Sunday, September 15, 2013

The Proof of True Love: 11 Factors to Consider

Guys, let's try to answer this million-dollar question today... Yeah, it's all about love, so let's get it rolling yoh!
Any normal person in a relationship has ever asked themselves this question: "Do they REALLY love me?". It may have been out of curiosity, or doubt or out of a search for assurance. It is normal. I think so. It is normal to question someone's feeling(s) towards you especially because love has [somehow] become very volatile today. We have made it cheap, and therefore we are bearing the blunt of our choices.
I know - and you as well know - that love (oh, please add relationships), to any young person, is like the main course in a five course meal ("Foodies" et al). Kawaida guys like me would prefer to say that love is like milk, yeah, Kenyan milk - expensive but widely needed. That's just how much love and relationships seem to mean to us young people.
Well, we overrate love. We do. We can blame ourselves for that. Or maybe not. Maybe the problem is that we don't even get it.
But whatever the case, we now know where we are. We are at a place where we have overdone so much concerning love that we've ended up not knowing what it is all about. Mmmmmh, and whenever we find ourselves in a relationship, we literally quote this: "Mun, I'm still treading slooooowly on the path of love. I just don't know if they love me," or rather "I don't know if we are meant for each other." And it goes on and on and on...
What I will try to do in this blog post is to avoid becoming a relationship expert. Please take off that hat from my head, because I'm pathetic at relationships. Many can confess that. I am pathetic. Okay, to do you justice, let me leave that to your judgement.
I am listing below a few things to consider while in a relationship that may be of help to you to understand your partner and what you REALLY mean to them - because that's what love is all about, right?

Side note: This is for guys in relationships that are genuine and with potential to move into the next level (read, marriage).
Well, to find out whether it is true love or not, here are some key questions you may need to ask yourself;
  1. Is he/she patient with you? Do they try to understand you and your viewpoint on things or matters concerning you or both of you? Do they give you time to explain yourself? Do they allow you to "win" in arguments? If not, I raise a red flag.
  2. Are they kind to you? Are they concerned about you? Genuine concern? Are they too cruel and never gentle towards you? Are they manipulative? Do they force you to do things against your will? Have they ever hit you? For any reason? If they have, I raise a red flag there too.
  3. Is he/she envious or boastful or proud? When you mix the three above, you get a component that you won't want to find in a life partner. If they are only with you in order to boast about you (or the things you possess) to others, then my friend, you are more of a toy to them than you are a person. So, no, no.
  4. Is he/she selfish? Have they ever sacrificed a single (and I mean, just ONE thing) for you? Have they ever done you a favor that was really pressing on their side? Well, if 'no', raise a red flag.
  5. Is he/she easily angered? Oh, just to mean it, they're gonna hit you one day. They're gonna hit you hard and it's going to end up reaaaaallly bad. If you wish that for yourself, raise that white flag and move on mun! But just to put things right, if they are working on it, pray with them. Love always seeks to even the odds. Yes, it does.
  6. Do they keep a record of your wrongs towards them? Remember that true love forgives. That's why we say "love is tough." Practising forgiveness is tough! So if they've not learnt to forgive as God teaches us to, they are yet to learn love.
  7. Do they delight in evil? Do they gladly sin on their own? What about sinning with you? Did they feel okay after you fornicated? Oh well, what about after you told them that you had sinned? Did they rebuke you? If they didn't/haven't, I raise a red flag. I raise it because love does not delight in sin. It seeks repentance. It seeks the justification of God. Period.
  8. Does he/she delight in the truth of the Gospel? The Gospel of Jesus Christ? Do they speak the truth or are they serial liars? No man/woman has known love unless it is founded in God. Please know that and let it sink deeper within you. Allow it to sink. If God ain't the author of their love for you, it ain't love. It is a fading infatuation. Realize that and deal with it.
  9. Do they protect you, and trust you and hope/pray for the best for you? Do they see and support your potential(s)? Do they believe in you? If not, you're in for trouble girl/mun.
  10. Do they persevere with you through all the seasons of your life? Mmmmmh, are they the seasonal on/off kind of friends? Are they your best friend all the time? If not, you can guess my conclusion.
  11. Lastly, do they believe in your relationship? Do they believe that you two can overcome anything together? Do they show it with actions? No? Actions embroider love. Yes, they do. If they can't see you somewhere in their future, then it's puppy love.
That's all I have to say. And believe it or not, the points above are just a pimped version of 1 Corinthians 13 [NKJV]. So stop pulling/doing those "Ooooooh, so awesome" or "Aaaaaaa, you be on it buoy!" on me. It is the Bible mun, the Bible.
Do you now believe that God has something to say about our kawaida relationships? Yes?
One last thing though: follow the relationship 80/20 rule. No one is perfectly perfect. No one. Not even me. So, if they score an 80% on the above attributes, you don't have to throw that good relationship away. You'll be dumb to do so. Allow for flexibility and improvement, but never cross the line.
Yes, now you have it!

Good luck with that.


Bonface Morris. 


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