Talking Point: Millennials, Authenticity and 'Coolness'

In the recent past, talks, podcasts and blogs on millennials and how people can understand and relate with us have emerged. People are trying to define and redefine us, spill bytes upon bytes of advice on how to deal with us, generate talks on what we are and what we are not, and are ineptly consumed in the pursuit of elaborating what we want and what we want not... and whatnot.

Actually, it is like everyone is diverting their attention towards us and how to accommodate us; it is a great gesture, and one worthy of appreciation and admiration.

Note: We define a millennial as someone who was born somewhere between the year 1980 and 2000; authenticity as "a state of being real and genuine, not copied or false" (Merriam Webster Dictionary) and coolness as "a state of adapting to a specific culture in order to be ONE with it".Also, I am of the school of thought that there are two types of millennials; the rational type and the irrational type. This post will mainly favor the views held by rational millennials.

So in the spirit of trying to "reach out to us", understand us or be "acceptable" in our midst, people seem to be in support of this notion that they need to speak like us, think like us, wear clothes like us or chill with us (as a form of present-time "coolness".) That is a good effort but it is not true, not entirely. We desire authenticity more than that hypocritical charade of becoming like us.

I'll explain.

We are different, that's a fact. Millennials are different. That's why it's becoming harder to understand us as the days go by. We are edgy too: always looking forward to the next big/best thing and seeming unsettled, disconnected and discontented. We are obsessed with all kinds of "useless" trends too: fashion trends, music and entertainment trends, gadget trends, internet and social media trends, gossip trends... which all seem stupid to the rest of the people around us. Our phones or trendy gadgets are almost always stuck onto our faces and we are mostly oblivious of what is happening around us because very few things that interest the general public (and especially people older than us) interest us. Yes, we are all that. We are different, but we are not stupid. 

Let me say it again: millennials may be many things but they are not stupid.

Let me go on and help us understand us better by drawing a few contrasts here and there; 

Note: Here are a few general characteristics of millennials:1. We always seem to shift between knowing what we want, who we are and "searching/finding ourselves".2. We have a keen eye and desire for change and are very open to change. Lack of change disturbs us like a plague. Also, we love being at the center of change.3. We always seem to redefine everything across all cultures we exist in, thus painting ourselves as cultural reprobates.

Millennials may seem to hate rules and the law - which may be true in some cases - but we mostly just hate being limited to one way of doing things. Most millennials are charismatics and are greatly driven by vision and "the next big thing" mentality that helps them live extraordinary but very volatile lives. We love being fired up and authentic, so that not many of us will blindly follow a visionless person unless God has really worked on our impatience. We can listen to an elderly person as long they are making sense and are speaking to our greatest needs (both individual and societal needs.) The more spiritual of our kind seem to have a very different and refined definition of what a Christian and spirituality REALLY look like in this generation... Therefore, the faster non-millennials realize this, the better they may influence us towards positive living. 

While looking closely at authenticity, our worldview and how the people around us behave, maybe it is a high time we told the world why it's a big deal to us that someone should seek to be real and authentic than to be "cool" when dealing with us.

Here are a few examples of how millennials think authentic living (living a real, Godly and intentional/purposeful life) differs from "coolness" (trying to fit in and please us). These views represent a major part of the millennial's worldview;

1. Being authentic means speaking the truth to us no matter how unpredictable the outcome may be.

The truth will save us. So just give it to us. Blunt, honest, truth. That's being genuine, and genuine is great. You earn more respect by telling us where that money goes than pretending we don't need to know or that "we are just kids" and we don't deserve to know. You earn more respect from us by explaining why things are the way they are than just dropping us rules and regulations to follow. Also, "coolness" sometimes dilutes truth. We'd prefer if truth is handed down to us just as it is. That'll make us think deeply about it.

2. Being "cool" without content is like a great car that has a spoilt engine: beautiful but utterly useless. 

Have something useful to say to us, if not, shut up. Why? Because we have trained our ears so well that they can sniff unpreparedness and lack of content from miles away. (Sieving through chunks and chunks of information on social media on a daily basis has perfected this in us.) If you have nothing important to say, switch back to point number one: don't force your emptiness on us. Just confess it: "Guys, I'm bilaz what to say today, please bear with me." We do understand, and we'll respect you for that.

3. Live what you preach - that's definition of an authentic life. 

Authenticity, unlike "coolness" lives only but one life wherever it surfaces. I know so many people who are complaining that it is harder to find people of my age group in church, but I am here to say that the reason may be that they are so fed up with Christians who say one thing in church and among fellow Christians and yet do another thing elsewhere: hypocrites and double-minded people. God hates such people. We hate them too, and with lots of passion. If you're not living what you preach, you lost us long time ago. If you want to help us, be yourself, be real, be vulnerable, be like Jesus: live what you preach.

5. Authenticity to us means not putting us all in one bucket. 

Not all millennials are the same. We think differently, we do things for different reasons and we process situations differently. That's what humanity is all about: independence in the use of all our senses and emotions. Authentic people make an effort to understand us as individuals but not as "a group of aimless lads". The less you generalize, the better.

Now, let me show us a very perfect example of the kind of authenticity we desire: Jesus. 

There is no better example in the whole of the universe of a man who maintained being perfectly authentic and yet avoiding to be "cool" like the rest of the people in His time. 

See below how Jesus effectively lived an authentic life (and may millennials and non-millennials alike learn from Him in humble admiration);

1. Jesus had authentic love.
He loved openly and truthfully. He loved like He lived. He loved with grace but also with truth. How He kept that balance between grace and truth is what Christian discipleship is all about. It is the mystery upon which Christian living is founded.

2. Jesus had an authentic emotional life.
He didn't pretend around. He cried when He had to (like at Lazarus' funeral) and when He was angry at the Pharisees, He never pretended to be okay. The one thing that is central with authenticity is this: there is no authenticity minus vulnerability.

3. Jesus had an authentic personal and social life.
What He said on the pulpit while talking to people is what He lived in His private life. No compromise of principles, no change in His state of thinking. Even the Bible says He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8.)

4. Jesus had authentic relationships.
He had friends whom He cared about. He cared for them deeply. How do we know this? He told them. He showed them. They felt it. They knew it.

5. Jesus had an authentic ministry and calling.
Everyone, including His family, disciples and the whole of Israel and its surrounding territories, knew what He had come to do: to set people free, and nothing could block Him from meeting that vision and goal. Every part of His mission on earth was directed towards that vision; which means Jesus was a visionary whose main vision was to see mankind redeemed. Period.

6. Jesus practiced authentic discipleship. 

He not only criticized the common trends in His generation's religiosity, but He took a step and showed those around Him what He really wanted by LIVING IT. He mentored people (and still mentors us today) to be like Him.

See? Jesus, our Lord, and all His life spoke one message: I am authentic. Now, that's the kind of authenticity we want to see in everyone else. 

Here is my parting question: 
Is your life as Christian or a leader or as a common "mwananchi" authentic? And if not, what are you doing about it?

Bonface Morris. 

Talking Point: My Reaction to High School Unrest and Students Burning Down Schools in Kenya

Image of Itierio Boys High School dormitories after students burnt them down over missing out on a EURO 2016 match. Source: Daily Nation.

So High School students have gone on a rampage all over Kenya burning down schools like they were piles of dustbin paper, and everyone is answering back with so much the same fire: "You students are stupid! You are childish! You are evil! You should be jailed and denied food!!" etc etc. And I'm just sitting here wondering, "Haiya! What, exactly, are we doing!?"

As a youth leader, I am amazed at how little we know of how young people today really think and operate (which is the age bracket where High School students belong anyway.)

Everyone seems to be shouting at these High School students, condemning them and giving them "lots of advice" and threats for burning down their schools. That is good (according to us), but it is irrelevant to them. It won't help a thing. This is because they don't care to listen to our advice: it is ours and they are just not into taking our advice. They won't listen. No, not for the time being.

"So, what should be done?", you ask.

Okay, what I share below is not a conclusive solution, it is not even a solution but an eye-opener, and it is also a good place to begin when trying to find the solution to this problem. It is some sort of backdoor solution for anyone who would care to read.

I'd recommend this as a start: on friendly terms, just grab the hand/s of one or two outspoken young people from an affected school, and genuinely (without making them feel that you want to "advise them" because at this stage, they just hate advice!) ask them exactly what went wrong. Be specific by asking them what they think is wrong with their school, their parents, their fellow students and with the school administration. Insist that you want them to be open about everything and that their answers will not be used against them when push comes to shove.

Be sure that you'll pick out a few things. Some will be relevant while others will be useless. Then tell them that you'll think about it and call them to discussion some time later.

Note: You cannot solve student issues without involving students. That's like solving Christian persecution without involving Christians; and especially the affected ones. So involve students (especially the ones ranting the most) when trying to solve issues surrounding and involving them.

But keep this in mind;

1. Because you listened and seemed to care, they may choose a different way of retaliation the next time they think of doing it. But be sure that they'll still do it somehow. That's how evil works. Be ready for it because the only language this generation seems to understand is: "I want it now! If you are not going to give it to me RIGHT NOW, I am going to kill someone or kill myself!! So give it to me RIGHT NOW" Get that very clear from me.

2. Students are burning down schools because that is what our generation does to solve matters: we are not good at resolving matters through dialogue but via streets. We've taught them street language and that's exactly what they're reciprocating. They're simply giving back to society what it has taught them.

3. Students are tired of being commanded around. They want to be listened to and they want to be heard; if you are not going to give it to them, you'll pay for your "ignorance". So if you're not going to give them a chance to talk and be heard, they make you "pay for it" through arson, violence or bad behavior. (Sometimes girls get pregnant or run away from home "just to 'punish'" their strict parents. It is madness, right? Unthinkable, yes? Yes, but that is how this generation works.)

4. Students are tired of being treated as kids. Yes, they are kids. But they'll revolt anytime someone tries to call them kids or treats them in a manner implying that they are kids. They want to be involved in decision-making. They want to be part of the deal without being sidelined in any way. I know parents and teachers would strongly disagree with this but that is what it is with this generation. I've seen it all the time: the moment I start treating 12-year-olds as I would treat my age-mates is the moment they start listening to me. Yeah, I have tried it out and it has worked. Just as it is with what we are seeing in our political arena, if parents and teachers won't embrace dialogue with students - no matter how childish they think it is - it is very likely that schools will keep burning. Mark my words.

5. Young people are inclined to think as a team. Always. And these teams don't die as fast as people may think. Those who know the truth of this point misuse this strength in youth by inciting them to engage in violence. However, having said that, some people still think that because students are young, they are not able to articulate an idea as a team and die for it. They are wrong. All revolutions have depended on youthful people to survive. History proves this to be very true.

Okay, as you consider this point, you may be falsely inspired to say, "So if we grab and punish their violent leaders we'll have solved the problem!!??" No, you won't. You can't kill a movement by detaining its leaders. In fact, that's how you fuel it. (That is why it has been hard to kill Christianity by the way. Christianity thrives on the blood of martyrs - Jesus being the first martyr.) It is because the moment you catch the responsible catalyst, another catalyst will be born to counter what you did to the former. And the movement will become stronger, more determined and more violent than the previous one. (Come on people, we should at least school ourselves a bit more on revolutions and how they work. Revolutions only die when you kill the idea or dogma running them, not the people behind them.)
So, get the idea that inspires them first, then you'll kill the movement and the acts thereof. 

At this stage, you may need to ask the students a very direct question: "WHY, REALLY, ARE YOU BURNING YOUR SCHOOL!!??" and use their answers to understand how and why they behave this way. This will then be the template upon which you lay the foundation for your solution-finding.

6. Don't get into the conversation to tell them what is wrong (come on, they've burnt schools and they already know that they've done it) and why it is wrong (why burning their schools is wrong.) They already know those facts, and they don't care. Let me say it again: this generation knows all the bad things. We have been really good at pointing them out, anyway (the bad things). What they don't know is WHY they are wrong and why their opinions are irrelevant as far as such bad things are concerned.

Here is a perfect example: young saved people know that sex before marriage is not good. They KNOW that it is sin. God forbids it but they're still having it anyway. Why? It's not a big deal to them. They don't care about your opinion or God's opinion, they only care about their own. That's our generation, man.

Our biggest challenge therefore is not to tell them what is wrong but why their opinion is not relevant for the time being and why our opinion matters i.e. why burning a school because of a lapse in entertainment (or whatever petty reason there is) is wrong and why it is also wrong to think that burning it will solve a thing. See?

7. Evil is taking course and it has it's teeth engraved in relativism.
Note: Relativism is the belief that different things are true, right, etc., for different people or at different times i.e. probably most High School students in Kenya feel that burning their schools is right so long as their prospected end result is achieved.
These High School students' actions are just a proof of the fallen evil world we live in today. Evil has taught the minds in this generation that violence is sweeter when done as a team.
Anyways, they are not the only ones. We all do it. We skip church to "punish" the pastor or our church leaders. We refuse to pay chama dues to "punish" a certain member of the chama. We do shoddy work to "punish" out bosses. Married people and guys in relationships do funny things to each other in order to "punish" their partners. We are all evil. Very evil. And we all seem to love evil.

When students burn schools, they are just expressing their evil nature and the reality of an evil world - a fallen world for which Christ died. Part of the solution may be to guide these kids in a manner that they'll embrace good Christian values which have no arson or violence in them.

*******
You now realize that at the center of everything I am saying above is dialogue and genuinely seeking to understand the problem before trying to solve it. Parents and teachers need to understand that right from 2010, things changed. Completely. The kind of pupils and students we now have suffer the highest level of moral degradation. They operate only by one law: this is my life, take it or leave it; whatever you think of me, I don't really care!

It is from that aspect of relativism that we have had phrases like: "my dress, my choice", "my life, my opinions", "my this, my that". No one wants to listen to advise anymore.

That's the world we live in today.
What are you doing to change it as far as young people are concerned?

PS: 
Here is the mystery about this generation: we want to be heard more than we are willing to listen to anyone.


Bonface Morris. 

Talking Point: The Ideal Man Crisis

So I was thinking this morning, “What can I post this Monday?”

Weird enough, I sat down and while browsing through my movie folders, I stumbled upon some movie which I previewed to see if it’ll interest me. It is some kind-of black people soap opera. Some overdone romantic tale. It’s called Black Coffee.

It got me thinking about a blog I had started writing in October last year - this blog. I looked it up in my notes, and I was like, “Yeees! After this movie, I think I just got a good angle of approaching and finishing up on that post.”

So here is that post. And, yes, go watch that emotional movie with your girl. I know you are asking, “So Morris is watching soaps now?” And I’m reiterating, “Yes, for my bae’s sake.” (Alright, you can still find some not so good quality version here on YouTube and I guess, that’ll keep you occupied.)

*******

Photo of a black man. Source: Pinterest

The question I am tempted to bypass but I just can’t do for the sake of this post is this:

“Ladies, what is your ideal man? What is that kind of man you dream of having or “making”? Do you have a picture of him in your mind? Do you see him when you pray to the Lord for a man? What. is. you. ideal. man?”

The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary (8^th Edition) defines “ideal” as “something perfect or something most suitable”; which then translates to us saying (for the sake of this post) that there is a most suitable man for every lady in this world.

This post seeks to openly talk about how ladies figure out who is and who is not the ideal man for them and the influence of society on this choice. It derives from the primary truth that every single lady on this earth has a picture of who can be or cannot be her ideal man. It is funny that every lady has a man in mind that is very different from every other lady and this is allowed. Personal preferences are alright, but as we’ll come to see it, there are fundamentals to this type of idealism.

To begin with, here are some pointers on how I think a lady should construct the ideal man idea in her mind. She should first ask herself the following important questions:

1. What do I really admire about or in a man?

What is that thing about such a man that keeps me glued to wanting to know more about him or to want him for myself? What is that mystery in him that brings out the best in him?

2. What does God want me to really admire about (and/or in) His ideal man for me?
3. What do the people I respect really admire in an ideal man?

Note: If you don’t admire something about a man, your interest and support for him is likely to disappear really fast.

After figuring out the answers to the above questions, a lady should then figure out for themselves what the answers to the following set of questions are;

1. What do I admire in a man that brings out the best in him?

Is it his strength? Passion? Commitment? Leadership potential? Protectiveness? Power? Wealth? A free spirit? Self-drive? Confidence? Is it him being responsible and committed? Reliable? His artistry? His intelligence? His vision and ambitions?

2. What do I admire in a man that brings out the God in him?

Is it his Godliness? His prayer life? His knowledge of Scripture? His devotion and dedication to God? His surrender to God? His service to God? His service to other people?

3. What do I admire in a man that brings out the best in me?

Is it care? Tenderness? Support? Security? Godliness? Manliness? Affection? A forgiving spirit? Generosity? Patience? Do you admire the fact that he makes you want to care about him? His wisdom and guidance? His emotional presence? His love?

4. What do I admire in a man that brings out the best in others?

Is it friendliness? Responsiveness? His caring spirit? A forgiving spirit? Gentleness/kindness? His leadership skills? Is he inspirational? Does he always see the best in others? Is he social? Easy to be with?

An ideal man is assessed by how he relates with himself, how he relates with God, how he relates with you as the lady, and how he relates with others. You see, I haven’t talked about whether he is black or white or tall or short or employed or unemployed or famous or not or handicapped or whatever… because such attributes only influence one party in the full equation of his influence: these tiny attributes only influence you. They don’t influence other people or God or himself. Not much.

The questions above answer things about a man’s spiritual life, his character, his social life and his ability to love and care for others. This is what constitutes a man. And these attributes are infused in boys before they grow into men. A man is a product of his boyhood. (Yes, my dad indirectly taught me that.)

Quote: A man is a product of his boyhood.

After looking at the above pointers, it may be true that there truly is an ideal man crisis, but it is not final that there is an ideal man crisis. It may be that the lack thereof of ideal men is just a generational trend created by selfish ladies who want too much from men, and especially things that these men cannot offer; or it may be that the men in this generation are really lacking in things to be admired for. It is a funny equation that can only be balanced correctly in a man’s boyhood.

I have had lady friends who stick in relationships because their “ideal man” meets their most basic need: affection. The man is stupid, his is violent, he is a spendthrift, he is ungodly but the lady says as long as he is affectionate, she ain’t going nowhere. That makes me wonder: why would a lady tolerate a disrespectful, uncaring, violent, ungodly and unfaithful man? Is this her ideal man, is he the only man in the world, or has she altogether given up on the idea of ideal men?

Or it may also be true that men have changed and this has caused this level of unbearable tolerance in women. We are no longer what our fathers used to be. It is like our fathers were born ideal; but for most of us in this generation, we need to be made ideal. Who is failing? Whose responsibility is it to create ideal men? We cannot be our fathers. There should be no competition, ladies. You should understand this as a fact. But this also is not an excuse for irresponsible and uncaring behavior from our side. No. We need to unlearn these bad habits and step up into true manhood.

Alright, but women have changed too. Our ladies aren’t exactly what our mothers used to be. Let’s stop looking only at one side of the coin. As far much as ladies would want to complain about there being no ideal/good men left, there are also so few ideal women.

Just to try and answer the question of, exactly whose responsibility is it to create ideal men, this is how I see it:

Right through boyhood, fathers shape what kind of men grow up today, and mothers shape what kind of ladies we have in our society right from the days when they are still girls. Fathers shape how their daughters will look at love and affection in the men they meet in the future (how they’ll choose their ideal men); while mothers shape how their boys will treat other ladies in the future (how they’ll choose their ideal woman.).

The society also plays a role in determining how both men and women will be treated whether at infancy, in their childhood or in adulthood: when the girl child is empowered and the boy child is left out, the society will always end up upside down, men will be seen as an excuse and not a necessity and the girl-child will want to call all men stupid, disfigured and visionless. On the other hand, when the boy child is empowered and the girl child is neglected, the society will always grow into an arena for slavery where men think women are objects of service and pleasure.

See?

It is not only the responsibility of young men to become men, but it also weighs in on society and how it sees the boy child. It is not only the responsibility of the girl-child to become confident in herself, but society also has a place in determining exactly how our ladies turn out. We (young people) are responsible for our own actions once we know the difference between right and wrong. Let’s just say that this argument goes back and forth. Everyone is responsible for everyone, and everyone is responsible for everything. Our society and our parents are responsible for how we come out, but we are equally responsible for how we choose to take over the world and how we treat and trust the people we meet.

Who is to strike the balance then so that we can find as many ideal men as there are ideal women in our society? All of us are responsible: parents, our communities/the society, ladies and young men. All of us are responsible if we can ever achieve as many ideal men as there are women and to clear out any kind of ideal-ness crisis.

Bonface Morris.

Talking Point: Some Musings on Relationships Today

Note: This post seeks to give my general observations and opinion on relationships today. It mainly revolves around relationships amongst the unmarried members of the opposite sex. It doesn't have to be conclusive, I think. Most views are personal, but because I'm a devoted Christian (whatever that means to you) they are mostly guided by my Christian value system.

Millennial hyperbole
That one thing that sticks out amongst millennials is the way we relate to the opposite sex - the way we make or unmake relationships. It is very interesting and noteworthy.

You'd watch, imagine and conclude a few things about relationships today by looking at a few determining factors;
1. Why we get into relationships (that is, the reason as to why we would want to be in a relationship with the opposite sex, at all.)
2. How we get into relationships (this answers the question of the conditions, process and procedure/s through which or by which we get into relationships), and
3. When and where we happen get into relationships (the time, location and period most youngsters get in relationship matters.)

Then you'd discover that relationships today are either exaggerated (people post too much, think too much and suffer quite a lot because of them), suffer overindulgence (people put too much time and value in them), get overrated (people always think they mean to them what - in my opinion - they actually don't), get underrated (people think too little concerning them and offer little effort to salvage them) or are just a play ground (people refuse to take relationships seriously as they are supposed to in many cases.)

People get into relationships and they go overboard without looking back, and mostly, it is with a bit too much salt or without salt at all.

A variety of differences
Going back in time, I think our parents - from what I've gathered around - got into relationships in a very different context from ours.

The reason, the place, the age, the driving factor, the end point... They are all different.

Today, this difference causes parents to insist that young people should; study first, establish themselves, then get into relationships and that there is a certain age where wanting to be in a relationship with the opposite sex is nonnegotiable.

This is because they would want to pull out the same card that was pulled against them years back - of course in a different context but under similar circumstances - when they were still plucking and chewing the berries of their youth.

I would want to partially agree with such parents concerning the appropriateness of time when it comes young people and relationships; but truth be told: times have changed. Technology is making a 7year-old sound smarter than I am and possibly have access to more "adult" information than it was a few decades back. This seven year old now thinks like an adult and is able to make what modernity likes to call "informed decisions".

Also, it not guaranteed that God planned the same plan for all young people (about and above 3billion in the whole world) concerning falling in love and relationships: that our relationship "templates", so to say, are defaulted to: go to school > get work > meet a guy/lady > fall in love > get in a relationship > get married.

That cannot be the case.

I think we ought to really reconsider the age, conditions and status at which we are strongly inclined to think someone is "ripe enough" to get into a relationship with the opposite sex.

There has been little or no agreement at all between the old generation and millennials on why, how and when to enter into serious relationships. The difference should be understood, I think. The reason may be because our parents (and most people born before the 90's) got into relationships and managed relationships quite differently from the way people do today.

(Even then, there are still disagreements between the views on relationships from the 80's crowd, the 70's crowd and the below 60's crowd. It is most likely that relationship dynamics change with every decade; thus if there are siblings in our families that were born 10years apart, their views and values as far as relationships are concerned will be very different.)

Elderly people would say that "we remind them of themselves when they were our age" and they therefore pity us on how we choose to get into and work out our relationships.

It is true, we are pitiable. But we aren't hopeless. The times have changed, and so have the dynamics.

Our mothers wanted responsible, caring and able leaders in men; our ladies may need the same but with something more. Why? I think it is because life today comes with much more than just an "able man". Ladies today want to see beyond the promising capabilities. They want to see self-drive, handsomeness (uuh?), vision, ambition etc. It is more of the same cake but with more ingredients.

There are also differences not only in what caused our parents to get into relationships but also in how they ran and managed their relationships.

Everything seems to be so different now. (And I guess, that is why we are always fighting with our parents on how things should be done.)

Stimuli
And then campus changes almost everything someone has/had believed about relationships and love.

Once in campus, a young person with very conservative Christian values would always find themselves at crossroads as to what they should or shouldn't do as far as relationships are concerned.

There will be pressure (both direct and indirect) forcing them to think differently about the opposite sex. This pressure may come from the hormonal changes when they are close to the subject of love, from friends, from culture (the movies they watch, the people they see from time to time, the music and programs they listen to etc.) or from their consciences.

So if the wildest opportunity presents itself (and it always does, doesn't it?) even the good relationship they may end up having (like one with a person saved by the grace of God and washed in Christ's blood) may become a stumbling block to their value system and basic Christian principles for relationships.

A "super" brother can make a "super" sister fall, and vice versa. There is no mystery in this. So long as there is opportunity and no boundaries are put in place, and self-control is thrown out of the window, sin fears not the mighty. (This is the one thing I have noticed we overlook.)

People may judge these two as badly as they would want to, but that doesn't minimize or eliminate the possible risks that emerge in such relationships from time to time.

Dilemmas 
Unanswered questions and expectations will arise every now in relationships. Whenever such fears and concerns are not spoken out to the one they're intended for, problems arise. 

Some people refuse to get into committed relationships because they fear that they will fall victim to one or several of the factors that make relationships to fail (they may feel inadequate as potential partners, or fear that they may fall prey to unfaithfulness or violence or breakups or divorce). You can't blame them for this. (Or you may actually, depending on how you choose to look at it.)
Some make false conclusions on a certain group of people because of the above factors. You can't blame them too.

Such situations cause people to be quite indecisive and makes us pose the question: when can we ever be sure of anything if it involves and solely requires the commitment of another person rather than your own and when that involvement is not under your jurisdiction? Then we realize that surviving on maybes maybe the only great option we have for now. Our expectations may be less haunting if we acted with a bit more faith than surety. Because, for what it's worth, love is a war.

The biggest and most common dilemma today is when we Christians fall in love with non-believers and are threatened by the fact that we might overstep and go against every issue I addressed in this post »» Relationships: Why The Fuss Over Yokes? and in so doing, sin against God.

In the name of love
Millennials (and you should pick a bone with me on this one because young people are not the only victims here as we have come to notice) seem to be able to do anything so long as they are defending "the course of love" and are doing it (as they would want us to perceive it), "for the greater good" and "to the benefit of all." (Machiavelli should really be turning in his grave kinda right now.)

"So long as I'm gonna be with my love and we are two people who can tell wrong from right and have henceforth chosen this path to celebrate our love (a love which at such a point C S Lewis would say has become both a god and a demon), there is no reason for anyone stopping us..."

Stories have emerged (like the one below) and will keep emerging of a marriage or union of two people from two walks of life or two distinct generations that claim to have fallen in love and are therefore giving it a go. And they'll be unstoppable. And people will applaud them. And wine glasses will toss. And cycle would repeat itself over and over again.

I don't oppose this. (I have no reason to do so anyway.) But I would oppose such unions if the motive behind them is of a selfish or evil nature.

Here is a good example of this crop of people who fancily either go for the too old or the too young member of the opposite sex »» Woman, 38, Meets Boy Online, Gets Pregnant By Him.

We can blame them all we want, but they are grownups. No?

Hope
But there is always hope.
Our relationships, in their different trajectories can survive all these waves. It is not about escaping the waves, but learning to ride on them. 

Here are the waves:
1. What is the underlying factor behind our genuine or fake love? What draws us to each other or apart?
2. What are the underlying issues concerning relationships that cause us to disagree with people from different backgrounds, personalities and generations?
3. Why do we either treat relationships casually or with lots of commitment? What can we do about it?
4. Why does it matter so much what our sociocultural systems say about our relationships and how we run them? Is there anything we can do about it?
5. How to we deal with the dilemmas we face daily in our relationships?
6. Why do we put God on the edge but cry foul when everything gets messed up? Is there a place for Him in our relationships as young people?

These are just some issues I needed us to ponder about in today's talking point. Then, maybe, we can salvage the relationships we have between members of the opposite sex in the 21st century.
I know we can.

Bonface Morris (for Talking Point).