Relationships: Is There Lust in Your Relationship? This May Help.

There are things we Christians in relationships and marriages rarely talk about yet they are the very things that are at the root of breakups and divorces. One of them is lust.

Is lust giving you sleepless nights?

Dictionary.com defines lust as "an intense sexual desire or appetite"

As far as we know, it comes in two forms:

1. Lusting over your boyfriend/girlfriend.
2. Lusting over another person that you're not in a relationship with (whether single or married).

This has sent us thinking: how many saved people (both married and unmarried) will say they have never struggled with lust? Two percent? One percent? None!?

Here is a small illustration we'll use: if you read Judges 1:28-36, you'll realize that the Israelite tribes conquered the promised land but did not completely chase out the Canaanites. They experienced partial victory. That was not God’s plan for them, it is something they decided for themselves and which they became comfortable with.

We think it's the same thing most of us in relationships do with lust: we conquer it partially, become comfortable around it, and allow it to keep on living in us. In this way, lust keeps waiting to erupt at any time when given chance. The sexual desires trap us and make us helpless leaving us VERY vulnerable to sexual sin. 

Because of this, we consider that the only way to overcome lust is to strive to conquer over it completely.

Note: Just to make it clear, my girlfriend and I have not completely overcome lust, but we are somewhere. We'll declare victory over it as young people after marriage maybe, but just not yet. It is an on-going battle that God helps us overcome one day at a time. We had struggled with it for awhile, and we saw that it was leading us into a pit. (Yeah, we just want you to notice that this relationship over here is not as perfect as you may think - that it is God who sustains us.) We have been tempted several times, but God is faithful. Also, we are talking about this in the present continuous tense so that you understand that it's something that is ongoing and that even in marriage, people still struggle with lust (they just pretend they don't, but they do). Lust has no boundaries; it's just a different kind though when people get married.

Therefore because our relationship is very familiar with lust, and we have managed to do something about it - and are still improving on what we are doing - I'll show you what we have done that might just help you guys.

Here is what we have done:

1.      Intentionally drawing near to God.

If there are fights that have been endless in our relationship, they have been fights on both ends of how intentional we are with God. We realized this: if only one person is REALLY serious and committed to God and the other is simply playing games with Him, the imbalance will cause the less committed person to be often used by the devil as an agent of his traps. It is as plain as that, and people who think being unequally yoked is a good idea should thoroughly read between the lines. This is because the "less serious" person will continually be a catalyst for trouble: a source of all kinds of sexual trouble.

So to save the day, you both need to DO SOMETHING about your spiritual growth. Grow. Grow separately, grow together. Simply grow. Grow in God. That’s the best thing you can ever do for your relationship: intentionally growing together spiritually, morally and emotionally.

2.      Make a commitment to each other that sex (or even the thought of having it) is not an option.  

Lust and sex are two sides of the same coin. To kill one, you have to annihilate the other. There needs to be a law (or whatever you call it) about sex not being an option. Someone will be tempted to want to break it (that law). Someone will be tempted to edit it. You'll even edit it once in awhile thinking that there is no harm to it. But let us promise you something here: the first edition on the law will lead to a second edition, then a third one, and before you know it, sex will be knocking at your door so ferociously that you just may not be able to deny it entry.  

We are trying to be careful here, and there are so many things tagged to it: guarding the things you say, sieving through the places you are in together etc. Christian relationships need boundaries and we need to set them. Boundaries on speech, boundaries that will ensure you don't fall into sexual temptation, boundaries on interactions with the opposite sex, boundaries on how long our hearts and eyes are allowed to linger on anything. Boundaries.  

The fight is still on. So dear LORD, help us.

3.      Sieve through what you watch (on TV, on the streets, on your PC, on your phone etc.)

Everything is not good for your soul, whether you're alone or with your beloved. (1 Corinthians 6:12, NIV) An example is when you watch programs, movies that sexually excite you. By now am sure you know what excites your body, so you may ignore it thinking: “we're not doing anything wrong, it's just on the screen”, but you have to understand that our imagination is very powerful and no one is safe from its traps. So be watchful, and guard yourselves from foreign material that may not be building you up. 

The apostle Paul says flee from sexual temptation (2 Timothy 2:22) and the best way to do that is through working out our faith with fear and trembling and regarding everything as dung in order to gain Christ, the hope of glory.

4.      Guard yourself against unprofitable friendships.

The friends we have determine a lot what we will become in the future.

Immature friends in spiritual vitality and the unsaved (and it is good that you have such friends too because that’s what we are in this world for) need to be given boundaries on what they may throw our way in terms of discussions. This is because these groups of friends may not see anything wrong with discussing topics of sexual nature with vulgar language and dangerous sexual intonations. The questions we should ask even as we talk about such matters with them are:

a)      With what intention do they talk about it?

b)      How do you feel when you hear them talk about it? (Is it sexually provoking your imagination?)

c)      Can you join in in the conversation, or will it make you uncomfortable?

If you can answer these questions and be okay with the answers, then you may be on the right track to talk about lust and sex freely with them.

5.      Talk about it with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

OMG! This is the biggest problem in Christian relationships (we think). If I were to ask you when you last talked about sex with your partner, what would you say? Last year? 2 years ago? Never!? Here, everyone is trying to be so good and holy (especially during this period people call courtship - we have our own views on courtship anyway) that they cannot openly talk to each other about sex. I think it's what makes most Christian relationships weird and plastic. Let's confess it: we have made Christian relationships empty and meaningless to the world either by pretending we don't struggle with some things or by avoiding talks about them altogether.

Here is what we recommend: talk about it. Talk about lust, and talk about sex together. Talk about how you both feel about lust and sex. Talk about your sexual desires (if present or not) and strategize ways to help each other overcome them. Unless you tell the other person that by doing this or that they're causing you to head in the wrong direction, you will move in cycles of lust and sex all the length of your relationship and probably into your marriage. So talk about it.

Lastly,

6.      Pray about it.

There is nothing God can't do. Really. You two may have taken the right path, done the right things and set the right boundaries but lust keeps popping up it's nasty head quite so often. You may even have fasted (oh yeah, our relationship has proved that fasting without DOING SOMETHING about the thing that should be corrected is actually useless) but to no avail.

Don't give up yet. Pray. Pray for one another. Pray against lust and sexual sin. Pray that the Holy Spirit fills both of you with the right desires whenever you meet, that you'll still reflect Christ even in the most secret parts of your relationship.  

There is nothing God can't do, and because He created us with desires (which are good desires by the way - they just need to be directed wisely and at the right time) He is the only One who may have have an idea on how to "switch" them on/off. He can take away the unseasonable thirsting and replace it with good and balanced desires.

Isn't it God who once asked Jeremiah, "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for Me?" (Jeremiah 32:27, ESV). He can master over our flesh. He can do all things. Trust Him. Trust Him with the affairs and difficult parts of your relationship.  

Also, pray with/for your friends. That way, God can also help them as He helps you overcome it.

Conclusion

Read this post with this reminder at the back of your mind: Morris and his girlfriend have not made it yet, but we are helping each other head in the right direction. You're not alone in this fight, so don't fight alone. May the LORD help us.

Proverbs 27:17 (ESV) "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."

Alice Ogutu and Bonface Morris.

Facts About Masturbation and How to Overcome It

PS: I am saying it as it is on this one as I always do, so please bear with me if you feel offended.

How to overcome masturbation.

What is masturbation?

Masturbation is the act of “touching one’s own body, including sex organs for sexual pleasure”.

It is an addiction: just like of drugs, sex, pornography etc. that involves someone using their own body parts or sex objects to achieve sexual pleasure.

Is masturbation wrong for a Christian?

Yes, masturbation is a sin.

Side note: Some counselling psychologists argue that masturbation is beneficial to the victim’s health but this is only trying to mask its real effects to concerned parties and to God as I will show below.

Why is masturbation a sin?

Reason Number One: Because it defiles the definition of sexual gratification and sexual engagement as stated by God within and outside marriage.

First of all, God intends, has always intended and will always want sex to be between a man and a woman who are married in holy matrimony. Thus anything that brings satisfaction to a married couple that is not his or her partner becomes sinful. Masturbation is one of them. A married couple that masturbates is being unfaithful both to God and to their partner.

Second, when a married couple masturbates, it is an act of selfishness. They are denying each other what God has prescribed in His Word that they should share. Read this:

1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (ESV) 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Reason Number Two: Because it masters over someone and becomes an idol to them.

Anything (whether good or bad) that takes rule over a Christian's life that is not God Himself is an idol. And idolatry is sin.

1 Corinthians 6:12 (ESV) “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.

And

1Thessalonians 4:3-8 (ESV) “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”

Reason Number Three: It is a form of sexual immorality because someone is having sex with themselves outside the prescription given by God.

The act of masturbation is also a sin against one's own body: using the body selfishly for one’s own personal gain. Our bodies were bought at a price, thus they are to be used to glorify God, not ourselves. As part of THE BODY of Christ, we no longer belong to ourselves but to Christ who has bought and redeemed us:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV) “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

Who are the people that are highly susceptible to masturbation?

Anyone can fall victim to masturbation. It happens to both male and female. This includes; Christians (church leaders, church members, pastors etc.), non-Christians, children, youth, young adults, the married, old people. Everyone.

There are three most vulnerable groups in Christian circles though;

(a)  Christian youth who are struggling to abstain from sex before marriage. They may be fooled into using it to overcome the sexual pressure that builds up in them while avoiding sex before marriage. (This is an issue that needs another blog altogether.)

(b)  People that have/had been sexually active before i.e. partners in divorce, separated couples, couples whose loved ones are not close to them anymore, traveling couples that are away from their partners for long periods of time, couples with ailing partners etc.

(c)  Anyone who is not filtering/guarding what their eyes see, what their ears hear, what their mouths speak, what their minds think, what their eyes read, and what their bodies feel.

What are some of the effects of masturbation?

1.    Feelings of guilt, shame, self-pity and fear. These feelings escalate and even hinder us from talking to God and talking to our friends. Because talk on sexual matters is mostly taboo in many cultures, people become depressed, backslide and can even commit suicide.

2.    Increase in selfishness due to preference for self-gratification.

3.    Reduced sex drive in couples because one or both of them have “another way out.”

4.    Increased use of pornography, pornographic material or erotic stuffs which leads to submission to other addictions/idols.

Can someone overcome masturbation as an addiction?

Yes. This can be achieved through commitment to a pattern of life that will ensure the person is not exposed to things that trigger masturbation, through counselling, through accountability to another person and through prayer and God's guidance.

How would you help someone who is addicted to masturbation?

As we have mentioned above, masturbation requires a high level of commitment in order to stop it.

Side note: Allow me to add that the support from God and the Christian community to a Christian who wants to overcome masturbation will make them stronger and better placed to overcome it than any other people group. And please, fellow Christians, don't go out there spreading gossip about a fellow Christian that has confessed this sin in your midst, or to you as an individual. You'll be becoming a disgrace to THE BODY of Christ and the Lord will punish you for that. As you help a fellow Christian overcome this addiction, treat them the way these verses state:

Jude 1:20-23 (ESV) “But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh”

and

Galatians 6:1 (ESV) “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

Here are my five steps towards overcoming masturbation:

1.    Confession and acceptance of status.

The affected person should come out in the open (either to his/her own self or to a group of trusted friends) and confess that masturbation is sin, it is affecting them personally, it is affecting other people and that they need help.

2.    Identification of triggers or causes of the addiction.

Every addiction (including masturbation) has a trigger hence identifying what causes this state of things will help the victim know exactly what needs to be stopped, when, how and where. Triggers are things or people or places that leave the victim highly vulnerable to the pressure of sexual desires and wanting instant satisfaction. The victim should identify them. They include (but are not limited to):

(a)  Watching pornography (real pornography, virtual pornography, using sex toys, having in possession any sexual or sexually suggestive photos or videos etc.)

(b)  Use of or possessing sexually suggestive material (romantic movies, novels, playing erotic games etc.)

(c)  Following people on Social Media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and WhatsApp) or blogs or video channels that post sexually suggestive material.

(d)  Being close to a lady or a guy that causes the victim to desire sexual gratification from their object of pleasure.

(e)  Sexting (sending sexually suggestive messages to another person via SMS or email).

3.    After identifying the triggers, they should work on either eliminating the triggers or killing them. (This is a picture of “hacking the Amalekites to pieces” in the Biblical Old Testament story of King Saul).

The best thing to do is to find something or an activity to replace the trigger but one which will not eventually become an addiction itself. Jesus once said:  

Matthew 5:29-30 (ESV) “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”  

Mark His Words. He says that the victim to any addiction (including masturbation) may need to go to unthinkable extremes to hack it to pieces. These comprise; going back to using a feature phone (if the smartphone is the bringer of evil), using search filters while performing internet searches (Google can always help them do this, and there are apps in the App Store and Play Store that can be helpful for this), using network/website filters so that seach results with explicit content will not appear when they make internet searches, lending out their laptop for six months (or probably until they are persuaded that they are in good condition not to be deceived into having explicit material on it again), burn books, delete so-called favorite songs, videos or photos, put to flames CDs and DVDs with such material, change friends, change places they hang out... in order to get out of that addiction.

4.    Seeking spiritual help (and professional help if necessary) as they go through the whole process of change.  

Here, they'll need someone to stand with them in prayer and in counselling. This should be someone who will be available to offer spiritual/Scriptural strength and companionship to the victim so that they may not be killed by another close enemy: doubt of self, guilt, shame, fear or self-pity.

5.    Getting an accountability partner.

An accountability partner may not necessarily be a prayer partner as mentioned above but just a person the victim can fully confide in. This partner will help them go through the healing process step by step until recovery. It can be achieved through the accountability partner asking direct and intentional questions like:

"How are you doing so far?"

"Which step is harder to take and how can I help?"

"Have you been tempted to watch/buy/use such-and-such a thing of late?"

"Are you committed to this course? If not, where are you failing and how can I help?"

"Are you changing for yourself, for another person or for God?"

They should also be a source of strength and encourgement to the victim as they progress towards total deliverance.

Here is my conclusion on this matter;

1. Anyone can overcome masturbation. It just requires two things: determination (both in God and self) and a good support system.
2. People - especially Christians - should not judge victims of masturbation once they open up to them. If someone trusts you enough to tell you about a sin they're struggling with, please become a confidant, not the devil (an accuser).
3. The church should never assume that masturbation is not real within its walls. If the Spirit of God would help us see just how many are struggling with it, it would be one thing we never cease to pray about and against.
4. The struggle against sin is real in every individual. Masturbation is just one of them.

I pray that any and every victim of musturbation will find healing and restoration because I have been there myself and I found healing.

Bonface Morris.

Sex: The Misconstrued Package

[*Walking to the podium and tapping on the microphone*...]

“Hi everyone!” [Pause]

“Let me begin with where it should all begin… My name is Bonface Morris [Otunga]. I am a saved Kenyan guy in his twenties, born of a Kenyan father and a Kenyan mother; all from western Kenya. I am single. [Hehe ! And um not publicizing myself!] I love music, writing and watching movies. I am too talkative sometimes (which is one behavior of mine I always ask beforehand that those I interact with would at least tolerate lest they judge me) because I have a big problem with pretending to be an introvert. I also love having fun, but I neither go to disco clubs nor stripper clubs. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink and I don’t watch pornography. Although I have had a girlfriend (one girlfriend), I am still a virgin because I don’t think it is of importance [constructive and of integrity] to ask for sex from her for now considering that she is not my wife... and guys, I am standing before you today to talk about sex!

“It is the way our society (and not just this generation but also the previous) is reacting to and dealing with matters of sex that I have decided to deliver this speech. I know I may come out to be too loud, but I beg that you tolerate the noise because it is necessary. I feel that it is of great importance to talk about sex to normal people who live today, most of whom are the invisible yous’ that read this blog – because they are these normal people, these normal youth like me, to whom sex has become the paradox we love pushing under or pretentiously erasing…

“I may be a leader in one capacity, but that is not necessarily what drives me to talk about sex today. No. This inspiration came from what I have been seeing happen all around me from the day I was a child. It is about what the young people like me think about the topic of sex, what arises when there are  conflicts between us and our parents (read, the elderly) concerning sex and why we think sex is (or is not) important to us before and/or after marriage. I am not writing to imply that I am not [the least] tempted to have sex, or that I have already overcome the urge to have it at this phase of my life, but that I am here to advocate for what is right (and what is right is absolute),  which even if I myself may fail in doing it – because life gives us a place of falling and rising all the time – I (and we) can become better even in the worst that keeps coming my/our way, and I/we can achieve better standards on the same because I/we have potential, and that the best can never be achieved (when you compare man with God) until man believes that it can be achieved no matter what…

“My background has a story of a typical African family: one where parents never directly address matters of sex with their children, and especially, their teenage children on a head-on platform, forcing them to learn about sex in their only HARD WAY. My sisters and I had to learn about it that way – and each one of us in our own different ways…

“I remember when I was young, times of my sisters’ relationship mysteries. I remember of how they had to struggle with the torment their boyfriends put them in (and they had many of them – and I don’t mean that they were promiscuous, but what could teenagers their age have done to gain the attention from the opposite sex unless they attracted and accepted the proposals of as many boyfriends as possible in order to generate competition and feel accepted?). Whenever I accompanied them to visit their boyfriends, I could see just how much tempted they were by being nagged and forced into having sex. It was a predictable occurrence where you would know beforehand what will happen to such a boyfriend. Because sex was the driving force behind the boys having a relationship with them, while they (my sisters) seemed to be less interested, those relationships never lasted long enough for me to even know the names of those so-called ‘in-laws’ of mine.  

“I would see boyfriends being changed every season – one for every holiday. It is and it was the truth of the matter; and written all over their faces was the statement, “Men are so uncertain, they only love you for your body…!” They got used to it anyway – the bother for sex and the changing of boyfriends - and that my friends, according to me, was dangerous. It meant that before they ever had a stable relationship, many frogs had to be kissed, playing ‘hard to get’ would be the norm of the day and pretending to be ‘the tough lady’ would have to be the driving power…And as many of us know, kissing frogs and doing all those things means a lot of things to the girl-child…

“So because our parents never really taught us that much about sex (of which I urge today’s parents to beat that record), we grew up with a wrong picture of sex - in relation to my sisters as the girl-child. I don’t thank God that they (my parents) didn’t teach me more about sex, but I thank Him that He has taught me a lot about sex along the way. Although to say the truth, my father is such a free guy who can talk to you about almost anything, sex was not [and has not been] a topic he has ventured into very freely. Over time, he has showed he cares for my mom, which is a good thing to emulate, but has never directly talked to me (or any of my sisters as far as I know) about sex. We have never learnt much about sex from our mom either. The misunderstood aspect of sex fed to my sisters (they are only three above me anyway, so don’t imagine numbers) was given to them by themselves (if that makes sense) – by how they figured out themselves, men and sex whenever they broke up with one or another. Sex was never taught them by someone elderly or by our parents. That I guess, is what forced them into frailed spirituality when they were teenagers, because there was always a fight between the values Christianity taught them, what mama taught them, and the cruel truth of raging emotions and need for affection… making them to partially curve in and pave way for the powerful desire of gratifying what their bodies desired most – boys and attention…

“But I don’t blame them. And to set the record right, I don’t blame the girl-child [today] for anything. I won’t even call women weak. I don’t call women weak. I don’t call men strong either. My view is that, when sex is involved, weakness becomes relative, and anything relative can happen anytime to anyone… even to the so-called strong…It is only that what happened then made them grow up knowing that men are somehow some mysterious ‘animals’ whose sole desire is never majorly love, care and affection towards the woman, but lust (and that to me is a misinterpretation of what a man should be or is) and thereafter an endless crave to satisfy their sexual desires. [And by the way, I defend the knowledge I have that my sisters never engaged in sex with their boyfriends – as far as I know...] It was the pressure from those unworking ‘relationships’ that led to poor school results, a weird view of the male-child and a changed attitude towards our father…whom they never hated, but became mute towards for no good reason…

“Just to address the current, and as a by the way, I should let you know that if you have ever been in such a situation, or are still in such a situation, where you face pressure from within and without to engage in sex, know that I have dedicated this day to pray – just for you…

“Apart from my sisters’ story, here is my story: when I was young, I had a younger cousin of mine (an age mate), a guy I know wherever he is, is not interested in reading blogs… So when we were of the age of knowing “we are boys, and they are girls,” he taught me some few things with girls; things I guess I was too dump to get and understand. He was the active type (you know) , and because I was his friend, you know that there is no way I could not accompany him in his ‘mild errands’… With him, we did all things young boys of between the ages of 8yearsando 15years do – chasing after girls, ‘falling in love’, just basically doing what this generation calls running the town…But lucky as I was, I still felt that sex was out of topic (yet the Jesus I know today still had a decade or so from then until I met Him…). He was notorious, and I was not. I don’t know why, but sleeping with a girl was not something I valued. I valued nothing of these things they call ‘relationships’.  I didn’t value relationships with girls then because I was shy to break the rules my parents esteemed and kept but had never brought out to me to instruct me on…I don’t call myself good, because that may be the only sin I never committed until I met Jesus. [And I am very sure of that.]

“It is true that birds of the same feather flock together, but allow me to say that values and principles in a person help them shape their lives in a way that makes abstinence easier than their level of spirituality, because I know of some ‘very spiritual’ people who freely engage in sex without turning their heads around…And I don’t mean to say that you are ‘unforgivable’ or ‘weird’ if you have engaged in sex before marriage; I just mean to say that to some of us, weak points are elsewhere – and those may make us even worse before God as compared to the dude/dudette that has engaged in sex…  Sometimes, one unsaved/unreligious person can manage dealing with the pressure of sex more than the spiritual/pious one. But that does not imply that the less religious young man or lady faces less temptation or inclination towards pre-marital sex as compared to the Christian ones, no. It only means that the wiser you have become [Christian] as pertaining right and wrong, the more grieving the likeliness of your fall is when you are face to face with it… So, maybe my values helped me just a little when I was young not to do what my younger cousin knew was normal to do…

“My younger cousin had all the cause to destruct me; and I had all the power to direct my self to be lured by him. I have all the power to be lured into sex even today… Maybe God just wanted it that way… Yeah, maybe He also just wants it that way…it is a world of ‘maybe this’ or ‘maybe that’…I don’t know what held me then, and I don’t know what holds me now [but I am sure I know something about that], and I know that God is faithful to the end, if I mean to entirely depend on Him…

“We all have the freedom to choose what we want with our lives – and I had [and still have] that freedom – to engage in sex or not, to have a mpango wa kando or not... I have the freedom to choose what I wanna do with myself. That freedom neither belongs to my parent(s) nor to my friend(s). It belongs to me. Yeah, that freedom to choose what I wanna do with my life, with my body, when pressure to engage in sex comes up on me belongs to me…Only I am capable of controlling me…

“No matter how much crooked the world we live in has become, or how distorted its value system(s) have become, or how desperate people are for sex, or how all around us teenagers and young unmarried people are having sex, uncontrollably or not, each individual, each one of us, [pause], has the freedom to choose whether to obey or disobey the correct values passed on to them either by their parents, by society, by own self, or by God.

“The people who lived in the past faced the same challenges that we are facing today. Even the Bible says that nothing is new under the sun. Nothing. Nothing is new. Those people struggled with impure thoughts, with becoming holy as God is, with maintaining one spouse or partner, with sex and ideas of illicit sex,... They struggled with peer pressure, with lust and misdirected affections, with falling in love… They struggled with being faithful, with honesty, with sincerity… but those were their struggles, which should help us figure out how to fight our own… They struggled with not finding the right ones, with passions and with doubt…their struggles with matters of sex are innumerable… just as we have our own fight that requires enough bravery…

“We Christians love giving the example of Joseph from the Bible and how he flew from Potiphar’s wife, because it is easier to say, “Flee from youthful passions…” just as Joseph did (quoting Paul writing to Timothy), but it is another thing to address the issue at hand – these raging desires that conflict the way of the Spirit in us, and how to actually flee when need be…

“The fight against such an ungodly passion (where a young person desires/wants to engage in sex before marriage), requires a solution which is composed of the person’s desire to move away from such a passion, the action to disengage themselves from activities that make them vulnerable, some good company of friends and the help of God. Otherwise, we may as well just be fighting the air…All becomes vanity – chasing after the wind…

 “If our generation has portrayed to us sex as being the use and misuse of another person’s body in order to gratify our own selfish needs, we are in the danger of allowing ourselves to be carried away in such a storm of a world-view. You see, most of us have grown sex-frenzy due to exposure to information (whatsoever) that has threatened our standing and polluted out thinking, thus making sex an issue of great concern to Christian circles.

“Some of the factors that have made the struggle harder today are;

1. The emergence of Soap Operas during family TV-viewing time with messages of love, betrayals, manipulation and sex (Soaps are okay, but soaps are hoof-hay)
2. The emergence and exposure to modern sexting technology;
3. The increase/overload in the number of pornographic websites, innumerable nude music videos and availability of free sex movies;
4. Early introduction of children to sex by peers, parents or guardians;
5. Sexual abuse, harassment and rape
6. Commercial sex due to poverty or sex-addiction;
7. Lowered life standards and values;
8. Peer pressure or group influence
9. Insecurity (when a girl/boy gives her body to the boy so that she may feel appreciated by him)
10. Sugar mommies and daddies – lack of money and low self esteem being the underlying issues
11. The problem of highly engaging in masturbation
12. Seeking for attention and recognition by peers – trying to outdo or outshine others
13. Indecency in dressing (both guys and ladies)
14. Norms and outdated traditions about sex
15. Impure thoughts and conceptions with images of sex

“These factors have made the fight against illicit sex a nightmare in today’s living. Most minds have been polluted and misinformed. Sex is no longer preserved for marriage but for the greater whole. No-one feels exempted anymore…

“But I will ask, as my parting shot,

“Is this the generation we want? One without good value systems and reverence for God?

“One which has made sex a tool more than it is a pleasure for bonding by the married?

“Is this the understanding of sex that we want to pass on to the next generation? To our children?

“Do you still believe that abstinence is the better option?

“Do you still believe that purity is important in a generation in every way?

“Do you still advocate for the fact the God-fearing is inclusive of ‘no-sex-until-marriage’ policy?

“Redeem your answer now, and join me in the fight wherever you are - pray for someone, tell someone what you think about sex, correct someone on matters of sex, talk about sex my friend – talk about it… and that will just be a beginning for a better tomorrow… for our children and the next generation… for boys to come who will value the girl-child as their sisters and not as a sex tool… for the girl-child that will rise up in confidence to say no to intimidation through sex…

“It will be the beginning of a generation full of God-values and not own-good-values…!

“Go out there and make a change!”

“Thank you people, and may God bless you all…”

*[Handing over microphone and walking back to the audience...]*

Morris.