Of Commitment-phobes And the Proverbs 31 Woman

“All men fear commitment!”

“Oh really? Men? What men?”

“All men”

“Uh! Men are not fish. Fish is ‘all fish’, but men are one individual acting and making decisions on his own…”

“Men are all the same… just the dressing code, the shoes, the voice, the skin and the grooming tho… but they are all the same…!!”

“I said men are not fish or chicken – every man is independent in character and choices…”

“Wacha kujitetea… undhani wee ndo uko fiti?”

“Uh!”

Adrian is listening carefully to his lady friend Annabelle as she rants on and on about how men can’t just be committed to anything (at least as far as she is concerned).

He is used to it. She calls him, he answers back. She asks him the usual, “Do you have some time...?” And he responds with his usual, “Kinda…” Then she begins ranting about how men and women are so different on their outlook on life… which eventually runs down to relationships and stuff… At this moment, he is exhausted enough to only respond with grins and shins, with the rubbing of his forehead from time to time and the wiggling of his tongue in the cheeks of his mouth down to his teeth. It is this time that he is so much trying to concentrate on what she is saying. Later, after about 10 minutes or so, she thanks him and hangs up.

That girl with her postpaid thingy! Yes, whoever pays her phone bills is in eternal trouble. But she is a good friend: open-minded, assertive and easy to be around with. Throw anything at her and she’ll hold it in and know just how to throw it back or throw it away.

The above conversation is a stub from their latest chat via a phone call. She initiated the call. He rarely does. Calling people makes him uncomfortable. He’d rather just text…

They never actually agree whenever they talk. They just rant, rant, rant, laugh and disagree then after one of them has failed to justify their point of view, they disappear before boredom creeps in. In their book of relations and communication, that is how it has always flown: you don’t have to agree, but you need to make your voice heard. Talk about it. They are good friends and that is all that matters, right?

But Adrian has been doing some homework on their ongoing chat on the lack of commitment amongst both sexes in relationships. It can’t be possible that men are incessant commitment-phobes. It can’t be. It is not genetic (sex-linked or something…) It is not even related to that. You can’t say “all men are commitment-phobes” without the evidence that ALL men have fallen short of commitment as far as anything is concerned… What about women? How many can say that they are truly committed to anything? At all? Commitment is not gender-inclined. It is in both sexes! He needs to make her see this. He therefore has coined a series of things to kick off his next conversation with Annabelle: Men are not afraid of commitment, they just lack the right person (or thing or cause) to commit to... and a woman of worth should strive to convince a man that he really needs her in his life in order to stir his commitment to the next level in the relationship. A man does not see the need to commit to a woman (or anything in that case) who cannot behave her age…

…………………………………..

I agree that Adrian has a point, don’t you? Someone - whether a man or a woman - is perceived in a manner worthy of his/her countenance. If all women around a man are behaving in a childish manner, why should he commit to these ‘xaxa’ lasses? Why in the whole beautiful world should he do that? In the same way, why would a woman commit to a ‘xaxa’ lad? Why should a woman worthy her salt do so?

So, in this view of things, let us address the commitment issue in relationships in two phases: phase one (where we are looking at the non-committal man) and phase two (where we address the non-committal woman) because there is a problem on both ends.

Phase 1 – The Non-committal man

There are a few reasons to why a man won’t commit.

There are the good ones;

• All females around him are ‘xaxa’ lasses 
• All females around him are not ready to settle down (party animals, always absent minded, spendthrifts and braggarts…)
• He is not yet of age (although this is never a reason enough because having a sense of commitment begins as early as when one is 15 years old.)

Then there are the stupid ones;

• He is a mommy’s boy and he therefore fears another woman taking charge over his life
• He is still fully dependent upon his parents – head to limb to toe to air (sic)
• His woman is not pushing them enough (oh, so he wanna be pushed?)
• He still wants to flirt around and play ground (stupid, huh?)

Commitment to a man is taught of him by fellow men. He learns it from the SOLID men around him. He smells it, sees it, feels it, adapts himself to it and starts speaking it as a language. (That is why it is recommended that a boy gets his mentorship from a SOLID man so that he may learn the art of manhood in his teen age…) 

If a man cannot realize that he is the leader within any given structure (a relationship in this case) and that he should therefore stop being passive, hold the mantle and show the way to go, he is not yet worthy to be called a man. (Oh, ninjas are pulling their bows and arrows on me already, I guess.) Men who fear commitment are absconding the very rule and purpose for which God created them: leadership and purpose. 

A man was created to lead. God said in the Garden of Eden, remember? The man should be the head of the activities he involves himself in (unless they involve other stipulated rules which thus require a different order of doing things). Just as Christ is the head of the Church, so the man should be the head of his relationship(s). If he doesn’t feel like he needs to lead or to get committed to a cause which drives his life and show others that he has a sense of direction, let him then not expect to be treated as a man but as a ‘xaxa’ lad.

I normally say that people had rather say that a man is proud and has a sense of direction and knows where he is headed to, than that he is aimless and without focus.

If people cannot see that a man is self driven and that his life is headed somewhere (regardless of where he is in life right now), he should not expect a focused lady to see otherwise. A man should ask people around him to confirm whether he is moving into the next level or not. He should ask to know if they think he has a vision for his life or not. He should ask them indirectly in order to get genuine answers. It is this simple: if a man cannot figure out where he would love to be in the next five years, he is still ‘xaxa’ material. Period.

Solution?... To wake up a non-committal man, all women need to learn the art of running away. Don’t think he will change unless he realizes that he has lost you. And let him know that you ran away because he has refused to grow into a SOLID man. Don’t waste your time praying for him you saved ladies. Don’t. Prayer may help but the ‘xaxaness’ and the passiveness may not vanish that fast. Run away. The earlier the better.

But this is not to mean that there are no committed men out here. No. There are a whole lot of them. It is just that they too do not tolerate ‘xaxa’ lasses...There are many young men I know who do not fear getting a focused lady. They do not get intimidated by focused ladies. They are ready to lead them into a better world (only if these women would allow them.) These men are here. They are responsible. They admit that they have their weaknesses but they move beyond them and step out of their comfort zones. These men are here, ladies. I know several. Ladies, these men are here – on this planet.

Phase 2 – The Non-committal Woman

All along, it has been thought that women love commitment. I see it a lot in saved ladies who claim to be The Proverbs 31 Woman (I’ll address this below.) I want to prove us wrong – not entirely but to some extent. I have met at least two out of 10 women I have informally asked about the question of commitment (in anything from marriage to some other business) and I have discovered that a great percentage of the 21st Century woman prefers independence to being bound to an oath (either of marriage or any form of contract, mutuality or form of understanding.) 

These statistics are also being proven by this video which was a discussion on Citizen TV's #MondaySpecialKE a few weeks ago on Youth And Commitment. Two ladies in the discussion are seen denying the possibility of them getting married due to various reasons one of them being commitment (watch the video to get their reasons.)

This indicates that it is not only men today that have a commitment problem but women too. Our mothers were proud of getting into relationships, taking care of their future husbands and later getting married; in the contrary, most women you meet today are either dreaming of eternal independence or temporal cohabitation as far as relationships and marriage are concerned.

Reason?... (genuine ones);

• All men around them are ‘xaxa’ lads 
• All men around them are not ready to settle down (party animals, mommy’s boys, always absent minded, spendthrifts and braggarts…)
• They are not yet of age (although women actually mature faster as compared to men – so by age 14 they should already be knowing what is going on with their lives – they should not necessarily be mature but seeing the world I a different way altogether…)

The lame ones include;

• She is a daddy’s girl and she therefore fears another man taking charge over her life (which has proven to be a very big problem to men today.)
• She is still a ‘xaxa’ lass – texts and chats 24 hours a day, binge eats, and binge watches movies all day long, she is a party freak, and has not yet learned what I call The Lady Code (a manner in which a lady worthy her salt carries herself)
• Her man not pushing her enough (oh, so she should be pushed?)
• Relationships and marriages don’t work nowadays so it is safer to sit on the edge than commit (whatever that is supposed to mean.)

Some of the factors a man considers while gauging a woman’s maturity and level of commitment include;

• Independence of mind and deeds - ability to be her own personal brand, and not a replica of her friends’ decisions and behavior.
• Self-driven - ability to offer support to the man and people around her without being forced or asked. (No wonder Eve was so self-driven that she drove her husband Adam into sin, while Ruth did the same to Boaz until he noticed her...)
• Ability to peg her dependence on God rather than on the man or other people.
• A personality not only built on outer looks but also on gentleness of the heart (yeah, you may now quote and add a Bible verse)

If a woman scores so low on the above, why should a man even bother to commit?

There is another issue thoough: The Proverbs 31 Woman factor which has of late become the opium of both the single and married Christian woman. Most women think that they are this woman. What? Yeah, the say it all over the place. But in reality, they are commitment-phobes who only do 20% of what is mentioned in this Proverb.

There is a certain level of commitment the Proverbs 31 Woman has that very few 21 Century women possess. I have summarized below a few things women should note from this Proverb.

Note the following;

1. (v. 10b & 11) …she is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain – she builds up trust in her man through the manner of her commitment and provision.
2. (v. 12) She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life – the message in this verse is open and evident – she adds value to the man’s life.
3. Verses 13 through verse 17 portray her as a hardworking woman who is a good planner and manager of her possessions (she works with willing hands… she brings her food from afar… she rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household… she considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard… she dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.)
4. Verses 18 and 19 portray her as outgoing and engaging, not bossy and domineering
5. Verse 20 proves that she is generous to the poor and needy and is committed to taking care of them from her own resources.
6. Verse 21 reveals that her hands offer security and beauty to her family and that this causes her man to be envied by other men in their neighborhood (a thing all men cherish). Strength and dignity are her clothing (v. 25)
7. Verse 26 through 27 portrays her as woman of wisdom and one full of kindness, one who is not idle.
8. She is praised by both her husband (man) and her children. Her works praise her. And she fears the LORD. (v.28 – v.31)

If a Christian woman (single or married) thinks that she does not have a commitment problem, she should re-read the above passage and make it a mirror for her behavior and countenance (James 1:22-25). This passage (Proverbs 31:10-31) shows us a woman who is truly committed to what she is doing. Such a woman should be the one teaching our girls on how to be SOLID women – SOLID committed women.


Side note: I guess you already are getting used to me using these two names: *Adrian and *Annabelle. I know you are smelling something there… whatever you are smelling, keep it to yourself J… ahem! But they ain’t existing in real life…

Till next time,


Bonface Morris.

Musings And Observations - Part 1

No one can deny that the world we live in today is a very weird world. (Or you may want to, anyway. It is none of our business, right?) In such a world, there is no denying (again) that it is, to a certain extend of things, very weird that some things happen the way they DO happen or that some people behave the way they do.
This world, therefore, because it is weird, will always fascinate us. (And fascination in this case will be Jedi-ic). Mostly, this eventually becomes our "wonder-zone" - which each one of us is in possession of - a place in one's mind where they tend to stagger between wonder and disgust, or both. To some it may be positive, while to others it may be negative, but we all have one. This is because we are all able to see the world in our own different ways and are able to cook our own mind-meals and feed on them...
With the basics on mind-works above - which are actually mere blubbery - I want to share a few things that my mind has been brooding over in the past few days of my idleness. (Yeah guys, we were chased away from school, and what do old men life myself do when they're deliberately chased from school? They study. And they write. They do this affectionately. But they also hang around and study people - thanks to my introverted-extrovert temperament.)
So while I have been seated on some podium and wittily gazing and analysing the trends in the world below, and as my mind has been excusing me to do whatever I want with whatever passes through it, I present to you the first part of its collection of moments (mostly with a group of young people in an age bracket of 16 and 35 involved). This is what I have come to conclude;

1. People, especially young Christians, are extremists that mostly take life for granted
I have realized the following during my interaction with young people my age:
We joke more than we should, talk more than we should (me included), dump more junk into our minds and bodies than we are allowed to (by any law in Heaven or on earth), hate more than we are allowed to, judge and condemn more than we are supposed to, pray less, worship less, read less of God's Word (but more of useless things), skip church more, skip all stuff to do with God and give more excuses than are necessary, fall in love deeper than we should, chat more than we should, listen to, read and watch funny stuff more than we are allowed to...
We are mere extremists that never take life seriously, and more-so, the things that involve God. We take most things for granted including our jobs and education) and expect rewards for our pettiness. It doesn't work that way.
How will anyone believe that we have any chance of changing this world, leave alone our own lives/selves if this is the approach we have to life?

2. Many young Christians feel that secularism today is "normal" and "cool"
In the past few days of my idleness, I have opted to make tiny spontaneous surveys on what people think about certain trends in the present world. They mostly involved young saved people like me. My observations have yielded the following;

(a) Observation: Most young Christians trash almost 80% of all the advice given to them by the elderly concerning matters of service to God, employment, finances, love, commitment, romance and sexuality. Reason? They think they are smart, or rather, "we think we are smarter than they are" and that the secular way of looking at all of the issues mentioned above is "more exciting" than the Christian way taught to us by our leaders and parents/guardians. But, are we really smart? Smart enough to put to dust all the advice they give us?
Possible solution: We need to learn that we are not always right - in fact, it almost always. Older people have seen more than we have and have been in the same places and situations we are facing. Taking into consideration whatever they are telling us is not only wise, but valuable in raising us up as rational young adults and reasonable citizens.

(b) Observation: Most young Christians prefer "to play cool" with matters about broadcasting (or telling others) about what they believe - and worse still, their friends. My research reveals that around 70% of young saved people don't love to share (or don't ever dare to share) their faith with their friends. A whopping 80% never talk about God or religion on social media i.e. Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and Google+ for fear of being tagged "cherchy", or it may be because we are entirely ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, or that we don't even know who we believe in and why; if not, they may only share such things on Sunday morning and that is all. This is tragic, right? We are more to the cold side of Christianity than we are to the hot side. Tragic indeed.
Possible solution: We need to get ourselves together and observe our inclinations and priorities as far as our spirituality is concerned: If we wannabes be Christians, then let's be Christians all the way; and if we wanna be secular, then let's go secular all the way. There ain't no middle ground yo! Why keep tarnishing the brand and faith that is Christianity with petty behaviour and foolishness? Why not just remain on one side and spare the rest of us the grins and grinds of being lukewarm?

(c) Observation: A good number of young saved people hate controversy, and they therefore prefer to only talk about the "light or less important issues of society" and leave out the more intricate ones. Talk about real issues in society and you are likely to receive no comment(s) at all from such guys. They are average people who'd rather die in agony and suffering than shout out that something is wrong somewhere with our government, systems or management.
Possible solution: For a very long time, Christians have been marked as "mild, stupid, unintelligent, frail and wimpy". Yes, for a very long time. That needs to change. We need to become more aggressive, bolder, more demanding as far as our rights and the rights of others are concerned and more passionate as far as what is right/good is concerned. Christ was neither wimpy nor a sycophant, but He was humble. There is a difference between the two: humility and sycophancy. We need to mark that difference and work on it.

(d) Observation: 60% of young saved people with phones, tablets, laptops, desktops and media-capable gadgets have secular music and pornographic material in/on those gadgets, and they don't feel guilty about it. We have been watered-down by a creepy Gospel that says, "Jesus walked among them and ate with them... so let us do the same..." But did Jesus really indulge in the sins of those around Him in order to win them to Himself? No. So why all this secularism in order to fit in? Huh?
Possible solution: Stop hiding in false interpretations of Scripture on dressing code/style, food (alcohol, drugs and smoking), music, entertainment and general Christian behavior. We should also stop formulating our own laws to justify our sins! Sin is just sin; nothing less, and nothing more.

(e) Observation: 50% of the young people I interviewed (in an underground manner) preferred "fitting in" to "standing out" while tackling various life issues requiring a bold Christian stand. They insisted on following what they are told by friends, parents, guardians, teachers but never laying down their own path that defines who they truly are. They prefer following what people think they are and lose all identity of who they truly are. They rant most about things that go wrong but never offer help or advice. They correct and/or rebuke no-one (everything seems to be okay to/with them), and would rather have their friends fall away than correct them in the fear of losing them.
Possible solution: We change nothing by "fitting in" and "being cool". It only loses us into a charade of what others think we should be and lose the whole identity of who we truly are. We should stand-out and become the definition of our own brands: the people we would love others to point at and say, "Yeah, that is him/her! That is how they do their thang!"

(f) Observation: 40% of the young people I interacted with have never committed themselves to any task nor have they ever been held responsible for any activity right from birth up to the age of 18 (and some beyond). They stated that they've not been believed to be able to handle any small tasks in their homes or schools (either by their parents or friends) and have altogether come to fear commitment and responsibility as far as life and church matters are concerned.
Possible solution: We become lazier and less productive when we only follow others and what they do. We need to rise up and be followed! We need to start asking ourselves, "When will someone follow me? When will people start believing that I am now reliable and can handle certain tasks?" Yes, we should ask ourselves such questions! Paul once said to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12 (NASB) "Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example to those who believe" and in Titus 2:7 (NASB) "In all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us..." Strive to show yourself worthy to be followed!

(g) Observation: Most of the young people I met are never forgiving when they see their own weaknesses in others, but can judge and step on others on the account of the very wrongs that are very familiar in their own worlds.
Possible solution: No one is perfect. We are not perfect. So stop whining about someone's wrongs as if you don't have your own. Stop thinking that you are God. Stop judging others the only way God can. That is how the secular world behaves: an eye for an eye, a wrong for a wrong and a judgement for a judgement. Scripture says this; Luke 6:42 (ESV) "How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye", then John 8:7 (ESV) says, "And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her...'"

3. Mommy's kids and daddy's dolls are the most difficult people to deal with.
I did not only make/do Christian-based research and observations. No. I dug deeper. And after digging deeper, I realized that it requires more and more grace to sit around and deal with daddy's or mommy's kids and tolerate their behaviour.
You know them: spoilt kids with tottering manners, money guzzling tendencies and funny appetites. Woe to you if you get into a relationship, into a deal or happen to get married to one (I am one of them anyway, but not all that spoilt  - or so I think. :-))
There is only one possible way of dealing with us: avoid us or get used to us. (Some of us are not that difficult to handle anyway... :-))

4. Most young saved people (around 80%) lose their faith either in their second semester of joining college/campus or in  the first semester of their sophomore year.
This is mostly influenced by secular trends and a fall into partying, drugs and sexual sin - accelerated by a hip-and-bone closeness to the wrong kind of friends. Deny it or not, campus changes people: for better or for worse. Most lose their values, dignity and virginity during this phase, while others pass through this stage miraculously unharmed.
My research followed through several cases under my leadership and premised that the most affected and most vulnerable are those who once-upon-a-time belonged to single sex High Schools. Campus somehow just derails them (not all of them, but some): all the freedom, the cross-cultural hyperbola brought in by a new environment, the excitement to try out on the "new unknown stuff" campus freely offers, the exposure to contradicting worldviews about God, the idea of wanting to fit in and not "being/becoming the odd one out", the lack of godliness in about 90% of the people they meet on campus - all these cause a weak mind and heart to change ground as far as God is concerned, for say, 2 years, until they regain consciousness in the last part of their third year or the first part of their fourth year in campus.
I am still trying to find answers to this dilemma and may come up with a few possible solutions after getting a reliable conclusion and workable recommendations.

5. People mostly do stuff in order to please others
If I were to ask you, how many times in a day you are self-driven, what answer would you give me? Can you positively enumerate the number of times you wake up because you want to, go to school/work because you feel that it is important, do those assignments or meet datelines because you know that that is the best thing to do? How many times do you do things willingly and without being begged, pulled, pushed or forced? Just a few, right?
Beginning with myself, I realized that I actually hate school: many hear me proclaim at the top of my lungs that I could (anytime) pay someone to attend classes on my behalf, do my assignments and sit my examinations - that is if it was not against the law. I am rarely self-motivated as far as school is concerned. But I always wonder: who am I doing it for? Who is paying my fees? Who am I trying to please by attending classes and doing all those weird practicals? (I always know that I am the weirdest scientist on all the earth. Yes, I am.) The answer is: I do it all by and for myself.
On the other hand, when it comes to ministry and personal stuff, I can sit down working out on a solution or writing things, or singing or drafting things or meeting my own datelines right until three in the morning. It scares me sometimes, but I have gotten used to it. That is just me: working late to meet personal datelines but throwing away books because they bore me...
My observations pointed out that if we only work harder in order to please our leaders, friends and family members, (or even ourselves), then we are not yet motivated enough. If we only work for the money or the fame, or for maintenance of status within society, then we still are not motivated enough. We need to work and strive for something more, something higher. We need to go to school because it is the right thing to do and go to work because we love doing it, because we are passionate about it, because we want to change the world... By doing this, we will forge less sick-sheets and pull out less lies to lecturers as to why we couldn't be in for their practicals. Yeah, you hear me now...

I'll be back with Part 2, and with an altogether new range of musings and observations...

Bonface Morris.

Leadership: Guidelines to Leading Worship & Worship Teams Today

It is already five Sundays into the new year, and I am glad that we've all been worshiping, worshiping the Lord Almighty.
It is amazing how days are going forth before us... January has vanished before I even took a deep breath, and February is already moving on rapidly.
The year is not new anymore. And if we have not yet embarked on doing something useful with ourselves, we are already failing.

As a worship leader (or as a worship team leader), you may have made a few resolutions in the course of last year or at the beginning of this new one - those you don't dare shout on any other mountain but on the mountain of God - about leading people in worship, about music, about your worship team and teamwork, about creativity and maybe about enthusiasm in ministry.
You may have called out on God in the secret place and whispered to Him (just as He does to you from time to time) about the congregation you lead, your fellow worship team members, the instruments you use, your pastor and so forth and so on...

But my question is: are you impressed so far with how things are going on?

There is this song by Casting Crowns, "Stained Glass Masquerade", where Mark Hall says this;

Is there anyone that fails? Is there anyone that falls? 

Am I the only one in church today feeling so small? 

Cause when I take a look around, everybody seems so strong 

I know they'll soon discover, that I don't belong 

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay 

If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too 

So with a painted grin, I play the part again 

So everyone will see me the way that I see them 

Chorus: 

Are we happy plastic people, under shiny plastic steeples? 

With walls around our weakness, and smiles to hide our pain? 

But if the invitation's open, to every heart that has been broken 

Maybe then we close the curtain, on our stained glass masquerade... 

What Pastor Mark is trying to say to us is that once we are in our churches, we tend to pretend that everything is absolutely okay. We love making everyone else in our worship teams and congregations to believe that WE (as a whole) are okay. We stand before people every Sunday, look at them, smile, and pretend that as far as worship is concerned, our churches are doing well. Well, everything may not be okay.

The truth is that we face innumerable challenges but we prefer not to talk about them as worship leaders. We have gotten used to developing shock absorbers, learned how to work around these problems and move on.

But that doesn't mean that the issues we fail to attend to disappear, no. They still remain: the stings of insubordination in our teams, the lack of seriousness and charisma in fellow lead worshipers, the grating brought by self-ish-ness and the autonomous clunk of uncooperative members; and the lack of discipline (both in attendance of practice/rehearsal sessions and to authority)... These issues still grind us from time to time. They never stop glaring their teeth at us. And we feel inadequate and let down in one way or another. Mostly plastic. Because we fail to know how to deal with these challenges.

I have been in my church's Worship Team for about 8 years now. (Yes, I'm that old. :-)) I have seen, worked with and and heard from quite a number of worship leaders and members. We have struggled with so many issues - some of which have refused to disappear up to date. (We are a tiny and humble team anyway.) But regardless of the many challenges we are facing from week to week and season to season (because all worship team leaders will tell you that church worship moves along a certain trend of weeks and seasons), I am still convinced that God did not call us to this place for nothing. He did not ordain us to maintain a certain viewpoint and weakness and term it as "what we are". No, He did not.

I am [rightfully] convinced that effectiveness as a worship leader - even as challenges abound - is something I am going to talk about even ten years from now. I am convinced that I have had all these challenges right here where I am, with my small team of weird worshipers (me included), so that I may be able to wear the same shoes all lead worshipers all over the world wear every Sunday.

I need to remind us that victory has never been apart from a myriad of challenges, but their child. Challenges yield power to overcome even more challenges. So if I remind us that God has called us to a ministry that cuts across all the major offices of the church, a ministry that is not small but great - even though many of us may be tempted to think otherwise - a ministry that involves ushering people into God's presence, I know we will gain a conscience that overcomes what the devil is trying to do to our worship teams today.

The following points don't seek to solve our challenges but to better our standing (because Paul says in Ephesians 6:13 "...and having done all, to stand...")

1. Be Sure of Your Calling
Maybe as a start, the most important thing and what we need to be very sure about is our calling. Our calling is very critical to our commitment to the work of the One who called us.
A calling is nothing near passion and talent; it is deeper and greater than that. Being called is being called: you hear a voice, you follow that voice, you do what that voice is telling you; that is what we call being called. A worship leader needs to have a deep assurance that it is God who told them to do whatever they are doing, and that it is not their show.
If a worship leader is not sure that they have been called by God Himself, they will not survive the many challenges the devil will bring their way. Once we realize that we have been called by God Himself, and that He has chosen us to the Priestly service of helping people bring up their utmost offering to Him, we can conquer whatever comes our way with the Knowledge that He who called us is faithful and that He is always watching over us to the end. (Philippians 1:6)
If we are not sure about our calling, we can never be sure of our service.

2. Show Commitment
We may cry foul as many times as we want, but none of those we lead will believe in us as their leaders unless we are a notch higher in our commitment, intimacy with God and fervency than they are.
A team lead by a leader who is less serious about what he/she is doing will either fall apart or undermine their leadership.
People will take you for your word or ignore you according to how you manage your time (including theirs), how you follow after the words you say and how you do whatever you do.
As a worship team leader, (and/or as a worship leader), how much more than the rest of your team are you committed to the team and what you people do? How many new songs have you taught them as an individual? Do you pray more than any one of them? What about your own rehearsal sessions? do you practice on your own? Do you read your Bible often? Are you strongly founded in the Word of God? How much more creative than the rest of your team are you? Do you sing more than any one of them? Do they see intimacy in your relationship with God? Do you value teamwork?
These questions guide us in gauging our intimacy, commitment and fervency in leading worship.

3. Become Like a Pediatrician
God just whispered to me the other day that leading worship is like becoming a pediatrician. I fumbled with it for a while. I mean, I clearly knew that all pediatricians do is to treat children and offer guidance on child-care. I could not connect that with worship. I couldn't.
But wait, while in my fumbling, a congregation was brought to me: people seated with others standing, and a worship team full of newbies and oldies; and there I was taught the lesson of my life: "Morris, learn to treat all these people you are seeing before you like children. Pretend that none of them knows the right thing to do and how to do it. Tolerate them and make them learn from you... step by step..."
Then I understood. I hope you get it too: we need to treat everyone else around us as if they are children (not that they are children, but like they are children) and that they are waiting for guidance from us. Any wrong step they may make becomes our fault.
Why? Because we are their pediatricians, and they are our child patients...
A lead worshiper should never make assumptions about the congregation he/she is leading. Thus the faster we learn to deal with and handle our team members and congregations as we do children, the fewer the challenges we'll have to deal with.

4. Serve 
Everyone will tell you how well they know that "we are called to serve". Even politicians do so. But you will find very few people who actually serve. Very few people DO serve.
All the people in our congregations and worship teams exist at different spiritual levels. Each one of them wakes up every Sunday (or every other day of practice/rehearsal) from a family with all kinds of situations to deal with. We are not the same. We will never be. And we as worship leaders need to learn a way that will help us fully embrace this and deal with it in a constructively.
People have a wild array of distractions still clouding their minds even after stepping past that church gate. They may be standing before you in church, but their minds may be miles away.
In an article I was reading sometime back, the author indicated that every church or congregation - depending with where it is located and the nature of its members - needs to have a way of "capturing people's minds and bringing them to the same page and place" before worship or any other engagement in church is commenced.
The writer reiterated that the best way to enable people "switch" from their personal affairs to church affairs may be through story telling or a short skit, a poem or humor... Everyone needs to be on the same page before worship...
So considering that everyone else around us is like a child, how do we move them to the place where they can minister to God instead of waiting for God to minister to them?
It is through service. We need to learn to serve the congregations and teams we lead. Service is achieved through;

• Sharing a word of encouragement from Scripture 
• Smiling 
• Telling them a story about what God has been doing currently - with relation to the issues they already know 
• Encouraging them to sing because God is pleased when people worship and sing to Him. (Hebrews 13:15) 

That is all I have to say for today.

Remember that it is normal to be wondering (because I also do it often) "What has the church become today?" (in a twist of speech slightly similar to G.K. Chesterton's "What Is Wrong With the World?") and to stand before people on Sundays and get worried about what we have become: too green, without enthusiasm, fervency or emotion in our singing and without the good old loud prayer in our worship moments... but after you have wondered, know that God - the One who called us to His service - is still in FULL CONTROL. Yes, He is.

Keep doing what you are called to do. Your reward is greater than you can know or tell (1 Corinthians 15:58 and 1 Corinthians 2:9.)



Bonface Morris.