Leadership and Mentorship: Lessons From a Few Years in Leadership

Leadership and Mentorship: Lessons From a Few Years in Leadership

I'm not a great leader. I've never been... But I always have something to say... (I don't know if it is a good thing to always have something to say or a bad one, but I'm okay with it.)

Anyway, here is what I have to say about what I have learned from leading in various capacities while on different teams these past 10 years. I'll go straight to the point and keep it as short as possible;

1. When practising leadership, some people or things will never change. Wisdom is when you know which ones and grace is when you understand how to deal with each without compromising progress.

2. Every great leader needs at least two kinds of people; someone who looks them in the eye and points out all the stupid things they are doing, and another one who pats them on the back and tells them they're doing great.

3. Only God has got your back. People will say they do, but they mostly understand so little of the weight of whatever they are promising.

4. People are fantastic. People are messy. Get used to it.

5. Not everyone wants the success of your team or leadership. There are members of your team and sometimes even leaders above you that will always think that you're not good enough. Get used to it.

6. Competing with other leaders and comparing yourself with them are some of the most stupid things you can do as a leader.

7. Your main goal as a leader is to simply glorify God and leave a legacy that gives Him glory. Everything else is overrated.

8. Lead. Be on the front line. Give direction. That's what leadership is all about. If you're doing anything less, you're missing the point.

9. Your passion and vision will be what determines where your team is headed. The lazier and less committed you are, the more your team falls apart.

10. There are so few leaders and mentors today, but so many people with positions and titles, that's the crisis of leadership in this century.

11. A perfect person cannot lead. Leadership is messy almost all the time, so a perfectionist will die sooner than they can make a second step in the right direction.

12. Great leaders never work alone. Never. (I learnt this from Andy Stanley). No matter how good you are, you'll always need people.

13. As a leader, the Spirit of God has got to work in you before He works through you. It's useless and stupid to keep giving instructions you never follow.

14. Do your work, play your part. Leave the consequences to God.

15. Keeping up and practising spiritual disciplines with consistency is what helps to keep you grounded as a leader. Get this document on discipleship and read about spiritual disciplines therein.

16. Learning new ways to lead and being open to new ideas helps a leader avoid moving around in circles.

17. My mistakes as a leader don't only affect me but a few hundreds of people that look to me.

18. People don't have to like you, but they sure do need to know where you stand on the most important issues of life.

19. I'll at any time accept on my team the committed, consistent and available person than the unavailable that seem influential.

20. Burnout, loneliness and depression are never that far in leadership, so delegate and share more.

21. There are always people under and around you that can lead better than you do, so stay humble.

22. People will quit on you. It's normal. Please don't overthink it.

23. Let your word be your bond; and let your actions always agree with whatever your mouth speaks. It is stupid to make promises that you are not ready to follow through to fulfil.

24. So many of us leaders only choose to see those under us through what they give and what they do and not what they can become. That's prejudice.

25. People are always waiting on the leader... Most of the time, they will only do and go as far as the leader does and goes.

26. There is a difference between wanting a leadership title and loving to lead; and a difference between commanding and leading.

27. Leaders are not gods, they're tempted and face challenges just like everyone else. Of all gifts, I think leadership is the most overrated.

28. Only leaders that have been tested and tempted and have hit rock bottom can understand, empathise and pray with people who hit rock bottom.

29. Instead of complaining against leaders, pray for them and offer advice.

30. Team meetings help leadership more than you could ever imagine. Almost all successful leaders hold consistent, true and constructive meetings.

31. Great leaders are some of the most unappreciated people in the world.

32. There are blind leaders who neither have vision, passion nor direction. A life under them is like living in hell.

33. To any reasonable leader, gossip is shit.

34. It doesn't matter how long you've been in leadership or in ministry, you just haven't learnt enough yet.

That's all for now.


Bonface Morris.

Marriage Prep: Notes And Lessons

Side Note: My girlfriend is picking out lessons and making notes from various sources (and from Scripture) on marriage. We are not claiming that she knows anything or everything (we actually know very little - and almost nothing - about marriage, so any married person reading this should get off their high horse at least for the time being), but that she is choosing to share what she is learning along the way. She is simply sharing her findings. And as I said here before, I am allowing her to have a voice on this blog and express what she is learning… If her voice becomes loud enough (read: consistent), she might just get her own blog. (Come on, a lady is gotta fly, no?)

So here is the first part of the various sentiments and lessons she's picking up along the way that she feels may help us guys in relationships. I know it is helping ours, so we guess it may add value to yours too. Also, if you haven't done it yet, please read her first blog in this series of posts here. There, you will find links to both her Facebook profile and her Google+ which you may use to say "Hi!" to her.

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Marriage prep: notes and lessons

For we young people that are called to be children and servants of our Father and of Lord Jesus Christ, relationships, courtship and marriage mean quite a lot of things to us. (By the way my boyfriend claims that the word "courtship" is highly overrated by we Christians, but that's a discussion for another day.) To some, relationships, courtship and marriage mean the whole world to them, while to others it's just another part of life.

From my observations, I have come to understand that some of us get into relationships for very selfish reasons. Mostly, these reasons do not fulfill the will of God for our lives and that is why our relationships end up being pain-zones instead of refocus-and-refreshment zones. I am not claiming that I am now perfect as far as the "why" to get into a relationship is concerned, but that I identify with these mistakes because I have made them before.

From what I am learning, most of us don’t know that relationships and marriage are a calling, a service to God, because it is through a good relationship and a good marriage that a servant of God can also carry out what is expected of them in that area of life.

I will be sharing with us the various things I am learning from various good sources about relationships and marriage. I hope that you will not see me as the expert writer but as a conduit, a channel, through which such information is being conveyed. 

First, let us review the meaning of some very important words that are going to come up in these posts;

Relationship - the dictionary definition of this word is a state of connectedness between people, especially an emotional connection.

Dating – the dictionary definition of this word is a form of regular romantic courtship between two individuals. Now, I don’t really fancy the way this word is used in secular systems because it is so selfish in itself. (Although it actually hold good meaning in and and of itself.) Most of us use it to cover our true motives which are having fun, and pretend to want to know people without the actual intention of marriage.

Marriage – the definition of this is a close and intimate union between a man and a woman.

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Now, I just came to know of this about most relationships, even the one that I was in when I was 18 years old: that they (including Christian relationships) have a tendency of not demonstrating the love of God and His will for a relationship between the opposite sexes. We have these relationships because of our selfish reasons (only wanting to receive) and our ungodly nature. I am learning that as Christians, our relationships with the opposite sex should always be with the intention of marriage. If you’re in a relationship, you are courting or are dating - whichever you like - I am learning that we better deeply rethink the real reason as to why we are doing so. 

Here is a good place to begin at when trying to figure out if we are doing the right thing or not: we should ask ourselves "Why am I in this relationship?" or "Why do I really need a relationship?"

I know with this you may say, "I have a job, I live on my own, I make good and enough money to support a family..." among many other reasons. 
All these reasons and others that you have may all be valid, and I don’t seek to dispute them, but I want to highlight those that would make me question whether I am there yet. Here are the few things that I have been told we need to have in order to consider ourselves ready for a relationship and later, marriage;

1. A personal unaided relationship with God

Men are called to be the head of the family (so I'm learning), therefore, men need to have a personal relationship with God in order to lead and love in the right way. Women too need to have a personal relationship with the Lord in order to learn the way of submission and how to love both their boyfriends and future husbands. 
This (having a personal unaided relationship with God) doesn't mean that when you get in a relationship, or you start courting or dating or when you get married that you should forget the essentials of brotherhood (having fellowship with your fellow brethren in church, going to church or praying together), but that your relationship with God should be able to stand when all these other people are not with you. This is because, even after marriage, you will still need to worship, read God's Word and pray as individuals and/or as partners. 

According to 2 Chronicles 24:1-2 and 24:17-18, let us not be like King Joash who was very enthusiastic and ready to serve God only when the priest Jehoiadah was alive. He served God to his best all the days of the priest but when Jehoiadah died, he listened to the princes of Judah and forgot the God of his fore-fathers; he even went to the extent of worshiping idols and groves.

Someone has said that if we as women do not have a good relationship with God, then how will we apply it in our relationships with our boyfriends or husbands? How will we know the roles that we have to play in the eyes of God? I am learning that we have at many times misinterpreted Scripture when it says that we should submit to our husbands (I don't have a husband yet, but you get the point). Some of us just want to apply this Scripture by twisting it to fit our selfish desires. 

2. Devotion to God’s purpose in the context of marriage

1 Peter 3:1-7, Ephesians 5:21-26

I am learning that husbands are called to be head of their homes, and to love their wives as Christ loves the church. They are called to lay down their lives for their wives. Wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Lord Jesus. 
Note: You hear me talk a lot about submission because, from my studies, it seems to be the main bone of contention in marriages... (Again, married people should help us understand what this is all about.) Also, an argument I am still trying to figure and argue out is: how then do ladies and young men fulfill God's will (of love and submission) in a normal relationship between two unmarried young people? I got part of the answer here though, but I would wish married people to expound on it further.

3. Knowledge and application of Scripture

How well do we understand the Word of God and how do we interpret it and apply it in our lives? This is very crucial. Deuteronomy 17:18-20 sets an example for men and describes them as an authority influenced by God's law. 
Note: What I am also trying to wrangle with here is: does this mean that in the home it is their way or the highway?

4. To have a Christ-like character

The character of Christ is perfect, yet we are not perfect, so how do we go about being like Christ? This can be achieved through letting the Holy Spirit with His gifts and fruit transform us (Galatians 5). How will we learn to be forgiving and understanding at all times with other people as Christ was and still is with us if we don’t let God’s will to prevail? Romans 12:1-2 says that (paraphrase) when we conform to the nature and image of Christ, we change who we are and eventually what we do. 

5. Labor

A man who is not ready to work should not eat; this is what Paul teaches in 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12, so you should be ready to work and save in order to provide for your family.

Proverbs 10:5, 13:4, 13:22, 28:19, 21:17 also supports this.

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After saying that, let me also add that I have learnt that marriage is a school on its own. It's a mystery that cannot be unveiled in a few statements. We actually have known so little and have a very small revelation of what marriage actually means to God: the totality of what He thought/thinks when He creates a marriage. 

Here are the few things I have picked up concerning marriage and God's perspective on the same. God brings two people in holy matrimony for these reasons (there may be more);

1. To raise up a godly heritage for the Lord.

God has major concerns for the institution of marriage and that is why He wants His children not to go around breaking the hearts of His other children, be it His sons or daughters. In Genesis 1:28, God tells man that he should be fruitful and multiply, this mean only when we are married can we bring up children, and if we are not upholding the will of God, then how will the children grow up to be godly? 

This is also seen in Genesis 18:19, "…that he will command his children and household after him and they shall keep the way of the Lord." Though God says that we should be fruitful, we ought to do it under His will, in accordance with His Word so that we do not stray away and fulfill our own desires. So why should you commit to being in a relationship that you don’t wanna raise a godly heritage for God in marriage?

2. To demonstrate the Father’s (God's) love to His children.

John 1:12 says, "but to all who have received Him- those who believe in His name- he has given the right to become God’s children."

I am being taught that we are called to the service of our God in marriage, to demonstrate His unconditional love to His children (our spouses). The apostle John says that we are God’s children for we have accepted Him in our lives. Now, again, I pose a question: if you’re not ready to love another person as God loves them, is there a reason for you to be in that relationship?

God loved us in our sinful nature with all our imperfections and made us whole with his love, you should be ready to love the other person with all their weaknesses and faults.

3. In order to conform to the nature of Christ

Romans 8:28-29, 12:2.

Someone has taught me that the reason which we fail to see - or choose not to see - is that marriage is a calling, a service to God, and like any other calling, we have to give ourselves away so that we can be used by/of Him. This therefore means that we have to conform to the nature of Christ in order to do His will. God foreknew us, predestined us to be conformed to the image of Christ. I know you may ask how this happens; well, Jesus is patient with us, He waited for us to accept Him on our own and He did not force himself on us, likewise we should be patient, loving and caring towards others as Christ is with His church.

Final Note
Am learning this whole marriage stuff because I believe that am gonna be a wife someday, so this for me is just preparation. I want to know what God wants me to do when I’ll finally enter this covenant. I am not some “holy” person, but am working and trying to be more like Christ. I want to know my duties as a wife and my roles in my husband’s life, and who better to teach me than God Himself. Allow Him to teach you how to do it and be it.

Key Reference

Are You Ready for A Relationship? – a teaching by Paul Washer

Alice Ogutu. 

Lessons: “The Old in the New” Pt. 1

Maybe the finest lessons in life can only be learnt before learning them. And life always has so many lessons to teach you (and us) as compared to what you may teach it. In fact, you may never teach life a lesson at all. It always is smarter, wiser, unpredictable, flauntier, name it... But life is not so much of ‘a mystery of a kind’ but rather a revealable one. It only depends on where you are in the concern of your spirituality and ability to learn... If you are spiritually alert - and with your reverence in the right direction – life is never a mystery at all. Life just becomes commonness ready to be explored. It becomes a kawaida thing. It becomes the business of God and His mandate. It becomes none of your business somehow, but all of your business anyhow... All you’d have to do is listen well and follow. It is that simple my friend.

That is why I am of the view that we only become wiser not through too much experience but through identifying others’ mistakes and running away from them. Life is that simple – running away from what you see can cause trouble. Life is as simple as identifying what weaknesses those who went before you had and picking up your mart, throwing it away, avoiding the way to their doom and finally embracing a new path and way. A way of following a leader who only has travelled the path you are going - following Christ who knows where you should go – because He already has gone there. Life is that simple... You may be called a coward in the meantime (because we will call you one even if you “stand your ground” in all you do anyway), but making that choice is the best thing you can ever do to your life.

I am told that everything on earth is just the same. We breathe the same air from year to year. We live on the same earth - we may change places, but it is still the same earth. We make friends in almost the same way. We may change our behaviours and friends, but we are just the same old people – the same changed people... We have the same same families even though we may choose to adopt new ones. Even the Bible says there are no new lessons to learn; just the old ones reinvented and reintroduced... (Read Ecclesiastes 1:4-10; “The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises. The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course. All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the place the streams come from, there they return again. All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, “Look! This is something new”? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time…)

My view is that experience may never be a ‘good’ teacher at all, but an avenue by which a man may pride if given chance… Experience to me is a bad teacher. Experience makes you a victim to a situation you should have conquered. It makes you a fool trying to find your way. And many fools who try to find their way almost always end up not finding their way…

I’ll make this (what I’ll be talking about) the first part of a two part inspection of the lives of those who lived before us. I’ll begin with the ladies’ part. I don’t know why but that’s just the way it is...

So while watching such a movie as “One Night with the King”, it had me trying to figure out how it felt living in Esther’s time. You see (as painted correctly in the Biblical Book of Esther), Esther was a pretty, beautiful young woman, orphaned at an early age living with her ‘uncle’ (he was a distant uncle by the way) and who by all means possible was trying to find her way in a capricious society full of great viles... Mordecai had adopted her as his own daughter and the young woman was somehow totally oblivious of the happenings around her. Her name Esther (a Persian name) means ‘a star’ while her real Hebrew name Hadassah means myrtle - an evergreen shrub or tree of the genus Myrtus (WordWeb Dictionary). You find a woman of great virtue in her. You see an all round queen in her. You see a lady who knew just when and how to place her feet in things. You see substance and gentleness, and toughness and discernment. And it is one day that Esther finds herself (not accidentally but per the plan of God) in the capital of the Persian Empire, Susa, and not as a slave, but as a queen. Just One Night with the King (if you have never watched that movie, I’m not talking about sex, tafadhali) was enough for the King to realize He needed to search no more for Vashti’s replacement... he had found what he was looking for...

On the other side, and before her entrance into the Persian capital as queen, there is Vashti – a queen who was eager to prove to herself, to the King and to others that she was queen. Vashti’s name in Persian language sounds like “Beautiful Woman” while in Hebrew it means “When drinking that's what you get!” - whatever that means... Vashti shows you a woman with stamina to rule over herself regardless of their being her husband and a king. In her you see pride, and dishonour, and a think exploration of power, and arrogance, and rudeness... and a man like King Xerxes knew that He couldn’t live with another man in the same house; pardon, he couldn’t live with another King n the same kingdom and still be expected to rule over Persia diligently so – he threw her out!

In the Book of Esther, you become intrigued by the unravelling of an old story that always amazes me, but that which although so common with many, uniquely has the finger of God painting itself across the horizon of lives in it, and time after time loudly declaring, “Life is never an accident, life is planned and ordained by God… He knows all that happens all over the earth, and He vindicates the course of the righteous...” No wonder the Psalmist writes and says, (Psalm 139:1-3) – O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways…

Here we see Vashti in her arrogance and pride, her cunning behaviour and inclination towards greatness… her desire to show her man (read, husband and King) that she also had a say and was not directly accountable to him… and Vashti fails badly. She fails so badly that the last time we hear of her is when the King and his chamber-men are deciding to throw her out.

Esther unlike Vashti, was/is a woman who sees opportunity and does not just smile at it but grasps it and uses it diligently to her good and the good of her people. She navigates herself into queenship not by might or greatness (read, status and class – or what we love calling swag) but by humility and simplicity. Let me be straight here. I’m not saying that women should be simple, or that they should be wimps. No. But I’m saying that women should know when to be simple and when not to be simple. They should know how to balance both. I’m not saying that greatness comes only to those with humble backgrounds, but I’m saying that greatness should be looked at with an eye of God. I’m not saying that life is highly predictable, but I’m saying that life is not in the hands of men – it is in the Hands of God. I’m saying that life is a story that only God can tell well. I’m saying that everything in that life of yours happens with a reason if you look at it with an eye of understanding and wanting to know what God is up to. I’m saying that you can become whatever you choose to become if you lay your foundational standards right. I’m saying that you are the only one who can make you when you believe in God… I’m saying that lessons from the character(s) of people who lived before us are just as important as lessons from the people we live with today. Yesterday is gone, but yesterday had dawn and dusk. Yesterday went away, but yesterday ate food that will need to be disposed off today, or tomorrow – right before our eyes...

There are things that we learn from the story of Esther which are very relevant today:

a)      A man is to be honoured. A man is to be respected. Period!

b)     A woman is stronger than a man only if she uses her strengths well. A woman is the most powerful being on earth if she allows wisdom to become her portion and discernment her security. My mom taught me that a wise woman knows when to attack and when to pretend not to have seen nor heard.

c)      A woman’s beauty should be both on the inside and on the outside – her man needs to see and experience both… and she can use both to conquer over him…

d)     Beauty makes a woman a queen, but character, humility and a good personality make her a great and likeable queen

e)      You only live once. Use the once knowing it is just once.

f)       God is central. Man is peripheral. You are their meeting place. Neglect nor abandon neither.

g)     You are accountable to someone. The first someone is you. The next someone is us. The other someone is God. Your actions speak for you better than that mouth of yours.

God bless.

Morris.