Just recently, I went to YouTube for the
ultimate bi-monthly-curiosity-walk I often do. This walk involves looking at
trending videos; news, fun videos, art videos, movie trailers, kawaida videos and music videos to see which videos are receiving
most views and why, from, at least, the past few weeks.
I do this as a leader for one sole reason: in order to familiarize myself with popular culture - this very thing that shapes and affects how the young people around me think, act and perceive the world around them.
While strolling around gathering information on popular videos, I stumbled upon a music video by one artist by the name of Adele. Most of us - the aptly no-nonsense spiritual kind - may not know her. (Anyway, you don't have to know her. You'll get all the information you may need to know about her here today – and then you can judge me later J.) The music video to her song "HELLO" from (I decided to get more info on this song anyway) her 2015 album "25" had 1.7 billion views in 9 months! Yes, lemme say that once again: Adele’s “HELLO” has 1.7 billion views in less than a year!
I first watched the video then paused with a gasp. Man, this reality hit me hard: either people are really hurting in relationships or Adele is such a goooood singer with such greaaaaat music that everyone wants to listen to it.
Okay, as it is always a rule with me, after finding a popular name in any industry, I normally head over to Wikipedia (which is free to access on any network in Kenya by the way) to get basic information on the said person. Uncle Wiki, as knowledgeable as he is, told me the following about Adele;
She is British and was born on 5th May 1988 in Tottenham, London as Adele Laurie Blue Adkins. Her father abandoned her at the age of two thus she seems to only have been solely raised by her mother. She spent most of her time singing rather than reading thus began singing at the age of four and asserts that she became obsessed with voices (maybe that's why her voice captures many, eh?). Time magazine named her one of the most influential people in the world in 2012 and 2016. With sales of more than 100 million records, she is one of the best-selling recording artists in the world.
About her music career: her first album, “19”, of a soul genre, had lyrics describing heartbreak and relationships. It was a break-up record. Her second studio album "21" was inspired by the break-up with her former partner and it came with many more personal regrets from bad life choices. She refers to this period in her life as her "early life crisis". Hurt and pain in relationships seem to be things she understands. However, she describes "25" (her third album) as a make-up record: making up for lost time, making up for everything she ever did and never did. She says it took long to make "25" because "life happened." "25", a 2015 album, became last year's best-selling album and broke first week sales records in the UK and US. The lead single, "Hello" (which somehow forms the basis of this post), became the first song in the US to sell over one million digital copies within a week of its release. She's now married and with one child.
That’s enough info about her, I think (before you judge me too much and end up in hell, haha).
Now, let’s go back to what we were talking
about…
"HELLO" is a very emotional song about a person (it may be a dude or a lady) who is trying to reminisce a failed past relationship and the mistakes he/she made that caused it to fail. She misses it. She misses the times she spent with her lover, the moments they had and shared, the things they used to do together... Yes, she misses a whole lot of things. But again, within its hooky theme, she seems to pretend that she is letting go of that past. She's trying to get over it in her own way. She's recollecting herself.
Pause.
Now, imagine that such a song has 1.7 billion views on the most popular video hosting channel/website in the world and let the reality of failing relationships, broken hearts and lives that fail to move on due to hurt sink in. Let it sink in little more. Let this reality also sink in: that, probably, above 60% of the young people (that is six in every ten youth) in your youth ministry – in our churches – have the song downloaded and/or shared with them and they listen to it at least 3 times in a week. They identify with it. They know the depth of every word Adele is singing. They are hurting. And as you stand up trying to preach or teach them about Jesus, they're replaying this song in their heads while whispering this back to you in the secrecy of their emotions: "HELLO, Morris, we are hurting. Please talk about our hurt. It’s killing us. What can we do about it? Please stop that "Jesus talk" and just talk to us about when you get hurt and you can't seem to get over it!"
Now, in response to your HELLO is this post. I'm listening. And therefore I'm asking, why are people - including "good" Christians - hurting each other in relationships? Really, why?
"HELLO" is a very emotional song about a person (it may be a dude or a lady) who is trying to reminisce a failed past relationship and the mistakes he/she made that caused it to fail. She misses it. She misses the times she spent with her lover, the moments they had and shared, the things they used to do together... Yes, she misses a whole lot of things. But again, within its hooky theme, she seems to pretend that she is letting go of that past. She's trying to get over it in her own way. She's recollecting herself.
Pause.
Now, imagine that such a song has 1.7 billion views on the most popular video hosting channel/website in the world and let the reality of failing relationships, broken hearts and lives that fail to move on due to hurt sink in. Let it sink in little more. Let this reality also sink in: that, probably, above 60% of the young people (that is six in every ten youth) in your youth ministry – in our churches – have the song downloaded and/or shared with them and they listen to it at least 3 times in a week. They identify with it. They know the depth of every word Adele is singing. They are hurting. And as you stand up trying to preach or teach them about Jesus, they're replaying this song in their heads while whispering this back to you in the secrecy of their emotions: "HELLO, Morris, we are hurting. Please talk about our hurt. It’s killing us. What can we do about it? Please stop that "Jesus talk" and just talk to us about when you get hurt and you can't seem to get over it!"
Now, in response to your HELLO is this post. I'm listening. And therefore I'm asking, why are people - including "good" Christians - hurting each other in relationships? Really, why?
*******
Most of us have read this blog written a few weeks ago by my girlfriend on breakups and scars that unfold. She helped open our eyes to the reality of wounds in relationships and how to overcome them. Today, I'm seeking to show us that Jesus cannot be silent if we ask Him for help in the midst of hurting (even when we feel that whatever people are yapping about when we go to church or Bible study meetings or intercessory meetings is useless.)
But before I do that, let us become conversant with some basic truths about hurt and pain in relationships;
Most of us have read this blog written a few weeks ago by my girlfriend on breakups and scars that unfold. She helped open our eyes to the reality of wounds in relationships and how to overcome them. Today, I'm seeking to show us that Jesus cannot be silent if we ask Him for help in the midst of hurting (even when we feel that whatever people are yapping about when we go to church or Bible study meetings or intercessory meetings is useless.)
But before I do that, let us become conversant with some basic truths about hurt and pain in relationships;
- Not
all Christians or any kind of people in relationships act the same. Also, not all people in
relationships think the same way about those relationships.
We are all different. Some are mature, others are immature. Some are wise,
while others are stupid. Some are committed in relationships while others
are not. Some hurt others knowingly (they are psychopathic), while others
are oblivious of what they are doing. Also, people love differently. Some
are serious about it, while others are not. Some know what love is, while
others are still learning to love. Some are interested in knowing how to
love back while others don't care. Therefore, we hurt and get hurt
differently depending with the character
of the person we are/were with in the relationship.
- Hurt
is inevitable, but the degree of hurt varies from one relationship to
another. At one point or another in
your relationship, you'll either get hurt or you'll hurt someone. That's
the reality of life, the wickedness of the flesh and relationships. So,
whether Christian or not, whether Spirit-filled or not, you’ll hurt
someone, and you too will get hurt at some point.
- People
react differently to pain and hurt, whether Christian or not.
This is because hurting or pain is a reality to everyone. Both the
Christian and the non-Christian get hurt, no? But our closeness to Jesus
will determine whether He'll help us through the hurt or we'll be left to
struggle through it alone. That’s where the difference is.
- In
order to get hurt, one will need to take responsibility - they'll need to
accept to get hurt. You can't get hurt
if you don't want to. Once you accept to get hurt, you surely will get
hurt. This means, when you say, "Let
it pass", it sure will pass. We have power over what another person's
actions do to our lives.
- And
finally, we may experience hurt in two ways: hurt from a relationship that
failed or hurt in a relationship that is failing.
Now, in answer to the question of hurt, and
to help us stop singing Adele-style like she does in her reprise, "Hello on the other side?" as
we daydream about how it was or how it would/could have been, let me show us
how there is no person who identifies with hurt and pain more than Jesus. (Christians
around you may not identify with your hurt and pain, but Jesus does.)
First, here is what came out of His mouth concerning guys who see it difficult to hold it together and move on or deal with pain:
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV))
Then, later on, one great teacher of the Word says this about Jesus:
"Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." (Hebrews 2:18 (NIV))
The two verses above familiarize us with another reality above the reality of hurt and pain: that no matter how hurt we may be, Jesus knows a thing or two about it. In the first verse, He insists that if you are burdened (or are hurt or are feeling betrayed), He’s got your back and that He will be gentle with you and won’t hurt you like the other person did. He will give you rest from ALL your hurts. In the second verse, the writer makes evident one truth about Jesus: that Jesus sure knows and understands what it means and feels like to be hurt and get over it: He was born out of wedlock and had to live with that stigma for all His life (come on, who in Israel was to believe that some Holy Spirit made Mary pregnant? Who?); then He was betrayed and got hurt a number of times and by people closest to Him (Peter, Judas and all the disciples…) So, yes, Jesus knows a number of things about getting hurt and surviving it.
The question now is, after we are hurt and we know that Jesus can get us out and pull us up onto solid ground, what are we doing to ensure that we receive the REST He is talking about as far as hurting is concerned? Here are some questions which if well answered will determine if we are ready for Jesus’ help or we are simply dillydallying with the truth:
First, here is what came out of His mouth concerning guys who see it difficult to hold it together and move on or deal with pain:
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV))
Then, later on, one great teacher of the Word says this about Jesus:
"Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." (Hebrews 2:18 (NIV))
The two verses above familiarize us with another reality above the reality of hurt and pain: that no matter how hurt we may be, Jesus knows a thing or two about it. In the first verse, He insists that if you are burdened (or are hurt or are feeling betrayed), He’s got your back and that He will be gentle with you and won’t hurt you like the other person did. He will give you rest from ALL your hurts. In the second verse, the writer makes evident one truth about Jesus: that Jesus sure knows and understands what it means and feels like to be hurt and get over it: He was born out of wedlock and had to live with that stigma for all His life (come on, who in Israel was to believe that some Holy Spirit made Mary pregnant? Who?); then He was betrayed and got hurt a number of times and by people closest to Him (Peter, Judas and all the disciples…) So, yes, Jesus knows a number of things about getting hurt and surviving it.
The question now is, after we are hurt and we know that Jesus can get us out and pull us up onto solid ground, what are we doing to ensure that we receive the REST He is talking about as far as hurting is concerned? Here are some questions which if well answered will determine if we are ready for Jesus’ help or we are simply dillydallying with the truth:
- Do you believe, deep
in your heart, that Jesus can help you when hurt?
- If you believe He
can help, are you confessing or are you ready to confess to Jesus that, "Lord, I am hurting, and I need
Your help"? Do you believe that He is the only one that can
offer solid, lasting help?
- Are you praying to
Him as His child that you stop blaming yourself and/or the other person for
everything that happened?
- And lastly, are you
taking the necessary steps as mentioned in this post towards healing?
After you have answered the above questions,
healing won’t be that far.
To echo my message well, please listen to
Group 1 Crew's song "NOT THE END OF ME" from their 2012 album
FEARLESS.
PS:
I went out for more web-walk and spotted Jamie Grace at an Adele concert this week on Wednesday. Funny, eh? Read about it here.
I went out for more web-walk and spotted Jamie Grace at an Adele concert this week on Wednesday. Funny, eh? Read about it here.
Bonface
Morris.
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