It is 11pm on this side of the world. Sunday night actually. It is not one of those days I'm in for talk. No, not after I've been serving all day. On a day like this, I'd prefer to relax, flip channels, get bored, watch a few episodes of a favorite movie series, make supper and go to bed.
That's how it goes on most Sundays. But wait, not this one. Not today.
A friend has just left my place. "Why did he stay so late?" you ask. Huh?
Well, boy, we were talking about stuff. Relationships stuff. Man-to-man stuff. I don't know how we arrived at this but look, some things are worthy talking about.
I will chew a few words with you on what we have been all about - and of course, I write this with his permission (remember that they're both saved guys):-
There is a certain common trend in relationships today. This trend has it that men are complaining about immaturity and lack of support in women; while women tend to say that men are acting like women - that they have become too inquisitive, too "punchy" and rather noncommittal.
From a superficial view, this is just but a common verbal attack the two genders use against each other, where the one says this, and the other says that… bla bla bla. But if you consider details, that is where the load is. The craze is in the details, mun, the details.
There's one thing this friend of mine has been highlighting all the time he has been here: that his, err - let me call her fiancèè - is such a heck of a gauche. Well, don't start feeling like you want to kidero me already.
He says that this lady is a consistent nuisance. He says that she is a liability to him. She has become terrible. And cunning. And a liar. And a prude. She cares less about his sufferings and sacrifices to make her (their relationship) better. She doesn't see the future. She only sees now and now. She is confused. She's no longer the lady he used to know a while ago - one who was focused and was having a sense of direction. He says that she's somehow grown into becoming worse. He nowadays feels (he says) that she always has hidden agendas whenever she's dealing with him - always planning to eat her cake and have it. She has persistently become a thorn in his flesh, so to say. Actually, she's almost a demon to him - but one that he can't avoid loving. He feels that she's nothing near to being a potential life partner.
Well, he may be right. Or wrong. Or both. It all depends with what is the ideal "wife material" to him. Every man sees the world around him differently and each one of us accepts it in variations.
I've listened to him talk. He seems to be the perfect gentleman to me. A desperate perfect gentleman that wants to settle down (read, marry) and get done with this marriage stuff. But the lady ain't ready for that **. I feel him. I feel what he is saying. I feel his disappointment. I feel it in my own way. And I've picked out a few things.
Is she the only one at fault here? The one to be blamed? Really? What if she was here? Would he still say the same things?
Maybe she'll tell me that he too has changed. Maybe. Maybe she'll tell us that he has no time for her - that he has become dislocated and distant. Maybe she'll tell me that he no longer compliments her and hugs her, and loves her like he used to. Maybe she'll tell me that she does whatever she does with a hope that she'll somehow resurrect the old him. Maybe she's working on some sort of rejuvenation. Maybe she'll tell me that he doesn't give her much attention - that he too has become selfish and egocentric. Maybe. Maybe.
And it all comes out to be that one side of the coin is never enough to make a whole coin. Yeah, seeing the earth ain't getting the air.
So I've been wondering: What if they forgot about all that yada yada and decided to start all over again? What if they stopped the ranting, the blame games and the complaining and chose to forgive one another of all the faults done and passionately embarked on making a better relationship? What if they chose to trust and understand each other? What if…?
I don't know what would happen, but I know that things would be different. I know that something (or maybe everything) would change. It is possible.
So what's my take?
My take is this: relationships become more complicated whenever there's an imbalance in priorities and a poor love language. If you can't (most of the time) see the world through the same eyes, there's nothing to work on and save. But if there is a possibility to save the relationship, put God in the mix and go for it. Don't abandon a good future for what is passing away.
That's my take.
Bonface Morris.
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