Stuff I Learned and Discovered Last Year (2016 Edition)

Stuff I learned from 2016

This is a summary of my journal entries from the year 2016 in point form. 2016 was a year of deep learning for me by the way. Feel free to pick quotes from these lessons: that's what  they are for anyway.

If you may be interested in more entries from previous years, read more on what I learned in 2013 here, in 2014 here and in 2015 here.

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Lessons on life and personal growth

1. Sometimes you stick in the same place for a while not because you don't want to grow, but because you want others to come to where you are. At such times, you only grow inward because growth on the outside will cause an imbalance. And you don't want that.

2. If you want to know something more about the character of a mother, look at her sons. Sons almost always replicate the mannerisms of their mothers. Almost always. 

I observed a few mother-son relationships and discovered this: a boy is almost always as good or as bad as his mother.

3. Probably, one of the worst things in the world is to have a useless voice; a voice that is always sidelined and neglected. A ghost voice.

People with ghost voices are very defensive; sometimes from within but mostly it is seen in how they decide to not follow and do things with the masses.

4. Don't waste time thinking too much and worrying about tomorrow's outcome that you have no control over; instead, enjoy and work out today to your level best. At least when tomorrow comes, you'll be proud that you did your best today.

5. In 2016, I came to appreciate the importance of hard cover books; not fully though. They came in handy when power blackouts came about.

6. Everyone has an opinion on everything. Even silence, in and of itself, is an opinion.

7. You choose who to befriend. You choose who to propose to. You choose who to marry. It's your choice. The only thing you don't choose is when you'll die.

8. It seems everyone wants to be part of a great story, but very few are ready to be part of the making of that story. Always remember this: that every great thing you see took time and effort.

9. War always precedes greatness.

10. Here is the one single advice I'd give to this generation (both the young and old): listen first, react later.

11. Always know when to give up on an argument or discussion because some people just won't lose - even after realizing they are wrong.

12. Make friends with elderly people: both men and women. Tap from their wisdom on life, family and investment. It may be the best free advice you can ever receive in your whole petty life.

13. Be content with the fact that not everyone will agree with you, no matter how smart you are.

14. This is how scary wisdom has become: for every smart thing you're going to say in this world, always know that there's someone somewhere who knows a little more than you do but they have chosen to say nothing about it.

15. "Online" is now a real place: with buildings, with people, with personalities, with relationships, with cars, with jobs, with churches, with feelings, with clubs, with malls, with roads, with homes, with playgrounds... Online is a place.

16. And don't compare yourself to other people because there will always be someone who is better than you. Appreciate yourself as the best of yourself. That always works.

17. There is now the emergence of something I call "soft pride" where someone agrees that what you're telling them is the right and true thing to do but decide to do against it because they - as individuals or in the present culture they live in - think it doesn't apply to them. 

18. There are days when life requires that you simply stand still, days when you walk, days when you go sprinting, then days when life throws you in for a marathon. Never mix them up.

19. Listening to eBooks by converting them to audiobooks using a Windows Software called Balabolka happened to me last year. It made my ebook-reading life so sweet.

20. Always discern the difference between people respecting you and fearing you, between people envying you and refusing to give you support.

21. This generation is so excited about #Hashtags as if they are THE SOLUTION. They are not THE SOLUTION. They may be part of the solution, but they are not THE solution.

22. That one thing we fail at most but which is required almost everywhere, by everyone and in everything, is consistency. We lack discipline, and that is a problem.

23. The more open-minded you are, the less you judge. I wrote something on open-mindedness here.

Lessons on relationships, family and marriage

1. Relationships do not survive on love. Relationships survive on friendship, on mutual agreement and on trust. Love isn't overrated, but its role is to complement these three (friendship, mutual agreement and trust) and to ensure they smoothly work in unison.

2. I learned that most people don't talk about the real issues in relationships: finances, sex, faithfulness, work, ministry etc. They don't take real steps towards change because they think they'll change once they're married. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about marriage.

3. If you're single and you happen to meet a saved lady or guy that understands what contentment is, don't let her go before you make her yours. It's hard nowadays to get a person that isn't a gold digger, saved or not. 

4. Treat every date you have with your girlfriend as if it's your first date.

5. Things are not what they seem. Campus students, parents, Christians and everyone else should always remember this. Get the details first before making noise about something or fully appreciating anything.

6. If love to you means spending a lot of money, then you have not known love.

Lessons on leadership

1. The level of our commitment is shown in our consistency, not in our good words.

2. Greatness is when you ask for help even when you think you don't need it.

3. I sat down and wrote two constitutions for different groups I lead in church: the Youth and the Worship Team. It proved quite exhausting but it is becoming very key in bringing the change we all desire.

4. Reasonable millennials desire authenticity more than they crave "coolness". Always know that. 

PS: I actually wrote a blog about this here.

5. Never underestimate the intelligence of your readers and listeners.

6. A leader should never expect those under him/her to pursue a vision that the leader is not into; unless that leader is only a leader by title and not by action.

7. As a leader you need to learn to respect people's decisions, whether good or bad.

8. As a leader, be a person of your word. Be the first one to be faithfully committed to the words you say. People only trust people who do what they say they will do.

9. People follow the momentum given by the leader. When he/she says that they can't, it's almost true that the whole team can't.

10. As a leader, learn to face the outcome of your decisions whether good or bad.

11. Ideas are great; but ideas without an actionable plan, they are just wishful thinking.

12. I am a horrible counselor, but I can make a good coach. Why? Because I am too action-oriented. Just sitting around listening to someone without offering direction feels offensive to me. 

13. Have nothing to do with people who think that you can't slay giants. You are made for more.

14. Leadership within meetings is a one-sided kind of leadership. Very ineffective.

15. If someone else can do it, please allow them to do it.

And then there was a whole blog on what I have learned in leadership in the past 10 years. read it here.

Lessons on Christian living

1. The tragedy is not knowing Scripture. No. The tragedy within most of us Christians today is resolving to speak out Scripture only in order to sound "spiritual". We actually don't believe what it is saying. That's the tragedy. We argue with God because we think His ideas are outdated. That's the tragedy.

2. I've realized one thing in my walk with God: that in order to mesmerize us, He has a habit of coming in full force to help us just after we have given up on ourselves.

3. I discovered that people's understanding of the Christian life and how it should be lived is messed up. People excuse quite a number of things, including; sex before marriage, worrying, lack of faith, conforming to the world e.t.c.

4. People want perfection, God wants brokenness; people want to give you praise, God wants to make you whole. Notice the difference.

5. God and man may give you advice/counsel, (which you may choose to accept or reject), but it has always been and it will always be your choice.

6. The past will always haunt us. It is therefore our responsibility to make today a better past for tomorrow; so that whatever will haunt us tomorrow from today will be good memories, a stable and praiseworthy foundation and a life lived for the glory of God.

7. God is always in a good mood.

8. The problem today is not that there are no answers in life; the problem is that we give up so fast. We give up so fast on almost everything: on God, on friends, on family, on people, on systems, on our relationships and marriages, on life... we give up so fast. That's the problem.

Various quotes from books, podcasts, movies, TV shows, sermons and various web articles
1. God does not drive an ambulance - Pastor Matt Chandler.

2. Being a leader is not about being perfect, it's about weathering a storm and carrying on - 

from The Last Ship (TV Show), Season 2 Episode 9.

3. Sometimes saving one life - if it's the right life - is enough - 

from Person of Interest (TV Show), Season 5 Episode 13.

4. There are 3 words you should drop from your leadership vocabulary starting now: someone, something and someday. Read more here. 

5. A woman that can be bought isn't worth having. - 

from Marvel's Daredevil (TV Show), Season 1 Episode 4.

6. Instagram leads to depression - Pastor Matt Chandler.

7. Dating without the intent of getting married is like going to the grocery store with no money. You either leave unsatisfied or you take something that isn’t yours - Jefferson Bethke.

8. I picked up a number of quotes from an interview Perry Noble (a pastor) had with Mark Driscoll (Google him if you don't know him - that's one pastor who knows how to bounce back!). Here are the quotes:
(a) In this internet age, communication has become instant, constant, global and permanent.
(b) There are three kinds of people leaders deal with: wise (are teachable and learn from their mistakes), foolish (these just want to argue and shift blames) and evil (they just want to hurt you.)
(c) The fruit of a good theology is love. A good theology results in loving relationships. 

9. As you search for the truth about God, understand that it's best to deal with the subject of sin before you deal with the subject of prayer. When you ask God to forgive you for the things you've done, your sin will no longer be a barrier in your relationship with Him. 

- from my Devotionals. 

10. Atheism is not an ignorance problem but a preference problem: preferring self to God - John Piper. 

11. In the end, our success is not about us, it's all about God. You take Him out of the equation, you got nothing - Hillsong UNITED's Joel Houston in an interview about their movie "Hillsong - Let Hope Rise".

12. Consistency separates winners from wannabes, and diligence makes the difference between all-time greats and one-hit wonders - Pastor Steven Furtick.

13. Quotes from Elevation Church's #CodeOrangeRevival 2016: 

(a) There is a sound for revival and there is a rhythm for revival, but the time of revival is NOW - Christine Caine.

(b) Revival is when God shows me who I am today and besides that, He also unleashes the picture of me after an extraordinary encounter with Him, and asks me, "Hey, which one do you wanna be?"

(c) God can do the impossible, and He often calls us to do the impractical. - Levi Lusko. 

(d) Evidently, our world glorifies the finished product, but God glorifies the process. - Carl Lent (Senior Pastor, Hillsong New York).

(e) Do not focus on the platform, focus on faithfulness. If it is God’s plan for your life, allow Him to bring you the platform. And because your focus has always been on faithfulness, this will then sustain your platform. 

(f) It is impossible to be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature - Peter Scazzero

14. I date music, but I'm married to worship - Travis Greene. 

15. The four pillars that lead to ministry success are; (a) don't focus on growing the church, focus on growing people, (b) character and integrity (not charisma) (c) humility and (d) generosity - 

from an interview between Rick Warren and Justin Blaney (founder of Innovate 4 Jesus.)

16. Yes, God is for us; but ultimately, God is for God - Pastor Matt Chandler. 

17. Ladies, imagine your future sons turning out like your boyfriend. If that thought makes you cringe, you should probably break up - Jefferson Bethke.

18. We are not waiting for the move of God, we are the move of God - Pastor Steven Furtick.

19. At the center of our anxiety is our pride - Pastor Steven Furtick. 

20. If you cannot be honest with yourself, how can you get the truth out of anyone else? - 

from Quantico (TV Show).

21. You will never know your capacity, how far you can go, until you accept a challenge - Pastor Steven Furtick.

22. Your freedom affects more than just you - Cameron McAllister, RZIM.

23. The idea of love in the absence of truth is meaningless - Michael Ramsden, RZIM. 

24. Quotes from LEADING YOUNG (a leadership hard cover book by one Gibson Anduvate): your leadership will be determined by what motivates your decisions. If you want to be the kind of leader who wields true life-giving influence, you must choose to serve... and... many aspire to leadership but few have what it takes. The younger generation of leaders is looking for role models and mentors but they are few and hard to come across. 

Bonface Morris.

Here Is Why Gossip Is More Dangerous than You Think

Note: It is this simple: if you know anyone who has “a gossip problem” and they are your friends on social media (Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, Google+ and Snapchat), just pick up the link to this post and share it often until you are aware that they have read it. Then wash your hands off it and move on.

Gossip

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I have seen it.

I have heard it too.

A guy or a lady comes to me as a leader and as a friend, and the talk that follows is about how discouraged they are because a grown up (and mostly married) “Christian” woman said very nasty stuff about him/her. And they feel bad. Really bad. They feel so bad that they are more inclined to hit and hate the gossip, face her head-on and tell her to go to hell than to love her. But they’re holding their guts about it. (Oh, thank God for that thing called grace.) The victim of the gossip now tells me that they now feel like he/she wants to leave the church/team and go elsewhere or quit ministry altogether; and maybe add a few footnotes to their distress and observations: to call us all Christians in that place/team a bunch of hypocrites. Justified, eh?

Normally, I look at them and tell them that I get it. All this is messed up. Because when you think of grown up women – who supposedly should be practicing Christians, carriers of their own crosses and removers of their own specks in their swollen eyes - wagging their tongues in the name of talking about everyone else and with bad intentions, it is not good. It is messy. Then, to make it worse, these same women expect these young ladies to trust them with their private life details: about work, about relationships, about life etc. etc. That makes it even more complicated. I always wonder why they choose not to do the following: call the concerned party, request audience, and address the issue or request for clarification. Is that so hard? Really?

So the victim and I remain seated, me convincing them to stick in there and pray for an upgrade of “shock-absorbers” from God, and they convincing me that they just hate how grown-up women (supposedly confessors of the work of the cross of Calvary) behave. They even quote 1Thessalonians 4:11 on me (…and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you…) which I always agree with.

I know most gossips think: “Aaah, talk is just talk. It will pass.” But words are powerful. Words are more powerful than a two-edged sword. (Yes please, quote me some Hebrews 4:12, won’t you?) They cut deeper, they erode wider and they disintegrate mercilessly. Words created the world, and they can as well destroy it (James 3:1-12.)

Never take the effect of words – whether good or bad - on people and situations lightly.

So, after sitting down with quite a number of young people who have been affected by gossip, here is how I have found words used in gossip are such a dangerous thing:

1. Gossip breaks the very law that is at the center of Christianity: love your neighbor as you love yourself. Would you like someone to talk bad unverified stuff about you (or those you love) behind your back or to tell people things about you (or those you love) that were to be kept secret and hidden from everyone else? You don’t, right? Then stop gossiping.

2. It makes Christians who are gossips equal to the devil: slanderers and accusers of brethren. Slandering and falsely accusing Christians is the work of the devil: Revelation 12:10 “And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, ‘Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.’” Stop taking the devil’s job description for yourself. You’ll end up in hell!

3. It breaks fellowship because people just can’t trust one another. If you read my article on why people really leave teams, gossip is right there in the middle. Christians should be carriers of each other burdens, a people who pray for one another in love, a people who trust in God together for the sake of others, not those who add more weight on others through bad-mouthing. Come on, our own crosses were already heavy enough and we have discarded them at Calvary in order to carry lighter ones. Quote me some verses here too… Note that a leader who is a gossip is a fool (Proverbs 10:18) and that it hinders the passing on of information between two parties that should otherwise agree.

4. Jesus sees gossips in the light of this verse: Matthew 18:6 “…but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” (These are Jesus’ own words.) They are causing other brethren to sin: to hate, to fall out of love, to walk away from fellowships and to stop serving their God. So yeah, it seems like tying a millstone around the neck and throwing them into the sea is not such a bad idea (Jesus’ idea, not mine.)

And here are verses that say that gossip is terribly sinful (see the bold and underline in each verse):

Romans 1:28-30 (ESV) “And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents…”

2 Corinthians 12:20 (ESV) “For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish - that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.”

1Timothy 5:13 (ESV) “Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.”

End note:

If you are going to talk about someone else to another person, let it be with the intention of offering help (prayer, counsel, love, material help etc.) but not spreading malice. If you need help on how to stop gossiping, the help I offered in this post on masturbation applies to you too. And to all those who have been affected by gossip in one way or another, pray that I’ll do a post in the near future titled: So They’ve Gossiped About You, What Next? to help you deal with the aftermath of gossip.

God bless.

Bonface Morris.

Facts About Masturbation and How to Overcome It

PS: I am saying it as it is on this one as I always do, so please bear with me if you feel offended.

How to overcome masturbation.

What is masturbation?

Masturbation is the act of “touching one’s own body, including sex organs for sexual pleasure”.

It is an addiction: just like of drugs, sex, pornography etc. that involves someone using their own body parts or sex objects to achieve sexual pleasure.

Is masturbation wrong for a Christian?

Yes, masturbation is a sin.

Side note: Some counselling psychologists argue that masturbation is beneficial to the victim’s health but this is only trying to mask its real effects to concerned parties and to God as I will show below.

Why is masturbation a sin?

Reason Number One: Because it defiles the definition of sexual gratification and sexual engagement as stated by God within and outside marriage.

First of all, God intends, has always intended and will always want sex to be between a man and a woman who are married in holy matrimony. Thus anything that brings satisfaction to a married couple that is not his or her partner becomes sinful. Masturbation is one of them. A married couple that masturbates is being unfaithful both to God and to their partner.

Second, when a married couple masturbates, it is an act of selfishness. They are denying each other what God has prescribed in His Word that they should share. Read this:

1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (ESV) 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Reason Number Two: Because it masters over someone and becomes an idol to them.

Anything (whether good or bad) that takes rule over a Christian's life that is not God Himself is an idol. And idolatry is sin.

1 Corinthians 6:12 (ESV) “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.

And

1Thessalonians 4:3-8 (ESV) “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

Reason Number Three: It is a form of sexual immorality because someone is having sex with themselves outside the prescription given by God.

The act of masturbation is also a sin against one's own body: using the body selfishly for one’s own personal gain. Our bodies were bought at a price, thus they are to be used to glorify God, not ourselves. As part of THE BODY of Christ, we no longer belong to ourselves but to Christ who has bought and redeemed us:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV) “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

Who are the people that are highly susceptible to masturbation?

Anyone can fall victim to masturbation. It happens to both male and female. This includes; Christians (church leaders, church members, pastors etc.), non-Christians, children, youth, young adults, the married, old people. Everyone.

There are three most vulnerable groups in Christian circles though;

(a)  Christian youth who are struggling to abstain from sex before marriage. They may be fooled into using it to overcome the sexual pressure that builds up in them while avoiding sex before marriage. (This is an issue that needs another blog altogether.)

(b)  People that have/had been sexually active before i.e. partners in divorce, separated couples, couples whose loved ones are not close to them anymore, traveling couples that are away from their partners for long periods of time, couples with ailing partners etc.

(c)  Anyone who is not filtering/guarding what their eyes see, what their ears hear, what their mouths speak, what their minds think, what their eyes read, and what their bodies feel.

What are some of the effects of masturbation?

1.    Feelings of guilt, shame, self-pity and fear. These feelings escalate and even hinder us from talking to God and talking to our friends. Because talk on sexual matters is mostly taboo in many cultures, people become depressed, backslide and can even commit suicide.

2.    Increase in selfishness due to preference for self-gratification.

3.    Reduced sex drive in couples because one or both of them have “another way out.”

4.    Increased use of pornography, pornographic material or erotic stuffs which leads to submission to other addictions/idols.

Can someone overcome masturbation as an addiction?

Yes. This can be achieved through commitment to a pattern of life that will ensure the person is not exposed to things that trigger masturbation, through counselling, through accountability to another person and through prayer and God's guidance.

How would you help someone who is addicted to masturbation?

As we have mentioned above, masturbation requires a high level of commitment in order to stop it.

Side note: Allow me to add that the support from God and the Christian community to a Christian who wants to overcome masturbation will make them stronger and better placed to overcome it than any other people group. And please, fellow Christians, don't go out there spreading gossip about a fellow Christian that has confessed this sin in your midst, or to you as an individual. You'll be becoming a disgrace to THE BODY of Christ and the Lord will punish you for that. As you help a fellow Christian overcome this addiction, treat them the way these verses state:

Jude 1:20-23 (ESV) “But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh”

and

Galatians 6:1 (ESV) “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Here are my five steps towards overcoming masturbation:

1.    Confession and acceptance of status.

The affected person should come out in the open (either to his/her own self or to a group of trusted friends) and confess that masturbation is sin, it is affecting them personally, it is affecting other people and that they need help.

2.    Identification of triggers or causes of the addiction.

Every addiction (including masturbation) has a trigger hence identifying what causes this state of things will help the victim know exactly what needs to be stopped, when, how and where. Triggers are things or people or places that leave the victim highly vulnerable to the pressure of sexual desires and wanting instant satisfaction. The victim should identify them. They include (but are not limited to):

(a)  Watching pornography (real pornography, virtual pornography, using sex toys, having in possession any sexual or sexually suggestive photos or videos etc.)

(b)  Use of or possessing sexually suggestive material (romantic movies, novels, playing erotic games etc.)

(c)  Following people on Social Media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and WhatsApp) or blogs or video channels that post sexually suggestive material.

(d)  Being close to a lady or a guy that causes the victim to desire sexual gratification from their object of pleasure.

(e)  Sexting (sending sexually suggestive messages to another person via SMS or email).

3.    After identifying the triggers, they should work on either eliminating the triggers or killing them. (This is a picture of “hacking the Amalekites to pieces” in the Biblical Old Testament story of King Saul).

The best thing to do is to find something or an activity to replace the trigger but one which will not eventually become an addiction itself. Jesus once said:  

Matthew 5:29-30 (ESV) “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”  

Mark His Words. He says that the victim to any addiction (including masturbation) may need to go to unthinkable extremes to hack it to pieces. These comprise; going back to using a feature phone (if the smartphone is the bringer of evil), using search filters while performing internet searches (Google can always help them do this, and there are apps in the App Store and Play Store that can be helpful for this), using network/website filters so that seach results with explicit content will not appear when they make internet searches, lending out their laptop for six months (or probably until they are persuaded that they are in good condition not to be deceived into having explicit material on it again), burn books, delete so-called favorite songs, videos or photos, put to flames CDs and DVDs with such material, change friends, change places they hang out... in order to get out of that addiction.

4.    Seeking spiritual help (and professional help if necessary) as they go through the whole process of change.  

Here, they'll need someone to stand with them in prayer and in counselling. This should be someone who will be available to offer spiritual/Scriptural strength and companionship to the victim so that they may not be killed by another close enemy: doubt of self, guilt, shame, fear or self-pity.

5.    Getting an accountability partner.

An accountability partner may not necessarily be a prayer partner as mentioned above but just a person the victim can fully confide in. This partner will help them go through the healing process step by step until recovery. It can be achieved through the accountability partner asking direct and intentional questions like:

"How are you doing so far?"

"Which step is harder to take and how can I help?"

"Have you been tempted to watch/buy/use such-and-such a thing of late?"

"Are you committed to this course? If not, where are you failing and how can I help?"

"Are you changing for yourself, for another person or for God?"

They should also be a source of strength and encourgement to the victim as they progress towards total deliverance.

Here is my conclusion on this matter;

1. Anyone can overcome masturbation. It just requires two things: determination (both in God and self) and a good support system.
2. People - especially Christians - should not judge victims of masturbation once they open up to them. If someone trusts you enough to tell you about a sin they're struggling with, please become a confidant, not the devil (an accuser).
3. The church should never assume that masturbation is not real within its walls. If the Spirit of God would help us see just how many are struggling with it, it would be one thing we never cease to pray about and against.
4. The struggle against sin is real in every individual. Masturbation is just one of them.

I pray that any and every victim of musturbation will find healing and restoration because I have been there myself and I found healing.

Bonface Morris.

The Will of God: Tips on Understanding It

This is the longest post I have ever written. It should have been split into five or so posts, but the Lord said no… and who am I to say ‘no’ to His ‘no’? 

Anyway, I am going to divide it into five parts, with no criterion for division whatsoever…

*Deep breathe…*

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When I got saved a few years ago - eleven to be precise - in the first few years of my salvation, I had a hard time making decisions that would positively influence my life and those around me in a Christian way. This was because the direction my life had taken demanded that I make decisions that would please God and still be relevant to me and the society I was living in. I was terribly overwhelmed.

I was always hearing about something called "The Will of God", and that this thing was in the Swahili Bible I carried (yeah, I didn't possess an English Bible until a year later – don’t ask me why, that can be a story for another day), but could never really grasp what it entirely meant.

Now, the problem was that I had to read my Bible (which right then was harder than anything I’ve ever tried) and "get" that Will – God’s Will for my life. This made it even more complicated.

But after spending a few years in a relationship with the Lord, I have come to notice a few consistent things in this walk and the way He speaks. This is what I choose to share with us today: His Will, and simple steps towards understanding it.

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If you were to make a Google search of this phrase: “the Will of God for my life”, you are likely to get thousands (or even millions) of answers depending the SEO for various websites. That is how “smart” Google has become today – providing “answers” to questions it is asked by people who wish it really possessed such answers... But the question still remains: does Google really know that much about God’s Will for our lives? Really?

One of the beautiful things about Christianity is that there is only one source of answers that is accessible by all and at all times, and that is reliable and true: its author, Jesus Christ. It doesn’t need a phone or an internet-activated gadget. It just needs Him. We may try to find answers elsewhere but we will always hit a wall and come back to where we began: Jesus. We will come back to the author of life, the author of what we believe in... That is why Google, with all its databases of information that is just a click away has not yet managed to answer what Christianity is all about. It may try to define it and give directions on how it is acquired and lived, but the ultimate source of information about Christianity and God will always be God Himself.

So how do we understand the Will of God (what He has planned for us and what He desires of us as we live in this world – my own definition actually) at an intimate level, and not just the Google way? (Because, anyway, this blog is also a “Google way”.)

Let us begin by noting the following;

After understanding the truth above, let me practically show you what I have found out over the years in simple terms;

1.      If, at the beginning, you don’t understand much about God’s Will for your life, don't get overwhelmed. Everything takes time. There is no formula to understanding God’s Will.  Take your time. Relax.

2.      After you’ve relaxed, now start to consistently studying God's Word with a desire to know what He desired/required of the people He interacted with in the past and the possible ways in which you can relate those life events with what is happening in your life today - start understanding God's nature. This means that you’ll need a Bible (and a pen if necessary.)

3.      After beginning to understand God’s nature, relax again. Relax and begin to desire to know more. Be inquisitive. Ask questions as you read or meditate: Why did God behave this way? Why did this person do this? How better would they have done it? Why was God angry/pleased in this occasion?  As you begin to do this, God will start to reveal Himself more to you by answering those questions by His Spirit in you and making those past experiences relevant to you right now.

4.      Read His Word again, now seeking that the things you are reading will transform you. Talk to Him. Talk to God through your reading. Whisper about what you understand.

There is no “working formula” to understanding God’s Will.  Take your time. You will understand it soon.

The more you do this, the more you will find out that His Word has started transforming you, His Spirit's voice starts becoming more real and louder than ever before, and that you are becoming more obedient to it.

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Below are various ways to help you sieve through your actions and reactions to practical life situations as you progress in this life, which will help you prove whether you are walking in God's Will for your life or not.
Note: There is a Biblical example for each one of them. Read it to understand the significance of the point in that context and its relevance to you. All Bible quotations are from the English Standard Version Bible unless otherwise.
In whatever you do;

1.      If it is done in a hurry or in a rush, and you are overwhelmed by indecision, and it is highly provocative, God is not in it.
Biblical example - Eve in Genesis 3:6 when craving and rushing to eat the forbidden fruit given to her by the devil (the serpent) and King Saul in 1 Samuel 13:8-14 when he was impatient and failed to wait for the prophet Samuel to sacrifice to the Lord. He instead rushed into war without God’s guidance.

Lesson – Impatience and hurry are mostly of the devil, and never of God.

2.      If you are doubtful of the decision you are about to make, it is either you are limiting God or you are afraid.

Biblical example – Peter in Matthew 14:30-31 when he doubted if he can walk on water. He sunk!

Lesson – Doubt is accompanied with fear. And fear had nothing to do with God: the righteous shall live by faith – by every Word that proceeds from His mouth.

3.      If it not in line with God's Word, regardless of who is speaking it - an angel, a mighty prophet, a great preacher, or whatever - as long as it does not obey the holistic nature of God's Word, He does not approve of it.

Biblical example – Paul says the same thing to the Galatians in Galatians 1:8 and Jesus told off Satan in the same way in Luke 4:1-13 and to Peter in Matthew 16:22-23.
Lesson – Anything that is not in line with God’s Word, even if it is being quoted by an angel himself, it is not God’s Will for your life.

4.      If it is harming you (your morals, your body, your mind and good values) or someone else’s, God is not in it.

Biblical verses – The apostle John says in 3 John 1: 3 that, “I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”  The apostle Paul says in Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” and in Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Lesson – The ultimate good is found in serving others and God. Our bodies are to be used for His glory. That is His Will for us. Remember WWJD? Yeah, use it often.

5.      If it is hindering your spiritual growth and maturity, and it is depriving you of peace, God is likely to be far away from it; and if it does not give you peace when doing it and your heart and mind are troubled at the thought of doing it, God is far away from it.

Bible verses/example - Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peace makers…” In Acts 9:31, it is said, “So the church throughout all Judea and Galilee and Samaria had peace and was being built up. And walking in the fear of the Lord and in the comfort of the Holy Spirit, it multiplied.” And in Philippians 4:7: “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

We find a good Biblical example in the book of Psalm 51 when David is deprived of peace because of sinning with Bathsheba and killing her husband. His guilty conscience indicates that he is out of the will of God.

Lesson – Peace in the heart and in the mind is one of the greatest indicators that God is with you and that you are in His Will.

6.      If it is being done out of greed, lust, selfish ambition, selfish gain, self exaltation, jealousy, envy, with a hidden agenda etc, God is not in it.

Biblical example/verses – In the book of Daniel, King Nebuchadnezzar’s greed and thinking that he was a god caused him to be sent into the wild for 7 years. King Saul’s envy of David cost him his throne. Judas Iscariot’s greed led him to a shameful death. Ananias and Sapphira’s selfishness and lies led them to the grave.

Proverbs 15:27 “Whoever is greedy for unjust gain troubles his own household, but he who hates bribes will live.”

Prov 28:25 “A greedy man stirs up strife, but the one who trusts in the LORD will be enriched.”

1Cor 6:10 “…nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Prov 20:10 “Unequal weights and unequal measures are both alike an abomination to the LORD.”

Prov 11:1 “A false balance is an abomination to the LORD, but a just weight is his delight.”

Lesson – Greed and self-centredness are the very opposite of the nature of Christ who was/is loving, considerate and selfless. If we desire to be in His Will, we’ve got to be like Him.

7.      If the way or the means by which it is being done, and its end does not glorify God, then He is not in it.

Bible verses/examples – In 1Corinthians 10:31, the apostle Paul says, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

The pride and arrogance seen in most Kings of Israel e.g. Ahab led to the fall of many and their dynasties. Balaam (a weird prophet) sought his own good from his interaction with Balak (King of Moab) and ended up on his own (Numbers 22 and 23). Diotrephes, a church elder mentioned by the apostle John in 3 John 1:9, was a man “who liked to put himself first…”. His end was full of darkness.

Lesson – If God is receiving the glory and it is all about Him, it doesn’t matter whether you are being misunderstood or not, and whether you are facing opposition or not, stay focused. It is His Will.

8.      This article suggests that for many decisions involving the secular world, we need to ask ourselves the following questions in order to decipher if we are in God’s Will or not;

a.       What do I really want?

b.      Am I truly Seeking God’s Kingdom first?

c.          Have I asked for and pursued Wisdom from God about this matter?

d.      Have I gotten wise counsel?

e.       Do I have all the facts?

9.      Lastly, if it is not being approved by the spiritual and Spirit-filled community, I doubt if God is in it.

Biblical example/verses: One person who really sought counsel in the Bible is David – not only from God but from spiritual leaders too. We see this in his close relationship with the Prophet Nathan in 2 Samuel 12 when he freely comes to correct him in his wrongs.

Prov 15:22 ​“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Prov 11:14 “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counsellors there is safety.”

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Remember:

1.      Problems, challenges and temptations do not necessarily imply that you're out of God's Will. They may be part of your trimming into what He has for you, so take heart.

There is suffering that is out of sin (1 Peter 2:20 and 2 Corinthians 7:10-11), and suffering that that is part of your Christian growth (James 1:2, 1 Peter 2:19-20 and Romans 8:18. )

2.      Sin deviates us from God's Will, but that is not final. Like the Prodigal Son in Luke 16, we can still come back running to the mercy seat. He is faithful to forgive. (1 John 1:9)

3.      Our good plans may or may not be part of God's Will. We may need to inquire with Him first before concluding that those good plans are His Will for us. Not every good plan is in God's Will for us, but all evil is of the devil. (An example is King Saul in 1 Samuel 15 when he chose not to kill all the plunder and the Amalekite people after war in the name of "keeping the best sacrifice for God").

4.      God has said something about everything in our lives. We just need to read more of His Word to understand this. Minus His Word, we are only left to speculation, empty proclamations and constant wishful thinking.

5.      There is nothing like "God's permissive will" and "God's perfect will". That's a human philosophy that seeks to deviate us from the Truth; and it is like saying that there exists "God's permissive Word which can be compromised" and "God's prefect Word which cannot be compromised". There is nothing like that. God’s Will cannot be compromised. It is infallible. The Word of God is perfect (Psalm 19:7) and 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "Every scripture is inspired by God and useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness..." There is only but the Will of God: His Word. Nothing more, nothing less.

6.      We cannot change God's Will for our lives: it is intact. Nothing can change it. We are predestined for many great things which He planned beforehand for us... But, yes, but, sin is the only thing that will derail us from His Will. So there is nothing like, "once saved, always saved". No. Romans 6:23 "For the payoff of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

7.      We can, through prayer and intercession, ask God to change some things that are in contrary to His Will, or things that we know should be part of His Will for our lives or others' lives. Abraham in Genesis 18 pleads for the salvation of Lot and Sodom and Gomorrah and we see Moses in Exodus 32 and 33 pleading for the salvation of the children of Israel.

8.      God punishes His children when they wrong. It is part of His Will for our lives. (Hebrews 12:7 "Endure your suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline?").

9.      God wants the best for us and nothing else. The devil wants what is evil for us – that is why his name means “man’s opponent” or “adversary”.

10.  We can never FULLY understand God’s Will. Never. But as long as we have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16), we know His Will. This is not ambiguous, but plain Truth. Meditate on it.

11.  God does not lie. God does not manipulate. God is all-knowing. God can do all things. God is everywhere (the devil is not). God loves us so much that He gave Himself up to save us from sin and the devil. God is pure, perfect and holy. The way God works transcends all human understanding. God can hide some things from us and yet reveal others for our own good. God does not compromise or show favoritism. God is mighty and sovereign above all things known, unknown, living or non-living. God is not limited by situations, circumstances or lifestyles. God is infinitely eternal. God is above everything known or unknown. God knows you better than you know yourself. God is the Creator of all things.

12.  The devil can use God's Word to deceive us into sinning (like he did with Jesus in Luke Chapter 4 during His temptation in the wilderness), so we need to use God's Spirit in discerning the lies and sieving them with the Truth when the situation arises.

13.  In a “black-and-white-situation”, calmness, patience, prayer and resulting peace lead us to making more Godly decisions than rushing in and trying to “figure it out” on our own.

  

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You may ask, "How am I to differentiate between God’s voice and the devil’s?"
I will share with you a few differences between the two;

1.      God's voice is calm and brings peace (See 1 Kings 19:12 when He speaks to Elijah and when He talked to Gideon or David before they went to war). Queen Esther waited for this voice for days before approaching the King in Esther 5 – in the fullness of time, she took action to report Haman’s plot.
The devil's voice is cunning, authoritative and enticing (as seen in the actions of Cain, Esau and in David when lusting over Bathsheba).

2.      God's voice brings you to purity, leads you away from sin and is in line with His Word; the devil's is not: it takes advantage of your weaknesses, manipulates you and seeks to control you.

3.      God's voice does not lead to a guilty conscience and self-condemnation, but the devil's voice lies to you, deceives you and condemns you even after repentance.

4.      God's voice is patient, while the devil's voice commands you to MOVE NOW!! Or DO IT NOW!!

I hope this post has helped you or will help you in understanding a few things about God's Will for your life.

Stay blessed.

Bonface Morris.