10 “Simple” Things that we Love Taking for Granted

Let me introduce you to the natural things you already know. At least I can always say that I have a way with normal common things and I love twisting their commonness until you see them common no more. Life is all about appreciating the little things we have; and they are those little things that create the bigness that we desire to be eternally plugged into. Maybe learning to practice these little things will make you start loving life and the many different people you meet daily. Here they are;

1.      God

God is not tiny and is not a ‘thing’, but He is the one of the most important things we love taking for granted today. In my previous post “What is More Important”, I addressed as to why it may be highly possible that today’s modern world has deviated from a way of religion (or reverence to any form of piety) and instead decided to worship materialism. If God has been taken for granted in your life (regardless of what religion you subscribe to – but majorly if you are Christian, the God of the Bible), you need to catch up with Him. You need to get hold of Him. Yeah, you need to. This is because you are lacking a connection with the one who brought you into this world and who is the only one that can fully define why you are where you are and when (and why) you should be in the next place you go to. And not only that, but because you need to reciprocate such a love He showed by selflessly giving out himself to save you and me…

2.      A smile

So many people need your smile. They don’t have to ask you for it, but you have to live knowing that, a smiling face is friendlier than a gloomy one… a smile attracts people to you. Humor attracts friendship. So, do you need friends? Smile. But if you won’t, then expect nothing more, because no-one loves being around a fussy person…

3.      A ‘thank you’ or way of appreciation [both to God and man]

There are some of us who never learnt the rules of etiquette or think that saying ‘thank you’ is being ‘soft’ or ‘nice’ or ‘wimpy’ or ‘less manly’ for the guys. You should reverse what you were taught by the society you grew up in. If someone (or God) does something for you which you were unable to do by yourself – or which you were able to do and they did it anyway - (regardless of whether it is ‘small’ or ‘big’), a way of appreciation and gratefulness that is simplest is to  genuinely look them into the eye and honestly say, “Mun or gal or God,  thank you for all that. You made my day”. Let me tell you it goes along way…

4.      A pat on the back or a compliment

No-one dislikes being congratulated. Men love being admired – and especially by the lady he considers most important from the rest; women love receiving compliments and being flattered – especially by the man closest to her heart. If this is done more often (and even friend to friend or husband to wife and vice versa), our relationships won’t be that complicated. A compliment drives out strife born by being unsure of another’s affection…

5.      A practical way with truth

Word has it that your only best friend tells you the whole truth and nothing less. They will care that you know it and deal with it. So aspire to correct someone (in a loving way) so that they may not go astray; because it may be true that they don’t know about (or they have not been knowing about) the (good or bad) consequences of what they do or what they are doing.

6.      Honesty or faithfulness

      If you care at all, be honest; and if you need your friendships and relationships to last long enough, be faithful. Even the Bible says (Proverbs 3:3: Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart…). Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. It is that simple. Lies are abhorred both by man and God, and no one wants a liar for a friend because such people smell of blackmail and insecurity!

7.      A show of ‘petty’ kindness

Be gentle. Be kind. It is not a show of weakness but of might and strength. Only the strong cry with others and sympathize with them. Only the strong are needed for friends. Only the strong are reliable… So no matter how that thing you were going to do is going to make you feel ‘drawn down’ it may just be what someone is waiting for before they call you a true friend…

8.      A hug and a heartfelt greeting

Give a hug to a lady as you give a strong well-meant handshake to a man. Greet people you meet. Say, ‘hi’. Get in touch with their worlds. Reach out to them. Feel them. You may never know when you are saving somebody my friend…

9.      A tiny build of trust

If there has been occasions when your friendship was doubted, build it with trust. Trust is a mechanism that makes people say, “At least they (meaning you) won’t betray me even when worse comes to worst…”. You need trust when dealing with God, and you need it when dealing with fellow men; so go out there and make people believe in what you say, what you do, what you desire, what you believe in, and how you do things. It is all up to you, if you need tininess to grow bolder and bigger by the day… cause someone to trust you, and aspire to believe in people also…

10. Selflessness, a ‘little’ generosity and a ‘little’ sacrifice

One last thing is being that friend that dies for your friend(s). Jesus has shown us that He is such a friend – one who forsakes all the good He had in order to make us to later share it with Him – He is such a selfless friend. We can learn that a friendship is of high quality because it shows others the godliness in us, and that being generous (with the much or little we have) goes a long way to stamp our concern, care, love and affection towards others. Someone (even a stranger) needs your well-intended selfless behavior, your generosity and your sacrifice in seeing that they are well cared for…

I know that the world we live in has (or may have) a very different way of seeing and doing things, but probably, the best thing to do is to become a better people for the general wellness of others. I think then, we will be driving our lives into accomplishing that which God created us for… And for that reason, I will give you a new code of operation: "Thus take nothing for granted, because you never know when that which you neglected was (or will be) highly needed by your immediate or distant neighbor..."

Morris.

Love’s Shades of Black and White Pt. 2

-         Bit by bit and beat by beat; the best life always treads in bitty beats – Bonface Morris

-         Nothing corrodes the soul more than doubt; an ounce of every step in such a world treads mankind into a dying world – Bonface Morris

This week begun with me being too busy – somehow too busy for writing. In fact I am writing this post from a certain hole-place in the farthest part of this country. But because I have to write, let me just do this…

We continue with what I started off last week – Love’s Shades of Black and White…

In life, there always comes a time when one doubts their abilities (if at all one has realized that they DO possess any – or an ability). I think it is a normal thing. It is normal to have doubt over some things in life; but it is never normal to think that doubting is (or to make doubting) an impossibility. I think that people who doubt take the best options in life so far – the best verified options. This is majorly because that which is the reason for doubt, on which such a person’s instincts mount and shine on so much is amplified by questioning and criticism, and if it at all has to meet an answer, that answer would have to face thorough vetting before any kind of mutual inception into such a person’s fact-world…

So doubting is healthy. It is natural. What you do with it is what matters most… because during such moment(s), when one is forced to doubt their ability to care, to know, to understand, to make things right, to have lasting relationships, and worse still their ability to love selflessly; and with equal measure tend to doubt another person’s abilities in the same line, answers have to be met. Such answers pin point reason and doubt to this post.

Doubt in the art of love always comes in because we feel insufficient and absolutely out of range with some aspects in the lives of our significant others. We don’t understand some things, so we choose to wrestle against them. We don’t want some things about these people, that is why we choose to dig them out and use them against the very people we felt so close to. We don’t like some things about these people, so we are choosing a way out of our agony of lack of knowledge…

“We don’t have to love some things about other people”, we tell ourselves. “We only have to love some…”  “We don’t have to have some things, but some come out to be naturally essential…” “We don’t have to know all things about people” “We only have to know the most essential, the most reasonable about those we love…” are statements we often use to make a defense of our doubts of others.

You don’t have to have been in a relationship for so long to generate doubt. A relationship of just one day may have as many problems as that of 10 years (if such exists). If two people have agreed to be in a relationship, building it and growing it with absolute trust in each other is a process that may take one day or forever. So putting that in mind, consider the following doubt zones that are common in any relationship after two have tango-ed even though we all can swear to our best knowledge that love should be selfless, impartial and unconditional;

1. I doubt if he/she will be consistent in their loving me (or their show of affection towards me).

This is majorly because you have insecurity problems and you either feel they are too good and  you do not count to who they are or the feeling that they may just be playing you. Maybe they have shown a weakness of inconsistency in one way or another. Maybe they have said so indirectly. Maybe they have shown it to you is some way. So you ended up feeling soooo inadequate. It may be true or a fad. But anyway, who never feels unloved sometimes even after experiencing the most romantic relationship ever…!? Test yourself over time and see if you are being fair to judge someone like you are doing.

2. I doubt if he/she will be consistent in the way they give themselves to me (say in their money or time…) I normally say that moderation is father of consistency. If at all you want to breed consistency in your relationship, control what you do for each other. Anything overdone means, something not consistently done. I cannot afford to call you for 1 hour in each day all the days of my life. So, I will only call you for a few minutes which are manageable – and I will maintain that for a very long time – because it is manageable. I will take you out to an ambient place which I can always afford. I won’t take you out to great places just because I had some cash to put away or spend, but if I can manage to do so always, then I should. I will spend time with you – only in a way that I can always manage – why fool you with a whole week spent together only to disappear after that? Why should I force you to doubt my spending lots of time with you? The rule is this simple: only do what you two can always manage to do and do it to your best – you will enjoy your relationship.

3. I doubt if their ‘bad’ will someday  outweigh their ‘good’

To say but the truth, everyone has their ‘good’ and ‘bad’ side. Just live to relate well with that fact. Nobody is always so good and if someone is ‘bad’, make your choices fast enough before it is too late. You may never change anyone, so live with the reality of their ‘good’ and the menace of their ‘bad’. If you are the spiritual kind like myself, telling your fears about your significant other to God will be of great help. He will help you understand that we are all different. And that appreciating each other’s flaws is the best part of unconditional and true love that He talks about in 1 Corinthians 13.

4. I doubt if they DO have a mpango wa kando or not, and if they will always be passionate and committed to this relationship…to fight for it, to protect it…

Ladies please, not all men are advocates of the mpango wa kando thing. And guys, not all dudes who talk to your chic are potential rivals. Give each other some breathing space.

I have  a friend whose boyfy is that kind of dude who always is peeping into every part of her life scrutinizing who she talked to, and why, and where… bla bla bla… She always ends up really exhausted and although she may never say it out loud, only love keeps her in that relationship – love is such a miracle… So, even if you puts guards around someone, it is never a reality that you can be the only person in their lives! Everyone needs an extra friend (whether a guy or a chic) – just a friend – please allow them this freedom and don’t suffocate them!

Commitment and passion in a relationship is something two people cultivate. You have to build your own, and in your own way! If I wanna be committed, I have to see the future of this thing I am committing to, and if I have to see its future, I have to strive to. Things don’t just happen – they are made to happen! I know that we guys are commitmentphobes but it is majorly because maybe ladies never give us something to look forward to – something to make us feel to be part of  such a relationship… something to develop passion towards…

The above factors show that doubt makes us condemn and drive away people even before our relationships mature or start existing. It is such a dark shade. Trust on the other side, and being the good oil that balms a relationship can’t be bought on the streets. Trust is build. If we have to undo the black shade of doubt (at least to reasonable level because it happens to recur) we have to work on painting out so loud the white shade of trust.

Can we talk about how to build trust in our next post?

See ya…

Morris.