How to Keep YOUR Man

Quote: The modern woman is excellent at doing many things, some of them being the ability to never know how to take care of a man and/or keep him.

"Excuse me miss!? Are you saved? Do you love the Lord Jesus? Do you have a man in your life? Err, a man that is worth keeping? Do you have (are have you ever had) a problem with keeping your relationship rolling? Do you desire to just have that one man that you'll confidently say that he is yours? Forever? A gift from God that you don't wanna let go? Do you desire to make him yours forever? Unshared? Yes? Well, I have some cake for you..."

"Every lady needs a man." That is a fact to every lady out there - at least those without the gift of celibacy. The Bible supports it too. Every woman needs a man. But the question on any lady's mind is always, "Will he be mine and mine alone? Can I keep him away from the seduction and eyes of other prying ladies... both secular and Christian? Will I sustain our relationship...?"
This is because, out of every 100 broken relationships, the woman claims to have led to the occurrence of about 70. She thinks that she may be responsible. And that may eat her up for an endless time. But we need to put things right. No one needs to blame themselves when things go wrong if they had been doing all things right.

In order to join the parts of this equation together, and find a working solution, let's begin with the basics.
Here are the basics:
1. Finding a man - the best case is when you find a God fearing and saved man, or rather, when God brings you to one... If this basic works for you, the other two steps will fit in without a problem. One philosophy that applies with finding a man is that ALL men are relatively good - all of them - until you work on the second and third step.
2. Having the man, then
3. Knowing and keeping the man.
If you like this man, and I mean reaaaally liiiiiiiking him, drama, karma, seduction or manipulation won't work to make him yours. God will. But as you pray to God, you'll need to put your game together;

1. Support him
Support every damn thing he does that is good. If it is good, tell him about it. Tell him again. Stroke his ego. Keep him lifted. Make him drink from your palm by praising his abilities. O how men thrive on praises! It is not like you're pampering him, no. It is like you are KEEPING HIM. So, if he wants someone to help him breathe, take his nostrils and breathe for him (not literally). If he has an idea, prod him about it - assist him to work on it. Don't forget about his passion(s). Support them. No man will EVER run away from a woman who's gat his back! Never! → Unless he's just soooooo dumb!

2. Use your intuition
My mom practically taught me that a woman is always smarter, sharper, wiser and more knowledgeable. I grew up knowing that she's a superwoman. I could never outdo her. Why? She had her game held together. She never just argued about everything. Nope. She could just keep quiet and wait for you to finish up your justification and "I am right" thesis report, then after you're done, she'd be like, "Oh well, only point number six was true. You cooked up the rest..." She knew her game and commanded it. You could never lie to mom. You could never predict her steps. You could never outdo what she thinks of something. She was always right. She could smell trouble frlm miles away. She could smell lies and truth, and bumps and road signs... It's like she always had placards raised somewhere in her head... What about you, me lady? Do you know what intuition is all about? Can you smell that he's moody today, or that he wants to be left alone, or that you can talk about that "urgent" issue on some other day, or that it is time to let that ranting go? Yes, that's what intuition is all about!

3. Be yourself
Is being yourself that hard? Really? Maybe, you would keep him interested if you just became yourself and became proud of it. It would do you a lot of good if you never are struggling to impress him; either by being SUPER-GOOD or by trying to outdo someone you see/saw. Deal with your insecurities in private. Deal with your low self image while with "the girls'. Just don't allow your man to know that you are serially insecure and a pathetic wannabe. No man wants a woman who is not sure of herself.

4. Preserve your integrity
Be faithful. Speak the truth. Seek peace at all times. Be honest with yourself, God, friends and family. Show responsibility. Learn to be a good manager of time, resources and money. Show interest in growing up. Let him imagine you as the mother of his children, and not as a side-flick-chiq. Be submissive to authority. Practice discipline and self control. Be self driven. Be passionate about something. Have a sense of direction. Be committed to something - it doesn't matter how "small" it is. All men worth keeping hate busy bodies. Stop gossiping about people, especially fellow ladies. Love sincerely. Trim your character and personality. Dress well. Dress like a lady, not a slut! Be attractive but not seductive, as to lead people to lust after you. Have standards - standards that you live by. Learn to mind your own business... This is all integrity is all about... And by the way, who can run away from such a woman, huh?

5. Respect him and allow him to lead you
In the course of the past week, I overheard another woman I respect say this to fellow ladies: "Don't lead on a man you can't submit to..." Yes, if you can't respect him, there's no need for him to stay. Men are designed to be leaders. They thrive when they lead someone/something. And you, being part of the many people he closely relates with, need to make him feel honored and respected. Please get me right on this one. I'm talking about respect and submission to a man worth keeping, not slavery and manipulation to a man worth losing. Got it?
So, do you want him in your life? Permanently? Well, learn to like the way he leads. Get used to it. Thrive in it. It will make him stay.

There you have it!!


Bonface Morris.

Salt In the Sand

Odysseys.
Old, new. Plain, dewd.
Great, small. True, skewed.
Life is journeys. Life is a brew.
Life is salt in the sand.

They say pain has a cure.
But I say that pain can more than endure. It matches an unpredictable path. One which we know nothing about.
Pain makes stars shine in the day and moons, and suns to share a noon.
Pain makes salt become sand.

They say we are strong.
We think we are not.
We think we are weak.
No, we know we are weak.
They are wrong. No, they are not.
We think what we think because we listen to our pain and the miseries in it
We think so because we are taught - but not every learnt thing is rightfully believable.
So we have learned to mix salt and sand, to mourn and wand - all at the same time.
It is hard to get used to sand swallowing salt.
It is harder to swallow both.
But our comfort is that our God knows just how...

So when pain is busy calling out our names,
And it finds us drawing names in the sand - names we don't want to resound with our lips,
And we want to say 'no', but we can't,
We must learn that salt may be in the sand
We may not like it or love it, but we have to.
We have to learn to live with the salt in the sand.
Because sometimes, yes, sometimes, salt is in the sand...

Life twists us around
Winds us up
Throws us away
But we still stand
Why?
We are more than sand - our salt is greater than the sand beneath our feet.
We stand. Because we can.
With God we stand.

Note: Dedicated to every victim and those bereaved by the #WestgateMallAttack #Nairobi
#WeAreOne

Bonface Morris.

The Proof of True Love: 11 Factors to Consider

Guys, let's try to answer this million-dollar question today... Yeah, it's all about love, so let's get it rolling yoh!

Any normal person in a relationship has ever asked themselves this question: "Do they REALLY love me?". It may have been out of curiosity, or doubt or out of a search for assurance. It is normal. I think so. It is normal to question someone's feeling(s) towards you especially because love has [somehow] become very volatile today. We have made it cheap, and therefore we are bearing the blunt of our choices.
I know - and you as well know - that love (oh, please add relationships), to any young person, is like the main course in a five course meal ("Foodies" et al). Kawaida guys like me would prefer to say that love is like milk, yeah, Kenyan milk - expensive but widely needed. That's just how much love and relationships seem to mean to us young people.
Well, we overrate love. We do. We can blame ourselves for that. Or maybe not. Maybe the problem is that we don't even get it.
But whatever the case, we now know where we are. We are at a place where we have overdone so much concerning love that we've ended up not knowing what it is all about. Mmmmmh, and whenever we find ourselves in a relationship, we literally quote this: "Mun, I'm still treading slooooowly on the path of love. I just don't know if they love me," or rather "I don't know if we are meant for each other." And it goes on and on and on...
What I will try to do in this blog post is to avoid becoming a relationship expert. Please take off that hat from my head, because I'm pathetic at relationships. Many can confess that. I am pathetic. Okay, to do you justice, let me leave that to your judgement.
I am listing below a few things to consider while in a relationship that may be of help to you to understand your partner and what you REALLY mean to them - because that's what love is all about, right?

Side note: This is for guys in relationships that are genuine and with potential to move into the next level (read, marriage).

Well, to find out whether it is true love or not, here are some key questions you may need to ask yourself;

1. Is he/she patient with you? Do they try to understand you and your viewpoint on things or matters concerning you or both of you? Do they give you time to explain yourself? Do they allow you to "win" in arguments? If not, I raise a red flag.
2. Are they kind to you? Are they concerned about you? Genuine concern? Are they too cruel and never gentle towards you? Are they manipulative? Do they force you to do things against your will? Have they ever hit you? For any reason? If they have, I raise a red flag there too.
3. Is he/she envious or boastful or proud? When you mix the three above, you get a component that you won't want to find in a life partner. If they are only with you in order to boast about you (or the things you possess) to others, then my friend, you are more of a toy to them than you are a person. So, no, no.
4. Is he/she selfish? Have they ever sacrificed a single (and I mean, just ONE thing) for you? Have they ever done you a favor that was really pressing on their side? Well, if 'no', raise a red flag.
5. Is he/she easily angered? Oh, just to mean it, they're gonna hit you one day. They're gonna hit you hard and it's going to end up reaaaaallly bad. If you wish that for yourself, raise that white flag and move on mun! But just to put things right, if they are working on it, pray with them. Love always seeks to even the odds. Yes, it does.
6. Do they keep a record of your wrongs towards them? Remember that true love forgives. That's why we say "love is tough." Practising forgiveness is tough! So if they've not learnt to forgive as God teaches us to, they are yet to learn love.
7. Do they delight in evil? Do they gladly sin on their own? What about sinning with you? Did they feel okay after you fornicated? Oh well, what about after you told them that you had sinned? Did they rebuke you? If they didn't/haven't, I raise a red flag. I raise it because love does not delight in sin. It seeks repentance. It seeks the justification of God. Period.
8. Does he/she delight in the truth of the Gospel? The Gospel of Jesus Christ? Do they speak the truth or are they serial liars? No man/woman has known love unless it is founded in God. Please know that and let it sink deeper within you. Allow it to sink. If God ain't the author of their love for you, it ain't love. It is a fading infatuation. Realize that and deal with it.
9. Do they protect you, and trust you and hope/pray for the best for you? Do they see and support your potential(s)? Do they believe in you? If not, you're in for trouble girl/mun.
10. Do they persevere with you through all the seasons of your life? Mmmmmh, are they the seasonal on/off kind of friends? Are they your best friend all the time? If not, you can guess my conclusion.
11. Lastly, do they believe in your relationship? Do they believe that you two can overcome anything together? Do they show it with actions? No? Actions embroider love. Yes, they do. If they can't see you somewhere in their future, then it's puppy love.

That's all I have to say. And believe it or not, the points above are just a pimped version of 1 Corinthians 13 [NKJV]. So stop pulling/doing those "Ooooooh, so awesome" or "Aaaaaaa, you be on it buoy!" on me. It is the Bible mun, the Bible.
Do you now believe that God has something to say about our kawaida relationships? Yes?
One last thing though: follow the relationship 80/20 rule. No one is perfectly perfect. No one. Not even me. So, if they score an 80% on the above attributes, you don't have to throw that good relationship away. You'll be dumb to do so. Allow for flexibility and improvement, but never cross the line.
Yes, now you have it!

Good luck with that.

Bonface Morris. 

Relationships? They are Complicated.

It is 11pm on this side of the world. Sunday night actually. It is not one of those days I'm in for talk. No, not after I've been serving all day. On a day like this, I'd prefer to relax, flip channels, get bored, watch a few episodes of a favorite movie series, make supper and go to bed.
That's how it goes on most Sundays. But wait, not this one. Not today.
A friend has just left my place. "Why did he stay so late?" you ask. Huh?
Well, boy, we were talking about stuff. Relationships stuff. Man-to-man stuff. I don't know how we arrived at this but look, some things are worthy talking about.
I will chew a few words with you on what we have been all about - and of course, I write this with his permission (remember that they're both saved guys):-
There is a certain common trend in relationships today. This trend has it that men are complaining about immaturity and lack of support in women; while women tend to say that men are acting like women - that they have become too inquisitive, too "punchy" and rather noncommittal.
From a superficial view, this is just but a common verbal attack the two genders use against each other, where the one says this, and the other says that… bla bla bla. But if you consider details, that is where the load is. The craze is in the details, mun, the details.
There's one thing this friend of mine has been highlighting all the time he has been here: that his, err - let me call her fiancèè - is such a heck of a gauche. Well, don't start feeling like you want to kidero me already.
He says that this lady is a consistent nuisance. He says that she is a liability to him. She has become terrible. And cunning. And a liar. And a prude. She cares less about his sufferings and sacrifices to make her (their relationship) better. She doesn't see the future. She only sees now and now. She is confused. She's no longer the lady he used to know a while ago - one who was focused and was having a sense of direction. He says that she's somehow grown into becoming worse. He nowadays feels (he says) that she always has hidden agendas whenever she's dealing with him - always planning to eat her cake and have it. She has persistently become a thorn in his flesh, so to say. Actually, she's almost a demon to him - but one that he can't avoid loving. He feels that she's nothing near to being a potential life partner.
Well, he may be right. Or wrong. Or both. It all depends with what is the ideal "wife material" to him. Every man sees the world around him differently and each one of us accepts it in variations.
I've listened to him talk. He seems to be the perfect gentleman to me. A desperate perfect gentleman that wants to settle down (read, marry) and get done with this marriage stuff. But the lady ain't ready for that **. I feel him. I feel what he is saying. I feel his disappointment. I feel it in my own way. And I've picked out a few things.
Is she the only one at fault here? The one to be blamed? Really? What if she was here? Would he still say the same things?
Maybe she'll tell me that he too has changed. Maybe. Maybe she'll tell us that he has no time for her - that he has become dislocated and distant. Maybe she'll tell me that he no longer compliments her and hugs her, and loves her like he used to. Maybe she'll tell me that she does whatever she does with a hope that she'll somehow resurrect the old him. Maybe she's working on some sort of rejuvenation. Maybe she'll tell me that he doesn't give her much attention - that he too has become selfish and egocentric. Maybe. Maybe.
And it all comes out to be that one side of the coin is never enough to make a whole coin. Yeah, seeing the earth ain't getting the air.
So I've been wondering: What if they forgot about all that yada yada and decided to start all over again? What if they stopped the ranting, the blame games and the complaining and chose to forgive one another of all the faults done and passionately embarked on making a better relationship? What if they chose to trust and understand each other? What if…?
I don't know what would happen, but I know that things would be different. I know that something (or maybe everything) would change. It is possible.
So what's my take?
My take is this: relationships become more complicated whenever there's an imbalance in priorities and a poor love language. If you can't (most of the time) see the world through the same eyes, there's nothing to work on and save. But if there is a possibility to save the relationship, put God in the mix and go for it. Don't abandon a good future for what is passing away.
That's my take.

Bonface Morris.