Just a few days
ago – a week or so, to be precise - I shared something on my end-year cum
festive-season reflections in what I called "nanoreflections". If you
haven't read that post, read it
here.
This post is a
sequel to that one and it seeks to emphasize on a few issues relevant to any
new season. It is not [in any way] advice, (oh, it may be) but just a series of
life-questions and views.
Apparently, I
just want to talk to us, and, er, help us get into 2014 with some bits of focus
and confidence, and with well-directed perceptions of life and those around us.
But before
that, let me open up a little about writing, and especially writing in the festive
season...
I am putting on
paper [almost] everything that has been spiraling in my mind - thanks to my
sticky notes and my notepad - in the few days I've been both idle and busy with
celebrations. Why? I may grow mad if I don't. (Literally).
Every writer
will tell you that it is "extremely normal" to feel "extremely
mad" when so many words are passing through your mind and you JUST can't
hold them in or put them out in time. It is even more okay to become dumb on someone trying to interfere with your thought
line.
This is what
happens: a certain urge to vent out thinks
(things and thoughts) comes upon you,
and you acquire a status of between screaming and shouting, or of between
sitting and running; and a force purges from within your lungs (or from
wherever within you), because your hand fails to [somehow] tap on the keyboard
(or to scribble things on a piece of paper) as fast as your mind is pulling
them out; and it is at this time that the heart within you thuds tremendously
and your skin increases in tension, and the pumping of blood increases; because
beauty is fighting to be let out but it is sticking somewhere and some of it is
getting swallowed, and you don't like it...
Eventually, you
feel a mixture of excitement and hysteria taking over you, like a sneeze that
just won't go off... And worse it will be, if a couple of hyperactive people
around you ask you questions and request that you get involved in their
"fun"...
You may
slightly lift your head, shift on whatever is holding your weight, stare at
each one of them conspicuously and after kinda
30 seconds, say nothing at all. They may feel angry for being taken for
granted, rant their most, bring out those platitudes they have of you and waste
your good five minutes while trying to paint you as the-most-wicked-unsocial-and-punitive-introvert-in-the-world.
You may mundanely smile back, or fracture their egotistic selves by exchanging
their statements with a plain, emotionless face, and continue struggling with
the speed at which words are rushing in your brain... they may even constitute
to the adrenaline rush by giving you more ideas...
Oh well, lemme spare you that entire bunny
droll...
So, back to our
theme...
My observations
this festive season have been centered on people's character and behavior. I have
observed that it is character and behavior that manifests and depicts the
growth of a person as interpreted by those around him/her. Also, regardless of
whether you are saved or not, character and growth in life are the two things
in life you cannot jump over. We all behave in a certain way and grow to a
certain extent. Just differently, but we all do. If not so, we all are dead or are
in the process of dying.
Now, because
one of the most basic catalysts of life is behavior which intertwines itself in
character and leads to a given level of growth, and that without growth we are
all exposed to ridicule by redundancy and stagnation or even death itself, behavior,
character and growth become the power(s) that drive life - they are the main
proof of life.
And if [at all] they do prove life, how is Twenty-Fourteen going to be with
regard to these three? How are we going to trim them so that to make this year the year that marks the beginning of our
treading the uncharted territory?
Let's check it
out and see a few things that we may need to change in our behavior and character
in order to prove our positive growth; or rather, a few things that may make our
relationships with those around us more bearable in Twenty-Fourteen.
Here goes...
(and I promise that this one is gonna be reaaaaaaally
long)…
To all dudes:-
1.
On drinking and partying
It is thought today that the much a man drinks proves his knowledge of partying.
Well, I've seen some. They call it "having fun". Fun? Yes, fun. They
say drinking yourself silly is fun. And all this time, I’ve been hoping to believe (under some degree of supernatural conviction)
that fun includes having hangovers, becoming broke, having a sore body,
sleeping in a trench and making God sad through bad use of your body. I’ve been
hoping. For a
while now. I’ve not succeeded to hope enough though...
But be it as it may, my mixture of hopes
and observations have noted that 70% of these boys who drink themselves silly still depend on their parents.
Yeah, they are just boys. Boys who have not yet learnt to earn their own money and
waste it on liquor (that is if liquor is worthy wasting money on). Maybe
they'll learn a few lessons then grow up later, no? Lesson learnt? A boy drinks himself silly and parties all day
without a break, but a man is conscious of his indulgence, his company and
about tomorrow.
Make a decision on what you wanna be this year. A boy or a man?
2.
On lying and honesty in our relationships.
In worldly contexts, lies are
considered to be the standard measuring unit for a man – his mantra. They say that a man is wired to lie. They are stupid. (Those who say this.) Men are not
wired to lie, boys are. They are boys who lie about all things in their lives.
Men speak their minds. Men speak the truth, no matter how blunt and painful it
may be. Men share issues, and their women
help solve them; while boys lie about issues, and their girls swoon over them… So, my dear friend, are you going to
be a man [of your word] or a boy full of lies? It is your choice.
3.
On being haphazard.
Someone I respect a
lot once told me: Rush the much you want Morris, that is what
you young people think life is all about; but come back and be certain that
there are two things you can’t rush and recover; time and your age… I’ve been flipping through that advice for a while now and I’ll tell
you something about it after I’m done…
With the
current flip in technology, everything seems to be running too fast. Android OS
versions and phones are coming out every other night. Apple is unleashing
products like the wind. All sorts of things are being done to DNA. Robots are
becoming more real by the day. Smart
homes are becoming the envy of everyone... “So why not go with the flow?”
you ask. You don’t have to, do you? If everything in this world ran at our
speed and as fast as we would want it to, then everything will end up being
messy. (Methinks.) Calm down. Relax. Life was never meant to be rushed. Become
a man and see the big picture, rather than being the boy that runs into
everything without thinking of the outcome, or without seeing the future. It’s our
choice anyway…
4.
On
reliability and responsibility
One outcry I have heard from my
lady friends over and over again this festive season is that 90% of we men are still boys – still piping in
the drains of boyhood. Yes, you heard me right: 90% of these guys you meet and see
are still boys (Ladies et al.) Ladies have been telling me that
they are tired of acting as our mothers and elder sisters and at the same time
being our fiancées. They are tired of our lack of commitment and playing the man in our relationships. They are
tired of our lack of concern and dedication to our relationships. They are
tired of us being wimps and play boys. O!
They are tired of so many things. Over this season, and while interacting with
several of them, they’ve insisted on one single thing: let the so-called men in
their lives stop playing boys. They
say this: boys play girls and have a string of them and think that females are
objects of pleasure and meeting their lustful creeds; men date ladies/women,
value them for who they are and plan to marry them. It is our choice guys, what
we wanna be this year.
5. On being the serious and the moody type.
I know this one is gonna catch us unawares. But seriously,
who said that men should not know how to switch profiles? (And by ‘profiles’ I
mean our reaction to things.) Who said so? Who said that a broke man should
always avoid his lady (unless she is a girl
– which I am going to address in the next part of this post) or that a “stressed”
man is hell-fire? I am being told that a humorous broke man is better than a
gloomy endowed man (Ladies et al.) I am
also being told that a generous and charismatic man is more attractive than a
stingy and moody man.
Guys, again, it is our choice this year what we wanna be.
To all ladies:-
1.
On nagging and drama.
Oh! I know
something fah real: every lady and
every girl has a degree of drama installed inside her by default, no matter how
good they may be. After saying that (and I will allow you to make as much noise
about it as you may want to), allow me to point you ladies to a certain
direction. Who told you that partying and drinking yourself silly makes you attractive?
Huh? Seriously ladies, and who told you that sleeping with as many men as you
can’t count and surmounting drama to your name makes you famous? I know there are words like socialite that have
become “fashionable” of late, thanks to the internet. Yeah, most of you think
that drama and tweefs make you
famous. I can see it in most people’s twitter updates. (They won’t do it on
Facebook because it will betray their “decency” to their close friends and
relatives). There is one point to note though ladies: Girls are drama queens.
Girls flirt with every other man they meet. Girls nag all the time. Girls
manipulate men. Girls complain and rarely appreciate what their men do for them.
But women, yes, well-refined ladies and
women, cannot exchange their dignity for cheap fame. Get it right: Women
have standards, and they make these standards known. Women support their men, take
care of them, are concerned about them and appreciate the little (or much) they
receive from them. Women know their boundaries as far as drama, gossip and
nagging are concerned. Yes, you’ve heard it, so go on and make a choice this
year.
2.
On insecurity and self image.
Sometimes real men
wish that women would understand just one simple concept of attraction: beauty
of the skin and a great body figure
will fade away, but the greatest of beauties is the beauty of the heart and the
strength in a woman’s personality. Of course a man is attracted to your outer
beauty too, but he won’t be feeding on that beauty daily nor will it help him
welcome friends and keep/preserve relationships that are meaningful to both of
you. He will need something deeper - a great personality that matches that
beauty. That’s what will keep him. So ladies, why not put more weight and
attention to your character, behavior and inner countenance than spending all
the time bellowing about a man who seems distant? Why should other women
concern you too much if you at all take care of your personality and
your man? Aki promise me that this is
what you are going to work on this year. Promise me that you will worry more
about your-all-round self image than those shoes or dress you don’t have.
Promise me that you will not be insecure about yourself or your man when around
other ladies. Promise me o sweet little beau…
J
3.
On being THE woman in your man’s life
I grew up knowing
that women are always in control. Blame my mother, but that is how I knew women
should be. I mean, only girls lack territory. Women have their feet grounded
upon their territory, and they let everyone know it. You’ve heard the story about
the lioness, right? You’ve even watched it on National Geographic, right? Of how
she can kick Father-Lion’s a** and those little cubs to hell when they try to
bring in nonsense, right? Yeah, that’s what a woman is all about. But I am not
here to imply that women should beat up their men Nyeri style, oh no! That is what girls do: beat up their men, act like tomboys, go on silent mode for a decade in repayment
for small mistakes done, torch down a house… Seriously!? A woman who knows that
she is in control is not a control freak to her man, but she also doesn’t
tolerate nonsense from him. She goes about her business and makes him know when
he oversteps boundaries. That is a real woman. A Proverbs 31
kind-of woman. Strive to become one this year.
4.
On being an attention freak
I know that all
women deserve some degree of attention – especially from their men and a few of
their fellow women. It is genetic. That is okay. Your man (that is if he is a man and not a boy) should compliment you from time to time, hug you, pamper
you, bla bla bla… But why boil with negative emotion(s) over him not
complimenting you for a day? Seriously? Why turn down his calls just because he
didn’t tell you that you were looking good when he met you in the morning? Stop
being childish. Grow up this year.
5.
On independence and the fluffy affirmative
action
I’ll be on point on
this one: ladies, please stop competing with men this year (or nay other time
for that case).
Whoever thinks that
equality and equity are useless in matters to do with gender is wrong. However
modern we are, or have become, God still values the status that a man should
initiate leadership in the home and in relationships. I don’t deny you [ladies]
holding leadership positions and owning stuff as a much as men do, that is
great. But for once, just be proud that you were born a woman. We will value
you as that. Don’t wish to be a man. That is becoming girly and senseless.
Bonface
Morris.
