jeremiah had been sent to see how He so dearly wants to make us over, to make brand new "us"
And I've found out that if I want to meet the brand new me I so much desire to meet,
I'll need to meet with Him (Jesus) first, and meet Him often
And I think the same of you too...
Go meet with Him (Jesus)
Allow Him to make out of you a brand new you
I'll be doing the same - giving out myself to the new me...
Then after He has made us over, come on and let's change the world together... by Him.

Bonface Morris.

When I Looked at You... I Fell in Love

This is a story I tell often but almost all the time in or with different words: my love story. It is a story I write poems about because it catches my emotion when I'm reminded of it. It is a story of love.

One sad thing though is that I can't really hold together how it all happened, or how it all occurred, or how it keeps on happening or occurring...

Anyway, do I have to?

But I'm glad that it surely happened:-

It's not something I regret or would at any given time want to regret

Because it is true that when I looked at You, I fell in love

I knew, and I still know that I know not what love looks like

You see, the very image of You before me revolted my imagination,

It ran down my scope of thinking and subdued it

It skimmed through my intellect and overwhelmed it...

And even though I may want to deny it, I got lost for a while,

I got lost in that galaxy of a moment,

Me here seeing You there was an exclamation of an existence...

When I looked at You... I fell in love,

I didn't want to - because, anyway, who REALLY wants to?

It (love) gets us unawares (C S Lewis has told me so), and we frantically deny falling into its powerful arms; 

So, to try to conceal my wonder - the wonder of how at that time I had failed to put myself together - I stood there staring like I had lost and now was finding something,

Like founding was being founded, a founding that runs deeper...

I know You know how we men feel when we are finding - finding something - yet again being found by that something...

And how scared we always seem when found and are founding a petition to escape being in the finding...

Yeah, that's how I felt,

That's how I still feel...

Many words. But profound...

Yeah, it was Your beauty I think,

Err, or was it the ultimatum which You carried in that time?

Or it may be both: how You looked like and what You represented

Nevertheless, I was hypnotized so

I refused to say "no" to Your existence

And decided to fall in love...

It was love at first sight but for a good reason and cause, err, course...

I know they say that love at first sight is quite overrated,

I know also that it is sometimes wise to let the sayers say their sayings,

But wasn't it worthy the course to peruse through my pride and shed its edges just this one time, huh?

So I am here capturing and birthing memoirs again

Like my soul is in a conduit of applause again, and again,

I am thinking of You and falling in love again, because

When I look at You... I fall in love

I promised that I won't stop loving You. I am a liar.

I am a liar because You have watched me stop at some point, er, many times,

You have watched me stoop and stop in many ways along the way, 

I promised it but I have not fully kept my promise. I know.

I have not fully kept my part of the promise because as I told You when I first met You - I can be a lil' bit weird...

But You had and have and will always be the classic faultless One who takes me as I am. Unconditionally. 

When I tell You that I still love You, You will believe me, right?

I know I may have not fully kept my word sometimes,

But that's the best way I know how to love,

Because I still know that...

When I met and looked, and look at You, I fell, and I still fall... in love...

You have taught me a new way to love. It is different;

It is very different here when I am with You

You see, many people doubt that there is a love like Yours

I think they've not met such a lover like You

Your romance is different

Your words are different

Your countenance is different

Your promises are different

Yeah, Your everything is different

So, to prove them wrong, I will tell them how I met with You and how You've never given up on me all this time...

I will show them too how You do things - how You love things done,

And that my life with You doesn't entirely depend on me but You...

So, again, when I look at You, even in the future, and with my failures,

I will fall in love...

Because You are special to me

And memoirs of You are important to me

#EasterIsSpecial to me...

You make Easter very special to me...

Bonface Morris